You know
that awkward moment where you have to contact a guy and ask him if he would be
willing to do an interview with you and share his thoughts about relationships,
turnoffs, confidence and women (on a site geared towards young adults and
women), and hope that he doesn’t look at you with a side eye or question your
aptitude?!?!?
Well maybe
you don’t know, but it’s kind of terrifying. To be honest, every time that I
have asked a guy to interview with me, even though I know that there’s a good
purpose behind it all, I get really nervous.
I mean not
only am I asking them really personal questions that they probably only talk
about with their friends, (and on rare occasions maybe their acquaintances),
but then I take it another step by placing that information on the internet
(with their permission of course!).
I’m always
so excited, and GRATEFUL, each time
that one of them says yes because I could imagine that it could be slightly
stressful being interviewed on your private thoughts about such personal topics
(knowing that your answers could potentially be read by tons of people).
That said,
I have been very fortunate to work with some really kindhearted, compassionate
guys who believe in what I’m doing and are more than willing to offer their
opinions on the various subject matters that are affecting both women and men
in our generation.
So today I
am going to introduce you to a guy who is one of the nicest southern gentlemen that
I have ever met. (And I’m from the south so I have met my fair share,
but this guy is towards the top of the list!)
When I
called him up and told him about what I was doing and asked if he would be willing
to be interviewed, he agreed without hesitation and was very real with his
answers. (You know how sometimes you can
tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear??? Well there was
none of that…he was just very down to earth and matter of fact about it
all).
After
finishing the interview I told him that his identity would remain anonymous,
because I care more about sharing the different male perspectives and less
about revealing their identities, so I told him I would just call him Mr.
Congeniality. My brother laughed at
this, but this guy is secure in his manhood and just said ‘if that works for
you than I’m ok with it’….I think friendly and sociable describe him
perfectly!
Here are
his answers in his own words…. (P.S. I
decided to turn this into a Part 2 so check back next week for the end).
The Male’s
Perspective: Mr. Congeniality
1. Why did you agree to be interviewed for this site? What
are some things that you think that teens and young women can gain from hearing
more of a variety of different males’ perspectives?
Because I trust and
respect you and I know that your efforts are true, valuable, and full of love.
Therefore, I chose to support your efforts.
Also, a large variety of male opinions and
perspectives heard by teenage and young women will provide them with a more
balanced view of men. In addition, if a young woman has a specific question
or struggle in a relationship with a man, a larger pool of male interviews
gives her the best chance of possibly receiving her specific answer.
2. Why didn’t your last relationship work out?
Two reasons:
First, was because I was leaving the country to
do some international development work for 27 months. I have over 12 months
experience with long-distance (international) relationships and have learned
that those types of relationships do not work for me. My past long-distance
relationships eventually became strained and never regained their original
strength.
Second (and possibly more important), our
post-college paths were quickly heading in drastically different directions:
she wanted to immediately begin a career in a field that she did not love for
more money and security. I wanted to
spend the next handful of years exploring cultures far different from what I
knew, and to absolutely love earning a living.
3. There are some great guys out there, why do you think
some women have such a hard time getting into the relationship that’s right for
her?
One thought that I
have is that some women make initial
choices based on trivial attributes. For example, beginning a serious
relationship with a guy because he is handsome and fit, or he is really funny.
(I believe a physical attraction is important, and who doesn't like a good
laugh, but much, much more is needed for
a healthy relationship.) If that guy turns out to be immoral, selfish, or
overly prideful, a woman will run into trouble.
Solution: think
long and hard (or imagine) about the best experiences you have had with a guy. What qualities made those experiences so
wonderful? Was it his generous heart, his dedication etc...
Another idea: don't enter a relationship with overly-high
expectations (we guys are full of problems, far from "the perfect
guy"). Think simply, so that when
we do something incredible, it will blow you away!
4. What are a few behaviors that you observe some women
doing in their relationship that probably turn a guy off?
·
Self-deprecation,
"putting oneself down". I have witnessed dozens of women doing this
before and during relationships. "Your middle toe is longer than your big
toe, so what?!" It makes guys think
women value small problems too much. Plus,
there's a good chance the guy you are with would have never noticed your extra
long toe.
· Some
guys TELL you how they feel. Some guys SHOW you how they feel.
Please pay attention and notice how your guy shows his love/appreciation for you.
If he doesn't say "I love you" everyday, think about how much time he
spends on you before you become upset.
· If
you are truly mad at us, please tell us why. The silent
treatment does not produce any fruit in the relationship. For the repairing and
prevention of future problems, we need to know what went wrong.
5. Is it ok for a girl to approach a guy?
Heck yeah! As a
naturally shy guy, I find confident
girls very attractive. Plus it helps jump start that first conversation.
****Check
back next week for Part 2 ****