Monologue Monday: 10 Reasons Why I’m Waiting

I guess this is a personal topic, but if you are curious about things like I was when I was a teen (and still am sometimesJ), then you want to know why someone should wait.

I’m not trying to force my ideas on you though; ultimately I think that this is a decision that you have to make for yourself (especially if you are going to stick with it). I just think that it would be helpful if someone else shared their reasons for waiting, and then maybe you can create your own list to remind you why you should too.

So here goes my reasoning behind my decision:

1.      I only want to give myself to one man, and to him only for the rest of my life- My ex says that sounds boring- THAT’S WHY HE’S MY EX!!! Seriously, I can think of nothing more precious than meeting my husband, him finding out that I saved myself for him and only him, and giving myself to him only for the rest of my life. Call me a romantic but…

2.      I don’t want the drama, ties, and confusion- EMOTIONS… Once you sleep with someone, you are giving him a piece of yourself not just physically, but emotionally too. I have heard of countless situations were someone was just doing the “no-strings attached” thing or “friends with benefits”, and all too quickly emotions and feelings naturally get involved, and it potentially ruins relationships.

3.      I want to get to know someone first before I allow my emotions and desires get in the way- Being intimate with people changes things. It changes you...I would rather just learn a person and see if I really LIKE him- his personality, habits, values, beliefs and so forth- before I allow him to have my heart.

4.      I want to set an example- Everybody is NOT doing it. Despite all of the negativity that the media portrays, and society reiterates, everybody is not just going around sleeping with each other. While this may happen a lot, it doesn’t happen for everyone. There are some people who are choosing to wait or to practice abstinence, and that decision is ok. I want those who are making that stance to know they are not alone. For all the tweens and teens out there who are trying to decide what the right move is for them, I have been there, been mocked and ridiculed for my decisions, and now as a 20 something female, I am proud to say I still am happy that I said no.

5.      I choose to- This seems simple enough, but I feel like if I hadn’t had made the decision before I started dating and getting into relationships, then I probably would have been up for whatever. This is a serious decision, so it’s not just something that should be decided in the heat of things. I thought about my values and what kind of relationship I ultimately wanted, and I am living my life accordingly. I’m waiting because I thought about it, I made a decision, and I am re-choosing to everyday. It’s as simple and as complex as a choice.

6.      I don’t want to be a statistic- I have already shared the story of my father dying of a heart attack when I was younger; so I was raised by a single mother. I don’t want to succumb to the tags that society places on children who grew up in single parent homes. You can be anything you want to be in life- always believe that.

7.      STDs and AIDs are real- True story: I was once talking to a girl, and she had just found out that her boyfriend gave her a STD. Know what she says: “I’m just glad it’s the kind that will clear up with a pill…I wish he wouldn’t do this too me’. What?!? Do you know how precious you and your body are? Why risk it? And if a guy is continuing to give you any type of disease, he’s not the one- FOR REAL.

8.      My body is precious and I don’t want to give it to just ANYBODY- It’s just not going to happen. I have witnessed too many drive-by relationships that leave either one or both parties feeling miserable and empty, and I just don’t want that. I realize how special I am and how important my body is, and I’m not about to share that with just anybody….(and he’s an “anybody” if we aren’t married).

9.      I haven’t met the right person yet- I value myself (not in a conceited way, but in a I know my worth humble kind of way). I don’t want to prematurely give my mind, body and soul to someone else just because I was impatient. I trust God and His timing, and when the time is right, I think things will fall into place. I’m not going to try to push/rush thing. At the moment I’m just enjoying living life, learning about myself, and exploring the world. Life is good.

10.  I’m a Christian, and I think that it’s the will of God- This is probably the most important reason why I am choosing to wait. I can’t pretend that on my own I would be so moral and good. The truth is that my faith and my religion are the foundation for my morals and principals. I am NOT good on my own. I fail, I sin, and I make mistakes…but I always try to search the Bible and find out what God says about this life that He has created. In doing so, I learned as a young child (with the help of my mom J), that saving oneself until marriage can be a beautiful experience…and I always wanted to experience that. I genuinely believe that it’s God’s will for sex to be shared between a husband and wife. I just believe that’s the way it was meant to be….

