Monologue Monday: Why Won’t He Treat You Right???

I am going to try to tread lightly on this subject because my intentions aren’t to offend anyone or to be insensitive to anything that anyone is going through. Rather, I thought that today’s post could be more of a self-empowerment type of read.

Essentially though, the answer to the question above is because you allow it. Maybe you don’t feel like you deserve to be treated good, or you don’t know how to go about requiring better treatment, or you have dealt with this sort of behavior for so long that it has become normal for you and thus you don’t challenge it, or a countless number of other reasons, but it is happening because you are allowing yourself to be subjected to such treatment. If you changed your standards and realized how special you are, you wouldn’t tolerate him treating you so badly because you would know your worth and that you deserve better.
You have to know how worth it you are first though. If you don’t think highly of yourself (and not in an arrogant or egotistical sort of way, but more so in a knowing your value and not settling for anything less than that kind of way), then you may allow your mind to be convinced that you are deserving of such treatment, and I don’t care who you are or what anyone has accused you of doing, no one deserves to be treated badly. Period.
Change your mindset and take back your power.
If he isn’t treating you right, walk away or distance yourself from the situation until you have figured out what is best for you. Again, no one deserves to be abused. In spite of what he may tell you, he isn’t behaving the way he is because he loves you or because it was a one time incident and he had a bad day.
No, he is treating you disrespectfully because he has no self-respect, he has no (or very little) value for women, and most importantly he needs help. He has some issues that he has to work on for himself before he can be the man that you want or desire him to be for you.
Even if you are a registered psychiatrist, you shouldn’t be working on your family or friends, so there is nothing that you can do for him but pray for him and give him distance to get himself better. If nothing else though, get out of the situation for you and your well being; you need to recover and become healthy again for you.
Ask yourself how did you get to this place and why did you allow it? What makes you think that it’s ok for a guy to disrespect you or to treat you badly?
If you have to question why he won’t treat you right, then the relationship is unstable and unhealthy. I know maybe you are apprehensive because the two of you have been together for so long, or you love him so much, or he doesn’t do it that often, but if he is treating you badly AT ALL, that does not equate love.
A man who loves you is going to celebrate you and cherish you. He is going to want to protect you and make sure that you are safe and secure; not lay a hand on you or mentally and emotionally abuse you. In short, he is going to love you and uplift you; not make you feel less than or insignificant.
Start seeing yourself as the AMAZING woman that you are, and as your mindset changes so will your standards.
Love yourself first; you are worth it.

-Virgin Monologuez

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8


I Am Grateful For

First off, Happy Thanksgiving Day!!!!
I told you in my previous post here, that I would be back later in the week to list a few of the things that I am most grateful for. So here are some of my most precious appreciations:

©      God- My life holds no meaning if God is not my purpose.

©      My Family- Outside of God Himself, the greatest gift that I have ever received is my family. Every time that I think about them I just look up and smile at God; rejoicing that He thought it so fitting to bless me to be able to associate and enjoy life with some of His greatest creations. My family is not just the wind beneath my wings, supporting me and helping me to soar; they are my sunshine in the sky helping me to see where I am going. I am so blessed to be able to know them. I love them so much!

©       My Friends- I literally pinch myself some times when I think about my friends. They are the coolest, most random, most enjoyable people that I have ever met in my life. They make me laugh, we have really good communication, there is nothing in the world that they wouldn’t do for me (and I for them), and most importantly they love me just as I am. They don’t try to make me into something that I’m not or influence me in a manner contrary to what I stand for. They love me for me, and I will always love them for that.

©       Laughter- There is nothing that I enjoy more than laughing and making the most out of life. No matter how I am feeling or what I have been faced with, laughing and thinking about something pleasant always makes me feel better. Thus, I am so thankful that I can laugh!

©       My Life, Zeal & The Ability To Express Myself- I love myself. I have been through a lot, and during this time I have learned how to love and appreciate me for who I am. I have come to accept that everyone isn’t going to like me or “get” me, and that is ok with me. In learning who I am, I have gained a joy and a peace about myself that nothing or no one can take away from me. Yeah I have problems and issues, I would be lying if I said I didn’t, but I also possess something on the inside of me that no one can ever destroy. In terms of expressing myself, I can’t contain what is irrepressible. I am passionate, and I celebrate that!

©       My Travel Experiences- I have a strong passion for traveling to different places and experiencing new cultures. In being exposed to various customs and traditions, it has allowed me to view the world in a much different, but positive light.

©       Growing Pains- If I didn’t go through what I went through, I couldn’t have become what I was meant to become. Those storms, trials, and tribulations purified and refined me and molded me into the woman that I wanted to become. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has ALWAYS been worth it.

