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Monologue Monday: What are your thoughts?

Hi peeps!

I was just looking over some of my previous posts and realized that my last one was around my birthday and that was almost two weeks ago now…sorry about that! (I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot, but I would rather keep saying it and keep you posted on what’s happening around here- even if that means I risk sounding redundant- just so you can have an idea of what’s going on).

The good news is that things are almost back to normal, and hopefully that means that my posts will be more consistent and worth your time (not saying that they haven’t been lately but I do realize that time is valuable, and if you are taking even a few minutes out of your day to spend it reading something that I wrote- which I’m always extremely grateful for btw- then I want to make it worth your while!).

That being said, I’m more than anticipating when everything is back to normal and I have more time and opportunities to get back to doing male perspective interviews, fashion posts, asking other women to share their stories, and so forth.

Ok, but I’m getting a bit off track so let me get back to the topic at hand for today’s post. Instead of writing a monologue, I thought I would ask you a question and get your responses.

So lately, I’ve been hearing a number of people discussing their opinions about how remaining a virgin until marriage or even practicing abstinence is all but extinct. Since waiting is something that I wholeheartedly believe in- both for spiritual and personal reasons- their arguments piqued my interests and I thought I would come this way and ask your opinion.

So what are your thoughts on the matter?

Do you think saving one’s self for marriage or practicing abstinence is an outdated practice?

Please leave your comment below, or feel free to email me if you feel uncomfortable leaving your response that way, and I’ll be back sometime next week to give my perspective and to share some of your responses.

Monologue Monday: Letters to My Younger Self #4

How was your Monday?

Mine was pretty good, but at the moment I’m HUNGRY!!!

I’ll take care of that in a second, but first, I just wanted to sit down and write this quick post.

I actually received a request to talk about the difference between gold-digging and security….bet you can guess who it came from: yep, a guy sent it in.

Either way, I think it’ll be a fun topic to discuss because I definitely think there’s a difference between the two.

But before I get to that topic, I wanted to write a quick note to my younger self. (Hopefully I’ll get to the post on security vs. gold-digging soon, but I’m trying to stop giving out dates because lately I haven’t been able to stick to them because work has been so busy. So in an effort to try to be a woman of my word, I’ll just say, “as soon as I get some free time, I’ll stop back by to give my opinion on the matter and I would love for you to do the same”).

In the meantime, here’s what I would tell my younger self today….

(And if you have no idea what this is all about, click here).

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

Dear Younger Self:

Let me just get straight to the point on this one:

It’s better to be honest and clear about your limits UP FRONT, than to be unclear about the matter when you know that you have boundaries that you don’t desire to go past.

You know that you don’t want to have sex before marriage, so don’t be vague about it.

Don’t worry whether you are going scare the guy off, whether everybody else is going to have something to say about it, or whether it’s kind of uncomfortable to talk about when you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.

All of that is irrelevant. This is your body we’re talking about and your life. What everyone else thinks, particularly in this case, really doesn’t matter much.

Not telling the guy that you are interested in or telling him but being unclear about it all, is not only misleading, but it could potentially cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and tension when you could’ve just be upfront about it from the beginning.

Besides, if you divulging this information is going to cause someone to walk away or be apprehensive, you should know his intentions before things get serious.

If he walks away or tries to convince you to do “everything else but sex” trust me when I say he’s not the one for YOU.

Leading someone on, sugar-coating things, or not being completely clear, is wrong. Being straightforward and direct about your boundaries really is the only way to go. Not only will you be saving yourself a lot of heartache by being truthful, but you can weed out the random guys who care more about their desires being fulfilled than they do about getting to know you as a person.

I’m not saying tell everybody, that’s dangerous… but if you’ve been getting to know someone and he has piqued your interest, if you think there could be a future there, be open with him and talk about it.

Wait for the one who will wait with you and not make you feel bad about it or question your decisions…

And don’t ever forget that you are WORTH waiting for

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #3

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

This letter is kind of embarrassing. Not in the funny way, but in the ‘I can’t believe I allowed that to happen’ kind of way.

