I'm Taking A Break....

I’m on vacation!!!

While I’ll miss blogging and talking with you all J, it’s nothing permanent or too long! I’ll be away until the 16^th Sept just getting such much needed rest and spending some quality time with my peeps.

I hope you all are ok and enjoying life. Can’t wait to catch up when I get back, but until then, live everyday to the fullest!!!

-Have a good week J

Monologue Monday: Shar

Hi ya’ll! How’s it going????

I hope your Monday is getting off to a great start and that you are all doing well!

Before I introduce you to the guest poster for today, I want to just mention that more than half of the posts for Monologue Mondays are by women that I’ve never physically met before.

I’ve either been introduced to them by another blogger, have been following their site for a while (and adored them!), or they have simply just emailed me and stated that they wanted to share their own story (after following the site for a while and gaining an appreciation for the purpose behind it).

I’m always so honored and grateful when, in any of the cases, the women agree to share themselves with us and to make themselves vulnerable and transparent.

If you can imagine, it’s not easy putting your laundry out there for the world to see, but since there is a greater purpose behind revealing intimate details about past relationships, they are more than willing to make that sacrifice. And to that, I am thankful!

I love providing a platform for other women (and teens J) to share their experiences with each other. While as a group we might not always handle the situations in the same manner as another person, there is always a lesson in every story and an opportunity to grow and to become a better individual... even if it didn’t happen to you.

And on that note, today you will meet Shar. She is one of those individuals that I’ve never met physically, but we’ve been corresponding via email for the past couple of months and she seems like a really cool person.

When she first started emailing me, she was so warm and considerate and over the course of us talking via email, she has been nothing but kind and encouraging. I really enjoy talking with her, and get excited when I open my inbox and see that she has sent me a message! (I l♥ve getting emails and messages from ya’ll!!!)

So when she decided that she wanted to share her story, she wasted no time in writing it up and getting it to me.

So here’s her story:

Monologue Monday: Shar

As many times as I like to thank God for giving me the inspiration and the strength to stay a virgin, I won’t lie, it’s been a struggle. I pray that this really helps someone who is perhaps going through some of the same things.

My decision to stay pure started when I was very young. Of course at the time, I had my mom down my neck about boys and sex. But I can say that I was also blessed to always have that feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that it was the right decision to wait.

It wasn’t hard at first to keep my virginity; I wasn’t seeing anyone and at the time I hadn’t even had my first kiss. Amongst my peers, I was the purest girl they knew.

I didn’t know much about sex except for what I was told or had seen in school (you know sex ed). And I had the overwhelming urge to just please God and honor him by waiting.

It didn’t matter to me what anyone else thought. It was just me and God.

It also sort of helped me by watching others and seeing what sex (when done outside of the realms that it was created for), can do to your mental and emotional self. I saw how sex had hurt one of my family members and I told myself that I wouldn’t go through any of that. I didn’t want to. It seemed heartbreaking to have a kid and the father of the child not wanting to have anything to do with her or her baby.

No, I didn’t want anything to do with sex.

That is until I turned 17 or 18 and I got my first boyfriend. At that time a lot was on my mind: starting art school, my mom passing away the year before, wanting to find some meaning in my life again. It was a lot to deal with, and I was overwhelmed with the new feelings I was having.

Everything was so new to me...especially since I had never had a boyfriend before.

But it all came crashing down when I got caught in a vicious cycle. He wanted to go half-way (not all the way) and I was caught in a battle between what I felt was right and what I knew.

See, beforehand it was easy to say "Oh, I'll just say no..." But when those feelings come (and you know what kind of feelings I’m talking about), and your mind is off in fantasy land, saying yes seems like the easiest thing right?!?

Well, God had begun to really work on me and I began to see how my actions were hurting my spirit. I had told my boyfriend (who knew of God but didn’t have a relationship with him) that we shouldn’t go against the will of God anymore. He seemed ok with it, but something deep down told me that he really wasn’t.

Now don’t get me wrong, he really did fall in love with me. Sex wasn’t what it was about. But it played a part in it because he wasn’t a virgin and I was and still am.

So one night, the very night that I had realized my true feelings about him. He slept with another girl; I was devastated when I found out. And I was more devastated when he did it more than once. I began to question myself and a lot of other things.

I felt as if my entire world was shaken. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I could barely breathe and function throughout the day... I felt betrayed. How could he have done that to me? Wasn’t I everything that he wanted?

The answer was simple: he was selfish and only thought of himself at the time.

When we are controlled by our desires we tend to forget everything else. Now I contemplated on whether I should stay or go.

In the end, I decided to stay with him and to see where it leads. A lot went down (in the past couple of years) between then and now. The short version is that my boyfriend had a lot of growing up to do and I did as well. I can say he's changing for the better and I'm doing a lot better as well.

When deciding what is right for you, just remember not to put anyone or anything before God.... He was there first and He always knows what’s best for you.

