Monologue Monday: Krystal

Hi all,
How’s your day going? Hopefully all is well, but if not, for no other reason try to smile and enjoy your day today just because you have life! Seriously, it really is good to be alive J! Sorry for the pep talk; I’m just so excited!!!
But back to the post…so today you will meet Krystal. She is a really great person, and when you get some free time, I encourage you to go and check out her site here.
A few weeks ago I discovered her site and I was instantly excited! Not only is she seemingly fun, optimistic, really intelligent and engaging, but she is also a 23 year old virgin…ok I’m getting into her story… so I’ll stop there and let her tell it!
But Krystal is so focused on living life to the fullest, growing stronger in her faith, and trying to encourage as many people as she possibly can in the process, that I thought it was a no-brainer to ask her to come around to the blog and share her story with you all.
She kindly agreed, and has been more than great to work with! So ya’ll please show Miss Krystal some love (and make sure you check out her site).
Here is her story, in her own words…may you find it encouraging and thought provoking, but most of all real.

Monologue Monday: Krystal

I’ve always been different, peculiar some might say. As a child when kids my age were playing with dolls, I was playing “baptism” in my bathtub. As a teenager when girls were dating, I was writing in my prayer journal and getting knee deep in the Word. Still as a 23 year old young woman, I get strange looks and comments whenever I proudly reveal to people that I am a virgin—by choice. If that doesn’t leave them speechless, imagine the gasps I get when I tell them that I have NEVER been kissed either.
What made me want to remain a virgin until marriage?
After watching the lives of others and seeing all of the heartache and spiritual turmoil that goes along with premarital sex and ungodly relationships, I decided that I didn’t want that for my life. So one day, I told God that I wanted something more; I wanted to have a different story--while at the same time changing the world’s stereotypical image of what virginity looks and acts like. He said to me, “According to your faith let it be unto you.” From then on, I was determined to live a life of purity. And what further encouraged my decision was learning about Oxytocin in college. Oxytocin is a hormone that God gave to us women for the purpose of bonding and connecting on a deeper, more intimate level. This hormone is released in our brains during sex and breastfeeding to create feelings of love, warmth, and intimacy. Oxytocin has a lot to do with those messy soul ties. I don’t want to take a gamble at being connected to anyone who God NEVER intended for my life.
Never been kissed
My decision to live a life of purity is more so about my decision to please God, it’s not about “saving myself for marriage”; I want to make God smile. I want to honor God with EVERYTHING that I have, so my lips, hips, and fingertips belong to Him too. I don’t kiss because I have NO intention of taking things further. God’s tells us to shun the very presence of evil 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Kissing is foreplay—it’s stimulation. People always tell me that there are “levels” of kissing. Really? Is tongue okay? What about an opened mouth kiss? Where does a Christian draw the line? All I know is that kissing leads to more stimulation, and that stimulation becomes a train in motion. It’s kind of hard to stop a train that’s going full speed ahead, because usually once you stop, the damage is already done. A “peck” is going to get old—QUICK! It doesn’t take much to stimulate the flesh, and once you tire of the peck, you’re going to want more; flesh is INSATIABLE! Did you know that the endorphins released during a kiss are around 200 times MORE powerful than an anesthetic drug? Don’t tell me that kissing can’t start a fire.
Refuse to compromise!

