5/27/13

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #3

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

This letter is kind of embarrassing. Not in the funny way, but in the ‘I can’t believe I allowed that to happen’ kind of way.

My advice to my younger self this week would be: Don’t try to impress others.

This may seem like pretty standard knowledge, but when I was in high school and even college, I did some pretty dumb things all in the name of love while trying to impress certain people.

It’s not that I thought that being myself wasn’t enough, because even then I maintained a certain sense of awareness about who I was and what I wanted out of life, and I was focused on achieving those things…it’s just I went overboard some times.

So I definitely had my moments when I was like ‘why did I do that?’

I guess it would be even more embarrassing if I were still making the same mistakes now that I was then, but since I’m not, I guess I should be thanking my younger self for the knowledge that it has forced me to learn through certain things that I experienced back then.

Maybe I should give you some examples for those of you reading this wondering ‘like what?’ These are just a few of the ones that immediately come to mind, but trust me when I say this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg…

*Taking my ENTIRE two week paycheck to buy my then boyfriend a ridiculously expensive watch for his birthday….that was stolen on campus 2 weeks later. (Here’s the thing on this one- Buying gifts for a boyfriend or any of my friends is not crazy to me. I know some girls who are like ‘he’s supposed to be spending money on you...not the other way around’. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. If I care about someone, family members and friends alike, I like to shower them with gifts from time to time. This doesn’t always mean materialistic though. Sometimes it’s my time, energy, or something else. (Like if they’ve been wanting to do something but I haven’t had the time- I’ll just surprise them one day and cancel everything that’s on my agenda and make the day strictly about them). That said, in this situation it wasn’t me buying him a gift that was dumb- it was the fact that I took all of my money to pay for it….not cool. This was when I was a freshman in college, so since then I have learned how to budget money and how to be responsible. Now I give myself a budget that is inline with my finances, and if something is over that I go back to the drawing board and think of a different idea. My advice to my younger self in this situation is don’t live a lie…or try to be something that you aren’t. Stick within your means and be yourself…that’s better than any amount of money or gift).

*Being ambiguous about my boundaries when I first got into a relationship with my ex. (I was going to go into detail about this one, but I think it deserves its own letter. Maybe I’ll write more about this next week…we’ll see).

*This one isn’t about dating, but it still goes along with the topic: Wearing crazy high heels to a premiere in London while walking across gravel. (Seriously…. I’m the kind of girl who tries to have a pair of flats in her bag at all times to avoid situations like this. It’s one thing to walk the underground in sky high heels, but walking across gravel and pebbles of rocks when there were flashing lights every where. Thank God I didn’t break my leg). Going forward, I wear what I’m comfortable in. I’m just as much into heels as the next girl, but I know my limits now. If I know that those platforms are going to cause me to end up in the emergency room, I’m going to opt out.

Honestly, I guess these weren’t all that embarrassing, especially considering the payoff of me having learned valuable lessons…So maybe in this letter I realized that my past is just as important as my present and future because it taught me lessons.

It’s one thing to make mistakes, but it’s another to keep repeating them.

5/20/13

Monologue Monday: Perfection Is Overrated

Seriously.