What Do You Think???

Life is so much more beautiful when you smile and think positive thoughtsJ

Yes, I’m one of those optimistic types! But I also really believe that your outlook on your circumstances, situations, and life in general, really impact your overall happiness and appreciation for things; it all depends on your attitude.

Before I left the country for holiday I was dealing with a lot of negativity and it was impacting my mindset, my emotions, and my general well being. I was surrounded by pessimistic people who didn’t know the power of words, and instead of distancing myself from them (because I didn’t want to appear mean or offend anyone), I just kind of went with it and slowly but surely my own usually positive perspective begin to alter.

Which brings me to some realities that I have learned over the past few weeks about mindsets, attitudes, and perspectives:

·         Negativity Breeds Negativity- No matter how much of a positive person you are, if you are surrounded by negative people for long enough, they are going to influence the manner in which you think about things. In short, just be careful who you surround yourself with.

·         Change Your Mindset- I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but the mind is a powerful thing. Making the decision to change the way in which you think about things can be the difference between a happy and fulfilling life vs. a life of defeat, pain, and low-self esteem. Know your worth, think positive thoughts, and chase after your dreams.

I always remind myself that this is not a trial run of life…I’m actually living it and I can’t go back later and change things. I need to make every moment count, and strive to be the person that I want to be each and every day of my life. I don’t want to look back over my life later and wish that I would have done something or realize that I was living someone else’s dream. This is my time and I am going to make the most of it!

Likewise, this is your life, your moment…you can be anything that you want to be. Believe in yourself, make realistic goals, and go after it!!! If you believe it, you really can achieve it ~ it’s all in your mind. If you win the battle of negative thoughts over your mind, than you have basically won the battle, so change your mindset!

·       Surround Yourself With Positive, Like Minded People- This kind of relates to my first point, but it is important enough to have its own bullet point. If you always have these really cool or creative ideas, and your friends or family are always like ‘well I don’t know about that’, or ‘I’m not sure if that’s possible’, or  ‘maybe you should try something else…maybe that’s a little too hard’, or whatever else people say to others to try to impart their own ideas onto them... Don’t worry about what other people say.

Surround yourself with people who share your vision, who genuinely want the best for you, and who aren’t going to become envious or jealous when you do succeed (because you ARE going to succeed), but will really be happy for you.

You are only as limited as your ideas and imaginations. Don’t allow someone else to impose limitations on you because they don’t think you can do something. What do you think??? I think it’s great to get the opinions of others, and to be realistic about your dreams and objectives, but at the end of it all you don’t want to find yourself saying “I wish I would have tried that…”. Go after your dreams, and don’t let anyone stop you…including yourself. Put your mind to, continue to think positive thoughts, and try your best. The outcome may surprise you and bring your naysayers to silence.

·         Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself- It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to fall down; we all do it (I promise J). Just GET BACK UP AGAIN. Don’t stay in that place. Tell yourself ‘ok, maybe that didn’t work out but maybe I can try it this way’ or ‘this might be a better way of doing that’.

·       Take Some Time To Get Away & Re-evaluate Things- Pray, meditate, get away…. Do what you need to do to get to yourself, think about your goals and where you currently are, and draft up a plan of where you want to go. Sometimes there are so many people speaking and giving their opinions, and so many things impacting you, that its difficult to remember why you are doing what you are doing in the first place…Get away.

·        Rest- Turn off the computer, cell phones, tvs, (anything that’s a distraction or that takes your focus/concentration), and just rest. Allow your mind, body, and spirit time to be rejuvenated and revived, and in that time seek God and get quiet.

While all of these points may not be applicable to you, try out the ones that work for you and make it happen! Don’t look back over your life with regrets or wishing that you would have done something. The only thing stopping you is you.

Along the way some things may arise, or circumstances may change, but work around them. If you really want something, nothing should be able to stop you from doing it but you…so change your mindset, and go after it.