I didn’t solo date until I was in my twenties (my own decision). Not too long ago, I was getting to know a guy who I quickly found out was a manipulator. I always say that what discernment doesn’t reveal, time will tell. He tried to guilt me about simple little things here and there to get his way. What this told me was that if he was trying to use a guilt trip on simple things to get his way, how much further would he go to get me to change my stance on pre-marital sex? I broke it off with that Trespasser.
Your life, Your standard
Your virginity whether renewed or sustained is your birthright and it should be held in the highest regard; it’s a gift to be freely given to your God ordained husband. You should never “lose” your virginity; it’s only a loss when it’s robbed from you or given away before time. I personally don’t want to “lose” my virginity to some guy who’s just passing through, instead, I want to gift myself to my God ordained husband in exchange for a lifetime of Christ like love, honor, and respect. Who wouldn’t want the same for themselves? God is the God of ALL flesh, not just my flesh or a select few. He can and WILL keep anyone who wants to be kept. If you’ve done things differently in the past, make a life change TODAY, it’s NEVER too late. Sexual sin not only harms you, it puts another soul in jeopardy as well, don’t contributes to ANYONE’s downfall. God is BIGGER than your past and you are NOT your mistakes. God is no respecter of persons; the same God Who is keeping me, can keep you too. Let Him make you whole today and He will use even that past brokenness for your good and His glory. It’s NOT always easy, but it’s ALWAYS worth it!


An Athlete’s Perspective: My Youngest Brother

It’s the weekend~ yay!!! I am so excited to just chill out and relax; enjoying some much needed R & R. This week was exhausting, so all I want to do at the moment is curl up under a bunch of covers, turn on the ac, and just enjoy some me time… (wishful thinking but that’s another story J).

Enough about me though, let’s get to the real purpose of this post: my youngest brother’s interview (and by youngest I mean he’s 25).
I honestly, thought that he would back out on me (because the questions were going to be so personal and intimate), but he kept his word…which is indicative of his character and good heart.
I guess I should let you all know that I have two brothers, one a couple of years older and one one year younger, and they both are very supportive and protective over me.
When I asked this brother to do the interview and explained to him how females (especially the younger teens that I mentor) need to hear this stuff from a male’s point of view (not to try to “think like a man”- because I don’t necessarily agree with that- but because we live in a society where everything is being glamorized, and as a result there are a lot of misconceptions happening amongst teens. Very few people are being vocal about the consequences of bad actions or the results of sleeping around with numerous guys, so I thought it needed to be heard).
As I stated before in previous posts, I have some AWESOME brothers (we are a very close family), and for my brother to sit down and chat with me about sex, relationships, and girls, being real with me (because I asked him not to sugar coat it), I can only say thank you.
I know we lost our dad when we were younger, but you two guys stepped up to the plate and protected me in so many ways, and all I can say is thank you. 
But I guess this isn’t the time to get all sappy on ya’ll, (I am just so thankful to have the family that I have though!), but here is the interview.
Thanks for breaking some codes and keeping it real for my girls buddy…

An Athlete’s Perspective: My Youngest Brother
1.      Why did you allow me to interview you?
I agreed because I feel like this would bring a different perspective from the previous interviews that you have done: the brother/sister dynamic. We grew up in the same household, raised by a single parent mother, but me being a man I just felt like we would have slightly different ideas about some of the same topics.
2.      I think it’s important to let my reader’s now that you are an athlete, and that your lifestyle/perspective might be different than the average guy. Would you agree with that?

No, not really. At the end of the day it’s the same because I’m a guy first, and then an athlete. All guys have different perspectives and morals; whether you are an athlete, an actor, a doctor, or whatever you want to be, our title doesn’t define who we are as human beings.

3.      Why do you think athletes get a bad wrap in the dating world?

I think athletes get a bad wrap because everything that they do is magnified by being in the spotlight. These are people that we deem role models and people that we look up to, but sometimes we fail to realize that these are just regular people whom we’ve taken the liberty of elevating within society, but they are still just regular people. They make mistakes; they disappoint others; they sometimes fail... they are human. They didn’t ask to be role models, and they are not in your house raising your kids…It’s not their job.

They live their lives on tv and the stuff that they do is just sometimes overstated. People see how the media portrays them, but they don’t understand the underlying dynamics. They are on the road a lot, always training, and there are so many obstacles coming against them and so many temptations that they face, that they are almost set up to fail in a lot of ways. This is not just athletes though; this is movie stars, people in the entertainment industry, or people who just live their lives in the public eye in general.

4.      Do you guys face pressure in the locker room/amongst your peers to live a certain way or to behave a certain way? How does that affect your dating?

