A Male’s Perspective: A Frat Guy

YAY!!! It’s the weekend!!!!

Hopefully you won’t mind an interesting read while you are relaxing and trying to recoup from this past work week J.

Below you will find an interview from Mr. D…a fraternity guy turned professional who keeps it real in his own words.

Mr. D is a really candid and down to earth guy who is thoughtful, loyal, straightforward, hardworking, and extremely dedicated to anything that he commits himself to. That said, some of his answers may surprise you. (I know my mouth dropped open a few times while I was interviewing him!) But try not to form an opinion of someone based off of a single interview; he was only doing what I asked him to do, and that is to give you the reality of some fraternities.

The point of this interview isn’t to shed frat guys (or fraternities in general), in a negative or undesirable way though, because not all guys think this way. I just wanted to provide females a glimpse into how some guys perceive certain situations of circumstances.

I specifically asked him when answering these questions to not just consider his own opinion and perspective, but to consider the viewpoints of his line brothers, fraternity brothers, and fraternities in general. I told him that I wanted the raw truth, so being judgmental or condemning had no place in our conversation. He allowed me to ask him anything that I could think of, and I was just grateful at his candor and openness.  When guys aren’t trying to impress you, it’s amazing what they will reveal.

So, here is the candid truth from a frat guy’s perspective…. (oh, and please let me know what you think about it below in the comment section J)….

A Male’s Perspective: A Frat Guy

  

1.       One of the reasons why I wanted to interview you is because of your association with your fraternity. I love providing different perspectives from males of a variety of walks of life, and I thought that it might be interesting to get a frat guy’s viewpoint. So, what was your motivation for joining the fraternity that you did? Was it for the brotherhood or for the perks (fame, recognition, sex, to get your name out there, etc.)?

My motivation started in high school. I was in a similar organization back then that was founded by a fraternity member and those efforts just transferred into my collegiate career. So that was the main reason why I joined: high school sparked my interest and since I was already a part of it then it just made my decision easier once I arrived to college. It wasn’t for the perks though, because I really didn’t even know the perks of being associated with a fraternity until I was in it. And to be honest, the only thing that is really guaranteed about a fraternity is the connections; the girls, fame and any recognition that you may receive isn’t really guaranteed, because at the end of the day it is about the individual and not the fraternity. If a girl doesn’t like you as a person, she just isn’t going to like you…regardless of your association. Yeah, there are some girls who are groupies and loyal to certain fraternities and that might gain their attention, but the individual is what keeps it and if she isn’t interested in you (as a person) she just isn’t interested.

2.       What’s your take on how some frat guys interact with females, especially at parties?

When it comes to parties and stuff most of the guys in my fraternity are looking for a one night stand or something that could possibly lead to sex. In some cases they might not necessarily be expecting a one night stand, but they are planting a seed so that something may happen in the future. Obviously this is a generalization, but it is more common than not.

But our parties are not just about sex. It’s also a business. The more we can entertain and get people to come to our parties (and pay), the more money that we make and business comes first. People come to party with us and to see us act a fool, so it’s not all about sex and being physical.

3.       What kind of girls do you target or what type of girls comes to these parties?

To be honest, money’s only face is a dead president, so we target them all when it comes to getting females to pay to come to our parties. Wait…I thought you all let girls in for free? It depends on what type of party it is. A lot of them we let in for free before a certain time, or we have a ladies appreciation night (where its 2 for the price of 1), but we aren’t going to let them in for free all night because then we would be loosing money. When it comes to parties, it’s all about money.

The typical female at one of our parties is dressing to grab our attention, but that’s not just our party, that is any party that a female goes to. We do have themed parties where things can get out of hand sometimes (i.e. you have to show a certain feature or article of clothing- whatever the theme of the party is- in order to get in to the party free for that night), but to keep it honest, women come and they allow it. Sex sells, and we make money off of it. If they changed their standards then we would alter ours, but at the end of the night, a diverse range of women from all walks of life come to the parties that we throw.

4.       From your experiences and what you have seen, are college frat guys (who have just pledged) looking for serious relationships or are they just trying to have a good time? What is (generally) their mindset?

In terms of their mindset, there are a bunch of different brahs and they all have different opinions about relationships, women, and being serious. I can’t really generalize it, but I can say this: for many of the newcomers, (line brothers who have just pledged), they are usually looking to explore their options. Since everything is new and exciting for them, and now for some of them it seems like girls are paying them more attention then they previously did, they aren’t really trying to settle down….they just want to see what all the fraternity has to offer.

Overall though, it just depends on what state of mind the person is in. Some are just trying to have a good time and some aren’t.  That has nothing to do with being in a fraternity that has to do with being an individual. Some guys want to get serious and some don’t; it’s on an individual basis.

