The Male's Perspective: My Interview with K.C.

So, it’s that time again- time for a quick look into the male’s perspective. Each one of my interviews so far has been extremely fun and insightful. And while I think that we can learn from what each guy has told me, I also think that it’s important to remember that every guy is different. These interviews are just meant to shed light on how SOME men think.

That said, today you will meet K.C. (In general I want to use the guy’s name so that you feel like you know him- plus for me knowing their names just makes it that much more personal- but out of respect for K.C.’s profession - and the same goes for J.D. - they both requested that I not use their names; Leimoh said it was ok).

Now, just for a quick intro, K.C. was my high school sweetheart. I dated him longer than any other guy, and even after we stopped dating it took me a really long time to get back into the dating world (5 years to be exact but ya’ll don’t really need to know that lol J).

K.C. is a spontaneous, thoughtful, and really refined person. He has a passion for living and experiencing new things, and really enjoys the finer things in life. While we had our share of problems and sad moments, what I will never be able to take away from him is that he is compassionate and bighearted.

When he really cares about a person he spares no expense (and I’m not just talking monetarily because I’m not really into that), but he spares no expense to make sure that the person is well taken care of…guess that’s why he was able to capture my heart for as long as he did- he was kind and he really put me first. Enough bragging on him though, I’ll let you form your own opinion. Here is K.C.

The Male’s Perspective: My Interview with K.C.

So  you and I were high school sweethearts right? Yeah, we were. How long did we date? We dated for 2 years and 8 months.  So my questions for you will be geared towards the younger crowd. For all of my teenage girls- do you think that you can give them an accurate depiction of a guy’s perspective during that time? Yeah, I can definitely do that. Before we begin though, I want to ask you the same question that I have asked the other guys- why did you agree to put it all out there for the public and let me interview you? Because I agree with it. I think that what you are doing is really good and has the potential to help a lot of people. Thank you; I really do hope so. So are you ready to begin?

*Note- from this point forward in the interview everything that I said is in blue…any other color is his words, just added for emphasis*

1.     What do you think is on a guy’s mind during his teenage years?  He wants to explore and find out what’s out there. We are told all these things as we grow up, and at a certain point you just want to see for yourself.

2.     When a guy tells a girl that if she won’t have sex with him that he will leave her, is he just testing her? It depends on how much he likes her. If he doesn’t really like her that much, then nine times out of ten he’s probably just testing her. When a guy really likes a girl, then he won’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. If he doesn’t really care about her though, then he’s probably just testing her to see if she’ll sleep with him, and if she won’t he will probably eventually stop talking to her- but that just proves that he never really liked her to begin with.

On the other hand though, I believe that there are some guys who really think that being physical in a relationship is important. For them, they might just be trying to get what they feel they need. In those situations, if it doesn’t line up with your principals and beliefs, then you probably shouldn’t be talking to the guy.

3.     What did you think when I said that I didn’t want to have sex until marriage? Because we were so young, I thought you would change your mind. I honestly thought you were just saying it out of respect for living with your mom and being under her roof. I thought that once you got to college that would change.

4.     You were a virgin when we started dating right? Yeah, I was a virgin. Why did you tell me that you weren’t and do you think that lying to a girl is a common thing? I lied because I was embarrassed. I think that you asked me first, and I didn’t know if you were or not and so in case that you weren’t, I didn’t want to seem like an amateur, so I lied and said that I wasn’t. When I asked you and you said that you were though, I was like ‘dang I shouldn’t have lied’. I felt dumb. I was too embarrassed after that to tell you though, so I just went along with it.

5.     In terms of women and relationships, do you have any regrets? Nope, because I have learned from everything that I have been through. I used my experiences as learning tools. Like with you for example: even at that age, you showed me what a woman should be like. So I learned a lot.

As far as with sex, if you keep looking back then you will never move forward. I do want to say though that for a guy the potential for regret is no where near as great as it is for women. In general, women are emotional beings- sex is tied to their emotions and feelings. On top of that, they can get pregnant and just have to deal with a lot other baggage. It’s just not the same for a guy. Double standards are real.

6.     What do you think about sex before marriage? Honestly, I think it’s a reality because of the world that we live in. It’s all about expectations…sex is all that you see being displayed everywhere. It’s hard to find someone now who doesn’t expect to have sex before marriage, and to be with someone you have to be in agreement with them.

