The Love Yourself Campaign Starts Tomorrow!

The entire month of February join me in celebrating yourself!!!
Either visit the website or leave a comment on the Facebook Fan Page telling yourself one thing a day that you love about yourself. Do it because you are worth it!!! (And you deserve to hear it)!

You Are Invited!


The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

So this month’s Male Perspective Interview comes from non other than Mr. Irish. (In tribute to his red hair and every thing else that makes him fabulous)!
I have known him for almost two years now, and there are three words that immediately come to mind when considering his character and personality. (Ya’ll know I like to paint a picture [of the person] before I show you the photo…or in this case his perspective).
So the three traits that I think define him best are: reliable, knowledgeable, and considerate. He’s the kind of guy that I know without a shadow of a doubt that if someone is in need of anything, without hesitation he will try to help or assist that person in any way that he can, if there is something that he can do.
And since I’m explaining things, I’ll just quickly point out that one of my favorite things about doing these types of interviews and asking the questions that I ask is that I get to learn about, and share with you all, a variety of different male perspectives from individual viewpoints.
All guys are not alike and they don’t all think the same. While occasionally there are some answers that might make me blush or I might give the side eye to (like for real?!?!), I don’t change what the guy says because I want to be true to his word and authentic to you. More important than anything else though, I want to show the diversity amongst guys.
Try not to ever settle, and wait for the one who is inline with your principles and beliefs…you are worth it.

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

1.      What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend/wife? Are they the same?
For the most part, I look for the same things in a girlfriend that I do in a wife. I look for compatibility and trust. I look for someone I can enjoy my life with, someone I trust, and someone I feel comfortable with physically and emotionally. Physical attraction does play a part initially, but beyond that it has to be someone I feel connected to. I want someone who makes me laugh a lot. I want someone who I can look forward to having a long conversation with everyday for the rest of my life. I want someone confident and comfortable with who she is and someone who believes me when I tell her she is beautiful. The only difference that I look for in a wife is that I want someone who gets along well with my family. 
2.      Why didn’t your last relationship work?
Love is inconvenient. My last real functional relationship didn’t work because we were both on separate paths. At points of transition, I think relationships are at their most vulnerable. It takes a huge sacrifice by someone to make it work. In my case, it was graduate school that got in the way. My girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to graduate school. We were in a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance was difficult and eventually she called me up and said that it wasn’t working and that our lives were just on different paths. I was hurt, but I knew it was true.

3.     What do you think is true love?
To me, true love is when two people know each other completely, know each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and still love each other; trusting each other and feeling as if they have found something worth fighting and sacrificing for. It doesn’t quit when things are difficult or when disagreements arise. It forgives and doesn’t hold grudges. True love is mutual and in a relationship with true love I think the two partners are of equal influence.

4.      What is your opinion on sex before marriage?
As a man growing up in the culture I did, I thought sex before marriage was a necessity for a relationship to work. I thought that we should know each other fully before we got married, which included knowing each other physically. Now that I am a bit older and have been exposed to different ideas, I can understand waiting till marriage, but I think this would require extraordinary trust in the individual that you are marrying. I am open to the idea of waiting till marriage, but also quite scared when it comes to the sexual desires of my wife. I would definitely want to talk openly and thoroughly about sex with anyone before I actually committed to marriage.

5.     Do you wish you would have waited?
I had a bad first experience. Some people think that men cannot have a bad experience with sex, but for most, I think regardless of your sex or gender, there is a certain amount of emotion involved in sex, especially your first time. For me, I was in love with a woman who didn’t feel the same way. We had an uncommitted relationship before this, in which she didn't treat me very well.

Being foolish, I continued this relationship out of hope that her feelings would change and eventually I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin. After we had sex, she told me immediately that she regretted it and that she had done it out of frustration with another man. She then left within 5 minutes of it being over, leaving me feeling terrible about the whole situation. I had waited quite a long time to find someone I could trust, but alas I chose the wrong one. I wouldn’t say I wish I would have waited till marriage, but I definitely wish I had waited at least a little longer for the right someone.

6.     What is the best piece of dating advice that you have ever heard?
Learn how to disagree with each other. Most things in a relationship will come naturally once you love and trust each other, but arguments and disagreements, which are inevitable, are like relationship poison if you cannot handle them correctly and equally.

