Monologue Monday: What are your thoughts?

Hi peeps!

I was just looking over some of my previous posts and realized that my last one was around my birthday and that was almost two weeks ago now…sorry about that! (I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot, but I would rather keep saying it and keep you posted on what’s happening around here- even if that means I risk sounding redundant- just so you can have an idea of what’s going on).

The good news is that things are almost back to normal, and hopefully that means that my posts will be more consistent and worth your time (not saying that they haven’t been lately but I do realize that time is valuable, and if you are taking even a few minutes out of your day to spend it reading something that I wrote- which I’m always extremely grateful for btw- then I want to make it worth your while!).

That being said, I’m more than anticipating when everything is back to normal and I have more time and opportunities to get back to doing male perspective interviews, fashion posts, asking other women to share their stories, and so forth.

Ok, but I’m getting a bit off track so let me get back to the topic at hand for today’s post. Instead of writing a monologue, I thought I would ask you a question and get your responses.

So lately, I’ve been hearing a number of people discussing their opinions about how remaining a virgin until marriage or even practicing abstinence is all but extinct. Since waiting is something that I wholeheartedly believe in- both for spiritual and personal reasons- their arguments piqued my interests and I thought I would come this way and ask your opinion.

So what are your thoughts on the matter?

Do you think saving one’s self for marriage or practicing abstinence is an outdated practice?

Please leave your comment below, or feel free to email me if you feel uncomfortable leaving your response that way, and I’ll be back sometime next week to give my perspective and to share some of your responses.

Monologue Monday: Letters to My Younger Self #4

How was your Monday?

Mine was pretty good, but at the moment I’m HUNGRY!!!

I’ll take care of that in a second, but first, I just wanted to sit down and write this quick post.

I actually received a request to talk about the difference between gold-digging and security….bet you can guess who it came from: yep, a guy sent it in.

Either way, I think it’ll be a fun topic to discuss because I definitely think there’s a difference between the two.

But before I get to that topic, I wanted to write a quick note to my younger self. (Hopefully I’ll get to the post on security vs. gold-digging soon, but I’m trying to stop giving out dates because lately I haven’t been able to stick to them because work has been so busy. So in an effort to try to be a woman of my word, I’ll just say, “as soon as I get some free time, I’ll stop back by to give my opinion on the matter and I would love for you to do the same”).

In the meantime, here’s what I would tell my younger self today….

(And if you have no idea what this is all about, click here).

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

Dear Younger Self:

Let me just get straight to the point on this one:

It’s better to be honest and clear about your limits UP FRONT, than to be unclear about the matter when you know that you have boundaries that you don’t desire to go past.

You know that you don’t want to have sex before marriage, so don’t be vague about it.

Don’t worry whether you are going scare the guy off, whether everybody else is going to have something to say about it, or whether it’s kind of uncomfortable to talk about when you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.

All of that is irrelevant. This is your body we’re talking about and your life. What everyone else thinks, particularly in this case, really doesn’t matter much.

Not telling the guy that you are interested in or telling him but being unclear about it all, is not only misleading, but it could potentially cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and tension when you could’ve just be upfront about it from the beginning.

Besides, if you divulging this information is going to cause someone to walk away or be apprehensive, you should know his intentions before things get serious.

If he walks away or tries to convince you to do “everything else but sex” trust me when I say he’s not the one for YOU.

Leading someone on, sugar-coating things, or not being completely clear, is wrong. Being straightforward and direct about your boundaries really is the only way to go. Not only will you be saving yourself a lot of heartache by being truthful, but you can weed out the random guys who care more about their desires being fulfilled than they do about getting to know you as a person.

I’m not saying tell everybody, that’s dangerous… but if you’ve been getting to know someone and he has piqued your interest, if you think there could be a future there, be open with him and talk about it.

Wait for the one who will wait with you and not make you feel bad about it or question your decisions…

And don’t ever forget that you are WORTH waiting for

Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

I was reading on my floor yesterday when I got up to get some water, and literally almost passed out. That had never happened to me before, EVER, but it’s like as soon as I stood up everything just kind of went blank.