5.      When you are in a relationship with someone, do you think that it is ok to look at other females? Have you done it?

No, it’s not ok if you are going to act on it, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking as long as I’m not making it awkward and uncomfortable for my girl. In my opinion, it’s normal to look…just don’t touch.

6.       If a girl makes you wait (physically), do you loose interest in her?

No. When a girl makes you wait, it usually makes you like her more. Plus nowadays we live in a society where there are so many different diseases and viruses that if she is giving it up that easy, you start to thinking something just might not be right. On a serious note though, if she makes you wait that demonstrates that what she has she values…everybody can’t get it. She’s not like everybody else, and that makes you want her more.

7.       How can a female tell if a guy is genuinely interested in her?

That’s tricky… these days it can be difficult to tell if people are being genuine or not. Just because someone looks and acts nice, doesn’t mean that they are good for you. I could look and dress nice and have good intentions, and then you could look at the guy next to me and he can look just as appealing, but his intentions are bad. So even though appearance matters, we shouldn’t base our opinions of someone based solely off of how they look.

You can’t really tell if a person is interested in you until you get to know that person, which is why I think it really is better to wait to become physically intimate with someone. Otherwise you might get played, and what you thought was a nice person really only wanted you for this or that…. Time reveals all things.

8.       Many women seem to struggle with the pressures that society places on them to be perfect. They seem to always compare themselves to other females. Do you/guys care about that stuff?

Not to the extent that most girls judge themselves on. Most guys don’t discriminate: big, tall, short, small, it really doesn’t make a difference how she compares to other women; as long as she likes herself and I like her…our opinions are the only two opinions that matter. That said, appearance does matter though.

I’m not expecting a high maintenance female and she doesn’t have to be wearing all those weaves and extensions, but I do want her hair to be combed. And when it comes to weave and stuff, if you have had it in for a long time and it starts to stink, wash it. It might look nice or even half way decent, but it smells bad. Take care of that. But I personally think that girls who are natural are very beautiful. You can’t go wrong with being who you were created to be, and that goes for women of all ethnicities and backgrounds. It may be the most difficult, but it really does look better than weave. Anybody can get that straight silky look.

Overall, I just want the woman that I am with to take care of herself. If she is wearing nail polish and it’s cracking, take it off. If you are going to do it, just do it right. On your toes if you have three toes that are painted, one that’s cracking and in general they just look busted, don’t wear open toe shoes or flip flops; cover them up. Also, you shouldn’t smell bad if you showered. Put in the effort to take care of yourself.

As far as clothing goes, as long as her clothes are clean and presentable that’s all I care about. The label and the name of the clothing don’t matter to me as much as it seems to for some females. It doesn’t cost much for a female to look beautiful, they can make anything look good. Just take pride in how you look. You are representing yourself.

9.       What about a woman do you find most attractive?

Hair.

10.   What qualities do you look for in a potential girlfriend?

Someone that I can get along with; she’s a team player, has a great sense of humor and likes to laugh… I don’t like boring females. I want someone who shares in my beliefs and is a goal oriented person who is trying to go somewhere in life. If you want to be a stay at home mom, that’s cool, just have something to bring to the table. Don’t be lazy and indolent. I want a woman who strives to make the most out of life and who will go hard after whatever it is that she wants. She has to be a fighter, with drive and determination, and who ultimately makes me a better man.

11.   Why didn’t your last relationship work?

A lack of communication. I guess I’m not really that good at expressing how I feel, so it was more me than her, but not being able to communicate effectively is the reason why things didn’t work out.  

12.   If a guy really wants to be with a girl, won’t he go after her?

It depends on the type of guy and whether he thinks she’s worth it. But there are some situations where a guy might not think that he would ever even have a chance with her, and as a result he might not put in the effort. Just because you want something doesn’t always mean that you can have it, but if you don’t think that you can have something, no matter how bad you want it, you won’t ever get it because your mindset was wrong in the first place. Change your thinking and then go after what you want.

 

13.    What do you think about girls who approach you first if they are interested in you?

They know what they want….there’s nothing wrong with going after what you want.  It doesn’t turn me off. We live in a society where anything is possible. Again, I see nothing wrong with going after what you want.

14.   What do you think are the three most important components for a successful relationship?

-       Being friends first: This let’s you know that the person likes you for you, and there was nothing but friendship there first. If you aren’t friends with the person that you are in a relationship with, how do you expect them to talk to you or share stuff with you. You need that foundation first before you move forward.

-        Trust: You can’t have anything without trust.

-        Happiness: This is what’s going to keep the two of you together. If you aren’t happy then it’s not going to work for too long.

 

-Virgin Monologuez