7.       What is one thing that you wish more girls knew or understood about guys (in general)? One thing I really wish girls knew about guys is that we are blind and our conversations amongst each other are direct. We frequently miss hints and suggestions given by girls. Be direct with us. If there is something you think, feel, want or don’t want, do not wait for us to find out. Tell us.
One thing I wish female friends and family knew is that when we are courting, many men are extraordinarily nice and then when the courting period is over, they change. Before you commit to sex or marriage with a man, first be sure it is what YOU want and secondly be sure he is honestly a good person that you can trust. This usually means testing his patience, making him wait and making things difficult for him. This is a necessary exception to the previous statement. I say this, because I know many men that have been dishonest and many women who have been fooled. If you were my sister, I would say be on guard in the beginning of a relationship.  
8.      What is one thing that some guys do in a relationship that you think might make the relationship better if they DID NOT do it?
I think many guys avoid confrontation. When there is a problem, we tend to avoid it. Men are awful when it comes to this. Many times women have to drag the issues out of us. I think that our relationships would be much healthier if we had conversations about the things that bothered us and the things that were going wrong in the relationship rather than avoiding the issues or procrastinating arguments.
9.      How do you feel about weave, makeup, and/or plastic surgery?
Make up is nice for pictures, but I think a natural face is beautiful. That being said, in my opinion women and men should go ahead and wear whatever clothes, makeup, weaves, wigs, tattoos, piercings or whatever else they would like to make themselves feel more confident or more like themselves at work and around town. However, at the end of the day I, and I think most men, want to see your natural beauty shine through. In that sense, I’ve always kind of liked make up. Not because the makeup made my girlfriend look beautiful, but because for me she took her makeup off. That somehow made me feel special and to me she was more beautiful without it and our time alone together was somehow more personal and real.
Plastic surgery, on the other hand, I don’t agree with except for medical reasons and in cases that would be helpful for your general happiness and well-being, such as for cleft lips and other similar procedures.
10.   For the entire month of February, I am running a “Love Yourself” campaign. What would you say to the woman who is suffering from low self-esteem or feels as though she doesn’t measure up? (Think as if you were talking to your sister).
Almost universally I can honestly say that whoever you are, you are more beautiful, more intelligent, and more interesting than you think you are. Somehow society turns us into our greatest critics, asking us to constantly compare ourselves to celebrities and those around us. But no matter what you think, I can promise you this; through most other peoples eyes you are much more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than you think you are. Someone may try to make you believe otherwise, but I hope that you are not gullible enough to believe those who would do that. Their hearts are cold and their eyes are tainted.

Be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic! Confidence shines through in every aspect of life. Your career, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, and all other interactions will improve when you learn to love yourself. This is the truth that somehow gets overshadowed by the superficial popular culture thrust upon us worldwide; confidence is the most attractive way to use everything that God gave you. So-called beautiful women, and men for that matter, may be able to make people turn their heads, but its confident people that attract the most attention. When it comes to finding girlfriends and wives, most men who have any sense at all tend to look beyond the superficial for things like confidence, a lifetime of conversations and laughs, and potential for success in life. I can only imagine smart women are looking for something similar in men.  

***P.S. Join me in the “Love Yourself” campaign…As Mr. Irish stated, “be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic”! Love Yourself…You Are Worth It!!***

Moment of Truth: Are You Your Greatest Fear?

Don’t let fear keep you from reaching your potential. If you believe that you can do something, you can do it. Don’t allow doubt or fear to tell you otherwise. Believe in yourself...You Are Worth It.



Monologue Monday: Blogging While Single and 30

I am so excited about today’s Monologue Monday’s guest blogger!
Her name is Jessie, and she’s the creator of the site Blogging While Single and 30. She’s also extremely nice and very kindhearted. I stumbled upon her site a while ago, and I was instantly drawn into her personality and her story telling abilities. After stalking checking out her site for a while, I finally decided to just ask her if she would mind sharing her story here and she happily obliged. (Needless to say I was over the moon, but that’s just because she’s so fabulous!)
Anyway, enough of me trying to tell you about her…. I tend to ramble from time to time…sorry about thatJ…. but her site and her story speak for themselves.
I will add one more thing though…when I told her how thankful I was for her sharing her personal story with us she simply stated “My testimony is not for my journal. It’s for the world”. She even shared a personal poem that she wrote in hopes that it might speak to someone else who might be going through the some of the same things. If that’s not one of the most selfless and compassionate attitudes, I don’t know what is!
(You should really check out her site… if you haven’t done so already!!!)

