Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

I was reading on my floor yesterday when I got up to get some water, and literally almost passed out. That had never happened to me before, EVER, but it’s like as soon as I stood up everything just kind of went blank.

I immediately laid down, while trying not to freak out too much, because I had no idea what was going on. I thought maybe I just got up too fast and it would just go away, but it didn’t.

Every time I would get up my head would just spin like crazy, I was really light-headed, and I could only lay my head to one side- if I laid it to the other side it felt like I was on a rollercoaster and made me even more dizzy then if I just stuck to laying on the other side.

After about 3 hours of this, I realized that I should probably contact someone- even though I really just wanted to toughen it out and just see if it would go away- because it was hindering my ability to do any thing.

I got someone to carry me to the hospital- and the doctor told me that I had an inner ear infection which was also causing symptoms of vertigo. I got some meds and was told to rest.

That was yesterday.

Although I’m relieved that it wasn’t something even more serious, I don’t like feeling like this…period.

Whereas yesterday my head was spinning constantly- I was scared to even go the bathroom because I thought I might hit the floor- today it is only spinning whenever I get up or am sitting up for too long. I hope that means I’m getting better.

That said, I know that I’m supposed to be writing a letter to my younger self today, but that’s going to have to wait until later on (tonight hopefully). (I’m only telling you all of this because I like keeping my word, but this is something that may be beyond my control).

In the meantime, here’s an interview that I did a couple of days ago. It was one of few words, but I still think that the interview revealed a lot and showcased another male’s perspective; continuing to demonstrate that all guys are not the same.

Check it out and let me know what you think, and I think that on that note, I’m going to lay my head back down so that the room will stop spinning.

I hope ya’ll have a great week, and I’ll be back later on tonight if I’m feeling it. (I know I should probably rest but writing is therapeutic to me in so many ways). That said, if I don’t, I’ll talk to you when I can.

-Take care of your health….

Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

1.   What would you say to the ladies out there who think that ‘all guys are just the same’?

 

I would tell her that all men are not the same. We all may have many of the same urges and the same issues but we each handle them differently. Some men are devoted and caring, and some aren’t. If all men were the same though, then how would you have couples, like my parents, making it 20+ years in marriage?

2.   Do you wish you would have waited? Why or why not?

I honestly do wish I would have wait because things probably would have turned out differently. I have learned that waiting allows you to get to know a person more fully.

3.    So do you see any benefits in waiting until marriage to have sex?

I think that the benefits of waiting until marriage are that it gives the couple a chance to fall in love with each other rather than falling for a person because of how they make you feel sexually. Sex can take over a person’s decision-making, and I’m just keeping it real with you from my personal experiences.

4.   What advice would you give to single ladies who want to be in a relationship, but haven’t met the right one yet?

Just be patient and don’t force it. I believe that there’s somebody out there for everyone. You just have to wait and allow God to handle it.

5.   What are your thoughts on living with someone before marrying them?

I would NOT recommend it. Speaking from experience, I knew before I did it that it was something that God didn’t approve of, but I did it any way and life got very difficult for me.

6.   What’s the nicest thing that a girl has ever done for you?

Making my mother smile is the nicest thing that a girl will ever do for me.

7.     Aww! That’s really sweet. So what’s your take on a girl trying to change the guy that she is with in order to fit her ideal man?

I really do not like it when a person attempts to change another person. If you like that person, like him for who he is, flaws and all.

 

8.    What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend?

I really don’t have set qualities that I look for in a girlfriend as long as she shares in my same faith. But I do look more for what’s in her heart and mind than in her looks and talents, which is something that I used to do in my past.

9.    Are first impressions really everything? What’s included in your first impressions?

Honestly, first impressions play a big part. You will always remember the first time you meet a person. But like I said in the last question, I try not to place too much emphasis on it because in time you will see the real person… the comfortable person.