Oh, and let me know how it goes, because I’m rooting for you J.

-Make It Happen-

P.S. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Monologue Monday post. I’m going to tell you my 10 reasons why I’m waiting…It’s going to be juicy (lol- not really but I did blush a lot some while writing it J)….

Monologue Monday: Thank You!!!

I know that I’m late in posting this, but I have been away on holiday for the past three weeks. I’m back now though…so better late than never right?!?!

Anywho, I recently received a note from one of our young readers who wanted to say thank you for this site, and to all of the women who have contributed to it. It was so heartwarming and so encouraging that I thought that it needed to be shared with all of you. (I have omitted the name though).

To all of the women who have guest blogged with me, thank you for helping me to make a difference. You women are phenomenal and without you this site would not be what it is. As you will see below, your stories are impacting people in a powerful way, so thanks so much!

And to the young one that wrote this, you put the biggest smile on my face. Thanks for encouraging ME!!! J

Without further ado, here is the most recent letter I received:

Hi Virgin Monologuez,

I just wanted to send you a quick thank you letter to let you know how much of an inspiration that your site has been to me. I am a teenager, and to hear some of the stories that many of the women on your site have written has really helped to open my eyes to a lot of things.

Like many young women my age, I have enjoyed my share of reality tv and mass media in general. At one point I was completely addicted and intrigued by the lifestyle of being glamorous, dating multiple guys, doing the “no strings attached thing”, and acting nonchalant about it all. (It was all around me, so it seemed like the cool, natural thing to do).

I wanted to imitate the Kim Kardashians of the world, who are plastered throughout the media and admired by many... I wanted to be fabulous too.

What the media doesn’t mention however is that a good name and reputation is better than any fame or monetary possessions. Or that “reality tv” is not so real, and that behind the scenes these women have a lot of issues that impact their happiness and affect their self-worth. Or that giving yourself away to multiple guys makes you feel used, insecure, and always longing for more attention.

There is nothing beautiful or glamorous about freely giving yourself away to others, never to be able to retrieve that part of you back….they don’t mention that though…I know however because I have experienced it.

This is why I wanted to take the time to say thank you to you, your site, and to all of the women who have taken the time to share their stories with the world. I can only imagine how much courage it took for them to put themselves out there, but as a result of their openness, people like me are getting the real truth about how our actions affect every part of our lives….there is no such thing as keeping it casual or no strings attached.

So to all of you women who have stepped out to take a stance and to let the rest of us know what relationships, sex, self-esteem, and self-worth are really all about, thank you. You are the real role models.

I know it may have been difficult to just put it out there, but you have changed the mindset of at least one young woman, and that has the potential to change an entire generation.

Please keep doing what you are doing, and never stop making posts. My mindset and my decisions have changed because you ladies have been real with me.

Thank you.

I'm Back

Yay!!! I made it back safely, and I am ready to catch up with you all. I feel so rejuvenated and revived J.

Thanks for being patient with me while I was away and not abandoning my site lol!!! I know that I neglected you…SORRY!

A girl has to take a break every once in a while though, to be at her best and to give her best, so thanks for bearing with me.

Now let’s get back at it and have an AMAZING week!!!

I Have Been Away

Hi everyone!!! Sorry for the lack of posts over the last couple of weeks, but I have been on holiday abroad since the beginning of the month. I’m packing up now to head back tomorrow, so I should be back and ready to chat away by the end of the week.

I hope you all had a safe weekend and are enjoying the first day of the work week. I can’t wait to talk to you soon and catch up,

-Virgin Monologuez

P.S. Stay tuned for this week’s Monologue Monday post later on today. I received a very short but sweet thank you letter about the site and the writer wanted me to share it so that’s what I’m going to do J! Talk to you soon!

Monologue Monday: Me (Are You Willing To Make A Stand???)

Most of the posts that I have personally written for Monologue Mondays have been about my past relationships. Since I am currently single at the moment, I figured that I would have to tell my story using my previous experiences.