I immediately laid down, while trying not to freak out too much, because I had no idea what was going on. I thought maybe I just got up too fast and it would just go away, but it didn’t.

Every time I would get up my head would just spin like crazy, I was really light-headed, and I could only lay my head to one side- if I laid it to the other side it felt like I was on a rollercoaster and made me even more dizzy then if I just stuck to laying on the other side.

After about 3 hours of this, I realized that I should probably contact someone- even though I really just wanted to toughen it out and just see if it would go away- because it was hindering my ability to do any thing.

I got someone to carry me to the hospital- and the doctor told me that I had an inner ear infection which was also causing symptoms of vertigo. I got some meds and was told to rest.

That was yesterday.

Although I’m relieved that it wasn’t something even more serious, I don’t like feeling like this…period.

Whereas yesterday my head was spinning constantly- I was scared to even go the bathroom because I thought I might hit the floor- today it is only spinning whenever I get up or am sitting up for too long. I hope that means I’m getting better.

That said, I know that I’m supposed to be writing a letter to my younger self today, but that’s going to have to wait until later on (tonight hopefully). (I’m only telling you all of this because I like keeping my word, but this is something that may be beyond my control).

In the meantime, here’s an interview that I did a couple of days ago. It was one of few words, but I still think that the interview revealed a lot and showcased another male’s perspective; continuing to demonstrate that all guys are not the same.

Check it out and let me know what you think, and I think that on that note, I’m going to lay my head back down so that the room will stop spinning.

I hope ya’ll have a great week, and I’ll be back later on tonight if I’m feeling it. (I know I should probably rest but writing is therapeutic to me in so many ways). That said, if I don’t, I’ll talk to you when I can.

-Take care of your health….

Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

1.   What would you say to the ladies out there who think that ‘all guys are just the same’?

 

I would tell her that all men are not the same. We all may have many of the same urges and the same issues but we each handle them differently. Some men are devoted and caring, and some aren’t. If all men were the same though, then how would you have couples, like my parents, making it 20+ years in marriage?

2.   Do you wish you would have waited? Why or why not?

I honestly do wish I would have wait because things probably would have turned out differently. I have learned that waiting allows you to get to know a person more fully.

3.    So do you see any benefits in waiting until marriage to have sex?

I think that the benefits of waiting until marriage are that it gives the couple a chance to fall in love with each other rather than falling for a person because of how they make you feel sexually. Sex can take over a person’s decision-making, and I’m just keeping it real with you from my personal experiences.

4.   What advice would you give to single ladies who want to be in a relationship, but haven’t met the right one yet?

Just be patient and don’t force it. I believe that there’s somebody out there for everyone. You just have to wait and allow God to handle it.

5.   What are your thoughts on living with someone before marrying them?

I would NOT recommend it. Speaking from experience, I knew before I did it that it was something that God didn’t approve of, but I did it any way and life got very difficult for me.

6.   What’s the nicest thing that a girl has ever done for you?

Making my mother smile is the nicest thing that a girl will ever do for me.

7.     Aww! That’s really sweet. So what’s your take on a girl trying to change the guy that she is with in order to fit her ideal man?

I really do not like it when a person attempts to change another person. If you like that person, like him for who he is, flaws and all.

 

8.    What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend?

I really don’t have set qualities that I look for in a girlfriend as long as she shares in my same faith. But I do look more for what’s in her heart and mind than in her looks and talents, which is something that I used to do in my past.

9.    Are first impressions really everything? What’s included in your first impressions?

Honestly, first impressions play a big part. You will always remember the first time you meet a person. But like I said in the last question, I try not to place too much emphasis on it because in time you will see the real person… the comfortable person.

10.   How can a girl know if a guy is in to her (for those of us who are oblivious sometimes J)?

In my opinion, one of the main ways to know if a guy is into you is how much time does he devote to you. I know a guy can be friends with a female and hang out with her every once in a while, but if he is really trying to spend time with you then there’s probably something there.

Or if he comes out of his comfort zone to do something for you, like go to church with you, then he’s probably into you... Lol nobody is really comfortable going to a new church with somebody but if he wants to impress you or just spend time with you, he’ll make it happen.

Moment of Truth

As long as you think you can’t, you won’t.