10.   How can a girl know if a guy is in to her (for those of us who are oblivious sometimes J)?

In my opinion, one of the main ways to know if a guy is into you is how much time does he devote to you. I know a guy can be friends with a female and hang out with her every once in a while, but if he is really trying to spend time with you then there’s probably something there.

Or if he comes out of his comfort zone to do something for you, like go to church with you, then he’s probably into you... Lol nobody is really comfortable going to a new church with somebody but if he wants to impress you or just spend time with you, he’ll make it happen.

My Interview with Krystal @ The 1st Lady Diaries (Part 2)

Before I leave for my vacation, I wanted to post Part 2 to my interview with The First Ladies Diaries. (If you missed Part 1, you can check it out here).

So here it is:

My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries (Part 2)

Krystal: We're in a very small percentile. Roughly 4% of adults are virgins at the age of 25, and naturally that percentage drops as the ages increase. With that being said, do you ever feel as though your dating options are limited?

VM: Kind of. It’s so weird, but it’s like all throughout high school and college guys were so interested in trying to get to know me and so forth, and were really intrigued if they found out that I was still a virgin, but sometime after 24, it didn’t seem all that intriguing anymore. Now, people are like ‘what’s wrong with you that you haven’t slept with anyone yet?!?!’ I usually laugh this off because it’s all crazy to me, but the fact that I am still a virgin at 27, (I turn 28 in two months), makes people have all sorts of preconceived notions about me which definitely tries to limit things. But once people hang out with me and get to know me for me, they realize that I’m not the weirdo that they thought I was, and that nothing is in fact wrong with me…I’m just saving myself until marriage.

Krystal: Well, Happy (Early) Birthday!! And yes, I know all about those preconceived notions--which is why I always say, "Stereotypes are for zombies."

Krystal: I RARELY date. Reason being, I truly believe that I was meant to be exclusive; so I'm very selective. When I do decide to go out with someone, it's because of something that he said--he has to stimulate my intellect. What is it that makes you decide to give a guy a chance?

VM: His personality. If he is attentive and compassionate towards others, is a good listener but can also carry a conversation, respects his family and friends, and loves to enjoy life, his character is going to pique my interest. I also have to be attracted to him. This doesn’t mean that all my friends and family have to find him attractive; what one person likes, someone else may have completely different taste in, but I personally just want to find him attractive- despite what anyone else says.

Krystal: Amen! Personality counts for a lot.

Krystal: It goes without saying that a woman of God should date a man of God. So aside from that, what are 3 qualities/traits/non-negotiables that are a MUST for you?

VM:
*Must be compassionate, generous and has a kind heart
*Must be able to carry a conversation about a wide variety of subjects, and is a great listener.
*Must be like to laugh and be willing to try new things.

Krystal: I agree. Especially about being well rounded in various things.

Krystal: Sadly, not everyone is supportive of those who practice celibacy. I don't know about you, but I find myself having the most interesting conversations where virginity is concerned. What's the most annoying question or comment that you get in regards to celibacy?

VM: ‘You’re how old?’ lol

Krystal: Oh yes, the age old question of age lol. And don't even get me started on the "spared" talk. This is a choice, not a matter of default.

Krystal: I made it pretty clear on how I feel about dating and labels. It annoys me. How do you feel about labels and dating? You know, the whole my man/my woman thing?

VM: My annoyance isn’t in labels as much as it is in one half of a couple labeling it, but the other half refusing to so much as state that he/she is in a relationship.

Krystal: Wowzers!! I feel that. For me, it's not a matter of not wanting to acknowledge the relationship, I'm just funny about guys labeling me when they really have no claim; I refuse to be just another chick on some guy's roster. But trust me, when I am seeing someone, I most definitely make it known.

Krystal: To be fair, I'll answer first, NO! lol Are you dating anyone?

VM: No, I’m currently single. I’m in a really good place personally though, so I say that with a smile on my face and an overwhelming sense of peace. I am so thankful for this phase in my life that I have been single, because I have traveled the world and have gotten to do a lot of things that I probably would have been hesitant to do had I been in a relationship. It has been a great experience after I stopped thinking about the what-ifs and started focusing on living J. Now I’m making each moment count to the fullest, while I wait on the one who deems me worth waiting for.