What I failed to recognize is that there is a story in my current state...being a 26 year old virgin who knows how to have fun and enjoy life, while still maintaining my morals and values.

This brings me to what I felt led to share with you today. As I have mentioned before, most of my adult life I have worked with young girls mentoring them about self-esteem, virginity, abstinence, respect, and many other subjects surrounding the female persona. (Even now I am volunteering with young ladies who have endured severe sexual or domestic abuse, so it’s a mission that I have decided to embrace head on).

Throughout it all, I have tried to create an open atmosphere with my girls. Nothing is off limits! I try to let them know that they can ask me anything and that I will answer it to the best of my ability.

I will never forget having a group discussion with a bunch of young ladies (between the ages of about 12-19) about relationships, self-worth, and sex, when one of the teens raised her hand and sincerely asked me: “Since you are a virgin, how can you really help me? Do you really know what I’m experiencing, and what advice can you actually give me...like have you actually been there???”

Up until this point I felt as though I was being extremely transparent with them about my relationships and past experiences. What I realized though is that I had created this perception that my lifestyle was somehow unachievable.

This could not be further from the truth... I apologized to her if I made it seem as though I was living an impossible lifestyle for ‘today’s woman’. I got off my high horse of preaching to them, and instead I walked with them.

Since then, I have let them and any other young person that I mentor know that I am no different than they are. I date, I have been in some uncompromising situations, I have had low self-esteem before, I have felt insignificant...basically just letting them know that I have gone through some of the same things that they have experienced.

The only possible difference between some of them and me is that I made the decision at a young age that I didn’t want to have sex before marriage, that I didn’t want to become a statistic, and that at some point I wanted to share my experiences with others.

This brings me to my question- would you be willing to share your story with another young girl even if it meant that you would have to do so publicly???

I have been told several times that a lot of youth groups and teens are reading my site, and they want to know what’s really up. I am doing my part and what God has laid on my heart, but my story only goes so far.

Would you be willing to share your story, your monologue, about the effects of sex before marriage on your identity, your self-worth, your relationships, your life?

Or maybe you have chosen to wait and you want to share how that decision has been for you...

Either way, someone out there is waiting to be ministered to. Your story could be the one story that could help another young person decide what’s right for them.

Someone is going to get to them (whether that’s the media, friends, or peer pressure). Maybe that someone could be you...

If you would like to share your story (whether it be anonymous or using your name- whatever you feel comfortable with), then please email me at virginmonologuez@gmail.com.

Someone is waiting for your voice to be heard...are you willing to speak?

Satan Is Out To Kill, Still, & Destroy

Over the last couple of years I have heard a phrase that has really disturbed me, and maybe I’m just naïve and don’t get it (and if that’s the case then please comment below or send me a private message), but why do people say ‘you don’t rank high enough for satan to attack you’?

I know you might be asking what does this have to do with virginity, abstinence, sex, self-esteem, and so forth, but in mind it has EVERYTHING to do with it. If satan can attack your mind (which he tries to), then he can attack your ideas about relationships, your confidence, your persona.

(Why wouldn’t he not want to attack your perspective about relationships??? Sexual immorality is the only sin in which you sin against your own body {1 Corinthians 6:18}. It’s a temple and satan wants to destroy it as well).

***Side note- know how I said that I wouldn’t make this site ALL about my faith (because I wanted to be all inclusive and not force anyone to believe anything)…well this is one of those times where I am putting my personal beliefs out there. I just feel like this is so important and I genuinely don’t get the phrase, so I wanted to talk about it***

Now back to the expression: ‘You don’t rank high enough for satan to attack you’. I personally believe that if you believe in God, live by his word, and are obedient to His commandments, then YOU RANK HIGH ENOUGH.

Satan doesn’t want ANYONE confessing the name of God…He doesn’t want anyone believing in Christ or sharing their faith with others. If you are doing these things then you are a threat to him and his mission, meaning that he is going to try to attack you (and destroy you) every chance that he gets.