You want to know something about me... I love writing.
I can also be a bit of a perfectionist.
 Combine the two of those together and you know what you get: NOTHING.
Complete and utter silence.
It’s not writer’s block or a lack of things to say, but if I’m to be completely honest, somehow over the last week or so I have gotten so caught up in having “the perfect thing to say”, (which by the way what does that even mean?), that I have almost psyched myself out of saying anything.
Notice how I said almost. I love keeping it real with myself, so when I’m doing something that I know is not cool, I call myself out and try to get it together….quick.
That’s what prompted me to write this completely random post.
I have so much passion and joy when I write, but over the past couple of days I have just allowed myself to get caught up in the expectations of it all, that it’s kind of taken the fun out of things for me.
(“Expectations” meaning ‘what should I say?’, ‘what do they want to hear?’, ‘what if I say something that other’s don’t like or agree with?’, 'what if someone else has already written something similar and I just don’t know it?’).
Instead of expressing what’s in my heart to say, I’m over thinking what’s in my head. Not because it’s not good or that it’s not worth saying, but because I’m too focused on saying the perfect thing.
Here’s a news flash for you (mainly for me though):
The truth of the matter is that I’m not perfect. I don’t always have the right thing to say, and it’s definitely probably not what you would expect me to say most of the time…especially if you knew me in real life.
(I mean really, who would have thought I would be talking about virginity and relationships, when growing up, I wouldn’t even say the word S-E-X. So much for that right??? I’m all about talking about this stuff now because it matters and its affecting our generation in ways that we aren’t prepared for, so so much for me being “prudish” … well kind of....there are still some people that I would NEVER talk about sex with- mainly my mom- but I’m kind of getting off topic. Sorry….)
But here’s what I’ve come to quickly realize… or rather after asking this question it has helped to put things into perspective: who decides what perfection is?
Other people.
I can continue to write and be who I am like I have been forever, or I can continue to allow the distractions of the last couple of days to cloud my judgment and convince me that I don’t have anything worth say (which is NOT going to happen by the way!).
So….I’m admitting that I temporarily got distracted, but I likewise quickly came to my senses and realized that me writing is not about being perfect or living up to anyone else’s expectations.
I’m not always going to say the right thing, some days I’m going to feel like ranting, and almost every day, (or every day actually), I’m never going to be  perfect, but in being myself, that’s my perfection.
So what I have learned this past week is that I don’t have to be perfect or adhere to the standards of anyone else….I just need to be genuine and speak from my heart.
All I need is to be me J


Moment of Truth:


“We are not defined by our mistakes. We are defined by what we’re able to overcome.”
                                                                                                                                                                          -Tasha Smith (Actress)

5/13/13

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #2

So last week I had every intention of writing a few posts….

That is until I got sick and felt like I was hit by a bus :/  (Sorry for sounding so dramatic because I honestly have no idea what getting hit by a bus feels like….and I pray I never do…. but the point is I really did feel horrible….sorry this whole paragraph is so awkward)

But back to the subject at hand… I received some feedback from some of you all saying that you liked this addition to the blog, so thanks for the responses/encouragement.

So here’s what I would tell myself today….

(And if you have no idea what this is all about, click here).

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

Dear Younger Self:

Here is some practical advice that if you learn it while you are still young, I think it will help you through almost anything that you are going to face in the future.

Here it goes:

In life, you can be a victim or a survivor.

There are going to be SOME people who you come across along your path who aren’t going to treat you nicely, they aren’t going to have your best interest at heart, and they may cause you some pain and heartache.

It may not even be people but situations that you may have to face as you grow and face certain challenges.

When I say this, I’m not trying to take away from anything that you will go through, but at some point you have to choose not to allow your experiences or the treatment of others to define you.

Notice how I bolded the “SOME” people part??? Try not to generalize everybody. Not all people are the same.

When things happen to you and you begin to feel sad, upset, or any other range of emotions that you may feel, acknowledge that you have been through some things, but don’t allow yourself to stay there!

There is too much greatness and potential on the inside of you for you to use your energy continuing to relive the past or be upset about something that you can’t change.

Let go and move forward.

If you keep looking back, you are going to slow down your progress of moving forward.

Refuse to stay a victim…no matter what you go through, always remind yourself that you are a survivor and as long as you keep moving forward, you will see success…and healing…. in the process.

5/12/13

Happy Mother's Day

I just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of the mothers out there. Thanks for all that you do.




P.S. To my own mother, you are the most amazing woman that I have ever met in my life. If I can be a fraction of the woman and mother that you are as I continue to grow and learn, then I will have lived an honorable and fulfilling life. I thank God every day for deeming me special enough to bless me with you as my mother. Thanks for everything that you do and all that you are. I love you mom :).