Krystal: Yes. That's someone who knows how to use her single gift.

Krystal: Since we're doing a fashion post in the coming months, I thought that it would be very befitting to ask this question. Why or does it even matter how a Christian woman dresses?

VM: The way we dress matters because whether we mean for it to or not, it sends a message to others. I personally used to love certain trends, but I realized that many of the younger girls that I was (and still am) mentoring were trying to emulate me, and I didn’t want to send them the wrong message. So even though I have the freedom to dress however I choose, I still try to be mindful of what I wear because I don’t want to set a bad example for them just because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I still try to display my personality through my clothing, but I’m just cautious of the message that I am sending.

Krystal: That's true. You never know who's watching you, and we don't get to choose who looks up to us.

When I tell you that I had fun with this interview, I mean I had fun. I hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I had asking these questions and reflecting over the answers. My friend and I will be working together for the next few months over at her blog and my natural beauty blog. So be on the look out.

P.S. Let me know when there's a status update for #11 lol!

Monologue Monday: My Interview with ‘The 1st Lady Diaries’

Recently, I teamed up with Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries to do a few guest posts on one another’s site over the next couple of months. We are going to be talking about a range of things from great book recommendations (from some of her favorite books) to fashion tips (and whatever other girly things we can think of along the way).

Well, about a week ago she asked if she could interview me, and I thought that it would be really cool to see what type of questions she would come up with. And since we are both virgins, (sorry if that’s too much info btw but that’s a HUGE topic of discussion in these necks of the woods), I thought that it would be interesting to hear how her thoughts may have differed from mine, (if at all), on some of the questions that she raised.

So below I have pasted the interview that she conducted on her site, and you can find the original interview by clicking here.

Check it out and feel free to let me know what you think! (Actually, I think that I’ll post it in two parts to make for an easier read).

P.S. Have a good rest of the week J

P.S.S. Please feel free to leave comments below or to send me an email with topic ideas. It’s always easier when we make it more of a community feel as opposed to me talking about things that ya’ll could care less about! I hope that’s not the case!!! (At any rate, some current topics that I’ve been toying with are ‘Abstinence’, ‘Interracial Relationships (requested)’, and ‘But He’s the Best I Can Get’ to name a few. What do you think???

Monologue Monday: My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries

Krystal: Last year, I had the pleasure of writing a guest post for a fellow blogger and sister in Christ. This young woman is the author/creator of a blog called The Virgin Monologuez. (You can check out my interview here.) Her blog is dedicated to getting the word out that contrary to popular belief, everyone is NOT doing it. And you know what the "it" is--SEX! Now don't let the title fool you, although the blog is called "The Virgin Monologuez", she also features individuals who are married and those who have not always walked in chastity. She brings all of our stories together to one place where we can all share wisdom, experiences, perspectives, and opinions. I love the fact that she gives everyone a voice--allowing everyone to share their respective stories. It's brilliant!!

Well, we've exchanged emails a few times since then and we've formed somewhat of a virtual friendship. (I actually hope to meet her in real life one day, but until then, I'm going to turn the tables and interview her in regards to none other than celibacy and dating as a Christian.) Shall we begin?

VM: First off, I want you to say thanks for asking me to do this interview! I love “girl time” and just hanging around positive, like-minded people, so I was excited when you asked if you could interview me for your blog. Thank you.

Krystal: Whenever people find out that I'm a virgin, they always ask, "Is it because of your religion?" I answer yes because I know what they really mean, "Does fornication go against your belief system?" Even so, that only partially covers why I'm personally waiting. So I ask you, why are you waiting?

VM: The reason why I am waiting is two-fold. The biggest and most important reason why I am waiting is because of my faith. I genuinely love God with all of my heart, and I am so grateful for all that He has done for me and for Him always just being there for me, so one of the ways that I strive to show my gratitude is by practicing self-control and honoring my body as His Word instructs. For me this means waiting and trusting His timing, and knowing that at the right time, He will bring into my life the person that He has chosen, but until then I must patiently wait and work on becoming a better woman for me.