The Bible says that the least shall be called the greatest, and that unless you become like a child (i.e. dependent, humble, trustworthy, teachable, and modest) then you shall not make it into Heaven {Luke 9:48 & Matthew 18:3}. If we were talking about status, do you think a child would be high enough on the ladder???

In short, whether you are the next Billy Graham/Joel Olsten/T.D. Jakes, or whether you are newly saved and have only shared Christ with one person, you do matter and you are a threat to satan. If God’s children are so precious to Him that he would go after just one lost sheep when he has millions of saved ones, then what makes someone think that for satan to be attacking you then you have to be an elite Christian (whatever that means).

Don’t take on this mindset. If you are spending time with God, sharing Him with others, and loving others as God does, then satan is not happy and he is going to try to do something about it. If he can get you to think that he’s not attacking you (because you’re not that important to him), then he can harass you without you even being suspicious of his assaults.

Know your worth. Realize your importance. If you confess the name of Christ, then Satan wants you destroyed…You not only rank high enough, you are the ultimate threat.

Are You Single??? Forget About It!!!

It’s a crazy title, I know. But the fact is that over the past several months I have heard so many people commenting on their lack of a mate, so I just thought that I would address it. (And if I’m to be honest with you, I too have been guilty of this once or twice…ok maybe three times, but no more than that I promise J).

So what I realized, and something that I think will help you if you can relate to asking the following questions: “When is it going to be my turn?” or “Why are all of my friends getting married and I’m not?” or any other similar questions, is that if these are the questions that you are repeatedly asking, then your focus is in the wrong place.

I’m not saying that I think that there is anything wrong with wondering why, but there is something wrong with allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity or to envy another person’s relationship.

Which brings me back to the title and point of this post; the best remedy for this situation is to bring your concerns to God, and then just forget about it…let that sink in for a bit…just leave it in His hands and trust that in His timing He will bring forth the man that He has set aside for you.

In the mean time, do something to help someone else out or to encourage them. Call a friend that you haven’t heard from in a while and tell them you were thinking about them, volunteer to babysit for a couple so that they can get away for a few hours, go visit an elderly person and sit and talk with them for a while. Basically, just take your mind off of you and your “problems”, and focus on someone else for a while…Change your focus.

That has been my motto and it has been so rewarding. While every once in a while satan tries to discourage me on this journey, he is always an EPIC FAIL because I realize what he is trying to do, and I refuse to allow my mind to entertain the negative thoughts. I change my mindset, think on positive things, and go out and try to make a difference in someone else’s life.

If all else fails and you still can’t stop dwelling on your lack of a mate, you can always watch the news, Snapped (crime show on Oxygen), Lifetime, or the myriad of other shows on television or on the internet that shows what can happen when one gets into a relationship that they shouldn’t be in….people are C.R.A.Z.Y.

If that’s not enough to make you want to be patient and wait on God, then you might want to rethink some things. FORREAL.

I’m not saying be paranoid, but when you try to rush things because you are lonely, envious, longing for, or desiring a relationship, and you get into a relationship that you were never supposed to be in, things can go south quick.

In short, just pray about it, forget about it (trusting God to work it out), and change your focus. Forget about yourself and your concerns, and focus on others around about you. You will be much happier, and you will have impacted someone else’s life along the way.

Have a good day ya’ll, and do something nice for someone else today J!!!

-Virgin Monologuez

Monologue Monday: Heather Lindsey

I loving looking at blog rolls, and seeing what sites my favorite bloggers like to read occasionally. I was doing just that several weeks ago when I came across Heather Lindsey’s site, (I found her through Greater Than The Game’s site), and I was instantly hooked after reading only ONE PARAGRAPH!!!!

Seriously, her words are so powerful and so relevant to everyday life that I was immediately captivated and wanted to hear more of whatever she had to say. I ran and grabbed some snacks, a blanket, and read through most of her posts. (Yes, I do have a life lol, but it was a rainy gloomy weeknight and what better way to spend the time indoors than reading something really inspiring and encouraging while enjoying your favorite snacks!!! J)

Even though we have different stories and experiences, I saw myself in some of her words and I could appreciate the authenticity, sincerity, and transparency in her messages; the wisdom and insight that she possesses, and the manner in which she manages to relate her story to her readers was mesmerizing.

