And on that note, a reader recently
wrote in and asked me what was my
opinion on whether or not it’s ok for a girl to approach a guy first. (I
would love to hear your opinions on the subject so please feel free to either
comment below or leave a message on V.M.’s Facebook Fan Page).
But back to the topic at hand, while I
don’t think that it’s a matter of right or wrong, I do think that it sets the tone for the relationship.
Before I go any further into my personal
perspective though, I want to start off by saying that I’m more of a
traditional kind of girl. I think that a man should be the head of his
household, and that a woman should be his helpmate.
(And before any of ya’ll start rolling
your eyes or thinking that I’m behind the times or too conventional, please hear
me out first! I promise I’m not taking anything away from the advancement that
we as women have made, but I do genuinely believe that there should be clearly
defined roles in a relationship).
That said, as women I feel like it’s sometimes hard
for us to relinquish control. Many of us have been raised to be
these strong, independent, if we see something that we want we go after it type
of beings. So when it comes to being in a relationship, it’s almost like we have become impatient with being pursued and
that we no longer want to wait or to go through the process of getting to know
one another any more, seeing if we could be right for each other, but now it’s
all about the instant gratification. If we think we like him and we have the
confidence to do so, then we are more than willing and capable of approaching
him first.
Again, I won’t speak against this,
especially since I have done this once in my lifetime before, BUT what I will say is knowing what I
know now, I probably would never do it again.
I don’t think that there is anything
wrong with subtly and respectfully letting him know that if he approached you that
you would be ok with that or that it would be reciprocated, (some guys can be a little shy or even
apprehensive about this type of stuff, so if he thinks that he has no chance or
that you might turn him down harshly, then he might not even risk it by
saying anything…and who can blame him?!?! No one likes being rejected).
But after I encouraged him and let him
know that it was ok or that the feelings were mutual, I would leave the ball in his court.
This is just my personal opinion, but
shy or not, when a man can’t approach a woman that he likes and thinks that he
wants to be with, I see that as being
indicative of the type of leader that he will be in the relationship. Many of
the character traits that are preventing him from approaching her are some of
the same traits that make a good leader: confidence, bravery, the ability
to make a decision and to act upon it, drive, determination, etc.
More than this though, I want to know
that I am wanted. I’m sure that many of us have heard the quote “you make time
for things that you want to make time for”. Well similarly, I think that you go after the things that you really
want. Thus, it is my strong belief that if a guy is really interested in
you, and you are available (and haven’t given him any signs of a possible rejection),
then he is going to pursue what he wants.
A man who finds a woman whom he is really in to
and can see a possible future with, is going to do whatever he needs to do to
explore the opportunity, if he is truly interested.
So for me it’s not about ‘should I
approach him first’ or ‘I should just go after what I want’, but it’s more so
about me wanting him to take the lead from the beginning of the relationship
throughout the course of whatever it blossoms into.
So that’s my take on the matter. What
are your thoughts???
-Virgin Monologuez
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