And the second part of that is that I think I am worth waiting for. I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant in the sense that ‘she thinks she’s all that’, because that mentality could not be further from my personality, but I truly believe that the man that I fall in love with will love me for the woman I am, and will be willing to wait for me because he realizes that I’m worth waiting for and that He will be gaining more than he could have ever lost in his waiting.

Krystal: From motivational speakers, to preachers, to parents, and all in between, everyone is saying, "You are worth the wait!" What does it mean to be worth the wait?

VM: My interpretation of being worth the wait is that the two of you are giving your relationship time to be cultivated and refined, while you get to know each other, before adding in the emotional and physiological elements of physical intimacy. It means that you realize that there is something so special about that other person that you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship by focusing on the physical. Simply put, I think that “worth the wait” means someone seeing something so extraordinary about that other person that they value them worth waiting for while they nurture the relationship that they are trying to build with that person.

Krystal: Everyone seems to have something to say in regards to another's standards. They're either too low, ridiculously high, or non existent. How do you define the word 'standard'?

VM: Average. Anything that is common, meaning massive amounts of people are doing it, sets the “standard” for what is normal.

Krystal: Okay. So you're standard is your personally defined status quo. Perfect!

Doing well gets old (for me, at least). Do you ever tire of waiting, and if so, how do you stay on track?

VM: Ohh….good question! My honest answer would have to be a resounding no! Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have had moments where I have questioned ‘when’s it going to be my turn?’, but the truth is I would rather wait however long it takes then to get into a relationship that is wrong for me, simply because I got impatient, and be living a nightmare. (Snapped and Lifetime have scared me enough to know that moving too soon or getting into a relationship just because I had a bout of loneliness, could LITERALLY lead to deadly consequences. No thank you!)

Knowing what I want out life and doing my daily devotionals keep me on track. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is going to take care of me, and so even when I get frustrated because I can’t trace His hand and don’t understand what is going on in my life, I still believe and love Him enough to trust His heart. (He’s already shown me He would do anything for me, He even sent His son to die for me! Why would He stop taking care of me now?!?!)

Krystal: Right!! No temporary bout of loneliness is worth a lifetime of unnecessary heartache. Wait it out, this too shall pass lol. So what's the most difficult part of waiting?

VM: Not knowing how long. It’s one thing to have an expiration date for something, but what about when you don’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to happen for you. That said, it is in these moments that I remind myself that what God has for me is for me, and that His timing is perfect. I have since stopped thinking about the time and have instead started focusing on making me a better person; focusing on my professional aspirations and doing stuff for other people. It’s hard to think about yourself when you are thinking about others. And since it’s not of focus, I don’t think about it as much any more. I have a life to live; I can’t use it counting up days….I just want to live it!!!

*****Check Back Later For Part II (or just go to her site to check it out!!!) *****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

Many of you seemed to really enjoy the Male’s Perspective interview that I posted last week. Thanks so much for your emails and messages; the feedback was much appreciated and it gave me great ideas for subsequent interviews, so thanks again!

Today will be Part 2 of Mr. Congeniality’s interview. (If you are curious about how we choose this name, or want to check out the first part of the interview, click here).

Hope you all have a safe and pleasant weekend J

***P.S. If you have a question that you would like for me to ask in one of my upcoming interviews please feel free to leave a message below or email me. I love hearing from you! ****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

6. Low self-esteem and low confidence seem to be prevalent issues affecting our generation. What do you think is the cause of this and how can it be combated?

I think it’s because of comparing oneself to others. I believe it is the most difficult for women though because of the extreme prevalence of the "perfect body/face/hair/clothes" in magazines, TV, movies and other sources of public media.
 
First off, those women you see on the billboards are being paid big bucks to maintain that appearance and they can dedicate entire days in the gym or hours upon hours in the salon. And, who says that is "perfection"?
 
