The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

So this month’s Male Perspective Interview comes from non other than Mr. Irish. (In tribute to his red hair and every thing else that makes him fabulous)!
I have known him for almost two years now, and there are three words that immediately come to mind when considering his character and personality. (Ya’ll know I like to paint a picture [of the person] before I show you the photo…or in this case his perspective).
So the three traits that I think define him best are: reliable, knowledgeable, and considerate. He’s the kind of guy that I know without a shadow of a doubt that if someone is in need of anything, without hesitation he will try to help or assist that person in any way that he can, if there is something that he can do.
And since I’m explaining things, I’ll just quickly point out that one of my favorite things about doing these types of interviews and asking the questions that I ask is that I get to learn about, and share with you all, a variety of different male perspectives from individual viewpoints.
All guys are not alike and they don’t all think the same. While occasionally there are some answers that might make me blush or I might give the side eye to (like for real?!?!), I don’t change what the guy says because I want to be true to his word and authentic to you. More important than anything else though, I want to show the diversity amongst guys.
Try not to ever settle, and wait for the one who is inline with your principles and beliefs…you are worth it.

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

1.      What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend/wife? Are they the same?
For the most part, I look for the same things in a girlfriend that I do in a wife. I look for compatibility and trust. I look for someone I can enjoy my life with, someone I trust, and someone I feel comfortable with physically and emotionally. Physical attraction does play a part initially, but beyond that it has to be someone I feel connected to. I want someone who makes me laugh a lot. I want someone who I can look forward to having a long conversation with everyday for the rest of my life. I want someone confident and comfortable with who she is and someone who believes me when I tell her she is beautiful. The only difference that I look for in a wife is that I want someone who gets along well with my family. 
2.      Why didn’t your last relationship work?
Love is inconvenient. My last real functional relationship didn’t work because we were both on separate paths. At points of transition, I think relationships are at their most vulnerable. It takes a huge sacrifice by someone to make it work. In my case, it was graduate school that got in the way. My girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to graduate school. We were in a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance was difficult and eventually she called me up and said that it wasn’t working and that our lives were just on different paths. I was hurt, but I knew it was true.

3.     What do you think is true love?
To me, true love is when two people know each other completely, know each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and still love each other; trusting each other and feeling as if they have found something worth fighting and sacrificing for. It doesn’t quit when things are difficult or when disagreements arise. It forgives and doesn’t hold grudges. True love is mutual and in a relationship with true love I think the two partners are of equal influence.

4.      What is your opinion on sex before marriage?
As a man growing up in the culture I did, I thought sex before marriage was a necessity for a relationship to work. I thought that we should know each other fully before we got married, which included knowing each other physically. Now that I am a bit older and have been exposed to different ideas, I can understand waiting till marriage, but I think this would require extraordinary trust in the individual that you are marrying. I am open to the idea of waiting till marriage, but also quite scared when it comes to the sexual desires of my wife. I would definitely want to talk openly and thoroughly about sex with anyone before I actually committed to marriage.

5.     Do you wish you would have waited?
I had a bad first experience. Some people think that men cannot have a bad experience with sex, but for most, I think regardless of your sex or gender, there is a certain amount of emotion involved in sex, especially your first time. For me, I was in love with a woman who didn’t feel the same way. We had an uncommitted relationship before this, in which she didn't treat me very well.

Being foolish, I continued this relationship out of hope that her feelings would change and eventually I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin. After we had sex, she told me immediately that she regretted it and that she had done it out of frustration with another man. She then left within 5 minutes of it being over, leaving me feeling terrible about the whole situation. I had waited quite a long time to find someone I could trust, but alas I chose the wrong one. I wouldn’t say I wish I would have waited till marriage, but I definitely wish I had waited at least a little longer for the right someone.

6.     What is the best piece of dating advice that you have ever heard?
Learn how to disagree with each other. Most things in a relationship will come naturally once you love and trust each other, but arguments and disagreements, which are inevitable, are like relationship poison if you cannot handle them correctly and equally.

7.       What is one thing that you wish more girls knew or understood about guys (in general)? One thing I really wish girls knew about guys is that we are blind and our conversations amongst each other are direct. We frequently miss hints and suggestions given by girls. Be direct with us. If there is something you think, feel, want or don’t want, do not wait for us to find out. Tell us.
One thing I wish female friends and family knew is that when we are courting, many men are extraordinarily nice and then when the courting period is over, they change. Before you commit to sex or marriage with a man, first be sure it is what YOU want and secondly be sure he is honestly a good person that you can trust. This usually means testing his patience, making him wait and making things difficult for him. This is a necessary exception to the previous statement. I say this, because I know many men that have been dishonest and many women who have been fooled. If you were my sister, I would say be on guard in the beginning of a relationship.  
8.      What is one thing that some guys do in a relationship that you think might make the relationship better if they DID NOT do it?
I think many guys avoid confrontation. When there is a problem, we tend to avoid it. Men are awful when it comes to this. Many times women have to drag the issues out of us. I think that our relationships would be much healthier if we had conversations about the things that bothered us and the things that were going wrong in the relationship rather than avoiding the issues or procrastinating arguments.
9.      How do you feel about weave, makeup, and/or plastic surgery?
Make up is nice for pictures, but I think a natural face is beautiful. That being said, in my opinion women and men should go ahead and wear whatever clothes, makeup, weaves, wigs, tattoos, piercings or whatever else they would like to make themselves feel more confident or more like themselves at work and around town. However, at the end of the day I, and I think most men, want to see your natural beauty shine through. In that sense, I’ve always kind of liked make up. Not because the makeup made my girlfriend look beautiful, but because for me she took her makeup off. That somehow made me feel special and to me she was more beautiful without it and our time alone together was somehow more personal and real.
Plastic surgery, on the other hand, I don’t agree with except for medical reasons and in cases that would be helpful for your general happiness and well-being, such as for cleft lips and other similar procedures.
10.   For the entire month of February, I am running a “Love Yourself” campaign. What would you say to the woman who is suffering from low self-esteem or feels as though she doesn’t measure up? (Think as if you were talking to your sister).
Almost universally I can honestly say that whoever you are, you are more beautiful, more intelligent, and more interesting than you think you are. Somehow society turns us into our greatest critics, asking us to constantly compare ourselves to celebrities and those around us. But no matter what you think, I can promise you this; through most other peoples eyes you are much more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than you think you are. Someone may try to make you believe otherwise, but I hope that you are not gullible enough to believe those who would do that. Their hearts are cold and their eyes are tainted.

Be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic! Confidence shines through in every aspect of life. Your career, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, and all other interactions will improve when you learn to love yourself. This is the truth that somehow gets overshadowed by the superficial popular culture thrust upon us worldwide; confidence is the most attractive way to use everything that God gave you. So-called beautiful women, and men for that matter, may be able to make people turn their heads, but its confident people that attract the most attention. When it comes to finding girlfriends and wives, most men who have any sense at all tend to look beyond the superficial for things like confidence, a lifetime of conversations and laughs, and potential for success in life. I can only imagine smart women are looking for something similar in men.  

***P.S. Join me in the “Love Yourself” campaign…As Mr. Irish stated, “be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic”! Love Yourself…You Are Worth It!!***

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