My advice to my younger self this week would be: Don’t try to impress others.

This may seem like pretty standard knowledge, but when I was in high school and even college, I did some pretty dumb things all in the name of love while trying to impress certain people.

It’s not that I thought that being myself wasn’t enough, because even then I maintained a certain sense of awareness about who I was and what I wanted out of life, and I was focused on achieving those things…it’s just I went overboard some times.

So I definitely had my moments when I was like ‘why did I do that?’

I guess it would be even more embarrassing if I were still making the same mistakes now that I was then, but since I’m not, I guess I should be thanking my younger self for the knowledge that it has forced me to learn through certain things that I experienced back then.

Maybe I should give you some examples for those of you reading this wondering ‘like what?’ These are just a few of the ones that immediately come to mind, but trust me when I say this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg…

*Taking my ENTIRE two week paycheck to buy my then boyfriend a ridiculously expensive watch for his birthday….that was stolen on campus 2 weeks later. (Here’s the thing on this one- Buying gifts for a boyfriend or any of my friends is not crazy to me. I know some girls who are like ‘he’s supposed to be spending money on you...not the other way around’. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. If I care about someone, family members and friends alike, I like to shower them with gifts from time to time. This doesn’t always mean materialistic though. Sometimes it’s my time, energy, or something else. (Like if they’ve been wanting to do something but I haven’t had the time- I’ll just surprise them one day and cancel everything that’s on my agenda and make the day strictly about them). That said, in this situation it wasn’t me buying him a gift that was dumb- it was the fact that I took all of my money to pay for it….not cool. This was when I was a freshman in college, so since then I have learned how to budget money and how to be responsible. Now I give myself a budget that is inline with my finances, and if something is over that I go back to the drawing board and think of a different idea. My advice to my younger self in this situation is don’t live a lie…or try to be something that you aren’t. Stick within your means and be yourself…that’s better than any amount of money or gift).

*Being ambiguous about my boundaries when I first got into a relationship with my ex. (I was going to go into detail about this one, but I think it deserves its own letter. Maybe I’ll write more about this next week…we’ll see).

*This one isn’t about dating, but it still goes along with the topic: Wearing crazy high heels to a premiere in London while walking across gravel. (Seriously…. I’m the kind of girl who tries to have a pair of flats in her bag at all times to avoid situations like this. It’s one thing to walk the underground in sky high heels, but walking across gravel and pebbles of rocks when there were flashing lights every where. Thank God I didn’t break my leg). Going forward, I wear what I’m comfortable in. I’m just as much into heels as the next girl, but I know my limits now. If I know that those platforms are going to cause me to end up in the emergency room, I’m going to opt out.

Honestly, I guess these weren’t all that embarrassing, especially considering the payoff of me having learned valuable lessons…So maybe in this letter I realized that my past is just as important as my present and future because it taught me lessons.

It’s one thing to make mistakes, but it’s another to keep repeating them.

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #1

There is so much stuff that I would tell my younger self….So MUCH!

Since there is so much that I could say, (and I sat down and just over the course of about ten minutes I was able to write down a list that was at least a couple of pages long, so I’m not exaggerating about the SO MUCH part), but because of this, I honestly had no idea where to start.

Should I start with something funny? Juicy? Sentimental? Embarrassing?

So I figured why not just start with the basics. It may not be all that exciting or noteworthy, but it’s the truth, and it would have saved me a lot of heartache and disappointments had I known it then as I understand it now.

So here goes my first letter to my younger self…. 

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

 

Dear Younger Self:

Over the next couple of years, you are going to go through a lot of changes.

People are going to come in and out of your life, guys are going to be confusing, and in the midst of it all, you are going to be trying to find yourself.

My advice to you, (since I’ve kind of lived it already now ), is to learn to love yourself first.