Monologue Monday: Me

I want to preface this by saying that even though this post is about dating, I’m currently single and LOVING IT! My motto is when it’s supposed to happen it’ll happen, and in the mean time I’m just going to enjoy as much ‘me time’ as I possibly can.

Monologue Monday: Dating and the Single Life

Being a 27 year old virgin is pretty interesting at times. Not necessarily for reasons that you might imagine either. For me, (especially at this point in my life), my biggest challenge isn’t trying NOT to have sex or be intimate with others. My biggest obstacle is actually dating. Yes, you read right- DATING.

In the words of my ex boyfriend (he’s an ex for a reason right?!?!?), “you would make the perfect wife, but you aren’t girlfriend material”. (When I asked him why he would say something so crazy, he said it’s because I have the qualities that a guy looks for in a wife, but when you’re young you just want to have fun…not date someone who is cautious and responsible)…um yeah, did I mention that he was my ex.

But anyways, (and if ya’ll don’t mind I’m going to get fairly personal with this post), but seriously though, when it comes to dating it really is a challenge sometimes.

I’m one of those girls that loves to have a good time. Usually whenever I’m out I’m always smiling and energetic (and probably laughing like crazy). I really do enjoy life.

At the same time, I hold my beliefs and values really close to my heart and there are a lot of things that I’m just not willing to compromise on.

And this is where the challenges of dating come in to play (and why I referenced my ex earlier): I’m laid-back and relaxed enough to not take myself or life too seriously, but I’m devoted and committed to my faith enough to stand strong when sticking to my principals.

For some reason this is confusing to many of the guys that I encounter.

Some guys seem to think that if I’m happy-go-lucky with my attitude and demeanor, then I’ll be the same with my body and emotions, and that’s just so absurd to me (and confusing to them when they try me).

And I guess the second part to this is that being 27 and living on my own and having all of the freedoms that I have, they really don’t get it when I tell them the few rules that I have for myself. (I.e. no overnight stays, having somewhat of a curfew, etc).

They are usually like ‘why does a grown woman have restrictions on how she lives her life?’

Side note- if somebody says this to me I keep it moving because they obviously are not the one for me. I set limits because I’m proactive and that’s what works for me fool! (I don’t call people fools- or any type of bad name really, but this is what I’m thinking sometimes).

So needless to say there have been many times that I have just felt so discouraged with the entire process. Honestly, that’s why some might even suggest courting instead of dating (which I should get around to writing a post about one day- note to self!), but there is one thing that always brings me encouragement and that is this:

You have to stay true to yourself in life. There are going to be some guys (maybe even a lot of guys) that just don’t get you, and that’s ok.

You don’t want to compromise your standards or desires just because it doesn’t fit into someone else’s mold or idea of what they think you should be.

I’m going to keep on laughing, keep on smiling, and keep on enjoying life every chance that I get. If someone doesn’t get me then they just don’t get me- that’s ok with me.

Ultimately when I meet my special guy, he is going to accept that I don’t want to have sex before marriage. He is going to appreciate that I respect myself and my values enough to set certain limits on our interactions with one another (until marriage). And he is going to love that I am me: quirky, engaging, fun, and full of life.

In short, he is going to get me and we are going to be equally yoked and on the same page with things.

Until that time….until I meet the man that accepts me just as I am (quirks and all J), then I am content on just living life to the fullest and making the most out of every opportunity.

I might not have been “girlfriend material” for my ex, but I will be that and so much more for someone someday, and I don’t mind waiting until that time.

The best things happen unexpectedly ….

-Virgin Monologuez

P.S. Trust God and just live life…everything will happen when it should. Just relax J!

Monologue Monday: Sally

I was telling ya’ll earlier in the 411 post here, that today you would meet my friend Sally. I’m genuinely SO EXCITED about her monologue! While all of the monologues that others have written have spoken to me in one way or another, Sally’s post really hit home for me the most.

As soon as I read it I called her up immediately and was like ‘I can’t wait to post this!’

Before I get into her story though, let me pump my breaks and tell you a little bit about her J.

Sally is the quintessential balance of fun and vivacity. While she is really thoughtful and very engaging, she says exactly what’s on her mind and she usually always keeps me laughing whenever I’m around her!

Until recently we only knew each other on a professional level, and then she came up and started talking to me one day and I was just like ‘this girl is really cool’!

After hanging out several times we realized that we shared a lot more things in common than we first thought, and she is quickly becoming one of those individuals that I’m glad that our paths crossed.

Throughout the year that I’ve known her, I know for sure that she’s always fun to be around, really energetic, very funny, and the perfect amount of attitude and sassy-ness! But enough of me blabbering about her, here’s her story in her own words:

Monologue Monday: Sally

Hello all! I love this blog and I’m excited for the opportunity to share my story. For me, the topic of virginity and waiting for marriage isn’t new because I was raised in a Christian home with parents who encouraged me in activities that kept me pure. Where I was from, waiting for marriage was a no-brainer because it’s what everyone did. Right?!?

At school I had many Christian friends who were also raised like me and believed they too would wait until marriage to have sex. In this type of atmosphere it was easy to hold fast to my beliefs because I was supported on every side. I was never forced to question this type of thinking because I had surrounded myself with people who thought like me.

