Monologue Monday: Ms. Anonymous Part 2

So last week you met Ms. Anonymous. If you haven’t checked out her story yet, you can catch up on Part 1 here. Today is going to be the conclusion of her story. Grab a blanket, a snack, and check it out……see if you can relate at all. Here goes:

Ms. Anonymous Part 2:

So I did. I met this awesome, geeky guy and we hit it off right away. He wasn’t a Christian, but I figured it was fine because I knew this wasn’t going to lead to anything serious. But as we started to get more involved, I discovered something that hadn’t been fixed over those years of pursuit with God.

See, during that time, I had been dedicated to falling in love with God, to growing closer to Him and to learning my path in life. But not once had I actually gone to him about everything that had happened. And all those guys, the ones who manipulated me and who deemed me unworthy, had done something to me. They had destroyed my view of sex; my view of being an equal in a sexual relationship with a spouse.

It also had left me no longer understanding the importance of waiting until marriage because it was nothing special anymore….So I made a decision…A decision that looking back, I shouldn’t have had to make if the older Christians in my life had taught us, (younger people in the church), the way we needed to be taught. I decided to sleep with him.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times where what I was doing was enjoyable – but that was it. There was nothing more in it. No depth. We weren’t in love, we weren’t joining in unity, and it felt empty. The more it happened, the more my mind started to finally grasp what I had been missing about waiting for marriage.

It wasn’t about waiting to give a special gift of your whole self to your spouse (though, that’s part of it) – it was about the connection that you and your husband or wife would have in a marriage, under God. Sex is not just an act of passion, it’s an act of worship, an act of obedience to God. It’s a gift from God for that obedience.

I couldn’t keep doing it. So I prayed to God that either my boyfriend would start being willing to move towards God, to come to Church, to spend time talking about Him, or that we would break up.

Shortly after, we broke up. It was partially his decision, but the reasons behind the breakup were mutual.

I was so relieved, and I began to pursue God for forgiveness. But I also started seeking God on the reasons why I did it, and I began to ask Him to show me how I could help other young Christian women avoid getting into the same place I did.

I won’t lie. Sex feels good. But that feeling is temporary. There is no wholeness in sex outside of marriage. There is no feeling of satisfaction in a sexual relationship that is lacking that spiritual connection.

If I knew then what I knew now, I wouldn’t have made that decision. I had to, for me, but that doesn’t make it right. The end results definitely do not justify the means. It’s going on one year since that breakup. It took a long time to be able to let go of punishing myself for not having been wise enough to pursue God instead of my own solution.

Thankfully, God is a forgiving, loving and merciful God. He never punished me for my disobedience, or lack of faith. After that breakup, I handed the reigns over to God completely… Gave Him control of leading me to the right man, the Christian man that I would one day marry.

God was faithful. Some months later, He led me to the most wonderful man I have ever encountered. A man who loves me, just as I am. Who expects nothing physical from me. And I’ll be honest, abstaining from sex is hard. It’s really hard. Especially, knowing that we are to be married in a year and that we will be spending the rest of our lives together. But we also know that being faithful, being obedient, and trusting in God’s plan and God’s way will be far more fulfilling.

When it comes down to it, I’d be lying if I said I don’t regret the choices I made. I do. But my God is a merciful, and loving God. And now, I hope that I can use my experience to bless other young women who might be struggling with the same thing.

**** God showed Ms. Anonymous mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love, and He is willing to do the same for you. If you find yourself relating to her situation, or you have your own situation that you are dealing with, please don’t feel like you are all alone or that you have to go at this thing all by yourself. Please feel free to email me at any point if you just want somebody to talk to. While I’m no counselor or psychiatrist, I do love encouraging and supporting others. You can email me anytime at virginmonologuez@gmail.com

Oh, and please join me in congratulating Ms. Anonymous for her upcoming nuptials. Congratulations Ms. Anonymous! May you and your future spouse have many beautiful years together! ****

-Have a good day ya’ll J