Because you are so young, and understandably naïve in a lot of ways, some people (some of which you hang out with and confide in), are going to try to push you in this direction or that, and they aren’t going to have your best interest at heart…some of them will, but many more aren’t.

Once you learn to love yourself, and to be comfortable with who you are- in this stage that you are in now- what everyone else thinks or what they have to say about you won’t matter as much (if at all), because you will be comfortable with who you are.

As far as the guys who are trying to show you attention and whisper all kinds of non-sense to you, don’t fall for it. (Seriously…I know you want to date, and have fun, and have a boyfriend just like everybody else, but you need to focus on you first).

Besides, as you continue to grow up you will realize that many of those same guys who seemed so interested in you then had different plans than what was your understanding.

Wait on all that stuff until you have a better understanding of who you are….What’s the point of rushing to grow up any way?!?!

Well, that’s about all that I would say to you for now. I know you probably were expecting something grand or life changing, but nope….

My advice to you would simply be to learn to love yourself and to be comfortable with who you are….that simple, but that complex.

****P.S. What about you? What would you say to your younger self?

I know it may seem kinda weird, but it’s actually therapeutic! You can’t change it, so why not write about it and get it all out.*****

Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

I was reading on my floor yesterday when I got up to get some water, and literally almost passed out. That had never happened to me before, EVER, but it’s like as soon as I stood up everything just kind of went blank.

I immediately laid down, while trying not to freak out too much, because I had no idea what was going on. I thought maybe I just got up too fast and it would just go away, but it didn’t.

Every time I would get up my head would just spin like crazy, I was really light-headed, and I could only lay my head to one side- if I laid it to the other side it felt like I was on a rollercoaster and made me even more dizzy then if I just stuck to laying on the other side.

After about 3 hours of this, I realized that I should probably contact someone- even though I really just wanted to toughen it out and just see if it would go away- because it was hindering my ability to do any thing.

I got someone to carry me to the hospital- and the doctor told me that I had an inner ear infection which was also causing symptoms of vertigo. I got some meds and was told to rest.

That was yesterday.

Although I’m relieved that it wasn’t something even more serious, I don’t like feeling like this…period.

Whereas yesterday my head was spinning constantly- I was scared to even go the bathroom because I thought I might hit the floor- today it is only spinning whenever I get up or am sitting up for too long. I hope that means I’m getting better.

That said, I know that I’m supposed to be writing a letter to my younger self today, but that’s going to have to wait until later on (tonight hopefully). (I’m only telling you all of this because I like keeping my word, but this is something that may be beyond my control).

In the meantime, here’s an interview that I did a couple of days ago. It was one of few words, but I still think that the interview revealed a lot and showcased another male’s perspective; continuing to demonstrate that all guys are not the same.

Check it out and let me know what you think, and I think that on that note, I’m going to lay my head back down so that the room will stop spinning.

I hope ya’ll have a great week, and I’ll be back later on tonight if I’m feeling it. (I know I should probably rest but writing is therapeutic to me in so many ways). That said, if I don’t, I’ll talk to you when I can.

-Take care of your health….

Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

1.   What would you say to the ladies out there who think that ‘all guys are just the same’?

 

I would tell her that all men are not the same. We all may have many of the same urges and the same issues but we each handle them differently. Some men are devoted and caring, and some aren’t. If all men were the same though, then how would you have couples, like my parents, making it 20+ years in marriage?

2.   Do you wish you would have waited? Why or why not?

I honestly do wish I would have wait because things probably would have turned out differently. I have learned that waiting allows you to get to know a person more fully.

3.    So do you see any benefits in waiting until marriage to have sex?

I think that the benefits of waiting until marriage are that it gives the couple a chance to fall in love with each other rather than falling for a person because of how they make you feel sexually. Sex can take over a person’s decision-making, and I’m just keeping it real with you from my personal experiences.

4.   What advice would you give to single ladies who want to be in a relationship, but haven’t met the right one yet?

Just be patient and don’t force it. I believe that there’s somebody out there for everyone. You just have to wait and allow God to handle it.