Referencing question #5, girls with confidence and pride radiate a unique, non-descriptive type of attractiveness that quality guys love.
 
7. If a woman wanted to wait or practice abstinence, would you be willing to do so?

Yes, I would. And if you are in pursuit of a long-term relationship, a simple way to determine if he is “right for you” would be to tell him you want to wait. If he sticks around, you scored. If he leaves, you know he is not for you.
 
8.Some of the younger readers here have stated that they don’t know how to tell a guy no when propositioned about sex. What would be your advice for those individuals?

First off, please inform him as early as possible.
 
Basically, as soon as you realize he is interested in sex. (During the first coffee at Starbucks? Maybe not, but sooner rather than later.) If you wait until you and he are literally in a sexual situation, it will be most awkward for both of you and most emotionally, physically frustrating for the guy.
 
And specifically on how to tell him- be direct. Keep it simple. If you want to wait until marriage, "I want to wait until marriage before having sex.” If you want to wait until a later point in the relationship, "I am not ready for sex at this point in the relationship.” (A disclaimer for this statement: Because of how ambiguous this statement is, some guys may become frustrated if the "point in time" takes a long time to come. Maybe being more specific would help.)

9.What dating tips would you give to the guys reading this?

Be the best listener that you can be. If you place all of your attention on a girl when in conversation with her, you can give her the feeling that she is the only person in the world that you care about at that moment. It's a special feeling, as girls have told me. Also, don't forget what she says!
 
10.Is there anything else that you would like to add that I didn’t ask you?

Compromises are necessary in any relationship. However, when it comes to sex, it's your way or the highway for the guy.

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

You know that awkward moment where you have to contact a guy and ask him if he would be willing to do an interview with you and share his thoughts about relationships, turnoffs, confidence and women (on a site geared towards young adults and women), and hope that he doesn’t look at you with a side eye or question your aptitude?!?!?

Well maybe you don’t know, but it’s kind of terrifying. To be honest, every time that I have asked a guy to interview with me, even though I know that there’s a good purpose behind it all, I get really nervous.

I mean not only am I asking them really personal questions that they probably only talk about with their friends, (and on rare occasions maybe their acquaintances), but then I take it another step by placing that information on the internet (with their permission of course!).

I’m always so excited, and GRATEFUL, each time that one of them says yes because I could imagine that it could be slightly stressful being interviewed on your private thoughts about such personal topics (knowing that your answers could potentially be read by tons of people).

That said, I have been very fortunate to work with some really kindhearted, compassionate guys who believe in what I’m doing and are more than willing to offer their opinions on the various subject matters that are affecting both women and men in our generation.

So today I am going to introduce you to a guy who is one of the nicest southern gentlemen that I have ever met. (And I’m from the south so I have met my fair share, but this guy is towards the top of the list!)

When I called him up and told him about what I was doing and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed, he agreed without hesitation and was very real with his answers. (You know how sometimes you can tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear??? Well there was none of that…he was just very down to earth and matter of fact about it all).

After finishing the interview I told him that his identity would remain anonymous, because I care more about sharing the different male perspectives and less about revealing their identities, so I told him I would just call him Mr. Congeniality. My brother laughed at this, but this guy is secure in his manhood and just said ‘if that works for you than I’m ok with it’….I think friendly and sociable describe him perfectly!

Here are his answers in his own words…. (P.S. I decided to turn this into a Part 2 so check back next week for the end).

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

1.     Why did you agree to be interviewed for this site? What are some things that you think that teens and young women can gain from hearing more of a variety of different males’ perspectives?

Because I trust and respect you and I know that your efforts are true, valuable, and full of love. Therefore, I chose to support your efforts.

Also, a large variety of male opinions and perspectives heard by teenage and young women will provide them with a more balanced view of men. In addition, if a young woman has a specific question or struggle in a relationship with a man, a larger pool of male interviews gives her the best chance of possibly receiving her specific answer.

