Monologue Monday- What I Wished My Mother Would Have Told Me: Dating Chronicles

Recently I was introduced to this young woman named Marietta, who had been reading this blog and enjoyed the content. She emailed me and really wanted to be involved, but she didn’t know what was  the best way of going about it…that is until she heard about this mini-series (for the next three Mondays) that I’m currently doing.

So I asked her if she would like to participate and she was more than thrilled to do so. She has been so much fun to work with, and she put A LOT of hard work into doing this piece. Seriously, as I was reading through some of the things that she wrote, I felt that it was applicable to most any young person.

The purpose of this post is just to highlight some of the things that ‘you wish your mom would have told you’. Check it out, and see if you can relate (and feel free to add comments at the bottom if you have something you would like to add)!

P.S. A BIG thank you to Marietta- you are beyond awesome, and I’m so glad that you were willing to share your experiences with the world J!

"What I Wished My Mother Would Have Told Me: Dating Chronicles"

After going through many situations that I thought I would never go through, I began to reflect.  I began to see where things started. They didn’t begin when I became a mistress; no they started long before then.    How did I go from a PK (pastor’s kid) and daddy’s little girl, to sneaking around to go on dates, to losing my virginity as a freshman in college, to becoming a mistress- nothing more than a side-chick!

Growing up as a PK I was never given any rules or guidelines regarding dating, sex, or anything regarding the opposite sex. I knew from my dad’s teachings that sex outside of marriage was a sin. But I didn’t know the immediate or long lasting effects of fornication or soul ties!  

I was never told I could or couldn’t date. Nothing was said about talking to boys on the phone. I feel like I was left to explore and learn these things on my own. I don’t know if it had anything to do with me being the youngest of five children, of which four are girls. Maybe my parents figured the info would be passed down from my sisters to me. I mean that is how I found out about my period and wearing pads.

The only type of sex education I remember receiving, outside of school, was from books and pamphlets my great aunt gave me and my sisters.  I would secretly (because I didn’t think my parents would approve) read these books because I desired to know not only about sex, but about how my body worked. I wanted information and this was the only way I was getting it.

I don’t blame my parents AT ALL for any situation that I’ve been in. BUT I do wish I had been better informed; better prepared. I WISH my mom would have talked to me about her past experiences with dating, losing her virginity, and just about being a young lady desiring to be married!

I wished my mother would have told me:

·         Keep God First- (ok, my  mom did tell me this, I just didn’t listen!) God was there before that man and will be there after that man. I got my first and ONLY tattoo (Abba <3) recently on the inside of my ring finger to let my future husband know that God comes first, has been there from the start, and will always be around! J

·         It’s Ok To Say NO!!! – You don’t have to accept every single request for a date. Yes, it may be a free meal (sometimes) and a movie (maybe) but your time is more precious than a date with someone you KNOW isn’t worth it.

·         Be Yourself; Never Forget Who You Are- God created you the way He wanted. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made by Him! Never let anyone make you feel less than because of who you are. With that being said, never be afraid to learn, grow, and enhance who you are!

·         Never Forget Whose You Are- If you have accepted the Lord God as your Saviour, never forget that you are His child. You are ROYALTY! Wait for the man who can appreciate that. J

·         Don’t Make Him Fit Into Your Box- You can’t change a man! Never enter a relationship thinking, “oh I can fix that about him.” NO, you can’t change anyone but yourself. Even if he does change for you, he will eventually begin to resent you for making him change!

·         Don’t Settle- If he doesn’t possess what you NEED, keep it moving. For example, I need a man who is purposely living for Christ. A man who can and will pray for me without hesitation. A man who can tell me NO! (only sometimes though, lol).

·         Make The Best Of Every Date- Every man isn’t for you and you are not for every man! (I used to think I was the perfect woman for any man…shaking my head). If you go on a first date and realize this person isn’t for you, don’t ruin the night. Enjoy it for what it was: a lesson learned, a new friend, or networking opportunity. Don’t let things progress hoping things will just work out though because he’s a good man.

·         Leave The Pedestal For God- I realized recently that I always gave the impression of being a perfect young lady which caused men to put me on a pedestal. And when I fell (made the slightest mistake), OUCH! They would then look at me differently. L No one is perfect, leave room for errors and growth.

·         Remember Your Friends- They’re there for more than the “pick me up after the relationship is over” phase. Remember to still make time for them when in a relationship.

·         Separation Of Relationship and Friendship- your friends, family, twitter and fb should not be apart of your relationship. Be careful with whom you seek advice. Talk to God and let him lead you to those to seek counseling from.

·         Never Lose Your Self-Respect- if you know doing something will cause you to be disappointed in yourself, don’t do it! Slow down and take time to think before acting.

·        Unless You’re A Meteorologist, Learn To Talk About Something Else Besides The Weather- An elderly man once told me he didn’t want to talk to me because young people only have “small talk.” I laughed but it’s so true. Gossiping is not a real conversation. Read books, articles, and watch more than reality tv.

·        Close Your Eyes and Look With Your Heart- We all want someone we find attractive, but don’t let looks interfere with love. Take the time to get to know someone; they could be your future. J

·         Actively Listen- When he’s talking stop thinking about your  “awesome” response, or that story that relates to what he’s saying and just LISTEN.

·        Smile-It’s Your Best Accessory- Contrary to popular belief, (reality tv), less is more with guys. A man will appreciate and remember your beautiful smile over your drawn on eyebrows any day!

·        Be Confident- Be the First person to tell yourself that you are beautiful and intelligent every morning and believe it. If there is something you need to work on to be more confident, do it; go back to school, get your hair done (or do it yourself), encourage yourself to be the best you!

·         NEVER Dumb Yourself Down- Never make yourself feel inadequate to make a man feel adequate. Don’t play the “dumb blonde” just to make him feel more of a man. If he can’t appreciate your intelligence then he can’t appreciate being with you!

·         I N D E P E N D E N T- S T O P!- Not only have I learned that this is unattractive to most men, but more importantly it isn’t biblical! We are made to be totally dependent on God. I walked around thinking I had it made, didn’t need anyone, (especially a man) for anything, unless I wanted him. It took a random (a man who I knew wasn’t my husband but I needed around to fill a void) to tell me to stop being so independent, and God to literally stripped EVERYTHING from me for me to realize that I am NOTHING without Christ! Let God be God and a man to be a man. Let him open your door, walk you to your door, order your dinner, walk on the outside, call you first, plan a date; let him lead!

·        Check Your List/Priorities- If you’re like me, you have at some point in your life written down everything you want in a man. I threw my list away years ago because of how superficial it was. If you’re not everything on your list, either improve yourself first or scratch it off your list. If looks are your top priority, don’t expect the relationship to last.

·        Don’t Believe The Hype- Not everyone is kissing, dry humping, or having sex! –Don’t let society guide your relationships. Let God lead you both, and decide what’s best for your relationship.

In Titus 2, it talks about how leaders in the body of Christ are to teach the younger ones. It is not enough to tell them to go read the Word. We must lead by examples and we must teach the younger generations. Hopefully this list at least gives you something to ponder on.

Feel free to add any advice you wished your mom would have given you or did give you at the bottom!

-Marietta