©       This Current Waiting Period- I wish that I could say that I haven’t struggled in this area at all, but that would be a lie and ridiculously deceiving. I have cried, been angry, and felt very discouraged at the fact that I am still waiting on the person for me. But in that time, I have grown and evolved and have come to realize that if it wasn’t for my waiting period, I couldn’t have been prepped and groomed for the next phase of my life. This was never my permanent destination; it was merely a means of preparation to prepare me for what is next. This delay has not been a denial, but a self-revelation.

©       You All- Every one of you that has read something that I wrote, commented, emailed, or supported me in any way, I am tremendously grateful to you because you have encouraged me and assisted me in allowing my voice to be heard. There are tons of things that you can be doing on a daily basis besides coming to this site and checking out whatever it is that has been placed on my heart regarding various issues. In spite of this reality though, you still come and I sincerely appreciate that. All around the world I have been contacted by numerous readers and it touches my heart every single time. I don’t ever want to take anything for granted, so thank you so much J.

-Virgin Monologuez


Monologue Monday: Gratitude

Today’s Monologue Monday post has little to do with dating or relationships, but more so it’s about you and your overall well being. When you think better, you can be better and that in turn impacts every facet of your life.

While there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for Himself, my family and friends, and all that He has blessed me with, in honor of Thanksgiving this week I felt the urge to write a post about something that has had a profound impact on my life: GRATITUDE.
Learning how to be thankful for even the seemingly small things and to take nothing for granted or to feel a sense of entitlement towards anything has made me grateful for everything that I have been given. When I have plenty I am rejoicing, and even when I haven’t had much at all, I have been extremely thankful.
Even when I have been blessed with a simple glass of water, I am grateful because I realize that it is such a gift and just because I have it freely here at home, there are so many countries around the world, some of which I have visited or lived in, where even this basic necessity is not a sure thing.
Because many of us live in a society where plenty abounds, we have grown accustomed to and grown to expect a certain standard of living. And although there is nothing wrong with expecting, sometimes it makes us feel entitled to things which in turn can cause us to take for granted things that others only long for. And regardless of where you live or what privileges that you were raised with, what makes you as a person…as a human being with needs and desires just like anyone else, more deserving or more important than anyone else? The answer is simple: nothing.
You may have extreme wealth, intelligence, beauty, or a myriad of other attributes that allow you to be successful or to experience great privileges within society, but if you haven’t learned to be appreciative of what you have, whether large or small, then you are missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures: being thankful.
This week and throughout your life, as you reflect upon the things that you are grateful for, start learning how to rejoice and to have gratitude even when someone holds the door open for you or gives you a simple compliment. You will be happier, you will ooze positivity, and you will impact everyone around about you.
Life is so special, and no one owes you anything, so everything that you are given, learn to appreciate it. In short, I guess it all boils down to humility and love….To be able to have gratitude, you need to possess both of these attributes.
Humility because you realize that life itself is a gift and even though you are a very special human being, there is nothing so special about you that makes you a gift to life. And because of this truth, even the shoes on your feet (whether they are Christian Louboutin or strings tied around some cloth), you should be grateful just to have them.
Love because it is compassion and kindness at its finest.
Thus, whether you are living in a palace, or you are looking to find a home, learn to give thanks for something everyday. Even if the only thing that you can think of to give thanks for is that you are alive, be grateful that you still have breath because someone somewhere didn’t make it through the night last night.
Learn to be grateful for everything…It will literally change your life for the better.

P.S. Later on in the week I plan on coming back and sharing with you all just a few of the things that I am grateful for. In the mean time, please feel free to comment below and name something that you are grateful for. Have a good week J!

-Virgin Monologuez


A Male’s Perspective: A Frat Guy

YAY!!! It’s the weekend!!!!

Hopefully you won’t mind an interesting read while you are relaxing and trying to recoup from this past work week J.
Below you will find an interview from Mr. D…a fraternity guy turned professional who keeps it real in his own words.
Mr. D is a really candid and down to earth guy who is thoughtful, loyal, straightforward, hardworking, and extremely dedicated to anything that he commits himself to. That said, some of his answers may surprise you. (I know my mouth dropped open a few times while I was interviewing him!) But try not to form an opinion of someone based off of a single interview; he was only doing what I asked him to do, and that is to give you the reality of some fraternities.
The point of this interview isn’t to shed frat guys (or fraternities in general), in a negative or undesirable way though, because not all guys think this way. I just wanted to provide females a glimpse into how some guys perceive certain situations of circumstances.
I specifically asked him when answering these questions to not just consider his own opinion and perspective, but to consider the viewpoints of his line brothers, fraternity brothers, and fraternities in general. I told him that I wanted the raw truth, so being judgmental or condemning had no place in our conversation. He allowed me to ask him anything that I could think of, and I was just grateful at his candor and openness.  When guys aren’t trying to impress you, it’s amazing what they will reveal.
So, here is the candid truth from a frat guy’s perspective…. (oh, and please let me know what you think about it below in the comment section J)….