Most definitely… I shouldn’t be telling you this, but the locker room is like nothing you’ve ever experienced. Some of my former team mates might be upset about this, but this is an interview, you are my sister, and the truth should be told: I can just remember personal experiences even back in high school with athletes telling each other after a game what girls they were going to get with and giving you a list of the good girls and the bad girls, but warning you against the good girls because you wouldn’t really be able to do anything with them.

In the locker room it seems like the bad, promiscuous girls get praised…these are the types of girls that guys talk about the most. Of course they never intend to be with them for good, but they talk about if they slept with them, how long it took, and what it was like...I will never forgot the first time I encountered a situation like this. One of my coaches and a few teammates were talking and I told them my plans were to wait until marriage to have sex, but they had alternate plans for me and told me that they were going to get me a girl for my 16th birthday, while laughing at my plans to wait. They said you are 16, it’s that time.

5.      Why do you think some guys play down a relationship in front of their friends?

To be honest, I think there are a couple of reasons that guys might play down a relationship. From what I have witnessed, some guys play down relationships because they don’t want to be associated with girls who already have their name out there. You don’t want the stigma of “saving a girl” that your homeboy has already been with. You don’t want to go out with her knowing that she has been with some of your friends.

Another reason why they may play down a relationship is because of their egos or pride. They want to be the man around their peers… guys take a sense of pride about being the man. That means they want to have the prettiest girl, the fliest cars, and so forth. When they are immature and juvenile, guys go mostly off of looks instead of personality; especially when they are younger. As they get older though, most of them realize that they need someone with substance, an education, who knows how to balance a budget, and who can pray you through some things when you are going through it. They realize that beauty fades away and it’s the person on the inside that really matters.

But if I can be really open with you and your readers about it, I’ll explain how I hear a lot of guys talking about dating whenever we are out:

“A lot of guys talk about a “team” in the locker room, and all a team is is a group of girls that you talk to, but they all have different positions and roles just like any other sports team. For example you will have your franchise player who is your “main girl”, as well as having your “bench players” / “role players”, who come off the bench when your “starters” are acting up to replace them”.

This mentality of degrading women and treating them like objects is everywhere and it’s just a continuing cycle. Even when I first got to college they asked me what was my gpa and  me being naïve, I told them a 3.0, and they said no, your girl point average- how many girls have you slept with… It was crazy.

But when you look at rap videos, movies, etc that bash women and are being shown without hesitation or remorse, the message that they are sending to our youth is that the more women and material possessions that you have, the more powerful and popular you are.

6.      How does that lifestyle affect your dating choices and habits? Do you usually go for the girl in the low-cut, form fitting clothes who is throwing herself at you, or are you more attracted to the classy, not-revealing-everything-at-once type of girl?
This has impacted me greatly because it seems like we as men want the best of both worlds…. but to give you the straightforward answer, I want a woman who respects herself and knows her worth.
A lot of guys want that woman who is classy and knows how to handle her business, but also knows how to enjoy herself and have a good time. In general, most people want to date a girl that they can take home to their mom and family, who has morals and dresses respectfully. The thing is though that they end up messing around with girls that are the exact opposite because it’s easy and you know it’s not going to go anywhere. Girls need to recognize that the way that they present themselves means a lot.
For example, if you see a person dressed in a uniform with a gun and badge, driving a car with blue lights on top, you are probably going to think that he or she is a police officer. In the same way, if you see a girl with a short skirt or tight dress, revealing way too much, and behaving like she doesn’t care, some people will most likely think that she is an easy target or promiscuous, (advertising basically), because that’s the way that she is presenting herself.
Unfortunately in our society, perception is reality. You don’t want to take a girl with a fast food mentality to a sit down restaurant…And as guys we are asking where the good girls are, but we are looking in the wrong places to get them.

