Monologue Monday: Let it go!

I’m talking about baggage…

It’s so tempting, (and easy), to carry things along with you from previous relationships: comments that were made, feelings that were experienced, previous pain and disappointments, the idea of moving on from something that was such a focal point in your life…

But if we ever want to invite newness and positivity in, then we have to get rid of the old and deal with some of the issues that we’ve been harvesting since the relationship ended.

I remember in one of my last relationships, my ex-boyfriend told me that I would make an excellent wife, but I wasn’t great girlfriend material (because in his mind I was kind of lame and I also wouldn’t sleep with him…whatever).

Anyway, even though I can laugh it off now (because I dealt with the situation and called it what it was: a lie told by someone who wanted something from me that he couldn’t get), back then it really stung and played with my mind.

Because I allowed him to tell me who I was, instead of telling him who I was and kicking him in the knee (just kidding, I don’t condone violence!), it played with my self esteem. I began to wonder was it true, and would anybody else want to date a girl like me who was waiting and not just doing whatever just because it might make someone else happy.

Fast forward a couple of years, and I now know who I am, I know what game he was trying to play (especially since at some point since then he has tried to entertain the idea of getting back together…um no thank you! We can be friends but...), and I know what I deserve. I’m not going to allow someone to tear me down just because of issues that they have.

But if I hadn’t have dealt with that lie or addressed the hurt (and embarrassment- IDK why, but it was kind of embarrassing for someone that I cared about to tell me that I wasn’t good girlfriend material…definitely a blow to my confidence for a second!), then I would have been self-conscious and second guessing myself in any relationship after that.

Not going to happen!

Now I’m not sure how other people address their “issues”, but I addressed mine this way (which I probably shouldn’t be admitting, but ya’ll are friends right J?!?!): First I cried, then I went out and bought tons of yummy sweets and gained a good 5 pounds, I watched a bunch of girly movies, and then I got my act together and realized that he wasn’t worth it!

No, the above is a joke… kind of. I actually talked with my mom about it, I talked with several of my good guy friends, I did some self-reflecting and realized that I was who I wanted to be and that there is nothing embarrassing about that. I begin to encourage myself and see my worth, and then I just let his comment go, forgave him, and moved on. Oh, and I did cry a little.

But the key is I let it go! He, nor his idea of me, defined me and I HAD TO keep reminding myself of that. (And I’m actually even friends with him…no hard feelings, but no more relationship opportunities either).

Still not convinced that it’s good to let that stuff go???

Take for instance the visual above.

Consider yourself the glass, and the water everything from previous relationships: anger, resentment, secrets, negative comments, memories that consume a lot of energy/time or that are stressful, etc, etc…

If our water, (or in this case our previous relationships), is overflowing and weighing us down, how can we expect to move forward. Adding new elements to an overflowing vessel is only going to create more problems (or a flood).

The good news is that this is fixable though! By trying to remain positive, dealing with whatever issues or concerns that you haven’t managed to let go of yet, and being open to new ideas and new opportunities, you’ll have emptied out that old stuff and now you, (the empty glass below), are ready for new things.

 

I know dealing with your past and letting things go can sometimes be easier said then done, but if you want the chance at a healthy relationship and an optimistic and hopeful future, then you need to learn how to leave the past behind you and just let it go.

Take baby steps and try not to get too discouraged…But you are well on your way to new beginnings and the happiness that you deserve J (I’m rooting for ya!).

-Virgin Monologuez

P.S. I’ll probably be back Friday to post Part 2 of the “Flipping the Script: He Interviewed Me” interview. If you missed it, you can check out Part 1 here. Ya’ll have a good day and I’ll talk to you later.