 In short, I was drawn to her site because she seemingly represents every woman. Regardless of one’s background or upbringing, there is something on her site that most anyone can relate to. Whether it’s the randoms that we can’t seem to let go of, learning how to eat healthier, trying to figure out if he’s The One, or just wanting to do some soul searching and thus choosing to make a pinky promise, there is something there to pique everyone’s interest.

If you haven’t already clicked on her site by now, what are you waiting for?!?!? You are seriously missing out on an incredibly gifted, beautiful, and engaging woman of great character.

For today’s Monologue Monday post, she shares with us how being intimate with others before marriage impacted her relationships, her self-esteem, and her self-worth.

Here’s her story in her own words:

Monologue Monday: Heather Lindsey

I used to be a train wreck. When I was single, I would jump from relationship to relationship-- searching for a place to put my value. I would get into relationships with Christians and would end up frustrated and repenting with my little boyfriend as I ended up RIGHT back in the bed after church.

WHY couldn't I get free from these unhealthy relationships?

 I couldn't leave these little randoms because every time we messed around or had sex outside of marriage--I would release a hormone called Oxytocin-- or the BONDING hormone. That hormone is released during foreplay, sex, childbirth and breastfeeding-- intended to BOND you and your spouse together, or you and your child.

 You see, it's intended to bond you to your HUSBAND, WIFE OR CHILD. NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND. So I kept struggling to get out of these horrible relationships, but then I kept running back to them and sleeping with them-- hoping and praying that I would get my little needs met.

Only CHRIST can fill our many empty voids.

So as I continued to search-- I felt God tugging at my heart and pulling me towards Him. The conviction grew more and more as He began to lead me out of and continue to close a ton of relationship doors. Even when I tried with willpower to make relationships work, I kept finding myself single again and empty.

I finally got whole and cut off all of my little randoms. I got serious about my relationship with Christ and instead of depending on randoms for date night-- I would have a date night with Jesus. We would do brunch, go shopping, go out to eat or for a walk in the park. I really began to enjoy HIM.

 I started turning down dates left and right because I just knew that it wasn't my time yet, and dating someone would MESS myself up AND him.

Then, after some time-- I met my now husband. He walked by me for three years in church and within 20 minutes of speaking to each other, we just knew that we had met our one-day spouse. There was no question.

We agreed that we wouldn't kiss until our wedding day... and one year later he proposed. After a ton of more WORK and developing emotionally, 8 months later we married and its there when we kissed for the first time. It was SO worth the wait.

As a wife, I really respect my husband and desire him even more. Our marriage isn't based on sex. It's based on our beautiful relationship with Jesus Christ and trusting Him with our life. It's pretty amazing. It puts to SHAME those sorry pretend-wanna-be-play-house relationships.

 It's NEVER worth it to separate yourself from God via sin. Let God make you whole.

Since then, I've started an organization called Pinky Promise-- and it's a promise to honor God with your life and body. I'm even MORE passionate about helping people in this area where I struggled for years.

God took my mess and made it a beautiful masterpiece, and HE will do the same for you.

-Heather Lindsey

Happy Easter ~ Happy Life

He died so that you can live ~ enjoy everyday as the gift it is!

Learn To Dance In The Rain :)

I'm on Holiday

I haven’t forgotten about you!!! I’m currently on holiday abroad for the next couple of weeks, but I have a few posts lined up throughout my leave. On Monday we have a special guest for the Monologue Monday segment, so stay tuned.

Until then, be encouraged, dream big and live like there is no tomorrow. Have a good Easter weekend J

Monologue Monday: Me (Part 2)

DECSIONS…DECSIONS… To Do or Not To Do???

For those of you who haven’t read Part 1 of why my longest relationship ended, please click here first. This will be the conclusion….

And while I’m at it, I just want to say that I’m not putting myself out there just to tell you ALL of my business!