7.      How do you feel about weave, make-up, and plastic surgery?
My honest answer is that most guys are simple minded and we know it’s not real, but it is enticing. Sort of like the plastic fruit that your grandma used to have in the kitchen. You knew it wasn’t real, but it looked so good and shiny that you still wanted to bite it. It’s like our fascination with 3d movies. We know it’s not real but it adds an element of surprise or suspense. So I don’t have a problem with it one way or the other; as long as the woman likes it, I love it.
That said though, if you are going to have weave and stuff, have it the entire time. Don’t have nails and eyelashes one day, and then look like Mr. Potato Head the next day. Keep it consistent. That’s why most guys are fascinated with Beyonce; you have never seen her with a doo-rag or flip-flops, or coming out of the house with a bandana on looking like a robber. Don’t have lace-fronts one day and be natural the next. It’s false advertisement and it’s confusing. 
On facebook a guy should be able to go through the whole album without having to explain why his girlfriend looks like this or why her eyebrows look different. You shouldn’t have to always go to one picture of her to show people, but the entire album should be consistent.
8.      What do you think about sex before marriage?
I think that sex before marriage is very dangerous. By me saying dangerous you are putting yourself at risk for situations that you are not ready for, such as children, diseases, or a variety of other situations that could pop up. But I also think that getting married just for sex is dangerous as well, which we normally don’t talk about but we should. Marriage should be sacred, but in so many ways we are making a mockery out of it.  People need to explain to their children why sex before marriage is wrong, and not just saying sex before marriage is wrong.
Something that I want to point out is that statistics show that whoever you have slept with, you have also slept with the people that that person has slept with, and considering that a growing percentage of people have had some form of std/sti, that doesn’t equate good news. They have good soaps out there, but like mom said, soap can’t wash everything off.
On a more personal note, while it’s very dangerous from a physical standpoint, it’s even more dangerous from a spiritual standpoint because God says it wrong and He has the ability to put you in a Heaven or a hell, and you don’t want to displease your Creator.
9.      Do you think that there is a stigma against guys who have not lost their virginity by a certain age? If so, why?
Most definitely. I remember when I was 16 and they were like what’s wrong with you; even the coach replied why. I was so young and naïve at the time, that I was very impressionable. It felt like they were questioning my manhood and my sexuality, and I wasn’t ready to handle that type of barraging at that age.
It seems like in today’s society the reality tv stars, the groupies, and the women who just put themselves out there are being praised, while virgins and those who practice abstinence are shunned because they are considered lame. The wrong kind of message is being told, but no one is commenting on the consequences of these actions.
People see the life of those that are living their lives in the public eye, and sometimes they try to emulate what they see, but they aren’t getting the whole story. Nobody is talking about the negative consequences, and that’s why I wanted to do this interview: people see the enjoyable things- the money, the cars, the lifestyle- but they don’t see the feelings of emptiness or loneliness that come with it. No one talks about how when they play with a girls emotions and lead her own, how that girl then goes on to do the same thing to someone else, and the cycle continues… It’s almost like those car commercials that you see on tv; they tell you no down payment, but you get your first payment and it’s almost the same as your house payment….a misleading cycle of disappointment.
10.  What would your ideal girl be like?
I don’t have an ideal girl per say. The way I figure out what I want is by subtracting what I don’t want. I don’t want a girl who is superficial, one-dimensional, or materialistic. I want a girl who can look good in a turtle neck or a two piece. My main thing is confidence.
So many times girls are waiting on guys to get their stamp of approval, when they should realize that with guys it doesn’t really matter what you are wearing- it’s all about confidence. Whether you have on red bottoms or pink bottoms, if you have confidence and you know that you are attractive, then guys are going to be drawn to you.
I have never heard a guy say ‘did you see the bottom of her shoes, they were pink instead of red’ or ‘did you see her hair it was yaki hair instead of Malaysian human hair;  I’m not talking to her’. It doesn’t happen.
I want a girl who is self-assured…not just in her looks but in her abilities to carry a conversation and who knows that whether she brought her clothes from a thrift store or saks fifth, that she is beautiful. I want a classy, down-to-earth woman. Not like a material “basketball wife”, because if you look, the majority of them are not married. If you look at the real wives of athletes and stars, they are just regular women who are ladies and conduct themselves as so, and can do the everyday tasks. This goes back to a saying that I have heard many guys use: ‘some girls you can take home to momma, and some girls you just take home’.
Me being a momma’s boy from the south, I want someone who can take care of her business and her household. Once the lace fronts, makeup, fingernails and so forth are gone, there needs to be some substance there.
In a relationship you don’t want a liability, you want an asset. Marriage is something that should last forever, so when everything changes you still want someone that brings something to the table. To quote one of my best friends Muddy (whose interview is here), ‘never get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t have as much to loose as you’. Meaning iron sharpens iron….if you are in a relationship and you have everything to loose and she doesn’t have a house, a car, anything…and you marry her, if the two of you divorce, she is taking everything (i.e. Kobe Bryant or Tiger Woods).  Or ladies, if you are dating a guy fresh out of prison, with no education, no car, and 10 kids, he has nothing to loose; you are the only one at risk.
11.  So many girls are searching for “The One”. What advice would you give to a girl who is wondering when will be her time?
Stop wondering and start living. When you least expect it, that’s when it will happen. A perfect example is when I loose something like my wallet or keys; I usually I don’t find it, but when I stop searching, it almost always just shows up. This means once you stop looking, it will find you.
We live in a popcorn generation where we want things to happen immediately; we don’t have patience. How many times have we been in a fast food restaurant and the line was going slowly so you left, only for it to start moving fast as soon as you get out of the line.
Society sets norms that determine around this age I want to be married, have a family, etc. but it shouldn’t be rushed like that. Don’t get discouraged; be patient and enjoy the time that you have right now getting to know yourself… And try not to desire someone else’s life; you don’t know what their story is or what they had to go through to get there.
12.  Is there anything else that you want to add that I didn’t ask you?

