I Received My Very First Blog Award!!!

I received a Liebster AwardJ.

Leibster: (German Origin) Meaning beloved, dearest, favorite.

Presented to me by Tanzif Hussain, the Liebster Award is awarded to you by the readers of your blog; making this so much more special to me because it means that my words…my efforts are touching someone.

Tanzif is AWESOME! She has been following my blog from the very beginning, and has left me several messages about some of the things that I have written that have resonated with her. She is a chef and loves creating masterpieces in the kitchen; boasting Julia Childs as an inspiration. Since I am all about experiencing new foods and cultures, I often check out Tanzif’s site and it always leaves my mouth watering for the Indian cuisines that she effortlessly manages to create from scratch.

Her recipes, along with her eye catching photography, are outstanding and leave you wanting more. I am more than honored to have her as both a reader and the nominator of this award (and if you enjoy Indian, photograpy or just food in general, then I seriously encourage you to check out her site!).

The honor of accepting the award is traditionally done in the following way:

1.      Show your appreciation to the blogger who presented you with the award by linking back to their site.

2.      Pick 5 blogs that you would like to spotlight/nominate that have 200 followers or less. Let them know by commenting on their blog.

3.      Post the award on your blog!!!

Thus, the 5 blogs that I would like to spotlight are as follows:

*An Athlete’s Wife { http://www.anathleteswife.com}

*She Smiles, She Writes – she has more than 200 followers, but I absolutely adore her blog (& fashion sense J) so I’m nominating her anyway!  

{ http://www.prettyladysmiles.com}

*Heather Lindsey { http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com}

* Episodes of a Mixed Girl { http://mixedelanie.blogspot.com}

* Greater Than The Game { http://greaterthanthegame.blogspot.com}

To Tanzif and all of the other readers who enjoy this site, thank you for recognizing this blog and for continuing to read, comment on, and support my posts. I greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Media Friday: How to Rock Braces and Glasses

If you aren’t familiar with the title, it’s a book-turned-new show on Nickelodeon that seems very promising in terms of helping to build young teens’ self esteem and reminding them that looks are only part of the equation.

Even though I have never read the book or seen the show, I think that the concept is very promising. What makes me root for both the book (there’s a sequel coming out this fall) and the show even more is the fact that the author of the book is a teenager herself!

In the book, a popular teen that everyone deems as beautiful and seemingly perfect while she is wearing the latest labels and up on the most current trends, is in for a rude awakening when her outward appearance changes and she now has to wear braces and glasses. Those same people who were there for her when she was popular, are repulsed by the thought of her now that her appearance has been altered.

While this is geared towards tweens and teens, this is a situation that I have witnessed occur to others far too often in everyday life; perceptions become realities. I have even seen some women refuse to leave the house unless they had on a full face of makeup, an outfit picked out by a stylist, and a manicure that has just been freshly done. It’s as though their appearance has become their security blanket, and without that comfort insecurities abound.

This brings me to the question that I think is important to consider and meditate on:

Who are you? If you take away the MAC makeup, the trendy clothes, the sky-high platforms, the eye-catching accessories…if all of the exterior parts were stripped away, what would be revealed and do you like what you see?

***To learn more about the show’s concept, or to read the interview with the book’s author (Meg Haston) as she sits down to talk with Debra Gano, CEO of teen magazine BYOU (Be Your Own You) , check it out here.***

Monologue Monday: Me (Part 1)

DECSIONS…DECSIONS…

Imagine this:

You have just arrived at a party (that you weren’t supposed to be at), and you are annoyed that the day has turned out the way that it has, and all you want to do at this point is just go home.

The guy who asked you to come to the party with him is off talking to other girls, and the last thing that you want to do is look desperate, so you set off to mingle. In the midst of meeting new people and striking up new conversations, you notice this guy across the room that peaks your interest in more ways than one: He is laid back, intriguing, overly confident (but you take that as him being poised), and attractive. He is charming, well dressed, and mixed (with curly hair and all kinds of goodness J)…you are instantly intrigued!

The two of you meet, talk for a little bit and exchange numbers; hitting it off in a way that you haven’t ever experienced with anyone else. Even though you are really curious about him, you walk off never expecting to hear from him again…but he calls you about a week later.

You are beside yourself. You were in the shower when the phone rang, and when you hear who it is, you almost break your neck trying to run to the phone (while soaking wet), to catch him before he hangs up.