5.   What are your thoughts on living with someone before marrying them?

I would NOT recommend it. Speaking from experience, I knew before I did it that it was something that God didn’t approve of, but I did it any way and life got very difficult for me.

6.   What’s the nicest thing that a girl has ever done for you?

Making my mother smile is the nicest thing that a girl will ever do for me.

7.     Aww! That’s really sweet. So what’s your take on a girl trying to change the guy that she is with in order to fit her ideal man?

I really do not like it when a person attempts to change another person. If you like that person, like him for who he is, flaws and all.

 

8.    What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend?

I really don’t have set qualities that I look for in a girlfriend as long as she shares in my same faith. But I do look more for what’s in her heart and mind than in her looks and talents, which is something that I used to do in my past.

9.    Are first impressions really everything? What’s included in your first impressions?

Honestly, first impressions play a big part. You will always remember the first time you meet a person. But like I said in the last question, I try not to place too much emphasis on it because in time you will see the real person… the comfortable person.

10.   How can a girl know if a guy is in to her (for those of us who are oblivious sometimes J)?

In my opinion, one of the main ways to know if a guy is into you is how much time does he devote to you. I know a guy can be friends with a female and hang out with her every once in a while, but if he is really trying to spend time with you then there’s probably something there.

Or if he comes out of his comfort zone to do something for you, like go to church with you, then he’s probably into you... Lol nobody is really comfortable going to a new church with somebody but if he wants to impress you or just spend time with you, he’ll make it happen.

Monologue Monday: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?

Lately I’ve been in a funk and have had no idea what to write about, even though I have really wanted to write and express myself.

So I took a little break, and in that time of relaxing and enjoying life, I questioned my motives and intentions with blogging….trying to remind myself why I started doing this in the first place.

While I admire those who can do 5-7 posts a week, work, AND maintain a life, I realized that isn’t for me. (Even though this week I'll probably end up doing close to that many because I miss ya’ll so much and have so many things that I want to talk about! But the point is, for normal daily living that doesn’t fit my lifestyle).

What works for me, and keeps me passionate about writing, is allowing things to be organic and natural, not calculated and planned. I like writing here a couple times of week, journaling daily, and then going out and making things happen…achieving the goals that I dream about, instead of just talking about them.

I realize that you are probably like ‘where is this all coming from’, or ‘who told you that you HAD to write daily’, but I’m saying all of this for a reason. (I’m just taking a bit longer than I probably should in getting to the point…my apologies).

At any rate, in my realizing that there are no rules to expressing myself or to using the creative outlet of writing to do so, I decided that what was missing from my posts, and was consequently making me feel blah about it all, was me. (Sorry if this is feeling like a therapy session…I really am getting to the point!).

So I decided that what if on the days when no one has shared a story, or a story is still being written/edited, that I just sort of bare it all (for a lack of a better phrase), and put myself out there.

That’s where this new series that I’m about to introduce will be of feature. I’m calling it:

“Letters to My Younger Self: Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating, and Confidence”.

(And before I go any further, I just want to give credit where credit is due. This idea stemmed from one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah K, and a different idea came from a reader of this site, Marietta. They both did something similar and I just sort of fused the two together. Sarah writes letters to her younger, single self from time to time, and Marietta wrote a blog post here about ‘What She Wish Her Mother Would Have Told Her’. I think the combination of these two ideas is the perfect prescription for what I’m needing at the moment, so thanks ladies J).

Not only do I think this will be fun, therapeutic, insightful, and will remind me of how far I’ve come, but most importantly, hopefully it will help someone else along the way.

I still plan on doing feature stories of other women on some Monologue Mondays and the Male Perspective interviews from guys, (and will continue to do so indefinitely), and both of which you’ll be getting another post on soon, but in between those times I plan to just have some fun and do one of the things that I do best….writing while expressing myself J

-Hope you’ll stick along for the ride

 

Letters To My Younger Self: Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

P.S. Next Monday I’ll start this series and at least carry it out to the end of the year (maybe longer…I can think of a TON of things I would tell my younger self, so we’ll just play it by ear and see how it goes). In the meantime, what about you?!?!?!