Yeah. From a guy’s point of view, and as a mentor coming from a single parent home, more guys need to rise up and be mentors to other guys; telling them about their experiences and trying to encourage them. I commend you for giving out these interviews and for showing the pros and the cons….getting real interviews from real people. These discussions need to be had.

Guys need to see positive examples. Generally, they don’t feel comfortable talking to their mom or sister about sex- they need to hear it from a male. If you don’t mind, I want to do a Part 2 about my own decisions and share my own story about sex before marriage- I want to get real and tell my own journey so that people know what can really happen. I want to do anything I can, to let people know the potential consequences. So if you would let me, let’s do a Part 2 to this sometime soon.

I want to conclude by saying that this has been a great interview; I never knew how far I came until I was forced to reflect on it. It’s great being able to give your own personal story, from your own perspective. I would hate MediaTakeout or TMZ to give preconceived notions about me just by looking at me with a picture that they took. I think that this is an excellent platform, and you can literally say that you heard it here first from VirginMonologuez. You don’t have to worry about anyone twisting your story or misconstruing your words to get a quota or for magazine sales. I would rather hear it from the source, and that’s what you have allowed me.

Thank you. I love you sis.


Monologue Monday: To All the Moms Out There

Thank you.

Thank you for taking your responsibilities and your role as a parent seriously. Thank you for refusing to allow us (your children) to do the things we begged to do, because you thought about the consequences and negative impacts when we failed to consider them. Thank you for teaching us about how a woman is supposed to be treated by a man, and for modeling that example for us constantly. Thank you for instilling in us that our beauty is not defined by the clothes that we wear or the amount of compliments that we receive, but by our character and who we are on the inside.
Thanks for being our role models.
That’s what this post is really about…It’s to thank all of those mother’s out there who weren’t afraid to be our mother when all the other “moms” just wanted to be their child’s friend. It’s to say thank you to all of the mothers who warned us not to mess with this guy or that, and who told us the truth about sex, relationships, and our self-worth.
That’s why I’m here…that’s why I am me. It’s because of women like you… women like my own mother who wasn’t afraid to say no when the answer should have been no, and yes when the answer warranted.
The reason why this is even a monologue at all is because without such women- the mothers of the world who take their job of instilling solid morals and values into their daughters seriously- then I would not be writing this. I would not be mentoring other young girls because I wouldn’t have known what mentorship looked like.
I am who I am because you are who you are. So thank you to all you amazing, brilliant, intelligent, successful, authentic, loveable, kindhearted, warm mothers out there.
From me to you, it’s because of your sacrifices and scars that my body is less marked up. You helped pave the way, and I am just following in your honorable footsteps.
Keep doing what you do ladies... Teach your daughters so that they may teach their own daughters.
-Thank you J