The two of you begin talking over the phone, sharing intimate details, spending every waking moment talking to each other. It’s a surreal experience, and you can’t believe you have found someone who is so understanding, so (seemingly) compatible, and oh so attractive …

You haven’t once stopped to think about the conditions under which you meet, once considered what he is actually saying that he values (in life and about relationships), or once considered where you want this relationship to go. All you can see is that you have met this really cool, chilled out guy who is interested in you, and is showing you all kinds of attention.

Even though you have only been “dating” for less than a month, for Christmas he spoils you with all kinds of gifts. You feel like you are Cinderella, and you have found your prince….

This, in so many words, is how one of my last relationships began. The guy seemed to just spring up from nowhere, and he appeared to be everything that I had dreamed of and more.

We instantly connected, and begin spending all of our time together. One month turned into three, then three months turned into six, and before you know it we had been dating for a year. That’s when the true colors began to come out.

While I would never purposely say anything negative about this person (especially because we are still friends), I will keep it real with you all (because you are so awesome J) and let you know what really happens when you take your eyes off of your values, because something else catches your attention at a vulnerable time in your life.

I never considered him as distraction then, but when I think about it now, I see just how big of a test that relationship was. My upbringing and very essence was questioned as I began to contemplate his ideas and to reevaluate mine.

I was raised to believe that if a guy really cared about me, then he would practice patience and self-restraint; waiting for me until the day that we walked down the isle as husband and wife. He was taught that if two people really cared about each other than they showed each other that mentally, emotionally, and most importantly physically.

He could never be with a girl who couldn’t share herself with him, and I didn’t want to give up one of my most precious gifts that I had worked so diligently at preserving.

In short it was a mess… but the truth of the matter is that he had wooed me for about a year, he was ‘different’ than every other guy that I had dated, and he seemed like my soul mate.

I KNEW what I should do… but if we were going to be together for ever anyway, did it really matter if I did it now or waited til marriage???

**** Stay tuned until Part 2 for the conclusion of what happens. In the meantime tell me, can you relate to this situation:

You have morals and values that you want to keep thus, you are doing so; taking life one day at a time and enjoying each day as much as possible. Everything is going great in your life and you are content; thinking things can’t get much better than they already are. Then one day you meet someone who challenges everything that you thought you ever believed?

-Virgin Monologuez

Have A Minute…Let’s chat!

I told you a couple of days ago that there were some things that I wanted to get off my chest, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to do that right now.

I started this blog a little over a month ago- don’t freak out I’m not about to close it down or anything!- but I started it with the purpose of encouraging teens, young women and older women alike, to value ourselves, to think about our choices when it comes to being intimate, to encourage and support each other, to share our personal experiences and stories, and to gain insight into the male’s perspective on women.

Somewhere along the journey I lost a bit of focus. I started focusing more on the followers that I was getting, than on the message that I was trying to portray. I started listening to other people talk about stats, rss feeds, audience numbers, and all of the technical stuff that goes with gaining a larger reader base. For about two seconds I was becoming someone that I don’t want to be.

I never started this site for attention, recognition, publicity, or any type of ‘getting more readers/subscribers/followers’. While I want people to read this blog, and I pray to God that it encourages them, I want it to be about the quality and the content of what I am putting on the web.

I genuinely am a humble person, and I don’t like it when my focus or attention shifts in a direction that it should never be going in the first place. Thus, I am making a few slight changes to the site. You might not even notice them, but I will know and I will be at peace that I am being true to myself and to you.

The changes that I am implementing are: A) for now I am removing the ‘members/followers tab’ from the site all together. (It might be really important to other people depending on the purpose of their site, but for me it became a distraction and I’m not having that. That’s not to say in the future I won’t put it back, but for right now it’s not important). B) I started off doing this and will continue to do so, but I am going to approach this site like I am talking to my younger sister (if I had one). When I was growing up, outside of my mom, there were no older but younger girls who I could relate to and talk to about the issues that I was facing in jr. high, high school, and even college. I either talked to my mom or figured it out on my own. I don’t want other girls to feel like that. If you ever have a question or need a shoulder to cry on, I am here and as much as possible I will try to listen, answer any questions, or give advice to the best of my ability (my email is virginmonologuez@gmail.com). And finally, C) I am going to remain true to myself. Pleasing others will get you no where in life but living someone else’s dream. I refuse to do things that I don’t agree with just because someone else thinks that it might be a good idea. That’s just not cool.