What’s something that you would tell your younger self about waiting, dating, confidence, self-esteem, relationships, etc???

 

My Interview with Krystal @ The 1st Lady Diaries (Part 2)

Before I leave for my vacation, I wanted to post Part 2 to my interview with The First Ladies Diaries. (If you missed Part 1, you can check it out here).

So here it is:

My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries (Part 2)

Krystal: We're in a very small percentile. Roughly 4% of adults are virgins at the age of 25, and naturally that percentage drops as the ages increase. With that being said, do you ever feel as though your dating options are limited?

VM: Kind of. It’s so weird, but it’s like all throughout high school and college guys were so interested in trying to get to know me and so forth, and were really intrigued if they found out that I was still a virgin, but sometime after 24, it didn’t seem all that intriguing anymore. Now, people are like ‘what’s wrong with you that you haven’t slept with anyone yet?!?!’ I usually laugh this off because it’s all crazy to me, but the fact that I am still a virgin at 27, (I turn 28 in two months), makes people have all sorts of preconceived notions about me which definitely tries to limit things. But once people hang out with me and get to know me for me, they realize that I’m not the weirdo that they thought I was, and that nothing is in fact wrong with me…I’m just saving myself until marriage.

Krystal: Well, Happy (Early) Birthday!! And yes, I know all about those preconceived notions--which is why I always say, "Stereotypes are for zombies."

Krystal: I RARELY date. Reason being, I truly believe that I was meant to be exclusive; so I'm very selective. When I do decide to go out with someone, it's because of something that he said--he has to stimulate my intellect. What is it that makes you decide to give a guy a chance?

VM: His personality. If he is attentive and compassionate towards others, is a good listener but can also carry a conversation, respects his family and friends, and loves to enjoy life, his character is going to pique my interest. I also have to be attracted to him. This doesn’t mean that all my friends and family have to find him attractive; what one person likes, someone else may have completely different taste in, but I personally just want to find him attractive- despite what anyone else says.

Krystal: Amen! Personality counts for a lot.

Krystal: It goes without saying that a woman of God should date a man of God. So aside from that, what are 3 qualities/traits/non-negotiables that are a MUST for you?

VM:
*Must be compassionate, generous and has a kind heart
*Must be able to carry a conversation about a wide variety of subjects, and is a great listener.
*Must be like to laugh and be willing to try new things.

Krystal: I agree. Especially about being well rounded in various things.

Krystal: Sadly, not everyone is supportive of those who practice celibacy. I don't know about you, but I find myself having the most interesting conversations where virginity is concerned. What's the most annoying question or comment that you get in regards to celibacy?

VM: ‘You’re how old?’ lol

Krystal: Oh yes, the age old question of age lol. And don't even get me started on the "spared" talk. This is a choice, not a matter of default.

Krystal: I made it pretty clear on how I feel about dating and labels. It annoys me. How do you feel about labels and dating? You know, the whole my man/my woman thing?

VM: My annoyance isn’t in labels as much as it is in one half of a couple labeling it, but the other half refusing to so much as state that he/she is in a relationship.

Krystal: Wowzers!! I feel that. For me, it's not a matter of not wanting to acknowledge the relationship, I'm just funny about guys labeling me when they really have no claim; I refuse to be just another chick on some guy's roster. But trust me, when I am seeing someone, I most definitely make it known.

Krystal: To be fair, I'll answer first, NO! lol Are you dating anyone?

VM: No, I’m currently single. I’m in a really good place personally though, so I say that with a smile on my face and an overwhelming sense of peace. I am so thankful for this phase in my life that I have been single, because I have traveled the world and have gotten to do a lot of things that I probably would have been hesitant to do had I been in a relationship. It has been a great experience after I stopped thinking about the what-ifs and started focusing on living J. Now I’m making each moment count to the fullest, while I wait on the one who deems me worth waiting for.