Things started getting tricky in high school. Friends who had previously talked about waiting for marriage suddenly started having sex. The weird part to me was they seemed to suffer no outward consequences from having sex before marriage. Internally, I don’t know what was going on, but from the looks of things they seemed fine.

Seeing this really made me question my beliefs on waiting for marriage. The pain and suffering that I believed sex before marriage would cause didn’t seem to be existent. So then why are we doing this? Why are we waiting?

Things got even harder in college when I started hanging out with people who weren’t raised like me and people who never believed you should wait for marriage. Their parents didn’t wait and they were fine. These new people had had sex with multiple people and they seemed fine. Where was the death and destruction I was expecting?

The arguments I’d been taught in favor of waiting for marriage didn’t work with these new people. They had really good counter-arguments and solid points. So I gave up. I didn’t know what to believe anymore and I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t like having to rethink why I believed something.

In the end God really used this for good. He really pushed me to analyze why I believed what I believe. I came to realize I had followed a lot of Christian “rules” simply because people told me it’s what the Bible said.

Ultimately, this is an unhealthy way to live because your beliefs are not your own. For me it came down to whether or not I trusted God. The Bible says we should wait for marriage, but people who don’t wait for the most part seem fine to me. So did I trust God enough to believe He really did want what was best for me? Did I trust Him enough to follow His word despite evidence to the contrary?

And the answer to that was yes. I believe He does know what he’s doing and He does want the best for us.

So now I’m 26 years old and I’m still a virgin waiting for marriage. I’m not super vocal about it, but if asked I will discuss why I choose to remain a virgin. I no longer have fancy arguments and examples.

Maybe later I will, but for now my simple reasoning is this: I trust God.

The 411

I’m so pumped right now!!!!

There are literally at least a hundred things running around in my head and all I want to do is write. (I L♥VE writing btw….it may not always be grammatically correct J, but there’s always passion behind it).

First off, I just got crazy excited when I received Sally’s Monologue Monday guest post for today. I’ll post it in a little bit, but she basically said words that I’ve been thinking but haven’t ever been able to capture into the right set of words to portray my own sentiments on the matter. Sally does it perfectly!

Secondly, over the last few months I have met a load of new people and I’m so excited to pick their brains and to see what they think about the various topics that we talk about here at Virgin Monologuez (i.e. virginity, pre-marital sex, abstinence, self-esteem, self-worth, health, respect, loving one’s self, the male’s perspective and so forth).

And speaking about the male’s perspective, I have gotten a few emails and comments asking when is the next interview coming, and I promise I’m working on it now for ya’ll! Not only is my youngest brother’s Part 2 coming up (youcan read Part 1 here), but I’ve also asked several other guys (either that I’ve known for a while, or that I’ve just met) to participate in these discussions/interviews as well.

The thing is though is that ya’ll are slowly becoming like family to me in the sense that I want to protect my younger girls who are reading this and hold my guest posters accountable for the content that they submit. Not saying that I’m trying to control what they say- I truly believe in free speech and people expressing themselves- but I do feel responsible for what I present to young, impressionable minds and thus I try to maintain the integrity of this site accordingly.

And lastly, (just so I can wrap this up and not bore you anymore than I probably already have), I have been working on updating and changing the content of some of the tabs for the site; so be on the look out for these new changes soon. While there was nothing previously wrong per say with the About Us, The Author, and Contact Us pages, I wanted to make them even more AMAZING!!!

(…No really, the real reason is that I started this site back in January and in the few months that I’ve been writing and having other people guest post, God has made it clear to me what areas I should be focusing on…When there is a mission and focus, plans can be made and dreams can come to fruition; so let’s see where this more concentrated road takes us. The sky is the limit and ya’ll are my amazing pals along this journey, so let’s see what happens from here).

Hopefully this wasn’t too long, and please come back later today for Sally’s guest post (my girl seriously laid it DOWN in my eyes…or at least she spoke to me), and always feel free to share with me anything that your heart desires.

Have a Happy Monday!

-Virgin Monologuez

So Poetic...So TRUE

I really do have minimal words for this video. It says everything that I’m feeling at the moment in a poetic kind of way.

While I’ll just present the video and allow you to form your own opinions, I will say that I really am SICK of religion.

It breaks my heart when I see someone gossiping about someone else under the guise of ‘telling others so that they can help pray for the other person’.

Or when people state that they are a Christian as if it were a label and not a lifestyle. Just because you claim the title doesn’t mean that’s what you are; the fruit you produce tells what type of tree that you are.

And finally, why are we beating each other up, tearing each other down, and not supporting one another. What does one gain besides pride in watching their brethren fail? What happened to humility and love? What type of person does it make you if you take joy in seeing someone else’s shortcomings and faults?

Sorry if I’m preaching a bit, but I just don’t get it…it really tears me a part that as a people we would rather choose discourse instead of unity.

As does the video, I hate religion and here is why: