Are ya’ll
ready?!?!
I hope I’m
not hyping it up too much-I'm just really excited lol! But today is going to be Part 1 of Dr. J.D.’s
interview with me. He’s one of my closest friends, a really kind and compassionate
guy, oh…and I forgot to mention that he’s an ex-boyfriend too!
He was the
first male that I ever interviewed for this site, and a couple of
months ago he called me up and asked me if he could interview me. I didn’t
think anyone would be too interested in my answers (because I talk to ya’ll all
the time!), but he thought it would be cool to give my readers a closer, more
intimate glance into who I am and what I have to say. So I agreed, we conducted
our interview (which lasted almost 2 hours), and now I’m posting it below for
ya’ll to check out.
Before we
begin though, I think it’s important to fill ya’ll in on the fact that neither
one of us prepped for this interview. I couldn’t because we wanted it to be
authentic (and thus, I didn’t want to have time to prepare for it or pre-think
of answers), and he wanted to just go with the flow based off the answers I was
giving. Overall, I think that it provides a pretty raw and candid look into my
personal perspective about dating, waiting and sex. (And this is only the
appetizer…Part2 is going to be even more intense, but that’s coming next week, so
check back for that later J).
One more
thing that I want to add though, is that since these answers are my personal
perspective, they are a look into who I
am. In the past I’ve tried to shy away a little from talking about
religion (on this site), because I didn’t want to alienate my readers who
aren’t Christians or who don’t share in the same beliefs as I do.
Don’t get
me wrong, I’m a Christian and nothing will ever change that, but the purpose of
this site has less to do with my beliefs and more to do with just reminding
women, (young women and teens especially), that they have options and that they don’t
have to do anything that they aren’t ready to do; to let them
know that it’s ok to say no and that there’s nothing wrong with waiting…. That
just because society says that everybody is doing it, doesn’t mean its true or
make it right.
Christianity and my faith are just how I have held
on to my principles.
Now that we’ve
gotten the preliminaries out of the way, let’s get down to the raw and unedited
version of me…here’s a glimpse inside my head J
Flipping
the Script: He
Interviewed Me (Part 1)
1. I’ve known
you for thirteen years now and you’ve always been consistent with your beliefs
and values. How have you maintained that?
Wait! I just started getting really nervous when I remembered that
this was for an interview because it’s just so natural for us to talk about
anything one on one with each other, but let me move past my anxiety lol….it’s
just so weird being on the other side of things though!
But back to the question at hand, (sorry about that), I’ve maintained
my values and beliefs because it’s just a part of who I am. I genuinely
believe the things that I talk about, and they’ve become synonymous
with who I am as a person. My faith has played a really big role in that. I
can’t imagine myself without my faith; it’s my foundation. Likewise, I can’t
imagine myself without my morals and values…they’ve just been instilled in me.
It’s just who I am. I know so many people struggle with
the authenticity of some Christians, and it’s because they live one way through
the week and a different way when they’re at church. I’m not that calculating
clever, nor do I have time to play games. What you see with me is what you get. I have
moments of weakness, I have down days, but overall I consistently try to stay
true to myself and to my beliefs.
2. Do you think that some (religious) people can be too
serious in terms of physical relationships with their partner? (I.e. Can you
kiss? Can you touch? How much is too much? And how much is ok in keeping with
your beliefs and what you think the Bible says is ok)?
I really can’t speak for everybody else, but the way that I look at it
is that you
can’t desire something that you’ve never had before. Thus, I think
it’s a wise thing to set up limits from the beginning, because then you’re
less likely to cross those boundaries. In terms of how far is too far, I think
that’s something that a person has to determine for themselves. I do think that
for Christians specifically, the Bible is very clear about our body being a
temple and sex being for marriage.
To answer your question though, for me personally, I’ve kissed and
stuff (and don’t get caught up on the ‘and stuff’ lol, it’s not that serious- I’m sure you can tell them that right J?!?!)…
But there are some lines that I literally just refuse to cross. To me, it’s a
similar concept to eating baby food as a child and then switching to solids:
after you’ve been introduced to solids, that mashed stuff just doesn’t do it
for you anymore. Similarly, I feel like after you’ve crossed certain lines and
experienced certain things, those simple acts just don’t even faze you anymore…you
eventually just want more.
In some of my past relationships I used to try really hard to please
the person that I was with, so I kept toying with the idea of what I was comfortable
doing but it
just didn’t
feel right. I feel like the person that wins my heart is going
to win all of me, so it felt like cheating to give even a little
piece of that away.
So for me, I try to keep it at kissing and holding hands- anything
more than that and I’m playing with fire.
3. Your spirituality has allowed you to stay really focused
on your virginity and not having sex before marriage. Saying that, wouldn’t you
think that your husband would have to be a really godly man or on the same
level as you? Are you looking for a male version of yourself basically?
Um… no! I want balance. I guess I should rephrase my answer: yes and
no. No because I can’t bare the thought of being with someone lame or not
exciting (not saying that I’m lame or unexciting, but you get my drift).I can’t
imagine a life where I’m dating someone and they’re always quoting scriptures
and talking all this philosophical gibberish, (hope I’m not offending anyone
but I’m just being real). Like for instance if we’re playing a board game and
they start talking about the 23rd Psalm, I’m going to be like ‘for real?!?!’ Where’s your balance?
Or
if my car breaks down and I call him, and he starts telling me it’s probably
because something isn’t right in my life and to let’s evaluate what I’ve been
doing and figure out why this happened, I’m going to be annoyed. My car broke down and I’m stranded! We
can figure out the whys later, can you please just come and get me first???? So
yeah, I can’t be with someone who is so righteous and spiritual that they can
no longer connect…that’s not cool.
But I say yes because I want my
future husband to be my spiritual leader. I want to submit to him, but I need to make
sure before we get married that he is submitting to God. I
want us to be equally yoked and on the same page.
4. Speaking of being on the same page, what are five
elements that you think a couple should agree on?
·
Spirituality
·
Finances
·
Whether you want to have children or not/how you’re going to raise
your children
·
Communication (methods)
· Your unity or your marriage (For example: if you’re a private person
but you’re dating someone who’s open and doesn’t mind sharing all your
business, it might be a problem for ya’ll. You’re not going to want to bring
everybody into your marriage, and he’s not going to see the problem with it).
5. I know you’ve heard this before, so tell me your opinion
about it: Society has taught us that you never want to marry someone unless
you’ve had sex with them first, saying you don’t want to eventually marry
someone that you aren’t sexually compatible with. How do you feel about that?
Society also says that women should be a size zero and sex objects.
I’m not buying it. I understand that sex is important…I get that. But more
important than anything else are the people themselves. You can work on and improve
anything, but it’s a lot harder to change
a person’s character or persona. So I don’t necessarily agree with the whole
sexually compatible argument. That’s why I believe you should get to know a
person first and fall in love with him or her as a person, before
you introduce the intimate stuff like sex. It’s just too much pressure and then
you also don’t have to worry about being compared to their previous partners.
To me, saving one’s self is sexy. It’s a loyalty that defies comprehension. It’s
saying that I cared so much about you before I even knew that you were the one,
that I was willing to save myself just for you without even knowing you
first, because I believed that you were just that special.
Yeah, I’ve never had sex so in some people’s mind I might run the risk
of being with someone that doesn’t do it for me, but that’s just a chance that I’m willing to take. I’ve never been with anyone else, so I can almost
promise that it’s going to be the best I’ve had! (And anything
that doesn’t work, we can communicate and work on it together).
6. This is getting good, lol! Ok, so my next question is does
it bother you whatsoever how many partners that your future husband will have?
Will you be nervous or intimated?
I don’t hold someone’s past against them, and no I’m not
intimidated or nervous about it. I know who I am and what I have, and I’m sure I won’t
be a disappointment. I feel like everything else he probably had came
fairly easy for him, so I’m something that he’s going to have to work for, but
it’ll all be worth it in the end.
7. What is your ideal man? Physically and otherwise?
Physically, I’m not sure that I really have a preference; I just don’t
want to date someone too short or too skinny. I’m 5’2, and I love to wear heels
just as much as I like flats, but I don’t like being taller than the guy I’m
dating though, so he at least has to be taller than me. The other part of that
is I don’t feel safe being with someone who isn’t strong enough to protect me.
This is just me, but if he can’t pick me up (I’m 120 pounds) and run with me if
something were to go down (which I’m sure that would never happen but you never
know in this day and age!)…but basically I just don’t feel comfortable or
safe being with someone that I’m bigger than. I’m not saying that someone’s
size has to do with his strength, but I am saying that I would just feel more comfortable and
secure that way.
8. I know that you’re a beautiful and confident girl, but
when I see you I think of Lolo Jones or AC Green. Do you ever think about your
age and are you ok if you don’t find that person until you’re older?
I would rather wait and be with the
right person than to just be with a person just because. For me,
being alone is a lot better than living
with a nightmare…I can wait.
-Virgin
Monologuez
P.S. Here’s
an excerpt from Part 2 of our interview: (Come back next week to check it out!
Honestly, I’m not trying to be suspenseful, it was just too long to post
everything all at once so I decided to make it into two parts, but I promise
that you won’t want to miss it J)
“Looking
back on everything, you’re 27, single, and still a virgin, has it been worth it
to wait? If so, why?”