A Male’s Perspective: A Frat Guy
1.       One of the reasons why I wanted to interview you is because of your association with your fraternity. I love providing different perspectives from males of a variety of walks of life, and I thought that it might be interesting to get a frat guy’s viewpoint. So, what was your motivation for joining the fraternity that you did? Was it for the brotherhood or for the perks (fame, recognition, sex, to get your name out there, etc.)?
My motivation started in high school. I was in a similar organization back then that was founded by a fraternity member and those efforts just transferred into my collegiate career. So that was the main reason why I joined: high school sparked my interest and since I was already a part of it then it just made my decision easier once I arrived to college. It wasn’t for the perks though, because I really didn’t even know the perks of being associated with a fraternity until I was in it. And to be honest, the only thing that is really guaranteed about a fraternity is the connections; the girls, fame and any recognition that you may receive isn’t really guaranteed, because at the end of the day it is about the individual and not the fraternity. If a girl doesn’t like you as a person, she just isn’t going to like you…regardless of your association. Yeah, there are some girls who are groupies and loyal to certain fraternities and that might gain their attention, but the individual is what keeps it and if she isn’t interested in you (as a person) she just isn’t interested.

2.       What’s your take on how some frat guys interact with females, especially at parties?

When it comes to parties and stuff most of the guys in my fraternity are looking for a one night stand or something that could possibly lead to sex. In some cases they might not necessarily be expecting a one night stand, but they are planting a seed so that something may happen in the future. Obviously this is a generalization, but it is more common than not.

But our parties are not just about sex. It’s also a business. The more we can entertain and get people to come to our parties (and pay), the more money that we make and business comes first. People come to party with us and to see us act a fool, so it’s not all about sex and being physical.

3.       What kind of girls do you target or what type of girls comes to these parties?

To be honest, money’s only face is a dead president, so we target them all when it comes to getting females to pay to come to our parties. Wait…I thought you all let girls in for free? It depends on what type of party it is. A lot of them we let in for free before a certain time, or we have a ladies appreciation night (where its 2 for the price of 1), but we aren’t going to let them in for free all night because then we would be loosing money. When it comes to parties, it’s all about money.

The typical female at one of our parties is dressing to grab our attention, but that’s not just our party, that is any party that a female goes to. We do have themed parties where things can get out of hand sometimes (i.e. you have to show a certain feature or article of clothing- whatever the theme of the party is- in order to get in to the party free for that night), but to keep it honest, women come and they allow it. Sex sells, and we make money off of it. If they changed their standards then we would alter ours, but at the end of the night, a diverse range of women from all walks of life come to the parties that we throw.

4.       From your experiences and what you have seen, are college frat guys (who have just pledged) looking for serious relationships or are they just trying to have a good time? What is (generally) their mindset?

In terms of their mindset, there are a bunch of different brahs and they all have different opinions about relationships, women, and being serious. I can’t really generalize it, but I can say this: for many of the newcomers, (line brothers who have just pledged), they are usually looking to explore their options. Since everything is new and exciting for them, and now for some of them it seems like girls are paying them more attention then they previously did, they aren’t really trying to settle down….they just want to see what all the fraternity has to offer.

Overall though, it just depends on what state of mind the person is in. Some are just trying to have a good time and some aren’t.  That has nothing to do with being in a fraternity that has to do with being an individual. Some guys want to get serious and some don’t; it’s on an individual basis.

5.      When you are in a relationship with someone, do you think that it is ok to look at other females? Have you done it?

No, it’s not ok if you are going to act on it, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking as long as I’m not making it awkward and uncomfortable for my girl. In my opinion, it’s normal to look…just don’t touch.

6.       If a girl makes you wait (physically), do you loose interest in her?

No. When a girl makes you wait, it usually makes you like her more. Plus nowadays we live in a society where there are so many different diseases and viruses that if she is giving it up that easy, you start to thinking something just might not be right. On a serious note though, if she makes you wait that demonstrates that what she has she values…everybody can’t get it. She’s not like everybody else, and that makes you want her more.

