Monologue Monday: Miss Independent

How’s your day going?!?!

Mine is going pretty good. I started receiving some early birthday wishes (so sweet), got a chance to talk to and laugh with my mom on the phone for a while, and overall I’m just really excited and at peace.

Sorry…. today isn’t about me though so let me stop rambling and introduce you to my amazing friend Miss IndependentJ! (For personal reasons she wanted her name to be omitted, so I replaced it with a title that I think is the perfect description of her).

The reason why I call her Miss Independent is because she knows how to handle her business. She’s not independent in the ‘I don’t need a man I can take care of myself and open my own doors kind of way’, but she’s independent in the since that she knows who she is, knows what she is capable of, and is not afraid to reach for the stars because she knows that’s only her starting point. She really is a remarkable person.

To top all of that off, she is the most selfless, kindhearted young woman that I have ever met and I am lucky enough to call her my friend.

She is fabulous and has a heart of gold….filled with compassion, loyalty and trustworthiness; possessing the kind of loyalty that is rare. She is there when you deserve it and when you don’t… in short, she’s the kind of person that you want rooting for you and that you are honored to claim that you know.

Sorry to be so chatter-y though, I just wanted to paint you a picture of her character before I posted her story.

Well actually, it’s not really a story but a set of answers. When I approached her about sharing her own experiences for Monologue Monday, she replied that she would love to but she just didn’t know how to put her story into words. She wanted to share her own experiences, especially if they would help another young woman out, but she didn’t know what to say or how to say it. So after a while she called me up and asked me if I could just send her a set of questions to answer and she would share her experiences that way.

Now if you know me then you know that I don’t like to feed people answers or make them share anything that they don’t want to share. I want it to be from their mouth, in their own words. That is why when I contact other women (or they contact me) I always ask them to tell their story in their own words. (I only ask guys questions because they seem to need guidance on this stuff if we are to ever get them to open up about such a sensitive topic, but even then I try to quote them as close to what they respond as possible). So needless to say I struggled with this request just a bit.

Nevertheless, Miss Independent is a personal friend who I was extremely excited about participating in this project, so I let go of my own reservations and complied with her wishes. I asked her the questions below and told her to say only what made her feel comfortable, but to be as real and candid as possible with you all.

So here it is: Miss Independent’s Monologue in her own words.

Monologue Monday: Miss Independent

1. What's your stance on sex before marriage? Let me start off by saying that I am not a virgin, although I am currently practicing abstinence. I believe that sex before marriage is wrong according to the Bible. But aside from that, from personal experience I believe that women could save themselves a ton of heartache by waiting. Breakups hurt a lot worse when you have physically tied yourself to that person who really wasn’t who you thought they were.
2. Do you have any regrets about your (past) relationships? My main regret about my past relationships are that I put a lot of time and energy into making sure that the “other party” was happy, and at times it was at the expense of my own happiness. So I have learned to put me first, and let the chips fall where they may. I wasn’t always true to myself in my younger years and at times I look back and wonder what the heck I was thinking, but thank God for growth.
3. What's one thing that you know now about guys and relationships now that you wish you would have known then (in the past)? Guys will show you who they really are if you are paying attention. It is just up to us to believe (the first time) who they show themselves to be. It sounds easy enough, but when emotions get wrangled in the mix we have a tendency not to think as clearly.
4. Do you have a personal experience that you would like to share (in terms of guys/dating/relationships/intimacy)? Though I am not a virgin, I am not the most sexual experienced person in the world either. I have only been with 2 guys, and I have had some guys walk away because I wouldn’t have sex with them, but as I got older it didn’t matter as much because I was smarter and I saw they weren’t worth my time anyways.

I was 18 years old and had been in a relationship for a while, before deciding to “give it up”. It was my first time, and I really loved this guy. Although we stayed together some time after that, the relationship was crazy. It wasn’t abusive or anything, but it definitely wasn’t healthy. When we eventually broke up, I believe it was a lot more difficult for me because I had given him my virginity, and I had nothing to show for it except hurt feelings and a hardened heart.

5. What advice can you give to other young girls that are trying to decide whether to wait or not? Most guys (if they are even remotely worth your time) will respect you more, if you value yourself enough to make them wait. If you give them everything that they want right away, then there is no reason for them to stick around. Young ladies should be different from the norm. If everyone else is doing it, be the one who doesn’t.

And I assure you everyone is not “doing it”. They may not be advertising it, but I know that there are some girls who have decided to wait, so don’t feel alone or lame because you decide to wait. I also want to add that it’s entirely possible to have a great time with a guy without having sex. And when you wait, you know that the guy is genuinely interested in you and not just in having sex with you. This is a decision that each young girl/ woman will have to make for themselves, but I would caution you to think long and hard about it before going down that road. Men do not think as we do, so you have to be positive that you make the right choice for YOU.

6. Looking around our society, there is so much emphasis on sex and being sexy. Do you have any suggestions for how not to be pulled into the notion that 'to be happy with a guy you have to be wearing the tightest, most revealing clothes and sleeping with him? I have a lot of guy friends, and I have asked them about this exact topic. Although I think girls who dress like that get the most attention from guys, no man wants to be in a relationship with “that girl”. They may want to have sex with her, but they won’t marry her. I strongly believe that there is a happy medium between dressing like a street walker and dressing like an elderly woman lol. I am sure that you can attract a man, without revealing everything when you go out. A girl must have respect for herself, before expecting a man to respect her.

-Miss Independent