Krystal: Yes. That's someone who knows how to use her single gift.

Krystal: Since we're doing a fashion post in the coming months, I thought that it would be very befitting to ask this question. Why or does it even matter how a Christian woman dresses?

VM: The way we dress matters because whether we mean for it to or not, it sends a message to others. I personally used to love certain trends, but I realized that many of the younger girls that I was (and still am) mentoring were trying to emulate me, and I didn’t want to send them the wrong message. So even though I have the freedom to dress however I choose, I still try to be mindful of what I wear because I don’t want to set a bad example for them just because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I still try to display my personality through my clothing, but I’m just cautious of the message that I am sending.

Krystal: That's true. You never know who's watching you, and we don't get to choose who looks up to us.

When I tell you that I had fun with this interview, I mean I had fun. I hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I had asking these questions and reflecting over the answers. My friend and I will be working together for the next few months over at her blog and my natural beauty blog. So be on the look out.

P.S. Let me know when there's a status update for #11 lol!

Monologue Monday: My Interview with ‘The 1st Lady Diaries’

Recently, I teamed up with Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries to do a few guest posts on one another’s site over the next couple of months. We are going to be talking about a range of things from great book recommendations (from some of her favorite books) to fashion tips (and whatever other girly things we can think of along the way).

Well, about a week ago she asked if she could interview me, and I thought that it would be really cool to see what type of questions she would come up with. And since we are both virgins, (sorry if that’s too much info btw but that’s a HUGE topic of discussion in these necks of the woods), I thought that it would be interesting to hear how her thoughts may have differed from mine, (if at all), on some of the questions that she raised.

So below I have pasted the interview that she conducted on her site, and you can find the original interview by clicking here.

Check it out and feel free to let me know what you think! (Actually, I think that I’ll post it in two parts to make for an easier read).

P.S. Have a good rest of the week J

P.S.S. Please feel free to leave comments below or to send me an email with topic ideas. It’s always easier when we make it more of a community feel as opposed to me talking about things that ya’ll could care less about! I hope that’s not the case!!! (At any rate, some current topics that I’ve been toying with are ‘Abstinence’, ‘Interracial Relationships (requested)’, and ‘But He’s the Best I Can Get’ to name a few. What do you think???

Monologue Monday: My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries

Krystal: Last year, I had the pleasure of writing a guest post for a fellow blogger and sister in Christ. This young woman is the author/creator of a blog called The Virgin Monologuez. (You can check out my interview here.) Her blog is dedicated to getting the word out that contrary to popular belief, everyone is NOT doing it. And you know what the "it" is--SEX! Now don't let the title fool you, although the blog is called "The Virgin Monologuez", she also features individuals who are married and those who have not always walked in chastity. She brings all of our stories together to one place where we can all share wisdom, experiences, perspectives, and opinions. I love the fact that she gives everyone a voice--allowing everyone to share their respective stories. It's brilliant!!

Well, we've exchanged emails a few times since then and we've formed somewhat of a virtual friendship. (I actually hope to meet her in real life one day, but until then, I'm going to turn the tables and interview her in regards to none other than celibacy and dating as a Christian.) Shall we begin?

VM: First off, I want you to say thanks for asking me to do this interview! I love “girl time” and just hanging around positive, like-minded people, so I was excited when you asked if you could interview me for your blog. Thank you.

Krystal: Whenever people find out that I'm a virgin, they always ask, "Is it because of your religion?" I answer yes because I know what they really mean, "Does fornication go against your belief system?" Even so, that only partially covers why I'm personally waiting. So I ask you, why are you waiting?

