Monologue Monday: Renee

Hi everyoneJ!

So for today’s monologue, you will meet Renee.

Renee is one of the realest, most loving people that I have ever met. She has a kind and generous spirit about her, and she is seemingly always doing something to help someone else. Sacrifice and generosity are two words that easily eximplify her character.

You don’t know her right now, but as you read her monologue and maybe even find yourself relating to her story, hopefully you will begin to love and respect a woman who so selflessly gave of herself- with the hopes of inspiring and encouraging you!

The world will never have another woman like her ya’ll- loving, compassionate, and candid- here is my friend Renee:

Monologue Monday: Renee

I would like to give you a little background on myself: I was raised in church, have volunteered my entire life, and felt the call of service on my life at the age of five. I know that sounds strange, but I have always been socially aware of things. I noticed things around me, (and still do), that others seemed to miss. I am the oldest of four children and am a college graduate.

Why am I saying all of this? Because I want you to see if you can see yourself in my story.

What tends to happen is people read a story and think "oh, that's a nice story", or "that will never be me", and then dismiss the story completely. If you are a woman, if you have a heart, then I think this is a story you should be able to identify with...

I lost my virginity at the age of 22. I was a junior in college, in a steady relationship, and had decided that the man that I was with would be my husband. I was SO into him; I really, honestly believed that I was in love.

 He never pressured me to have sex though. Quite the opposite actually- it was my idea. I just saw a wonderful future with him and no one could compare...and then we broke up seven months later.

That's how things go when you're a young adult or a teenager. That one person that you think you can't live without...will most likely eventually leave...or you will leave them. Blasphemy you say, well as my influential college professor told me: "live a little longer and you will see". It is not my job to convince you, but to simply tell my story.

Anyway, so after I moved on from the ‘man I could never live without’, I was so sure that I was not going to have sex again until I was married. I dated a few more guys and the thought of sex never even crossed my mind, but once that sexual gate is opened it is extremely hard to keep it closed.

Although, I had made a vow to be a virgin until marriage (which of course ended at 22), I made another vow (since it didn't seem possible to never have sex again), that I wouldn't have sex unless I was ‘in love’....

Yeah because God's Word says don't have sex until marriage...unless you are in love... See how we tend to rationalize things. Well it can’t be that bad if I love him right? Wrong. Love is more than emotional feelings. But I digress…

I also broke the new vow as well. I mean really, once you break one, it's really easy to NOT keep another one. Now don't get me wrong, I did date quite a lot, and I didn't have sex with each guy I dated, but there was one guy that I really liked.

I mean we just clicked. We laughed together, I met his family, the whole nine… and I just saw a wonderful future with him (do you see a pattern?).

So even though he wasn't my boyfriend, and I didn't love him, I began a sexual relationship with him. Just knowing that soon we would be an item, and then the "title" wouldn't matter.

*side bar ladies* non- relationship "relationships" are a waste of time!

Now back to the story... After months of hanging out, dating, and going to family functions and various other outings, I was still not his girlfriend. After careful examination I realized that I never would be, and ended that ‘relationship’.

A few months before my college graduation, my parents divorced. I was absolutely devastated. Even though I was an adult and I knew that there were issues, it affected me greatly to know that my family would soon be divided.

It was during that time that my view on relationships changed. I was upset with God because I prayed for him to save my family, and he hadn't. I was also upset at my parents for the timing (selfish I know), but I mean the happiest moment of my life was overshadowed by this.

Until I die, I will never forget the day my father moved out of our house. I am extremely family oriented and I was just lost.

So I decided that now I would view relationships like most of my friends- It's all about having fun...no commitments.

It was during this time that I met someone who was there to listen to all of my frustrations about my parents, and although he's not someone that I would’ve normally hung out with, I started spending all of my free time with him. And soon I found myself pregnant.

Yep, you read right. Now let’s do a time line: junior year- I lost my virginity; two months after graduation- knocked up. Yes- It happened that quickly for me.

Now yes there are people who have sex for years and years, and you never see them with a baby, or hear about them getting a disease. But let me tell you something: after I became pregnant, you wouldn't believe how many other women came to me and told me about the abortions they had. True they didn't have a child now, but they had been pregnant before.

I myself contemplated the big "A", even though it was against everything I believed.

I was scared, embarrassed, and most of all, the dad was not super excited or supportive. I found myself in a situation. One I thought I would never tell ANYONE about.

But I had some close friends that I trusted, *side bar if you have a support system, even if you don't, find someone to talk to*, who I was able to talk to without being judged. And express all my fears, and cry, and do all the things that I had hid inside.

I wanted this baby more than anything, but I wasn't quite sure how to do this...as a single mom.

I decided to turn back to God, who I hadn't spoken with almost the entire time that I was with the guy. I asked for forgiveness and really started to pick back up the pieces.

I was blessed with a healthy baby boy, who is the absolute light of my worldJ. I actually look back and laugh at how scared I was, because being his mom seems so natural.

I never thought I would be a single mom. I always saw myself married with children. But no matter how cautious you are, there's always that chance of pregnancy...or worse- disease.

I am not perfect by any means, but I have gotten back on track and have kept my vow of celibacy. It is possible ladies. I am not saying it's easy, and I understand those who disagree with my decision, but I don't want to risk being in this situation again.

I love my son more than life itself, but a whole family is something that I can't give him with his biological father. And that's ultimately what I want.

I know my story is super long and you might not have read this far, but if you have please consider this:

When the lust has long gone from your eyes, will you actually want to raise a child with the person you are having sex with? If not,I would suggest you refrain before you become a statistic.

It's that real ladies.

Peace, love and restorationJ

~ Renee