Monologue Monday: Can I Approach Him First?!?!

You all don’t know how much ya’ll make my day when I get your emails and comments; thank you J! It’s so cool that we can share and discuss things with one another, and that you can pick my brain about certain topics (and that I get to pick yours for ideas and feedback), so thank you again for helping to make this blog what it is.

And on that note, a reader recently wrote in and asked me what was my opinion on whether or not it’s ok for a girl to approach a guy first. (I would love to hear your opinions on the subject so please feel free to either comment below or leave a message on V.M.’s Facebook Fan Page).
But back to the topic at hand, while I don’t think that it’s a matter of right or wrong, I do think that it sets the tone for the relationship.
Before I go any further into my personal perspective though, I want to start off by saying that I’m more of a traditional kind of girl. I think that a man should be the head of his household, and that a woman should be his helpmate.
(And before any of ya’ll start rolling your eyes or thinking that I’m behind the times or too conventional, please hear me out first! I promise I’m not taking anything away from the advancement that we as women have made, but I do genuinely believe that there should be clearly defined roles in a relationship).
That said, as women I feel like it’s sometimes hard for us to relinquish control. Many of us have been raised to be these strong, independent, if we see something that we want we go after it type of beings. So when it comes to being in a relationship, it’s almost like we have become impatient with being pursued and that we no longer want to wait or to go through the process of getting to know one another any more, seeing if we could be right for each other, but now it’s all about the instant gratification. If we think we like him and we have the confidence to do so, then we are more than willing and capable of approaching him first.
Again, I won’t speak against this, especially since I have done this once in my lifetime before, BUT what I will say is knowing what I know now, I probably would never do it again.
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with subtly and respectfully letting him know that if he approached you that you would be ok with that or that it would be reciprocated, (some guys can be a little shy or even apprehensive about this type of stuff, so if he thinks that he has no chance or that you might turn him down harshly, then he might not even risk it by saying anything…and who can blame him?!?! No one likes being rejected).
But after I encouraged him and let him know that it was ok or that the feelings were mutual, I would leave the ball in his court.
This is just my personal opinion, but shy or not, when a man can’t approach a woman that he likes and thinks that he wants to be with, I see that as being indicative of the type of leader that he will be in the relationship. Many of the character traits that are preventing him from approaching her are some of the same traits that make a good leader: confidence, bravery, the ability to make a decision and to act upon it, drive, determination, etc.
More than this though, I want to know that I am wanted. I’m sure that many of us have heard the quote “you make time for things that you want to make time for”. Well similarly, I think that you go after the things that you really want. Thus, it is my strong belief that if a guy is really interested in you, and you are available (and haven’t given him any signs of a possible rejection), then he is going to pursue what he wants.
A man who finds a woman whom he is really in to and can see a possible future with, is going to do whatever he needs to do to explore the opportunity, if he is truly interested.
So for me it’s not about ‘should I approach him first’ or ‘I should just go after what I want’, but it’s more so about me wanting him to take the lead from the beginning of the relationship throughout the course of whatever it blossoms into.
So that’s my take on the matter. What are your thoughts???

-Virgin Monologuez

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