VM: The reason why I am waiting is two-fold. The biggest and most important reason why I am waiting is because of my faith. I genuinely love God with all of my heart, and I am so grateful for all that He has done for me and for Him always just being there for me, so one of the ways that I strive to show my gratitude is by practicing self-control and honoring my body as His Word instructs. For me this means waiting and trusting His timing, and knowing that at the right time, He will bring into my life the person that He has chosen, but until then I must patiently wait and work on becoming a better woman for me.

And the second part of that is that I think I am worth waiting for. I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant in the sense that ‘she thinks she’s all that’, because that mentality could not be further from my personality, but I truly believe that the man that I fall in love with will love me for the woman I am, and will be willing to wait for me because he realizes that I’m worth waiting for and that He will be gaining more than he could have ever lost in his waiting.

Krystal: From motivational speakers, to preachers, to parents, and all in between, everyone is saying, "You are worth the wait!" What does it mean to be worth the wait?

VM: My interpretation of being worth the wait is that the two of you are giving your relationship time to be cultivated and refined, while you get to know each other, before adding in the emotional and physiological elements of physical intimacy. It means that you realize that there is something so special about that other person that you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship by focusing on the physical. Simply put, I think that “worth the wait” means someone seeing something so extraordinary about that other person that they value them worth waiting for while they nurture the relationship that they are trying to build with that person.

Krystal: Everyone seems to have something to say in regards to another's standards. They're either too low, ridiculously high, or non existent. How do you define the word 'standard'?

VM: Average. Anything that is common, meaning massive amounts of people are doing it, sets the “standard” for what is normal.

Krystal: Okay. So you're standard is your personally defined status quo. Perfect!

Doing well gets old (for me, at least). Do you ever tire of waiting, and if so, how do you stay on track?

VM: Ohh….good question! My honest answer would have to be a resounding no! Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have had moments where I have questioned ‘when’s it going to be my turn?’, but the truth is I would rather wait however long it takes then to get into a relationship that is wrong for me, simply because I got impatient, and be living a nightmare. (Snapped and Lifetime have scared me enough to know that moving too soon or getting into a relationship just because I had a bout of loneliness, could LITERALLY lead to deadly consequences. No thank you!)

Knowing what I want out life and doing my daily devotionals keep me on track. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is going to take care of me, and so even when I get frustrated because I can’t trace His hand and don’t understand what is going on in my life, I still believe and love Him enough to trust His heart. (He’s already shown me He would do anything for me, He even sent His son to die for me! Why would He stop taking care of me now?!?!)

Krystal: Right!! No temporary bout of loneliness is worth a lifetime of unnecessary heartache. Wait it out, this too shall pass lol. So what's the most difficult part of waiting?

VM: Not knowing how long. It’s one thing to have an expiration date for something, but what about when you don’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to happen for you. That said, it is in these moments that I remind myself that what God has for me is for me, and that His timing is perfect. I have since stopped thinking about the time and have instead started focusing on making me a better person; focusing on my professional aspirations and doing stuff for other people. It’s hard to think about yourself when you are thinking about others. And since it’s not of focus, I don’t think about it as much any more. I have a life to live; I can’t use it counting up days….I just want to live it!!!

*****Check Back Later For Part II (or just go to her site to check it out!!!) *****

Monologue Monday: Sarah K

Happy Monday everyone!

Today’s Monologue Monday post is coming from one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah K. I love checking out her posts throughout the week, as she usually has a variety of different topics that are relevant to almost anyone.

I only found her blog a few months ago, and I’m amazed that it took me so long to stumble upon her site! You should definitely check it out when you get a chance.

Today she’s going to be talking about how she new her husband was the one. I read her post right after she sent it to me, and all I could do was smile. Love happens for different people in different ways, but in the words of Sarah, ‘when you know, you just know’.

So here is how she knew that her husband was the one:

Monologue Monday: Sarah K

Hello Virgin Monologuez readers!

I'm Sarah and I blog over at Love, Sarah K.

Today I'm going to share my story on how I knew my husband was the right guy for me. I don't really believe that anyone can really be the one, but more like a better match. :) (If that makes sense)

I've had many failed relationships prior to meeting my husband. And I was done with guys. You'll realize when you're not searching anymore, a great guy usually appears. It's crazy how that happens.