-Believe in yourself-

Read Any Good Books Lately???

Here’s a bit of inside info on me…I’m kind of a book worm.

Actually, I think I may have mentioned this before, but I LOVE reading books. I’m not even afraid to admit that their usually either girly, Christian, or reflective…But mainly girly. (Unless we count the Bible and that’s my number one…but I’m getting off track here). (Oh, and I don’t fancy all that much books that are the current “it” trend either).

Anyway, Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries and I have been collaborating on a few posts, (you can see the interview I did with her here, and after vacation I’ll be back with some of her eco-friendly beauty tips), and today she wanted to share some of her favorite book recommendations.

I can’t say that I have read any of them, but from her detailed synopsis and reviews, there are a couple that grab my interest.

So check them out and let me know what you think. Also, if you have any good books that you would recommend, please leave a comment below and I’ll try to check them out.

Krystal’s Book Recommendations (with comments from her):

Anyone who knows me knows just how much of a bookworm I am; I can read two novels a week. I love to read so much because I love to learn. I believe that it is my responsibility to educate myself on whatever I deem essential to my growth----both naturally and spiritually.

My favorite genre to read is what I call Christian Education. C.E. is written with the purpose of educating, instructing, revealing, and pruning us for our personal Christian walk. With that being said, I've listed 5 books that I have read over the years which have challenged my way of thinking in regards to my spiritual walk. These are just a few of the books that have changed my life due to the insight, education, revelation, and guidance that they have given me. Check them out:

1. Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand
   This was the most eye opening book that I've read in regards to Christianity and persecution. We hear about our brothers and sisters in Christ being persecuted daily in the name of Christ, but I've never heard such vivid accounts before. TFC is the true life account of Richard Wurbrand, his wife Sabina Wurmbrand, and countless other beautiful Christians who suffer/ed daily just to be counted among God's faithful. This book was tough to read at times. There was more than one occassion wherein I had to put the book down and take a breather because it was emotionally overwhelming. Some of the torture methods in this book are beyond human imagination---purely satanic. But as fiercely as the enemy reared his ugly head in the lives of these believers, God displayed His authority, power, and grace all the more.
   Why read it?
   
   * It will bring an awareness to the injustices being carried out against our fellow Christians around the world.
   *It will make you cry, but when you get finished crying, it will drive you to earnestly pray for someone outside of you and your loved ones.
   * It will cause you to look at your trials and issues through a different lens. The troubles that you're facing now won't seem so overwhelming, unfair, or difficult anymore in the grand scheme of things. You'll actually feel a sense of joy in knowing that you're counted worthy of suffering for Christ.
   * It will remind you that no matter what kind of evil you may face in this world, we are already victorious. (It was so exhilarating to read about the hardcore atheists turning their lives over to Christ from watching the examples of the very people who they imprisoned).

2. For Such a Time as This by Ray C. Stedman
   I've loved Hadassah (Queen Esther) since I was a child. I was intrigued by stories of her beauty and regalia. But as I got older, I started to do my own research on the undercover Jewish queen. The more that I read about her, the more I discovered that she was a woman of virtue. I read every book about her that I can find, and usually, it's the same story over and over again: beautiful Jewish virgin turn the heart of a Pagan king and saves her people from desolation. I thought that I knew all that there was to know about the book of Esther...and then I came across this book. This book was the most thorough and insightful exegete of the book of Esther that I've EVER read. If you think you've heard it all, you haven't until you've read this. I'm such a Ray C. Stedman fan because he brings a totally different outlook on scriptures that we've read time and time again. He is such a man of substance, and this book will cause you to see the book of Esther like it's brand new.
   Why read it?
   
   * A lot of people misunderstand the book of Esther, some have even questioned the relevance as it pertains to the bible as a whole. This book will show a parallel between Jesus Christ/the Cruxifixition and the life and times of Esther, Mordecai, Haman, and King Xerxes. It will make you say, "What the heck?!!" It's an "ah ha" moment of a book.
   * It shows that every book of the bible is relevant to the modern day believer, and that everything about the bible comes full circle and points back to the cross.

3. Choosing Beauty by Gina Loehr
   This little book packs a major punch. It's a 30 day devotional that I do recommend reading each lesson day by day (as the book suggests). It can be tempting to read ahead since the sections are so short, but I believe that you'll benefit more from reading it one day at a time and really soaking in the information that you learned. This book is important for women of God because it reminds us to be cautious of putting our physicality over our spirituality. The author wrote this book because she recalls a time when she didn't want to go to a church event because she couldn't find her makeup bag. Now, I'm not an everyday makeup wearer, but I do remember a time when I didn't want to go to Midnight Prayer because my hair wasn't styled in it's usual curls. It was midnight prayer, for goodness sakes!! There would most likely only be a handful of people there, the lights in the sanctuary would be dimmed, and everyone would be around the altar on their knees in prayer, yet I didn't want to be seen even for a minute without my hair being perfectly styled. I did eventually decided to go (rocking my ponytail), and God whipped my tail when I got there. The problem is,whenever we're overly concerned with our physicality, that's usually a tell tale sign that something isn't right with our hearts. This book will bring attention to our warped sense of beauty.
   Why read it?
   
   * It will make you pause and truly examine yourself to see if you're placing the upkeep of your physical beauty over the maintenance of your spiritual beauty.
   * It teaches that although man may have a warped sense of beauty, true beauty is defined by the beauty of holiness.
   * It will teach you and explain why beauty is not limited to a select few, beauty is a choice that we must each make daily.

4. Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian
   Mary Kassian is probably my favorite Christian writer. She is SO underrated in my opinion. She is such a woman of insight and revelation. This book was a compare and contrast of the two Proverbs women: the promiscuous woman, and the infamous Proverbs 31 woman. She explains how both of these women are very present and relevant to the 21st century. If you read this book honestly, you might see a bit of yourself in both of these women.The adultery and promiscuity of which Mrs. Kassian speaks of isn't exclusive to sex. The unfaithfulness that she writes about is just as much about the idols that we place in God's stead. It's just a good read. I learned something new in each chapter (which is rare).
   Why read it?
   
   * It will make you see the vast differences between the women of the world, that woman who you think you are, the woman who you really are, and the woman who God created you to be.
   * It will make you look at yourself differently to the point of repentance and transformation.
   * It will make you look at sex and relationships differently from the views that the world have imposed on us.

5. Prayer: A Holy Occupation by Oswald.Chambers
   This was one awesome book!! Oswald Chambers can do no wrong in my eyes. He's so refreshing and wise. While many other Christian authors are writing the same thing over and over again--just in different ways, he keeps it fresh. I listed this book because prayer is the heartbeat of our relationship with God. It's our communication line, it's our strength, it's how we hear from God, it's how we get instructions---it's EVERYTHING to a Christian!! We all know that without a heartbeat, you will indeed die. I love reading books on prayer because I love prayer! This book teaches why we pray...or why we should pray. I will admit that Oswald Chambers is an itellectual, so it can be a task to keep up with his verbiage, but you can't argue with the content.
   Why read it?
   * It will convict you about your lack of a prayer life.
   * It teaches us that prayer is a privellege and not a burden (as we sometimes treat it).
   * It will tell you why praying is a Christian's main job.
   * It will make a prayer addict out of you.

Note worthy books: I'm not big on buying a book just because it's a bestseller, because a lot of times, that's just about a popularity contest. But I have read a few bestsellers that I have benefitted greatly from. They are The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

**Disclaimer: One thing that I always say when I recommend a book is that these books are inspired by the Word of God--they are NOT the Word of God. It is my prayer that you read these books, and any else, with wisdom and a sense of discernment---proving what is fact and what is the flawed opinion of man.

Monologue Monday: My Interview with ‘The 1st Lady Diaries’

Recently, I teamed up with Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries to do a few guest posts on one another’s site over the next couple of months. We are going to be talking about a range of things from great book recommendations (from some of her favorite books) to fashion tips (and whatever other girly things we can think of along the way).

Well, about a week ago she asked if she could interview me, and I thought that it would be really cool to see what type of questions she would come up with. And since we are both virgins, (sorry if that’s too much info btw but that’s a HUGE topic of discussion in these necks of the woods), I thought that it would be interesting to hear how her thoughts may have differed from mine, (if at all), on some of the questions that she raised.