7.     How does a girl know if a guy is right for her? Find a guy that shares the same values as you. For example, if God is important to you, then find a good Christian man. If that’s not important, then don’t date someone who values that because it’s going to be constant conflict.

Also, find someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I’m just going to keep it real and say that not every woman deserves to be treated in the same way. If you act like you don’t have class, then don’t expect to be taken to exclusive settings. If a guy really cares about you though, then he’ll do everything that he can to keep you happy.

8.     What do you think about girls who dress proactive to get your attention? How I can’t take them home to meet the parents. I automatically classify them into one category: EASY.

9.     Is there a certain type of girl that you wouldn’t date or bring home to your parents? One that I know that they wouldn’t agree with. My parents have been married for a really long time, and throughout their marriage they have always been into each other. That’s what we were shown as kids, and that’s what they would look for in the relationships that we show them. If a girl isn’t all about me- like really caring and just genuinely into me- then I know that I can’t bring her home.

Also, if they are loud, disrespectful, and just generally don’t know how to act in public, then I’m not going to introduce them to my parents.

10. What type of qualities do you look for in a girlfriend? Honesty. Also, someone that compliments me and makes me smile. Who doesn’t hold back or play games- she doesn't mind expressing how she feels to me. I don’t like it when a girl really likes you but tries to hold back because she doesn’t want you to know how much she cares, or because she thinks it’s a game.

You know that... You walked right up to me and just started talking to me and let me know that you were in to me. I really liked that. It’s good for guys to make the first move, but I don’t think that there is anything wrong with a girl making the first move either though.

11. Are you single? No, I’m not. What would a romantic date be like with you? I would show up with flowers and then wait for about an hour while she finished getting ready lol. Then I would take her to a reservation only restaurant, and ask them to customize the setting to her likes and desires- (I would find all of that out before hand though, so that I can make sure that she is really catered to). Then after a beautiful dinner, I would take her for a stroll and just spend some quality time listening to her and getting to know her that much more.

12. Since we dated so young and are still friends now, what is your opinion about “puppy” love? ‘Puppy’ love is before you know what real love is. You are too young to understand love, but you just know that they make you feel a certain way. I’m not saying that ‘puppy love’ isn’t real, because we experienced it, but I just don’t think that at that age someone can understand what love takes. Love is life altering, and when you are young, you might not be ready for that.

13. Earlier this week was Valentine’s Day, what advice would you give to the teenage girls reading this about love and relationships? Valentine’s Day serves two purposes. For people that have been in relationships for a while, it’s a reminder to do something out of the ordinary. On the other hand, for those that are just beginning a relationship or for the younger crowd, then it’s a way for someone to show that they like you and to put it out there in the open.

Valentine’s Day should NOT be about sex. It should be about letting you know that you are special. If a guy shows up with some generic candy and flowers and didn’t really put much thought into, then he probably gave the same thing to more than one person.

14. Why do you think some girls put up with so much stuff from guys and keep taking them back even after they have been wronged repeatedly? Many reasons... It could be because they are from a broken home- they feel a void because they grew up with no dad to show them what a real man is, or they didn’t see that example between their own parents, so they just go off of their own experiences. Then some guys grow up in broken homes, so they don’t know how to treat a woman because they haven’t witnessed it.  

Girls allow it because they don’t know any better. They don’t know their worth... You can’t give your heart to someone who isn’t going to cherish it.

15. Before we finish, is there any more advice that you can give to the teenage girls reading this? Yeah, don’t do what you see on TV. We think that stars are to be idolized for some reason, but they have just as many problems as we do; they are just people. Being provocative isn’t the way to be. Take your time and make a guy wait. If he really likes you, then he’ll stand by you and respect you. Don’t go with what pop culture says- most of these people are NOT happy.

On top of that, when it’s time for the real guy to come along, if you’ve been just living any kind of way then he isn’t going to want you. He could be perfect for you, and really have wanted to be with you, but your mistakes might be so big that he might not want to take all that extra baggage on.

Lastly, don’t compare yourself to a man. If you want to be treated like a lady, then act like one. Double standards might not be fair, but they are real. Guys can get away with things that you can’t if you want to be considered a lady. Being fast gets you old quick.