I am going to continue to write, put up inspirational quotes and poems, and share my story and the stories of other women for as long as the internet exists and I have something to say. The only thing that I am requesting of myself is that I keep it real with you (and with myself), and to have fun in the process.

I apologize for this rather long post, but it is something that HAD to be said. I’m sorry for loosing focus and putting my attention somewhere that it shouldn’t have been, but I’m back and I’m ready to go!!!!

Go grab a blanket and some delicious snacks, and let’s enjoy ourselves; sharing our stories; our thoughts…one post at a time.

-Virgin Monologuez

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Anonymous- a.k.a. Muddy

Hi ladies and gents,

I have some things that I want to talk to you about, but that’s going to have to wait until later on in the week. (I promise I won’t forget because it’s being weighing on me, so I have to get it off my chest). At the moment though, I wanted to post this interview that I recently did with a guy that shall be appropriately named “Anonymous”.  

He wanted me to call him Muddy but I was like that’s weird…that is until I found out that Muddy (Muddy Waters) was a popular Blues sensation, and then it made sense and seemed totally befitting for him. (Hey, how was I supposed to know- that’s WAY before my time lol!). So how about we just call him Mr. Anonymous-a.k.a. Muddy. It’s a mouthful, but we’ll work with it J.

Anyway, I guess you are wondering why I’m not using his real name anyway or at least his initials like I have done for every other male’s interview that I have conducted…the answer to that is due to the nature of his job, he requested that I keep his profile as low as possible if he agreed to do the interview. Thus, I complied…I get it… I know what he does and I agree it’s best if he remains anonymous….

Just for some quick info though, Mr. Anonymous-a.k.a. Muddy (I shake my head & smile each time I write thisJ), is an ambitious, driven, take no prisoners kind of a guy. While his motivation impels him to succeed, his compassionate heart and his sound upbringing drives him to literally give the shirt off his back. While you have no idea who he is now (because he wanted to keep it that way!), I’m sure that many of us will become very familiar with him in the years to come; he’s just that driven, talented, and ardent.

Without further ado, here it is: his responses in his own words.

*Side note: I laughed out loud at some of his comments; check them out and tell me what you think*

1.      Why did you agree to allow me to interview you? I’ll do anything for you.

2.      Why do you think that abuse (mental, emotional, or physical) is becoming more prevalent in relationships these days, especially in younger couples? I wasn't aware that abuse was anymore prevalent now than at any time before. If that's true, let's blame it on 1) young people who don't respect others and 2) young people who don't respect themselves.

3.      Why do you think so many girls try to “change” the guy that she is with in order to fit her ideal man? I blame Cinderella, Snow White, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine. They never explained that "Prince Charming" was getting paid to play along. Real men, (myself included), are stubborn and we naturally crave control, similar to the way women crave attention. Meaning: the more you try to change us, the deeper we dig-in our heels.

4.      Why can a guy do something and its ok, and a girl do the same thing and she become labeled? There are such things as double-standards I guess. The world isn’t perfect. Blame the author of Proverbs 31. Or whoever wrote in the Bible about a "virtuous woman".

5.      Can a guy tell when a girl has low self-esteem/low confidence? I think if she's not a good actress he can. But most girls are pretty good at controlling the signals that they send to guys, even if they're a nervous wreck.

6.      What do you think are some of the damaging consequences of sex before marriage? Health risks. Read the stats. And I'm not sure when it became cool to be "16 and Pregnant", but the reality is that life might prove to be far less enjoyable for both you and your child.

7.      Why do so many people do it if the potential negatives outweigh the positives? It's a natural human function. It's intended for all mature adults. The negatives don't always outweigh the positives, but when you go outside the true purpose(s), (to create a family w/ your spouse, express love for one another, etc.), you increase that risk by a lot.

8.      Fill in the blank: If a guy really cares about you, then he wouldn’t __________. “Make you wonder if he really cares about you...."                      

9.      What about a woman attracts you to her? Looks, Brains, and Ambition (In no particular order, but best served together as a combo).

10.  What would a romantic date be like with you? Hmmm..... I'm not sure I've actually accomplished one of those yet.

***Another side note*** I hate to break into the interview like this, but this guy is clearly being humble. If you can’t discern from his outlook and responses, he’s a charmer; anyone who meets him is instantly intrigued and wants more. Just had to throw that in there! Now back to your regularly scheduled program…***

11.  What 3 tips about dating/relationships can you give to the young ladies reading this?

A) If you want a real man, be a real woman. 

   

B) If he didn't have good values and a solid faith before he got your number, save your energy. You won't change him. If he gave you the hint that he's a low-life, he's most likely a low-life. No mater how hard you work to change him, you won't.

C) Wait for the person who motivates you to BE better, not just to look better.

               *Doors of the church are now open*

               -Mr. Anonymous- a.k.a. Muddy

Monologue Monday: Dating Tips Part 2

Before I get to Part 2 of the dating tips, (and you can find part one here), I just want to say thanks for all of the comments and emails that I received from Part 1. I’m honestly always pleasantly surprised and excited whenever someone takes the time out of their busy day to let me know that something that I wrote spoke to them or inspired them, so thank you.

Everything that I’ve written below (or previously wrote), I really thought hard about before I just posted it up for the world to see. The point is not to discourage anyone or to make them feel bad about their situation, but rather to encourage them and to let them know that they deserve better (if they aren't already getting it).

When I was writing these tips, I took situations from my and my friends’ previous relationships and thought about what went wrong and why it didn't work. I think I came up with some really good answers, so hopefully you can learn something from our experiences...and spare yourself the heartache J.

So here they are, dating tips that every woman/teen should know. Let me know what you think below, or if you have any dating tips of your own.

Talk to you later,

-Virgin Monologuez

Monologue Monday: Dating Tips Part 2

©      Don’t Date Someone Who Is Arrogant- Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is repulsive. If someone is talking about himself constantly, keeps looking in the mirror throughout your date, and/or every time you actually do get a chance to speak he uses whatever you have just said to instantly relate it back to himself, he is not the one.

©      It’s Ok For People Not To Like You- This can apply towards any type of relationship that you have: friends, associates, strangers…anyone. I like to look at this way: there are billions of people in the world and every last one of them can’t like you, so when you meet those that don’t just shrug it off and realize that it’s not a reflection on you; some personalities just don’t mix. That said, if everyone that you are meeting has a problem with you and you aren’t getting along with ANYONE, you might want to reevaluate your personality.

That’s a bit off topic though because I listed this tip to say this: In terms of dating, try hard/make an effort to get to know his friends and family….and never talk bad about them to him-ever. These are the people that he loves and cares about the most and you should make an attempt to understand and hopefully appreciate them in the same way. If you have tried and it still doesn’t work, just remember that personalities don’t mix sometimes.

©      Never Drop Your Friends For Your New Guy- I know the relationship is new, exciting, and fun, but don’t replace your time with your friends, for spending ALL of it with your new relationship. You still need to maintain your identity and have your own outlets. Plus, if anything ever happens between you and your beau (God forbid that J), you want to make sure that you still are surrounded by great friends who really care and will always be there.

©      Find A Hobby- You should have your own leisurely pursuits and your own identity. A guy should not define you, but rather he should compliment you. Get to know yourself, and spend time doing the things that you enjoy doing. Basically just don’t loose yourself in the process of trying to merge your life with someone else.

©      If A Guy Is Not Acknowledging You, Why Are You Sticking Around- I’m going to tell you a quick story. I once dated a guy who told me that the last girl that he dated before me, he never went out in public with her…ummm what? (I should have taken that as a sign about his character, but that’s a completely different issue). I asked him why and he said because she had a weird nose and he didn’t want people to associate him with her….this is wrong on so many levels. I don’t care if she looked like Pinocchio, it still wasn’t ok for her to be treated like that.

If a guy refuses to go out in public with you, to introduce you to his friends or family, only calls you late at night, and/or never claims you are his girlfriend (when your social media site states that you two are married), then you might want to reevaluate the relationship.

©      Have Patience- You don’t want to rush things and see that you are married to Mr. Jekyll. Take your time to get to know the person, and make sure that you aren’t settling for the first thing that comes along just because he showed you some attention. You are worth waiting for, so take your time getting to know him!