So below I have pasted the interview that she conducted on her site, and you can find the original interview by clicking here.

Check it out and feel free to let me know what you think! (Actually, I think that I’ll post it in two parts to make for an easier read).

P.S. Have a good rest of the week J

P.S.S. Please feel free to leave comments below or to send me an email with topic ideas. It’s always easier when we make it more of a community feel as opposed to me talking about things that ya’ll could care less about! I hope that’s not the case!!! (At any rate, some current topics that I’ve been toying with are ‘Abstinence’, ‘Interracial Relationships (requested)’, and ‘But He’s the Best I Can Get’ to name a few. What do you think???

Monologue Monday: My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries

Krystal: Last year, I had the pleasure of writing a guest post for a fellow blogger and sister in Christ. This young woman is the author/creator of a blog called The Virgin Monologuez. (You can check out my interview here.) Her blog is dedicated to getting the word out that contrary to popular belief, everyone is NOT doing it. And you know what the "it" is--SEX! Now don't let the title fool you, although the blog is called "The Virgin Monologuez", she also features individuals who are married and those who have not always walked in chastity. She brings all of our stories together to one place where we can all share wisdom, experiences, perspectives, and opinions. I love the fact that she gives everyone a voice--allowing everyone to share their respective stories. It's brilliant!!

Well, we've exchanged emails a few times since then and we've formed somewhat of a virtual friendship. (I actually hope to meet her in real life one day, but until then, I'm going to turn the tables and interview her in regards to none other than celibacy and dating as a Christian.) Shall we begin?

VM: First off, I want you to say thanks for asking me to do this interview! I love “girl time” and just hanging around positive, like-minded people, so I was excited when you asked if you could interview me for your blog. Thank you.

Krystal: Whenever people find out that I'm a virgin, they always ask, "Is it because of your religion?" I answer yes because I know what they really mean, "Does fornication go against your belief system?" Even so, that only partially covers why I'm personally waiting. So I ask you, why are you waiting?

VM: The reason why I am waiting is two-fold. The biggest and most important reason why I am waiting is because of my faith. I genuinely love God with all of my heart, and I am so grateful for all that He has done for me and for Him always just being there for me, so one of the ways that I strive to show my gratitude is by practicing self-control and honoring my body as His Word instructs. For me this means waiting and trusting His timing, and knowing that at the right time, He will bring into my life the person that He has chosen, but until then I must patiently wait and work on becoming a better woman for me.

And the second part of that is that I think I am worth waiting for. I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant in the sense that ‘she thinks she’s all that’, because that mentality could not be further from my personality, but I truly believe that the man that I fall in love with will love me for the woman I am, and will be willing to wait for me because he realizes that I’m worth waiting for and that He will be gaining more than he could have ever lost in his waiting.

Krystal: From motivational speakers, to preachers, to parents, and all in between, everyone is saying, "You are worth the wait!" What does it mean to be worth the wait?

VM: My interpretation of being worth the wait is that the two of you are giving your relationship time to be cultivated and refined, while you get to know each other, before adding in the emotional and physiological elements of physical intimacy. It means that you realize that there is something so special about that other person that you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship by focusing on the physical. Simply put, I think that “worth the wait” means someone seeing something so extraordinary about that other person that they value them worth waiting for while they nurture the relationship that they are trying to build with that person.

Krystal: Everyone seems to have something to say in regards to another's standards. They're either too low, ridiculously high, or non existent. How do you define the word 'standard'?

VM: Average. Anything that is common, meaning massive amounts of people are doing it, sets the “standard” for what is normal.

Krystal: Okay. So you're standard is your personally defined status quo. Perfect!

Doing well gets old (for me, at least). Do you ever tire of waiting, and if so, how do you stay on track?

VM: Ohh….good question! My honest answer would have to be a resounding no! Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have had moments where I have questioned ‘when’s it going to be my turn?’, but the truth is I would rather wait however long it takes then to get into a relationship that is wrong for me, simply because I got impatient, and be living a nightmare. (Snapped and Lifetime have scared me enough to know that moving too soon or getting into a relationship just because I had a bout of loneliness, could LITERALLY lead to deadly consequences. No thank you!)