Be You

I just read a quote that was so REAL, that I had to share it with ya’ll:

“People who are true to themselves never know how many people they inspire, just by being real”.

P.S. I just finished an interview with my youngest brother, and it was raw! I mean like “I’m not going to spare any words, I support what you are doing and its time that guys get real about things” kind of RAW. Ya’ll are going to love it; I couldn’t believe how candid and frank he was being about everything…it was extremely insightful, and completely from an athlete’s perspective.
We started the interview at about 8:30, and we finished about an hour and forty minutes later. I know I say this for most of the interviews that I do (and that’s because I mean it!), but you SERIOUSLY don’t want to miss this. I’ll try to post it by this weekend sometime….make sure to check back!

-Have a good week J


Monologue Monday: Ms. Anonymous Part 2

So last week you met Ms. Anonymous. If you haven’t checked out her story yet, you can catch up on Part 1 here. Today is going to be the conclusion of her story. Grab a blanket, a snack, and check it out……see if you can relate at all. Here goes:

Ms. Anonymous Part 2:
So I did. I met this awesome, geeky guy and we hit it off right away. He wasn’t a Christian, but I figured it was fine because I knew this wasn’t going to lead to anything serious. But as we started to get more involved, I discovered something that hadn’t been fixed over those years of pursuit with God.
See, during that time, I had been dedicated to falling in love with God, to growing closer to Him and to learning my path in life. But not once had I actually gone to him about everything that had happened. And all those guys, the ones who manipulated me and who deemed me unworthy, had done something to me. They had destroyed my view of sex; my view of being an equal in a sexual relationship with a spouse.
It also had left me no longer understanding the importance of waiting until marriage because it was nothing special anymore….So I made a decision…A decision that looking back, I shouldn’t have had to make if the older Christians in my life had taught us, (younger people in the church), the way we needed to be taught. I decided to sleep with him.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times where what I was doing was enjoyable – but that was it. There was nothing more in it. No depth. We weren’t in love, we weren’t joining in unity, and it felt empty. The more it happened, the more my mind started to finally grasp what I had been missing about waiting for marriage.
It wasn’t about waiting to give a special gift of your whole self to your spouse (though, that’s part of it) – it was about the connection that you and your husband or wife would have in a marriage, under God. Sex is not just an act of passion, it’s an act of worship, an act of obedience to God. It’s a gift from God for that obedience.
I couldn’t keep doing it. So I prayed to God that either my boyfriend would start being willing to move towards God, to come to Church, to spend time talking about Him, or that we would break up.
Shortly after, we broke up. It was partially his decision, but the reasons behind the breakup were mutual.
I was so relieved, and I began to pursue God for forgiveness. But I also started seeking God on the reasons why I did it, and I began to ask Him to show me how I could help other young Christian women avoid getting into the same place I did.
I won’t lie. Sex feels good. But that feeling is temporary. There is no wholeness in sex outside of marriage. There is no feeling of satisfaction in a sexual relationship that is lacking that spiritual connection.
If I knew then what I knew now, I wouldn’t have made that decision. I had to, for me, but that doesn’t make it right. The end results definitely do not justify the means. It’s going on one year since that breakup. It took a long time to be able to let go of punishing myself for not having been wise enough to pursue God instead of my own solution.
Thankfully, God is a forgiving, loving and merciful God. He never punished me for my disobedience, or lack of faith. After that breakup, I handed the reigns over to God completely… Gave Him control of leading me to the right man, the Christian man that I would one day marry.
God was faithful. Some months later, He led me to the most wonderful man I have ever encountered. A man who loves me, just as I am. Who expects nothing physical from me. And I’ll be honest, abstaining from sex is hard. It’s really hard. Especially, knowing that we are to be married in a year and that we will be spending the rest of our lives together. But we also know that being faithful, being obedient, and trusting in God’s plan and God’s way will be far more fulfilling.
When it comes down to it, I’d be lying if I said I don’t regret the choices I made. I do. But my God is a merciful, and loving God. And now, I hope that I can use my experience to bless other young women who might be struggling with the same thing.