Here is her story in her own words:


***Disclaimer*** This poem was written when I was a teenager. This was my view at that time.
November was the month it came,
All the temptation; all the pain
Nights so lovely; nights so sweet
Days so dark; soul so week
November was the month it came,
Shattered my heart; made tears of vain
Nights sinful, full of evil
It was okay to the world, but in the Bible illegal
November was the month it was gone
Took my right; left my wrong
Night’s full of passion, nights so uncommon
Took my childishness; In its place left a woman

I lost my virginity at 16. It was Thanksgiving Day. Why that day? I wanted it to be special. Never mind that it would have been more special to wait and give myself to my husband. In my mind, he was going to be my husband. In my mind, we were going to live happily ever after. In my mind, I had found the one! Hmmmm, not so much. That same person that said he loved me to the moon and back cheated on me, had a baby by someone else, hit me, talked bad to me, and so on and so on. It was hard for me to grasp or understand what love truly was. What it truly meant and what it felt like.
Fast forward to now. I know how it feels to be truly loved. God has shown so much grace over the years. He’s allowed me to excel at my job, serve in ministry, and walk in my purpose. That’s love. No matter what I’ve done in the past; He keeps loving me. Through the love He’s shown, I’ve learned to love myself. I’ve learned to respect myself. I’ve learned to not let hurt or shame hinder me. I was able to move on from November and enjoy new seasons.


***P.S. Friday, 1 February 2013, starts our “Love Yourself” campaign. Please stop by and join in on the fun. Celebrate yourself!!!


Weekend Ramblings

Just got done with another male’s perspective interview; it was a blast…you seriously won’t want to miss it! I’ll be back later in the week to post it.

In the meantime, feel free to check out Blogging While Single and 30’s Monologue Monday post on tomorrow. It will touch your heart. (I can't get enough of her site!)
Hope you have a safe and happy Sunday :)


Everything Girly

I’m not going to pretend to be a fashion guru, (even though I do love me some fierce fashions), but I told ya’ll last month that I wanted to start including some fashion posts on the site (maybe like once a month or so).
For me, expressing myself through my clothing is something that I really enjoy doing, so I felt like that was a part of me that was missing from this site. (Even though I may come across as a bit serious in some of the things that I write, I’m really a kid at heart…who loves laughing, playing dress up, and having a good time)!
I think I might have mentioned this before as well, but I'm also a BIG saver. I would rather put money away for emergencies, savings, or those moments when I need to treat myself to something extra special, than I would enjoy making random purchases or buying a bunch of stuff just because.
That said, recently I decided that my wardrobe is in SERIOUS NEED of an update. Not in the ‘I’m still wearing stuff from the 90’s and early 00’s’, not that anything is wrong with that, but more so in the ‘I want to buy more classic pieces that I may have to spend a little more money on but will last longer and I will get more use out of’.
So in classic me form, I've been trying to save money on the side for my anticipated upcoming shopping extravaganza (I’m thinking this will happen sometime around July or August).
In the meantime, I have been creating a list of everything that I'm going to need. (I’m literally going to get rid of EVERYTHING that is in my closet at the moment. Me and thrift shops, or trash cans, are going to become the best of buddies). I've also been eyeing several of the styles/pieces below for inspiration and created this lookbook via Polyvore to get a feel for what I'll be searching for. (I'm really into skirts and dresses at the moment). What do you think? What is your own style like???

***P.S. I’m working on next month’s fashion post with the working title “Essential Items That Every Woman Should Have In Her Wardrobe” and for March, “How Short Is TOO Short???”
Let me know if you like these sort of posts. And if you’re wondering what does clothing and appearance have to do with dating, self-esteem, or knowing one’s worth, when you look good you feel better. Plus I just enjoy being girly! ©



1 Year Anniversary!!!!

So it’s been a year since this site was created, and I just wanted to stop by and do some quick celebrating!

Thank you to every single one of you. Whether you were just passing through and grabbing a quick glimpse, or stayed around and read a few posts, thank you for allowing me to have a part of your day. Here’s to 2013 being even greater!

Thank You J

P.S. I also changed the site’s Facebook Fan Page a bit. Check it out and let me know what you think!

Facebook Badge


Monologue Monday: Why I Created This Site…A Rare Glimpse Inside

Usually I try to keep the things that I care about the most, protected and kept personal. Many of my friends who know me know that the things I value, I keep under wraps because they are of extreme importance to me and I don’t want to expose them by bringing them under public opinion or scrutiny. This can be anything from my dreams and aspirations, to my friendships and relationships.

So if I’m such a private person, why would I create this site and start working on so many projects supporting the premises behind Virgin Monologuez?
The simple answer is because my life isn’t just about me.
If the possibility of opening up about my past and journeying with you all through my present encourages someone else, then knowing that I have made a difference in even just one person’s life means more to me than keeping things that I care about private.
Up until this point in my life I have remained single for a number of reasons including but not limited to the guy not being right for me, me not being ready to be in a relationship, or wanting to focus more on pursuing my dreams and passions (which included traveling the world and being away from home a lot). So in an effort not to be selfish, I put the possibility of being in a relationship on hold.
At some point over the past year though, I realized that I’m ready. I have gone through some things, I have matured and learned how to persevere, I have excelled in the gifts and talents that I have been blessed with, and most importantly, I have learned how to love.
I have learned how to love myself (despite my flaws and shortcomings), I have learned how to love others (whether I agree with their ideas or enjoy their company or not), and I have continued to learn how to love and trust in God.
But my reasoning for creating this site isn’t just because I’m ready for everything that life is bringing my way. The more important reason, and the reason that drives and fuels me daily as it pertains to this site, is to let other girls know that they are not alone.
I want my story to be a testament about waiting and being rewarded. I want it to be a form of encouragement that demonstrates how when you wait on God, He will give you the desires of your heart.
The choice that I have made, to remain a virgin until marriage, has not been the easiest or the most popular decision. I have been ridiculed, people have wondered if something was wrong with me, and I myself have questioned how long must I wait, (even though I have never questioned my decision to wait; I know without a doubt that this has been the best decision of my life).
That said, I didn’t want to get into a relationship and then start telling others that “it’s going to work out for them” or “you will meet the right One, one day”.
No, I wanted to encourage you all and myself while I am going through the process. To remind you that you aren’t alone, but that the story doesn’t end here. And to demonstrate that you can have a happy and fulfilling life whether you are single or are in a relationship…. that other people don’t define you, they only enhance who you are.
It is my firm belief that most anyone can say positive things or give words of encouragement while everything is going their way or things are happening for them as they hoped they would, but how many people try to be positive and optimistic when they don’t know the outcome to their story or they are overwhelmed with more questions than answers?
I want to be one of those people. I want to celebrate and be happy when things are happening as I desire them to, and I also want to rejoice and be happy when I don’t know how it’s going to happen, I just know that it will.
In short, I created this site and continue to share with you all a piece of who I am because I wanted my journey (the ups and the times that I am going through…the tears and the joy), to bring someone else hope. My story isn’t just for me, but it’s to be a blessing unto others as well.
Success for me isn’t having the biggest house or the nicest car (although I do enjoy the finer things in life), but for me success is knowing that I helped someone else sleep easier at night or made a difference in someone else’s life.
 If at the end of this all, I am invited to even just one person’s wedding and she tells me that it’s because of this site or something that I said that helped her to remain focus and to keep waiting until it was her time, then I will have considered this part of my life successful.
Even though I don’t know my ending story, I still have hope and I will continue to remain focused; I just hope that I am encouraging you to do the same.
©Never stop believing©

Come Join The Fun!!!!

You Are Invited!

“Love Yourself”

When: 1 February- 28 February 2013

Why: To celebrate who you are, embracing and loving every aspect about yourself. Even with flaws and shortcomings you are still a great person.

What: Write about anything at all that you love about yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone else may think or what they have to say about it. This is why you love yourself. So whether it’s something physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, if you love it, say it out loud! Your opinion is the only opinion that matters.

Where: Write one comment each day either on this site or on our Facebook page telling yourself something that you love about yourself. It’s only 28 days so hopefully you can think of at least 28 reasons why you love yourself.