Knowing what I want out life and doing my daily devotionals keep me on track. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is going to take care of me, and so even when I get frustrated because I can’t trace His hand and don’t understand what is going on in my life, I still believe and love Him enough to trust His heart. (He’s already shown me He would do anything for me, He even sent His son to die for me! Why would He stop taking care of me now?!?!)

Krystal: Right!! No temporary bout of loneliness is worth a lifetime of unnecessary heartache. Wait it out, this too shall pass lol. So what's the most difficult part of waiting?

VM: Not knowing how long. It’s one thing to have an expiration date for something, but what about when you don’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to happen for you. That said, it is in these moments that I remind myself that what God has for me is for me, and that His timing is perfect. I have since stopped thinking about the time and have instead started focusing on making me a better person; focusing on my professional aspirations and doing stuff for other people. It’s hard to think about yourself when you are thinking about others. And since it’s not of focus, I don’t think about it as much any more. I have a life to live; I can’t use it counting up days….I just want to live it!!!

*****Check Back Later For Part II (or just go to her site to check it out!!!) *****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

Many of you seemed to really enjoy the Male’s Perspective interview that I posted last week. Thanks so much for your emails and messages; the feedback was much appreciated and it gave me great ideas for subsequent interviews, so thanks again!

Today will be Part 2 of Mr. Congeniality’s interview. (If you are curious about how we choose this name, or want to check out the first part of the interview, click here).

Hope you all have a safe and pleasant weekend J

***P.S. If you have a question that you would like for me to ask in one of my upcoming interviews please feel free to leave a message below or email me. I love hearing from you! ****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

6. Low self-esteem and low confidence seem to be prevalent issues affecting our generation. What do you think is the cause of this and how can it be combated?

I think it’s because of comparing oneself to others. I believe it is the most difficult for women though because of the extreme prevalence of the "perfect body/face/hair/clothes" in magazines, TV, movies and other sources of public media.
 
First off, those women you see on the billboards are being paid big bucks to maintain that appearance and they can dedicate entire days in the gym or hours upon hours in the salon. And, who says that is "perfection"?
 
Referencing question #5, girls with confidence and pride radiate a unique, non-descriptive type of attractiveness that quality guys love.
 
7. If a woman wanted to wait or practice abstinence, would you be willing to do so?

Yes, I would. And if you are in pursuit of a long-term relationship, a simple way to determine if he is “right for you” would be to tell him you want to wait. If he sticks around, you scored. If he leaves, you know he is not for you.
 
8.Some of the younger readers here have stated that they don’t know how to tell a guy no when propositioned about sex. What would be your advice for those individuals?

First off, please inform him as early as possible.
 
Basically, as soon as you realize he is interested in sex. (During the first coffee at Starbucks? Maybe not, but sooner rather than later.) If you wait until you and he are literally in a sexual situation, it will be most awkward for both of you and most emotionally, physically frustrating for the guy.
 
And specifically on how to tell him- be direct. Keep it simple. If you want to wait until marriage, "I want to wait until marriage before having sex.” If you want to wait until a later point in the relationship, "I am not ready for sex at this point in the relationship.” (A disclaimer for this statement: Because of how ambiguous this statement is, some guys may become frustrated if the "point in time" takes a long time to come. Maybe being more specific would help.)

9.What dating tips would you give to the guys reading this?

Be the best listener that you can be. If you place all of your attention on a girl when in conversation with her, you can give her the feeling that she is the only person in the world that you care about at that moment. It's a special feeling, as girls have told me. Also, don't forget what she says!
 
10.Is there anything else that you would like to add that I didn’t ask you?

Compromises are necessary in any relationship. However, when it comes to sex, it's your way or the highway for the guy.

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

You know that awkward moment where you have to contact a guy and ask him if he would be willing to do an interview with you and share his thoughts about relationships, turnoffs, confidence and women (on a site geared towards young adults and women), and hope that he doesn’t look at you with a side eye or question your aptitude?!?!?

Well maybe you don’t know, but it’s kind of terrifying. To be honest, every time that I have asked a guy to interview with me, even though I know that there’s a good purpose behind it all, I get really nervous.