7.       How can a female tell if a guy is genuinely interested in her?

That’s tricky… these days it can be difficult to tell if people are being genuine or not. Just because someone looks and acts nice, doesn’t mean that they are good for you. I could look and dress nice and have good intentions, and then you could look at the guy next to me and he can look just as appealing, but his intentions are bad. So even though appearance matters, we shouldn’t base our opinions of someone based solely off of how they look.

You can’t really tell if a person is interested in you until you get to know that person, which is why I think it really is better to wait to become physically intimate with someone. Otherwise you might get played, and what you thought was a nice person really only wanted you for this or that…. Time reveals all things.

8.       Many women seem to struggle with the pressures that society places on them to be perfect. They seem to always compare themselves to other females. Do you/guys care about that stuff?

Not to the extent that most girls judge themselves on. Most guys don’t discriminate: big, tall, short, small, it really doesn’t make a difference how she compares to other women; as long as she likes herself and I like her…our opinions are the only two opinions that matter. That said, appearance does matter though.

I’m not expecting a high maintenance female and she doesn’t have to be wearing all those weaves and extensions, but I do want her hair to be combed. And when it comes to weave and stuff, if you have had it in for a long time and it starts to stink, wash it. It might look nice or even half way decent, but it smells bad. Take care of that. But I personally think that girls who are natural are very beautiful. You can’t go wrong with being who you were created to be, and that goes for women of all ethnicities and backgrounds. It may be the most difficult, but it really does look better than weave. Anybody can get that straight silky look.

Overall, I just want the woman that I am with to take care of herself. If she is wearing nail polish and it’s cracking, take it off. If you are going to do it, just do it right. On your toes if you have three toes that are painted, one that’s cracking and in general they just look busted, don’t wear open toe shoes or flip flops; cover them up. Also, you shouldn’t smell bad if you showered. Put in the effort to take care of yourself.

As far as clothing goes, as long as her clothes are clean and presentable that’s all I care about. The label and the name of the clothing don’t matter to me as much as it seems to for some females. It doesn’t cost much for a female to look beautiful, they can make anything look good. Just take pride in how you look. You are representing yourself.

9.       What about a woman do you find most attractive?


10.   What qualities do you look for in a potential girlfriend?

Someone that I can get along with; she’s a team player, has a great sense of humor and likes to laugh… I don’t like boring females. I want someone who shares in my beliefs and is a goal oriented person who is trying to go somewhere in life. If you want to be a stay at home mom, that’s cool, just have something to bring to the table. Don’t be lazy and indolent. I want a woman who strives to make the most out of life and who will go hard after whatever it is that she wants. She has to be a fighter, with drive and determination, and who ultimately makes me a better man.

11.   Why didn’t your last relationship work?

A lack of communication. I guess I’m not really that good at expressing how I feel, so it was more me than her, but not being able to communicate effectively is the reason why things didn’t work out.  

12.   If a guy really wants to be with a girl, won’t he go after her?

It depends on the type of guy and whether he thinks she’s worth it. But there are some situations where a guy might not think that he would ever even have a chance with her, and as a result he might not put in the effort. Just because you want something doesn’t always mean that you can have it, but if you don’t think that you can have something, no matter how bad you want it, you won’t ever get it because your mindset was wrong in the first place. Change your thinking and then go after what you want.
13.    What do you think about girls who approach you first if they are interested in you?

They know what they want….there’s nothing wrong with going after what you want.  It doesn’t turn me off. We live in a society where anything is possible. Again, I see nothing wrong with going after what you want.

14.   What do you think are the three most important components for a successful relationship?

-       Being friends first: This let’s you know that the person likes you for you, and there was nothing but friendship there first. If you aren’t friends with the person that you are in a relationship with, how do you expect them to talk to you or share stuff with you. You need that foundation first before you move forward.

-        Trust: You can’t have anything without trust.

-        Happiness: This is what’s going to keep the two of you together. If you aren’t happy then it’s not going to work for too long.


-Virgin Monologuez


Monologue Monday: Blast From The Past

Hi everyone,

How’s your Monday going so far?
So the site has gotten several new followers lately (and even a few more Facebook likes- thank you very much by the way!), and so I thought that it would be a great day to just recap the top five Monologue Monday posts which received the most reads. Below you will find a brief intro of the person (from my own perspective) and then a link to their story.
All 5 of these women are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, so I’m sure that you will enjoy each of their stories. (And there are tons more Monologue Monday posts from many more incredible women, so if you enjoy these please feel free to check out the archives section on the lower right-hand side of the screen to read the rest).

Top 5 Monologue Monday Posts

·         HeatherLindsay- If you haven’t heard of her or don’t follow her posts, you need to! She is not only a great writer, leader, and person; she keeps it real with you and tells you exactly what you need to hear…not sugar coating anything!