Who: Anyone (Can be anonymous…it’s for you not me)! *If you want to keep it anonymous just click on the comment section below and sign in as anonymous*


Monologue Monday: Why Loving Yourself Matters

Recently, I wrote a post here asking ‘Do YOU Love Yourself?’ In the post I asked you all to join me in telling yourself one thing that you love about yourself everyday for the entire month of February. (You can check out the details here if you want to know more, but today I just want to focus on the why of it all).

So what’s the big deal anyway? What does it even matter if we love ourselves or not?
Loving yourself is a very big deal. How you feel about yourself impacts every other facet of your life. It influences your choices, how you allow others to treat you, whether or not you are willing to settle or to go after what you believe you deserve, and basically just every other thing about your life.
If you don’t care about and love yourself, then no amount of someone else loving and trying to validate you is going to fill the void that you are feeling. Therefore, try not to get sucked into the mentality of there being a need for something or someone else having to define you. When you know and love yourself, you define you.
The reality of life is that everyone is going to have an opinion of you. Even if their opinion is one of indifference or nonchalance, people are going to form an opinion of you based off of their own conceptions (or misconceptions).
If you don’t love yourself, or you value the approval of others more than the esteem of your own worth, then you are going to be easily swayed and disheartened as you journey through life.
Stop seeking the approval of seasonal people who have no control over your life or your well being because you feel the need to be confirmed or accepted by them. While valuable, other people’s opinion of you can’t and shouldn’t control your life. You have to love you for you.
How you think and feel about yourself matters most because you can’t escape yourself. You have to live with you forever.
Again, some of us fill the void that we feel about ourselves by seeking the attention, approval, and acceptance of others or in things.
You don’t have to continue living like this though. Even if at the moment you don’t think very highly of yourself, determine in your heart that today is a new day. You may have struggled in the past with low self-esteem or not feeling worthy, but this is a new season in your life! You are not going to spend the rest of your life living in someone else’s shadow or under the unjust opinions of others.
Learn and love yourself for who you are, flaws and all, and embrace your identity. You are going to have your days where you fall short and mess up, but guess what: you are human.
For those people who just don’t “get you”, give them a mirror and tell them to do some self-reflecting, realize that everybody is not going to like you and that’s ok. As long as you love yourself and you can lay down at night in good conscious knowing that you gave your all, then don’t worry about the opinions of others.
Here are some tips to help you love yourself even more:

©       Ignore Others- As I said earlier, everybody is not going to like you. In fact, some people don’t even have a reason for their dislike, they just don’t like you. It doesn’t make much sense, but nevertheless you can’t get caught up in the mindsets and reasoning of other people. Just because someone else doesn’t like you doesn’t mean that you can’t love yourself. If people are against you, don’t loose focus… keep doing you to the best of your ability and use their dislike as fuel to becoming a better you.

©       Learn Who You Are- If you don’t know who you are then you are going to believe what others are telling you about yourself and that’s not cool. Nobody knows you better than you do. You see the stuff that you do when no one is looking or is around, so unless someone truly knows you then don’t believe the opinions of others who catch a glimpse of your life and feel the need to label you. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the drama. Be you and your character will speak for itself.

©       Hone In On Your Strengths- We all have weaknesses. I don’t care how awesome someone else seems or how much it seems as though they have it all together, we all have our flaws and shortcomings. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, start focusing on your strengths and try to enhance those aspects of yourself.

©       Speak Positive- Your words have life. Whoever came up with the saying ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’, probably had very little encounters with real human beings. People’s words hurt. Since you can’t control what others will say, you can control how you will allow it to make you feel and how you will respond to it. I personally would respond by speaking life into my being. Everyday I try to think of something that I love about myself or something that I did well for that day, and my life has become so much better because of this mindset. (AND I strongly encourage you to join me for “LoveYourself” February).

©       Forgive- Let go of all of your past pains and disappointments and start living your life to the fullest. Forgive yourself. You have walked around carrying that heavy load for far too long. Its time to release it and to become the amazing person that you were destined to be. You can’t move forward as long as you keep reminiscing about the past. Talk about it, get it all out, and move on. If someone has hurt you, forgive them. It may not be easy (and this doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life), but it’s vital that you do so. You are worth it!

-Virgin Monologuez