The Male's Perspective- My Interview with J.D.

When I wondered who I would ask to do interviews with me about the male’s perspective regarding women and sex, it seemed like a no-brainer that I would start with the men that I already know. They are accessible, genuine, and supportive.

 So that’s exactly what I decided to do!

Up first, you will meet J.D. (in respect for his profession I opted not to use his full name). He is one of the most reliable, passionate people that I have ever met. In fact, when I faced a devastating tragedy a few years ago, he was the first person on the scene!

Caring and sympathetic are synonymous with his character. He even gives out his personal cell phone number to his patients, so that they can reach him at any time in case an emergency arises. Talk about dedication!

Regardless if you agree with the responses that he gave below or not, what can’t be disputed is who he is as a person: compassionate, devoted, and intelligent.

I know because I am lucky enough to call him my friend!

Enough blabbering though, here’s his unadulterated perspective:

***Warning*** the following interview might be a bit long- I asked him FOURTEEN questions, and he patiently answered each one- but it’s worth your time to read it! Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

1.     The questions I’m about to ask you are very personal, why did you agree to ‘put it all out there’& let me interview you? Because I think what you’re doing with this website is important. There aren’t too many people out there doing what you’re doing, so I respect that and support you. Also, I think it’s important to let women know a man’s perspective regarding sex. I don’t represent all men but I do represent some viewpoints, and I just wanted to give women some insight into our thought process at times.

2.     You and I dated in the past, how did you feel about me telling you up front that I wasn’t going to have sex until marriage? To be honest with you, I thought it was a cliché & I didn’t know you were being serious! Even now I value you so much because you stuck to your values and kept your word…you knew what you wanted even at a young age.

3.     Do you think that the reason why we are still such really good friends even now (after we stopped dating), & never experienced the ‘I’m never talking to you again, love-hate relationship’ that happens in so many relationships post break-up is because we never took it there physically & always respected each other? No, not really because almost every girl that I have ever dated or been intimate with is still good friends with me…not friends like you and me, but still good friends. You and I share a special friendship… not just because we’ve never slept with each other, but because we have grown up together. I have known you since you were like 13 right?!?!?

4.     What do you think about women and sex? I’m going to keep it real with you. From a man’s perspective, especially in today’s society, I think they go hand in hand. What I mean by that is that from an early age, we are taught about sex and it’s always associated with a woman: how they look on t.v., what they wear, how they are portrayed in the media….so women are constantly being related to sex. I think we have gone from a culture of women & love, to women & sex, & that’s a problem.  What do you mean? Instead of thinking about women in a loving way & wanting to nourish her and protect her, now they are being portrayed as objects. It’s not right at all, but in society now, sex sells and that’s mostly as women being an item.

5.     If a girl tells you that she wants to wait or is practicing abstinence at this age, would you still date her (& respect her wishes)? Without a doubt in my mind. At the end of the day, I know that’s what I’m looking for. I have always struggled with sex & relationships because I know that it’s right to wait. I believe that’s why I’m single now- because I need someone that’s stronger than me. Since I’ve already done it, it’s harder to stop. The interesting thing is that I have had more laughter and mocking come from women whenever I say I don’t want to have sex, then from men, and I’ve been with a lot of women. Do you want me to put that in the interview lol, because you are a really good guy and I don’t won’t someone to get the wrong idea about you because they misunderstand? I don’t want you to sugar-coat what I’m saying…I’m keeping it real. I have told women that I don’t want to sleep with them, and that I just want to spend time getting to know them, and that’s a turn off for some women. It’s crazy, but a lot of women even tell me up front that they just want to be friends with benefits.

6.     How do you feel about girls who ‘give it up’ so easily? Honestly I think that in this area I’m different than some men, but I can’t respect a woman who ‘gives it up’ too easily. I don’t think that we’ll be together for too long. It’s hard for me to want to develop a relationship if I’ve already gotten the most sacred thing she has…what’s left?

7.     Why do some guys place so much emphasis on being physical then? Because that’s what we are being taught. From a conscious and sub-conscious level it’s always being shown to us- being placed in our minds. In the media, our friends, even many parents are accepting now and just remind you to use protection when you do it…not if.

8.     What do you think is a confident woman? What qualities attract you to a woman? I like a woman who has a spiritual knowledge of God, who is hard working, ambitious and attractive. I am attracted to a woman that wants to be guided by me (emotionally, spiritually, and physically). I want a woman that wants me to take care of her, but I also want her (to want) to take care of me.

9.     Do you have any regrets about your past? I honestly wish I would’ve never had sex. Religion hasn’t played a part of that regret per say…I have just always had an empty feeling in my heart after having sex…a void. It’s like a drug- I like the feeling of it, but after it’s done I’m just empty like “man I just did it again”.

10. Why do you think that so many women struggle with low self-esteem & the need to be accepted? Society. If you aren’t following the crowd or being a part of the norm, then people have a hard time accepting you…There is nothing wrong with being different though. Some of the most successful people -the one’s we read about in the history books- dared to be different and didn’t follow the crowd.

11. What is beautiful about a woman to you? When she takes pride in herself, her beauty radiates… and you can tell when a woman takes care of herself. I also find it attractive when she wants to take care of her man. I know that God will always be first, but I want to be second.

12.  Earlier, you said that you were single. What would a romantic/typical date be like with you? Yeah, I’m single but I’m waiting for the right woman to come along. A typical date- I want to wine & dine my Queen. I love doing spontaneous things. I am very adventurous & love trying new things. I would probably call over a chef and have him/her whip up something nice while we sip champagne and get to know each other. I am also really into exotic things, so I would love to take her to other cities or countries and explore the world with her.

13. What advice about sex & guys would you give to the teens and young women who visit this website? Be cautious of guys. Some guys know how to be very manipulative. If you respect yourself first, then a guy is going to respect you…If you know yourself and your beliefs, then it will be hard to manipulate you.

14. Do you have anything else that you would like to add that I didn’t ask you? Again, I have always struggled with the idea of sex…having sex and not wanting to have sex…but I have NEVER felt happiness with having sex with anyone afterwards.

I have always felt empty because I have never been in love, or shared that connection with anyone… the physical connection of being in love I guess.

I truly believe that God created sex for a husband and wife who are in love with one another, and want to share that physical bond…I don’t think that the two were intended to be separated. I still believe that if you do it without the three aspects together (the spiritual, mental, and physical) that you will be empty inside…like I have been many times.

Cherish your body women; you are worth it.