Monologue Monday: If You Love Me Then You Will Let Me

“If you love me then you would let me….”

“But we are going to be together forever anyway; what’s the difference if we do it now, or if we wait….”

“But being physical is my love language…its how I connect with the other person….”

How many of us ladies have heard any of these phrases being thrown at us? It’s like some guys try to appeal towards our emotional and sensitive sides, and will thus say whatever they feel is necessary in order to try to get us to do something that we don’t want or are not ready to do. It’s ridiculous.

While I haven’t heard anyone say this type of stuff since I was a teenager, I’m still shocked whenever I hear some of the girls that I mentor saying that some of the guys that they like tell them this stuff all the time. To that I say if he LOVED you then he would respect you and wouldn’t try to push you to do something that you don’t want to do.

I have even heard females say that some guys have told them that they were just being stingy with their bodies… What?!?! Our minds and bodies are two of the most precious gifts that we could ever share with another individual, and that’s not something that should ever be taken lightly or placed into the wrong hands.

Some people just treat others as disposable beings; so after they have gotten what they wanted from them, they are gone and the other person is often times left feeling used, angry, frustrated, disheartened and sometimes even lonelier then before they got into the relationship. It’s just not worth it.

Sorry for ranting though. The purpose of this post is to share my monologue…my story, with you all in the hopes of helping someone. (If I or any other woman can share something on this blog that will help to eliminate the pain or disappointment of even one other person, then I feel like my experiences -and theirs- wouldn’t have been in vain).

As far as my personal experiences go, I’m kind of a rebel in the sense that I don’t like people giving me ultimatums or trying to force me to do something that I don’t agree with-period. So my experience isn’t as complex as some other situations that I have heard about, but it has happened to me.

From personal experience, it seems as though if you really are trying to wait but you really like the person that you are in a relationship with, there is some type of conflict going on in the inside of you that you are constantly battling with until you either assertively say no, end the relationship, or give into the desires of the other person. (I’m sure that there are more alternatives than this, but these are the three that I want to focus on right now).

*Assertively Saying No- Every human being has the right to say no to something if they don’t want to do it. If someone then tries to appeal to your emotional side, then you should really think about his character. What type of manipulation has to go on for him to convince you that his decision is better than yours??? (I’m saying his, but this goes for both males and females. I know some women who use a variety of manipulating tactics in order to get what they want out of relationships. This is never a good thing).

*Ending The Relationship- When you really care about someone, it’s never an easy decision about whether or not you should break up with him. If you are dating someone though, and he is in disagreement with you about a lot of the more major issues that are seemingly extremely important to you, then you should consider if you want to continue on in sharing your life with this person. And in some cases the guy might even beat you to the decision and be like ‘I can’t handle that- I’m young, I want to have fun and I’m just not ready for that’ (which happened to me before- and I PROMISE that you’ll be better off because of it!). If he can’t wait for you, then he doesn’t deserve you.

*Giving In- I don’t condone this, but I know that it happens. Some people just don’t want to disappoint the other person, so they are willing to make whatever compromises that they have to in order to please that other individual. If this is the decision that you ultimately decide upon, I would just caution you to consider this: after all is said and done (and you are looking back at your choices), will you regret the fact that you gave of yourself to someone else because he coerced you into doing it because that’s what he wanted at the time?

Whatever decision that you decide upon, just try not to make too rash of a decision; don’t hurry through it but really think about what you want out of life and out of your relationship.

One comment that has always stuck out in my mind that my mom once told me is, “don’t try to be like your friends and everybody else. I bet you that if you asked them, few would say that they were glad that they lost it, but many would say they wish they could get it back”. (It sounded much better when she said it- my paraphrasing isn’t the best lol, but hopefully you get the point)!

-Love yourself and other people will follow J