Monologue Monday: Shar

Hi ya’ll! How’s it going????

I hope your Monday is getting off to a great start and that you are all doing well!

Before I introduce you to the guest poster for today, I want to just mention that more than half of the posts for Monologue Mondays are by women that I’ve never physically met before.

I’ve either been introduced to them by another blogger, have been following their site for a while (and adored them!), or they have simply just emailed me and stated that they wanted to share their own story (after following the site for a while and gaining an appreciation for the purpose behind it).

I’m always so honored and grateful when, in any of the cases, the women agree to share themselves with us and to make themselves vulnerable and transparent.

If you can imagine, it’s not easy putting your laundry out there for the world to see, but since there is a greater purpose behind revealing intimate details about past relationships, they are more than willing to make that sacrifice. And to that, I am thankful!

I love providing a platform for other women (and teens J) to share their experiences with each other. While as a group we might not always handle the situations in the same manner as another person, there is always a lesson in every story and an opportunity to grow and to become a better individual... even if it didn’t happen to you.

And on that note, today you will meet Shar. She is one of those individuals that I’ve never met physically, but we’ve been corresponding via email for the past couple of months and she seems like a really cool person.

When she first started emailing me, she was so warm and considerate and over the course of us talking via email, she has been nothing but kind and encouraging. I really enjoy talking with her, and get excited when I open my inbox and see that she has sent me a message! (I l♥ve getting emails and messages from ya’ll!!!)

So when she decided that she wanted to share her story, she wasted no time in writing it up and getting it to me.

So here’s her story:

Monologue Monday: Shar

As many times as I like to thank God for giving me the inspiration and the strength to stay a virgin, I won’t lie, it’s been a struggle. I pray that this really helps someone who is perhaps going through some of the same things.

My decision to stay pure started when I was very young. Of course at the time, I had my mom down my neck about boys and sex. But I can say that I was also blessed to always have that feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that it was the right decision to wait.

It wasn’t hard at first to keep my virginity; I wasn’t seeing anyone and at the time I hadn’t even had my first kiss. Amongst my peers, I was the purest girl they knew.

I didn’t know much about sex except for what I was told or had seen in school (you know sex ed). And I had the overwhelming urge to just please God and honor him by waiting.

It didn’t matter to me what anyone else thought. It was just me and God.

It also sort of helped me by watching others and seeing what sex (when done outside of the realms that it was created for), can do to your mental and emotional self. I saw how sex had hurt one of my family members and I told myself that I wouldn’t go through any of that. I didn’t want to. It seemed heartbreaking to have a kid and the father of the child not wanting to have anything to do with her or her baby.

No, I didn’t want anything to do with sex.

That is until I turned 17 or 18 and I got my first boyfriend. At that time a lot was on my mind: starting art school, my mom passing away the year before, wanting to find some meaning in my life again. It was a lot to deal with, and I was overwhelmed with the new feelings I was having.

Everything was so new to me...especially since I had never had a boyfriend before.

But it all came crashing down when I got caught in a vicious cycle. He wanted to go half-way (not all the way) and I was caught in a battle between what I felt was right and what I knew.

See, beforehand it was easy to say "Oh, I'll just say no..." But when those feelings come (and you know what kind of feelings I’m talking about), and your mind is off in fantasy land, saying yes seems like the easiest thing right?!?

Well, God had begun to really work on me and I began to see how my actions were hurting my spirit. I had told my boyfriend (who knew of God but didn’t have a relationship with him) that we shouldn’t go against the will of God anymore. He seemed ok with it, but something deep down told me that he really wasn’t.

Now don’t get me wrong, he really did fall in love with me. Sex wasn’t what it was about. But it played a part in it because he wasn’t a virgin and I was and still am.

So one night, the very night that I had realized my true feelings about him. He slept with another girl; I was devastated when I found out. And I was more devastated when he did it more than once. I began to question myself and a lot of other things.

I felt as if my entire world was shaken. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I could barely breathe and function throughout the day... I felt betrayed. How could he have done that to me? Wasn’t I everything that he wanted?

The answer was simple: he was selfish and only thought of himself at the time.

When we are controlled by our desires we tend to forget everything else. Now I contemplated on whether I should stay or go.

In the end, I decided to stay with him and to see where it leads. A lot went down (in the past couple of years) between then and now. The short version is that my boyfriend had a lot of growing up to do and I did as well. I can say he's changing for the better and I'm doing a lot better as well.

When deciding what is right for you, just remember not to put anyone or anything before God.... He was there first and He always knows what’s best for you.