**** God showed Ms. Anonymous mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love, and He is willing to do the same for you. If you find yourself relating to her situation, or you have your own situation that you are dealing with, please don’t feel like you are all alone or that you have to go at this thing all by yourself. Please feel free to email me at any point if you just want somebody to talk to. While I’m no counselor or psychiatrist, I do love encouraging and supporting others. You can email me anytime at virginmonologuez@gmail.com

Oh, and please join me in congratulating Ms. Anonymous for her upcoming nuptials. Congratulations Ms. Anonymous! May you and your future spouse have many beautiful years together! ****

-Have a good day ya’ll J


Happy Mother's Day

To all of you mother’s out there, I just want to wish you an amazing Mother’s Day filled with nothing but love, appreciation, and gratitude. May you be cherished and valued this day and every day of your life.


P.S. To my own mother: From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the way that you've raised me. Thank you for being there for me no matter what; for encouraging me on those days that I felt like giving up, and for loving me unconditionally. You are the epitome of the wife, mother, and individual that I aspire to be like one day. May God bless you tremendously for the job that you have done in raising my brothers and me. I love you with all of my heart, and I am beyond honored to call you my mother, my friend, and my hero. Thanks for all that you do.

Moment of Truth:

True love waits…Not just physically, but for the RIGHT ONE.


A Turn of Events

Remember J.D.??? Well, I called him up yesterday to ask him if he would like to do a Part 2 to the Male’s Perspective Interview that he did here, as a sort of throw-back moment before I went on to the other guys that I have lined up, (his interview was the most read, so I thought it was appropriate to interview him once more before moving forward), and he had the nerve to flip the switch on me and ask me if he could interview me!

Actually, all he had to do was ask and I was more than excited to give my two-cents, but I did find it interesting that he would ask me if he could interview me… He’s probably going to ask me some off the wall questions because I told him nothing was off limits, so ya’ll should get a good read out of this if nothing else.(And to be honest, I think he’s just trying to know what women want J- but I’m going to be real with him nevertheless like I always am…should be interesting right?)
So Thursday’s the interview day and I’m thinking of calling it either “The Male’s Perspective: What Women Want- His Interview with Me” or “The Male’s Perspective: Flipping the Script”.
What do you all think? Lame? Too Wordy? Go with a different title?
Either way, I think this should be fun….Oh, and in other news, guess who else just agreed to be featured for the next interview- my youngest brother (age 25)! Yep, he was like I’ll do it but you can only ask me questions that I choose…um what?!?! Yeah…that’s not happening. I was like I’m the sheriff on this blog Mr. (just kidding)
Lol, no but seriously, now I just have to ask my oldest bro and see what he says. I love the idea of interviewing them because even though we all grew up in the same household, I think on some issues we may have different ideas about relationships and such.
Enough for now though…

Have a good day J

It's OK to Make Mistakes!!!!