©      Don’t Date Someone Who Can’t Buy You More Than A Hamburger At McDonalds- Money is not the reason for this, but more so it’s about WHY can’t he afford something that’s not on the dollar menu. If the IRS is calling him, if he is asking you to cosign on anything with him and you two aren’t even married, or if you are the one that’s always covering the bill when the check comes, ask yourself what your future is going to look like. Love is a beautiful thing, but so is responsibility and accountability. Heartache is real.

©      Look Beyond The Physical- Let me preface this by saying that I’m all for a gorgeous man, but I also know what really matters in life. If he lost his teeth, his hair came out, and he grew rather large, would you still love him? If the answer is yes, then you are in a good place. Plastic surgery, hair implants, and gastric bypass are all real options but you can never buy someone their character- it’s priceless. Love someone from the inside out. You do need to be attracted to the person, just don’t let that be EVERYTHING!

*P.S. Stay tuned for Wednesday when we will have another really good interview from the male’s perspective. I promise you won’t want to miss it J!

BrittPopPrincess

Hi peeps! Just had to highlight a really cool young woman who is out there living life to the fullest, and trying to encourage/inspire other people while she’s at it. The fact that she lives in one of my top 3 favorite places in the world- England (I lived in London for a year while I interned) makes her that much more awesome!

She is seriously one of my most favorite people on the net - she's just absolutely AMAZING.

I want to encourage you to check out her site when you get a chance. Below is her most recent video on Dealing with Negativity. Check it out, and hope it inspires you!

Have a good day J

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I wasn't going to make another post until Monday, but I saw this message and it impacted my inner being. Whether you are a Christian or you don't really believe in anything, this is message is powerful. Check it out and see for yourself....

What are you thinking?

Change your mindset… J

Getting to Know Me

First off, let me say that I absolutely adore all of my readers! You all are so sweet and so nice with the comments that you leave, the emails that you send, and the warmth that you show me on a daily basis. So thanks so much for being you- I have some of the coolest followers/readers on the net J!

Now back to the topic at hand. Many of you are curious about who I am (besides being the creator of this site). So I decided to tell you a few 20 things about me, but my identity will continue to be concealed until the time is right.

Without any more blabbering though, here are some tidbits about me:

Who Am I???

© I am a Christian- it literally provides me with a solid foundation and makes my life so much brighter and hopeful!

© I have two brothers, one older and one younger, and am the only girl. (I absolutely LOVE my family -my mom is a Proverbs 31 woman that I strive to be more like daily- we are all extremely close).

© I LOVE ESPN! I grew up with nothing but brothers and male cousins around the house, so it was always on; I just became used to it. Plus growing up I was a cheerleader, so I just really enjoy sports.

© I am very domestic (think Martha Stewart meets Paula Dean with half the butter and very little flowersJ).

© I really enjoy decorating and anything dealing with crafts- I’m very artsy.

© I am a writer and a dancer (not in the pop-lock- and drop-it kind of way, but in the ballet/inspirational/contemporary kind of way…I have been known to get low a few times though lolJ).

© I have formally studied and can speak to varying degrees three languages.

© I collect passport stamps…I LOVE to travel. I have visited over 15 countries in counting.

© I am a fashion enthusiast. (During college I interned for Stella McCartney. I’m not high maintenance though- give me a thrift store and some Target/H & M any day)!

© My greatest fear is dying without reaching my fullest potential…ok, that and maybe spiders and snakes.

© My greatest weakness is anything sweet. I can always make room for dessert (always).

© I like to watch the t.v. on mute sometimes(ok, its more the commercials than the actual shows- but that’s just how I do it J)!

© I hate when people take advantage of those that are less fortunate, or when they talk about people and put them down just to make themselves feel better. (I also usually root for the underdog in competitions).

© One day I want to be a philanthropist doing some form of humanitarian work. I love helping other people.

© I think too much sometimes.

© I LOVE to laugh.

© I love being alone and can be just as happy by myself as I am with other people.

© I love it when it’s pouring down rainingand all you can do is curl up with a good book or watch a great movie under lots of soft covers with the air conditioner blasting…good times.

© Getting to know myself has been a beautiful journey.

© I am intriguing and fairly mysterious(hence remaining anonymous)…many people know about me, but few actually know me personally. I love to keep things that I care about sacred and protected- which is ironic because a)I’m blogging on the WORLD wide web and b) because I’m voluntarily giving you a glimpse inside…I know it goes much deeper though….