2.       Why didn’t your last relationship work out?

Two reasons:

First, was because I was leaving the country to do some international development work for 27 months. I have over 12 months experience with long-distance (international) relationships and have learned that those types of relationships do not work for me. My past long-distance relationships eventually became strained and never regained their original strength.

Second (and possibly more important), our post-college paths were quickly heading in drastically different directions: she wanted to immediately begin a career in a field that she did not love for more money and security. I wanted to spend the next handful of years exploring cultures far different from what I knew, and to absolutely love earning a living.

3.     There are some great guys out there, why do you think some women have such a hard time getting into the relationship that’s right for her?

One thought that I have is that some women make initial choices based on trivial attributes. For example, beginning a serious relationship with a guy because he is handsome and fit, or he is really funny. (I believe a physical attraction is important, and who doesn't like a good laugh, but much, much more is needed for a healthy relationship.) If that guy turns out to be immoral, selfish, or overly prideful, a woman will run into trouble.

Solution: think long and hard (or imagine) about the best experiences you have had with a guy. What qualities made those experiences so wonderful? Was it his generous heart, his dedication etc...

Another idea: don't enter a relationship with overly-high expectations (we guys are full of problems, far from "the perfect guy"). Think simply, so that when we do something incredible, it will blow you away!

 

4.      What are a few behaviors that you observe some women doing in their relationship that probably turn a guy off?

·         Self-deprecation, "putting oneself down". I have witnessed dozens of women doing this before and during relationships. "Your middle toe is longer than your big toe, so what?!" It makes guys think women value small problems too much. Plus, there's a good chance the guy you are with would have never noticed your extra long toe.

·        Some guys TELL you how they feel. Some guys SHOW you how they feel. Please pay attention and notice how your guy shows his love/appreciation for you. If he doesn't say "I love you" everyday, think about how much time he spends on you before you become upset.

·        If you are truly mad at us, please tell us why. The silent treatment does not produce any fruit in the relationship. For the repairing and prevention of future problems, we need to know what went wrong.

5.       Is it ok for a girl to approach a guy?

Heck yeah! As a naturally shy guy, I find confident girls very attractive. Plus it helps jump start that first conversation.

****Check back next week for Part 2 ****

It’s Almost Over… I Promise!

Are ya’ll getting tired of me posting these daily messages about loving yourself?!?!?

I hope not because it’s important...at least to me anyway J

That said, too much of anything is too much. (I don’t want ya’ll crossing me off your subscribe feed or blocking me on Facebook!). So please just hang in there with me a couple of more days and we’ll be finished with the “Love Yourself” campaign on Thursday. (Until this time next year that is! Haha. But I’m thinking that I’ll throw in some gifts and prizes next year to keep it fun and engaging).

On a serious note, I’ve received messages and comments from others that this campaign has helped to remind them of how special they are, and I honestly can’t ask for anything more than that.

In other news, I recently got done with the latest Male’s Perspective Interview, and I must say that hands down this was my absolute favorite interview that I have done thus far. (But don’t tell the other guys I said that….especially my younger brother whom I interviewed twice).

Honestly I try not to pick favorites, or to even formulate an opinion at all, because the guys that I interview are seriously the most diverse group of guys that you will ever meet. (Athletes, military, doctor, accounting, politics, computer information systems, teachers, and several more have all been covered, so they all come from different walks of life).

And I know this year I told myself, and you all, that I would do 12 interviews (one for each month) because I didn’t want to overexpose that element of this site, (back to too much of a good thing being just too much), but I am going to have to adjust that and go with the flow. (But I will get as close to twelve as possible and that’s a promise!).

That said, check back on Friday to see the latest interview, and it will count as February and March.

In the mean time, I hope you have a great week J

Oh… and how could I forget to mention that later on today, Emily over at Newlywed Moments is going to be sharing a repost that she wrote on her blog about her first kiss….come back and check it out if you have time.