I mean not only am I asking them really personal questions that they probably only talk about with their friends, (and on rare occasions maybe their acquaintances), but then I take it another step by placing that information on the internet (with their permission of course!).

I’m always so excited, and GRATEFUL, each time that one of them says yes because I could imagine that it could be slightly stressful being interviewed on your private thoughts about such personal topics (knowing that your answers could potentially be read by tons of people).

That said, I have been very fortunate to work with some really kindhearted, compassionate guys who believe in what I’m doing and are more than willing to offer their opinions on the various subject matters that are affecting both women and men in our generation.

So today I am going to introduce you to a guy who is one of the nicest southern gentlemen that I have ever met. (And I’m from the south so I have met my fair share, but this guy is towards the top of the list!)

When I called him up and told him about what I was doing and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed, he agreed without hesitation and was very real with his answers. (You know how sometimes you can tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear??? Well there was none of that…he was just very down to earth and matter of fact about it all).

After finishing the interview I told him that his identity would remain anonymous, because I care more about sharing the different male perspectives and less about revealing their identities, so I told him I would just call him Mr. Congeniality. My brother laughed at this, but this guy is secure in his manhood and just said ‘if that works for you than I’m ok with it’….I think friendly and sociable describe him perfectly!

Here are his answers in his own words…. (P.S. I decided to turn this into a Part 2 so check back next week for the end).

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

1.     Why did you agree to be interviewed for this site? What are some things that you think that teens and young women can gain from hearing more of a variety of different males’ perspectives?

Because I trust and respect you and I know that your efforts are true, valuable, and full of love. Therefore, I chose to support your efforts.

Also, a large variety of male opinions and perspectives heard by teenage and young women will provide them with a more balanced view of men. In addition, if a young woman has a specific question or struggle in a relationship with a man, a larger pool of male interviews gives her the best chance of possibly receiving her specific answer.

2.       Why didn’t your last relationship work out?

Two reasons:

First, was because I was leaving the country to do some international development work for 27 months. I have over 12 months experience with long-distance (international) relationships and have learned that those types of relationships do not work for me. My past long-distance relationships eventually became strained and never regained their original strength.

Second (and possibly more important), our post-college paths were quickly heading in drastically different directions: she wanted to immediately begin a career in a field that she did not love for more money and security. I wanted to spend the next handful of years exploring cultures far different from what I knew, and to absolutely love earning a living.

3.     There are some great guys out there, why do you think some women have such a hard time getting into the relationship that’s right for her?

One thought that I have is that some women make initial choices based on trivial attributes. For example, beginning a serious relationship with a guy because he is handsome and fit, or he is really funny. (I believe a physical attraction is important, and who doesn't like a good laugh, but much, much more is needed for a healthy relationship.) If that guy turns out to be immoral, selfish, or overly prideful, a woman will run into trouble.

Solution: think long and hard (or imagine) about the best experiences you have had with a guy. What qualities made those experiences so wonderful? Was it his generous heart, his dedication etc...

Another idea: don't enter a relationship with overly-high expectations (we guys are full of problems, far from "the perfect guy"). Think simply, so that when we do something incredible, it will blow you away!

 

4.      What are a few behaviors that you observe some women doing in their relationship that probably turn a guy off?

·         Self-deprecation, "putting oneself down". I have witnessed dozens of women doing this before and during relationships. "Your middle toe is longer than your big toe, so what?!" It makes guys think women value small problems too much. Plus, there's a good chance the guy you are with would have never noticed your extra long toe.

·        Some guys TELL you how they feel. Some guys SHOW you how they feel. Please pay attention and notice how your guy shows his love/appreciation for you. If he doesn't say "I love you" everyday, think about how much time he spends on you before you become upset.

·        If you are truly mad at us, please tell us why. The silent treatment does not produce any fruit in the relationship. For the repairing and prevention of future problems, we need to know what went wrong.

5.       Is it ok for a girl to approach a guy?

Heck yeah! As a naturally shy guy, I find confident girls very attractive. Plus it helps jump start that first conversation.

****Check back next week for Part 2 ****