I moved to a new suburb area a week before Labor Day weekend and was invited by a friend to come out for lunch and just hang out.

That's where I met H. H and I didn't talk much to each other in the beginning until we got to the coffee shop and ended up sitting in front of each other. I found out he was not from Texas either and was here for his job.

After our first encounter, we started talking more as friends and hung out more in group settings. That was really interesting because there really was no pressure when we hung out and it was very relaxed. In the beginning I didn't think much of H, just thought he would make a really great friend, but after a couple of weeks, I realized this was the type of guy I should end up with. He was different than all the other relationships I had. I could totally be myself (this is key girls) and even if I did something embarrassing he was very sweet about it. Also, in my past relationships the guys would always flake out on outings and stuff, leaving me super disappointed, but H was different. He never flaked out on me and when he said yes to something, he delivered!

About a month later, we finally became official as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Six months later we were engaged. Four months later we were married!!

So we met, dated, got engaged, and got married all in one year.

You might be thinking, wow that is so fast, but seriously, when you know you just know. I know single girls hate this statement, but you'll feel it. I used to have a certain list of traits I wanted in a man that I'd pray about, but after all my heartbreaks, I gave up on that and just asked that God would send a man that just liked me for who I was... Simple right? And I knew H accepted me for who I was because I was completely myself when I was around him. That's how I knew.

Monologue Monday: Single But Occupied

Oc.cu.py :  To take up a space or an amount of time. To engage the attention or energies of.

-Webster’s Dictionary

 

I have a confession to make….

As easy, (but very deceiving) as it would be to make it seem like I have it altogether, I DON’T. (But that’s not the confession part…I’m getting to that in a second).

I mean I feel like I’m definitely getting the hang of things the more that I grow and learn, but I haven’t always had a handle on things.

 In fact, I used to be one of those girls, (and this is where the confession comes in), who sat around wondering ‘when’s it going to be my time?!?!’ (I even began wondering was something wrong with me that everyone else knew about but kept me out of the loop on…like seriously, why was I single?!?!?).

My precious brothers and mom were so supportive of me during that “phase” and always tried to encourage me and remind me of how special I was, but that only got me so far.

In spite of all of their support, and my knowing that things would happen when and as they should, I still felt like feeling sorry for myself.

At some point I got fed up with the self-pity though and realized that I had a life to live. I had dreams to fulfill and goals to achieve, and the longer I sat around focusing on what I didn’t have, the more I was missing out on LIVING!!!

That didn’t sit well with me.

I have too much ambition and passion to sit back idly as life passes me by.

So the most interesting thing happened. As I changed my mindset and started seeing being single as a blessing (instead of the curse that many people want you to believe that it is!), I started making moves and developing my strengths.

I started seeing being single as a time to refine myself, to go after some of the goals that I had, and most importantly to focus on me. (That’s not to say that I want to be single forever…let’s not get carried away with it J, but I AM saying that being single is just as much of a gift as being in a relationship).

I truly believe that once you get in a relationship it’s not just about you anymore, but at that point it’s about the both of you (as it should be).

Focusing on me meant doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do, pondering what I wanted to be and how I wanted to go about it, taking really crazy and exotic trips and not worrying about who I was leaving behind, devoting my time to volunteerism, and doing anything else that my heart (and creative mind) could come up with.

The more I have learned to love and appreciate where I am right now in life, and have turned my energy and attention into doing something positive, the less I have thought about what I don’t have. After doing things for others, putting in the time to achieve my goals, and setting aside the time to take care of my mind, body and soul, I am too exhausted (but fulfilled J), to think about what I don’t have!

So at this point in my life  I’m just grateful that I have a life and that I understand that it's worth living, and I am going to do just that each and every day that I’m given…whether I’m single or in a relationship.

What about you? What’s your take on the single life?