*****P.S. Some time at the beginning of last year I disabled my subscribe feed because I was fearful that I would get caught up in the statistics of it all, and that’s just not the type of person that I am. I have some really big projects coming up though, and I realized that I can’t do it without your support, thus I am asking you to help spread the word by subscribing to this site and liking our Facebook page.

I have grown and matured quite a bit and realized that this isn’t about me, I am going to stay humble and grateful each and every time I get a click because I really am grateful, but this message that I have…this purpose is bigger than me and I can’t do it on my own. Thus I have readded the subscribe feature.*****

P.S.S. Sorry if I was all over the place with this post…hopefully you got the gist of what I was saying!

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

So this month’s Male Perspective Interview comes from non other than Mr. Irish. (In tribute to his red hair and every thing else that makes him fabulous)!

I have known him for almost two years now, and there are three words that immediately come to mind when considering his character and personality. (Ya’ll know I like to paint a picture [of the person] before I show you the photo…or in this case his perspective).

So the three traits that I think define him best are: reliable, knowledgeable, and considerate. He’s the kind of guy that I know without a shadow of a doubt that if someone is in need of anything, without hesitation he will try to help or assist that person in any way that he can, if there is something that he can do.

And since I’m explaining things, I’ll just quickly point out that one of my favorite things about doing these types of interviews and asking the questions that I ask is that I get to learn about, and share with you all, a variety of different male perspectives from individual viewpoints.

All guys are not alike and they don’t all think the same. While occasionally there are some answers that might make me blush or I might give the side eye to (like for real?!?!), I don’t change what the guy says because I want to be true to his word and authentic to you. More important than anything else though, I want to show the diversity amongst guys.

Try not to ever settle, and wait for the one who is inline with your principles and beliefs…you are worth it.

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

1.      What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend/wife? Are they the same?

For the most part, I look for the same things in a girlfriend that I do in a wife. I look for compatibility and trust. I look for someone I can enjoy my life with, someone I trust, and someone I feel comfortable with physically and emotionally. Physical attraction does play a part initially, but beyond that it has to be someone I feel connected to. I want someone who makes me laugh a lot. I want someone who I can look forward to having a long conversation with everyday for the rest of my life. I want someone confident and comfortable with who she is and someone who believes me when I tell her she is beautiful. The only difference that I look for in a wife is that I want someone who gets along well with my family. 

 

2.      Why didn’t your last relationship work?

Love is inconvenient. My last real functional relationship didn’t work because we were both on separate paths. At points of transition, I think relationships are at their most vulnerable. It takes a huge sacrifice by someone to make it work. In my case, it was graduate school that got in the way. My girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to graduate school. We were in a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance was difficult and eventually she called me up and said that it wasn’t working and that our lives were just on different paths. I was hurt, but I knew it was true.

3.     What do you think is true love?

To me, true love is when two people know each other completely, know each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and still love each other; trusting each other and feeling as if they have found something worth fighting and sacrificing for. It doesn’t quit when things are difficult or when disagreements arise. It forgives and doesn’t hold grudges. True love is mutual and in a relationship with true love I think the two partners are of equal influence.

4.      What is your opinion on sex before marriage?

As a man growing up in the culture I did, I thought sex before marriage was a necessity for a relationship to work. I thought that we should know each other fully before we got married, which included knowing each other physically. Now that I am a bit older and have been exposed to different ideas, I can understand waiting till marriage, but I think this would require extraordinary trust in the individual that you are marrying. I am open to the idea of waiting till marriage, but also quite scared when it comes to the sexual desires of my wife. I would definitely want to talk openly and thoroughly about sex with anyone before I actually committed to marriage.

5.     Do you wish you would have waited?

I had a bad first experience. Some people think that men cannot have a bad experience with sex, but for most, I think regardless of your sex or gender, there is a certain amount of emotion involved in sex, especially your first time. For me, I was in love with a woman who didn’t feel the same way. We had an uncommitted relationship before this, in which she didn't treat me very well.