·         Krystal- I was so excited when I found her page and started corresponding with her! Her blog is so inspiring, and her personality is extremely kind and compassionate….I was beyond excited when she agreed to share her story. Definitely a must read!

·         AnAthlete’s Wife- She was the very first person to do a Monologue Monday post for the site, and she set it off in the direction that I was hoping for. After her posts, readers and emails started flowing in, and I will be forever grateful to her for the candidness and transparency that she provided in her piece.

·         GreaterThan The Game- She is one of my favorite guest posters! She has done a couple of posts for the site and she also is the creator of the new site “Wives in Waiting”. She is so inspirational and so caring, I really am happy any time that we get to do anything together.

·         MzNuBeginnings- Someone that I know personally, MzNuBeginnings is a woman whose walk exemplifies what she is saying. She’s honest, loyal, and makes everyone around about her happy. I’m glad to say that I know her personally J.
In addition to that, please check out the post that I wrote this weekend about beauty and feeling as though you don’t measure up. (You can check that out here).
And finally, please check back some time later in the week because we have a new Male’s Perspective Interview from the perspective of a frat guy….It’s really interesting! And I guess in the spirit of recapping, here are the top 5 Male’s Perspective Interviews. Please check them out and let me know what you think.
Top 5 Male’s Perspective Posts

P.S. If you have any questions that you want answered or any suggestion topics for new posts, please feel free to comment below. Have a good week J

-Virgin Monologuez


What Is Beauty?

Why do we hate on each other? What does another person’s success have to do with our own? Why do we dislike someone else because they are attractive, wealthy, have a family, or for whatever other reasons that seem to make sense in our heads?

We have no idea what they go home to at night or how their “ideal life” might not be that ideal at a deeper glance. But even if it is a good situation, and they really are blessed and walking in favor, why does that bother us?
Why are we secretly envious or disheartened that its not us? Why can’t we come together and love each other as a group of women? We are all beautiful in our own rights. We each have something unique and incredible to offer the world; we are all special and worthy.
In spite of this truth, we have allowed “society” to tell us that if we looked liked, acted liked, or were so and so, then we would be more successful or possibly have a better life. Who are other people to tear you down or make you feel less than you are worth?
Before you read any further, I sincerely want you to grasp how special you are because it’s going to change your life. When you take away the comparisons and don’t have to measure up to someone else’s standards, you are left with you and you are enough. You are AMAZING!
The moment that we allowed our standard of beauty to be defined by an unrealistic image of an airbrushed simulation of a woman, the moment that we set a bar for ourselves that was out of reach. We can’t celebrate our own beauty, because we have been told so many times what beauty should look like and we look different than that….Of course we look different than that.
We are individuals who form a collective group of people, and normality is only normal because a wider range of people share some of the same characteristics. Just because a group of people look alike, and you don’t fit into that image doesn’t make you abnormal or unattractive, it makes them general and typical.
You weren’t created to fit in though, you were created to stand out and to love yourself regardless of the physical attributes that you possess.
Don’t hate who you are, and you will find yourself beginning to love and support other people for who they are. When you love and respect yourself, you celebrate you for every aspect of who you are; your flaws and your assets.
You are beautiful.
Beauty is more than a size, body shape, or facial characteristic. Beauty is a distinctive attribute that attracts the world to you. It is your character. Your identity. Your confidence. Your attitude. Your personality.  Your intelligence. Your swagger. Beauty is you J.
What’s makes you beautiful? Your journey.
You are living life, you have experienced some things, you are ever evolving, but most importantly you are you.
Beauty is relative. No one can define that for you, but you.
Stop comparing yourself to the girl next door (whoever she is), and start celebrating you. You will never look like, act like, or be her so stop trying to do so. Be you and be you well.
Imitation is not flattering; it’s robbing you of your identity.
What does your life amount to if you have lived it trying to fill someone else’s shoes or emulate their identity? In the end, your life would not have been your own, but a weak attempt at someone else’s.
Let’s stop tearing each other down and decide today that no matter what the person beside us is doing: whether she just got a huge raise, just started her own business, is always getting complimented on her appearance, or whatever else, that we will put the strife and feeling of not measuring up aside, and love her.
Just because she is living her dreams, doesn’t mean that you can’t live yours. The two can coexist, but it starts with you taking your eyes off of her, and looking at and loving yourself.
We will no longer compare ourselves to one another, but we will love each other for our differences and our unique experiences. What a bland world it would be if everyone looked, acted, and dressed the same.
You are beautiful. You are an individual. Love yourself.

-Virgin Monologuez