I am doing this because I hope that it can encourage and assist someone else when it comes time for them to make a decision with regards to their relationships and personal values. If you think that it’s lame or ridiculous in this day and age to save yourself until marriage then that’s ok, but this is just how I am choosing to live MY life.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.  – Song of Songs 2:7

This is the one scripture that I can’t get out of my head…I never could. Even during my past relationships, this always stuck out in my mind.

People, (more specifically my exes), always ask(ed) me do I want to be intimate with someone one day…um yes! Of course I want to, but I am not willing to play around with taking my relationships “there” with the hopes of being able to stop when/if I get uncomfortable. Why not just never take it there to begin with?

And on that note, they could never understand why I didn’t have the same desires for things that they did. Well, outside of the obvious being my beliefs and values, I never desired or took pleasure in the same things as they did because I never experienced or entertained it to begin with. You can’t desire or crave something that you have never had; likewise, you can’t know what you are missing if you never experienced it before.

For instance, I have never smoked…nor have I ever had the desire to do so. That said, I’m not sitting at my desk craving nicotine because I don’t even know what it tastes like. Put a can of Pringles or a white chocolate covered strawberry (or any yummy dessert) in front of me though, and my mouth is going to start watering!

I long for it when it’s in front of me because I have experienced it before, and I know how delicious and enjoyable it is and can be.

To get back to the story and to be concise, towards the beginning of the two year mark of our relationship, I was given a warning if you will. He told me that he was a very passionate and sensual guy, and that if I wanted to continue to be with him then I needed to make some compromises…umm yeah.

As I’m writing this now I realize how crazy that sounds, (the nerve of somebody to give me an ultimatum regarding my body), but while it was happening my heart was broken.

****Can I just throw in a little side note here: if someone that you care about is asking you to compromise your FAITH and VALUES because they don’t fit his idea of the good life, then he might not be the right one for you. There are plenty of other people in the world who will share the same beliefs and values as you do, and those are the ones that you want to associate yourself with. If you are feeling bad about the situation, trust your instincts and take that as a red flag to LEAVE!!!! ****

But back to the story, I struggled with this request for a while in my head. On the one hand, I couldn’t imagine sharing my body with someone who hadn’t put a ring on it yet…Like seriously, I just didn’t think that he or anybody else was or has been WORTH me sharing myself with him without him making a permanent commitment to me. I have seen the tears and heartache of my friends and never once have any of them said ‘I am glad that I didn’t wait’. They have however said ‘I wish I wouldn’t have done it; he wasn’t worth it’.

On the other hand, and to be fair to the guy, he was a really cool person for the most part (plus I had already spent two years of my life with him and he was talking marriage ‘one day’).

After he gave me the initial warning, mentally I questioned myself about how far was really too far for me. I didn’t want to loose myself, but at the time I also didn’t want to loose him. During this time, I realized that I shouldn’t have to compromise MY BODY to please someone else.

No matter how much I wanted to ‘make it work’, I just couldn’t allow myself to take it to certain places- I literally just couldn’t do it (not like something is wrong with me health wise and I just couldn’t do it lol, but like mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I just couldn’t do it- Just wanted to throw that out there; everything is working fine (I pray J), I just couldn’t do it though).

Let’s just say that it’s by the grace of God that the relationship ended when it did. I ended up dating him for about another year after that, but during this time I grew closer to God and further away from him. Thank God for a praying mother and good pastors, because they were always on point with what I needed to hear during that time.

God was protecting me from this guy, from myself, and for my future husband.

Instead of running towards the guy (and essentially away from my faith), I stood my ground and waited to see what happened. I guess it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we are no longer together though.

He kept his promise and broke up with me because I refused to sleep with him, and I cried my eyes out for a good while because I had just given someone THREE YEARS of my life (and been honest with him about my principles from the start), but he just couldn’t do it- he didn’t get it.

He didn’t deserve me or my body, and I am so grateful that I never gave it to him. I lost a boyfriend, but I kept my dignity, my virginity, and my values.

-Virgin Monologuez