Being foolish, I continued this relationship out of hope that her feelings would change and eventually I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin. After we had sex, she told me immediately that she regretted it and that she had done it out of frustration with another man. She then left within 5 minutes of it being over, leaving me feeling terrible about the whole situation. I had waited quite a long time to find someone I could trust, but alas I chose the wrong one. I wouldn’t say I wish I would have waited till marriage, but I definitely wish I had waited at least a little longer for the right someone.

6.     What is the best piece of dating advice that you have ever heard?

Learn how to disagree with each other. Most things in a relationship will come naturally once you love and trust each other, but arguments and disagreements, which are inevitable, are like relationship poison if you cannot handle them correctly and equally.

7.       What is one thing that you wish more girls knew or understood about guys (in general)? One thing I really wish girls knew about guys is that we are blind and our conversations amongst each other are direct. We frequently miss hints and suggestions given by girls. Be direct with us. If there is something you think, feel, want or don’t want, do not wait for us to find out. Tell us.

One thing I wish female friends and family knew is that when we are courting, many men are extraordinarily nice and then when the courting period is over, they change. Before you commit to sex or marriage with a man, first be sure it is what YOU want and secondly be sure he is honestly a good person that you can trust. This usually means testing his patience, making him wait and making things difficult for him. This is a necessary exception to the previous statement. I say this, because I know many men that have been dishonest and many women who have been fooled. If you were my sister, I would say be on guard in the beginning of a relationship.  

 

8.      What is one thing that some guys do in a relationship that you think might make the relationship better if they DID NOT do it?

I think many guys avoid confrontation. When there is a problem, we tend to avoid it. Men are awful when it comes to this. Many times women have to drag the issues out of us. I think that our relationships would be much healthier if we had conversations about the things that bothered us and the things that were going wrong in the relationship rather than avoiding the issues or procrastinating arguments.

 

9.      How do you feel about weave, makeup, and/or plastic surgery?

Make up is nice for pictures, but I think a natural face is beautiful. That being said, in my opinion women and men should go ahead and wear whatever clothes, makeup, weaves, wigs, tattoos, piercings or whatever else they would like to make themselves feel more confident or more like themselves at work and around town. However, at the end of the day I, and I think most men, want to see your natural beauty shine through. In that sense, I’ve always kind of liked make up. Not because the makeup made my girlfriend look beautiful, but because for me she took her makeup off. That somehow made me feel special and to me she was more beautiful without it and our time alone together was somehow more personal and real.

Plastic surgery, on the other hand, I don’t agree with except for medical reasons and in cases that would be helpful for your general happiness and well-being, such as for cleft lips and other similar procedures.

 

10.   For the entire month of February, I am running a “Love Yourself” campaign. What would you say to the woman who is suffering from low self-esteem or feels as though she doesn’t measure up? (Think as if you were talking to your sister).

Almost universally I can honestly say that whoever you are, you are more beautiful, more intelligent, and more interesting than you think you are. Somehow society turns us into our greatest critics, asking us to constantly compare ourselves to celebrities and those around us. But no matter what you think, I can promise you this; through most other peoples eyes you are much more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than you think you are. Someone may try to make you believe otherwise, but I hope that you are not gullible enough to believe those who would do that. Their hearts are cold and their eyes are tainted.

Be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic! Confidence shines through in every aspect of life. Your career, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, and all other interactions will improve when you learn to love yourself. This is the truth that somehow gets overshadowed by the superficial popular culture thrust upon us worldwide; confidence is the most attractive way to use everything that God gave you. So-called beautiful women, and men for that matter, may be able to make people turn their heads, but its confident people that attract the most attention. When it comes to finding girlfriends and wives, most men who have any sense at all tend to look beyond the superficial for things like confidence, a lifetime of conversations and laughs, and potential for success in life. I can only imagine smart women are looking for something similar in men.  

 

***P.S. Join me in the “Love Yourself” campaign…As Mr. Irish stated, “be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic”! Love Yourself…You Are Worth It!!***