Good morning ya’ll,

I heard someone say this today and I loved it, so I thought I would post it here:

“To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid”


Monologue Monday: Ms. Anonymous Part 1

Hi ladies and gents,

How’s your day going??? Hopefully it's going good. I'm still kind of tired even though I went to bed early last night....ugh!
Anyway, recently I asked all of you if you would like to share your story with others as a source of encouragement and insight for our Monologue Monday posts, (and that opportunity is constantly available if you would like to do so). Well, shortly after that I received a really great story from a young lady who wishes to share her story but wants to remain anonymous.
Since the purpose of these posts is not for people to just ‘put their business out there’ for the public to hear, but rather its to encourage, inform, and inspire others out there who may be facing similar situations and not know how to handle them, I have no problems honoring her request.
So she wrote and submitted her story to me, and I will be posting it as a two part post. This Monday you will see Part 1, and next week I will post Part 2.
So here it is- Ms. Anonymous’ story in her own words:
****P.S. Ms. Anonymous, thank you so much for wanting to share your story with us. I hope that someone else can relate, that it brings you healing to talk about your past, and that your future be better than anything you could have ever imagined. Thanks for your openness and honesty J*******

Ms. Anonymous Part 1:
I wish I could stand here and tell you that I was one of the few who managed to wait until marriage.
Who truly understood why sex should be left to the confines of marriage, and what it could do to you if you didn’t. But the sad truth is, I can’t.
My story is very different than most though. When I caved, it wasn’t because I thought it wasn’t worth waiting for or because I was more willing to give into my desires than listen to God. But in order to bring you to why I did it, I must first recount my story.
I grew up in a home where sex was never spoken of unless to continuously remind us that sex before marriage was wrong and that it would lead to bad things with God. While it was never said between both church and our parents, it was highly implied that God would want nothing to do with us.
During my teen years, I had no trouble staying abstinent. I avoided kissing any of the guys I dated, and didn’t have my first kiss until I was 18.
When I got to college, I became obsessed with the idea of getting a boyfriend. I was lonely, and to be honest, I had grown up feeling unloved. Guys hadn’t really paid attention to me up until then, and I wasn’t quite able to grasp the concept that my worth wasn’t measured by whether or not guys desired me. I tried so hard to trust in God, but started to slip away during my first year of college. There was so much going on in my life, and I was hurt and confused.
The first guy I ‘dated’ in college left me because I wouldn’t sleep with him… The next guy was one I had liked for an entire year. Problem was, I knew he had a tendency to get drunk and fool around with girls. I wasn’t the type to do that, so I tried to get more involved physically with him in order to keep him. I felt like I had to prove that I was as good as these girls he would go out with at night… He left me for another girl.
By that point, I was a wreck. I had been struggling with alcoholism and depression, and feeling like I held no worth. I wasn’t really eating and had dropped down to the smallest I had ever been. But suddenly, I started getting male attention. A co-worker at the school kept hinting that he was interested in sleeping with me, and a friend of a friend started to pursue me. He told me all the right things, we got together… and then it changed.
It started with him telling me he wasn’t sure if this would lead into a relationship, so we should just see where it was going to go. Then, he would only see me late at night. He wouldn’t hold my hand or acknowledge he was with me when we walked through the hallways at night into his room. I was so smitten by him, I didn’t pick up on the fact that he was ashamed to be with me.
He was very good at manipulating me; making me feel guilty for not doing things with him, for not being more sexually active with him. He never came right out and said it, but he not so subtly hinted constantly that he would leave me unless I started doing more. I was desperate to hang on to that attention, and started feeling like maybe, that’s what women were supposed to do in a relationship.
I never caved to sex with him, though I came close, and eventually he tired of me and just stopped speaking to me. Treated me like I didn’t exist.
 I was broken. Unfixable. I felt ugly and worthless.
The final guy I attempted to date in college ended things with me because I wasn’t worth putting any effort into if I wouldn’t have sex with him.
It was at that point when I finally realized that my worth should not be determined by what I am willing to give to a man. I swore off dating, and decided it was time to start pursuing God, to have Him show me my worth. It took years, but by the time I was 24 I decided I was confident enough in my worth to start dating again.

****It doesn’t end there... She endured a lot of pain and heartache, but she decided to just stop with everything and to seek God. She took some time off from dating, did some self-reflecting, and then finally decided that she wanted to give this dating thing one more try. Stay tuned next week to hear the final part of her story. I promise, you won’t want to miss Part 2!****