Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

I was reading on my floor yesterday when I got up to get some water, and literally almost passed out. That had never happened to me before, EVER, but it’s like as soon as I stood up everything just kind of went blank.

I immediately laid down, while trying not to freak out too much, because I had no idea what was going on. I thought maybe I just got up too fast and it would just go away, but it didn’t.

Every time I would get up my head would just spin like crazy, I was really light-headed, and I could only lay my head to one side- if I laid it to the other side it felt like I was on a rollercoaster and made me even more dizzy then if I just stuck to laying on the other side.

After about 3 hours of this, I realized that I should probably contact someone- even though I really just wanted to toughen it out and just see if it would go away- because it was hindering my ability to do any thing.

I got someone to carry me to the hospital- and the doctor told me that I had an inner ear infection which was also causing symptoms of vertigo. I got some meds and was told to rest.

That was yesterday.

Although I’m relieved that it wasn’t something even more serious, I don’t like feeling like this…period.

Whereas yesterday my head was spinning constantly- I was scared to even go the bathroom because I thought I might hit the floor- today it is only spinning whenever I get up or am sitting up for too long. I hope that means I’m getting better.

That said, I know that I’m supposed to be writing a letter to my younger self today, but that’s going to have to wait until later on (tonight hopefully). (I’m only telling you all of this because I like keeping my word, but this is something that may be beyond my control).

In the meantime, here’s an interview that I did a couple of days ago. It was one of few words, but I still think that the interview revealed a lot and showcased another male’s perspective; continuing to demonstrate that all guys are not the same.

Check it out and let me know what you think, and I think that on that note, I’m going to lay my head back down so that the room will stop spinning.

I hope ya’ll have a great week, and I’ll be back later on tonight if I’m feeling it. (I know I should probably rest but writing is therapeutic to me in so many ways). That said, if I don’t, I’ll talk to you when I can.

-Take care of your health….

Male’s Perspective Interview: “Troy”

1.   What would you say to the ladies out there who think that ‘all guys are just the same’?

 

I would tell her that all men are not the same. We all may have many of the same urges and the same issues but we each handle them differently. Some men are devoted and caring, and some aren’t. If all men were the same though, then how would you have couples, like my parents, making it 20+ years in marriage?

2.   Do you wish you would have waited? Why or why not?

I honestly do wish I would have wait because things probably would have turned out differently. I have learned that waiting allows you to get to know a person more fully.

3.    So do you see any benefits in waiting until marriage to have sex?

I think that the benefits of waiting until marriage are that it gives the couple a chance to fall in love with each other rather than falling for a person because of how they make you feel sexually. Sex can take over a person’s decision-making, and I’m just keeping it real with you from my personal experiences.

4.   What advice would you give to single ladies who want to be in a relationship, but haven’t met the right one yet?

Just be patient and don’t force it. I believe that there’s somebody out there for everyone. You just have to wait and allow God to handle it.

5.   What are your thoughts on living with someone before marrying them?

I would NOT recommend it. Speaking from experience, I knew before I did it that it was something that God didn’t approve of, but I did it any way and life got very difficult for me.

6.   What’s the nicest thing that a girl has ever done for you?

Making my mother smile is the nicest thing that a girl will ever do for me.

7.     Aww! That’s really sweet. So what’s your take on a girl trying to change the guy that she is with in order to fit her ideal man?

I really do not like it when a person attempts to change another person. If you like that person, like him for who he is, flaws and all.

 

8.    What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend?

I really don’t have set qualities that I look for in a girlfriend as long as she shares in my same faith. But I do look more for what’s in her heart and mind than in her looks and talents, which is something that I used to do in my past.

9.    Are first impressions really everything? What’s included in your first impressions?

Honestly, first impressions play a big part. You will always remember the first time you meet a person. But like I said in the last question, I try not to place too much emphasis on it because in time you will see the real person… the comfortable person.

10.   How can a girl know if a guy is in to her (for those of us who are oblivious sometimes J)?

In my opinion, one of the main ways to know if a guy is into you is how much time does he devote to you. I know a guy can be friends with a female and hang out with her every once in a while, but if he is really trying to spend time with you then there’s probably something there.

Or if he comes out of his comfort zone to do something for you, like go to church with you, then he’s probably into you... Lol nobody is really comfortable going to a new church with somebody but if he wants to impress you or just spend time with you, he’ll make it happen.

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

Many of you seemed to really enjoy the Male’s Perspective interview that I posted last week. Thanks so much for your emails and messages; the feedback was much appreciated and it gave me great ideas for subsequent interviews, so thanks again!

Today will be Part 2 of Mr. Congeniality’s interview. (If you are curious about how we choose this name, or want to check out the first part of the interview, click here).

Hope you all have a safe and pleasant weekend J

***P.S. If you have a question that you would like for me to ask in one of my upcoming interviews please feel free to leave a message below or email me. I love hearing from you! ****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

6. Low self-esteem and low confidence seem to be prevalent issues affecting our generation. What do you think is the cause of this and how can it be combated?

I think it’s because of comparing oneself to others. I believe it is the most difficult for women though because of the extreme prevalence of the "perfect body/face/hair/clothes" in magazines, TV, movies and other sources of public media.
 
First off, those women you see on the billboards are being paid big bucks to maintain that appearance and they can dedicate entire days in the gym or hours upon hours in the salon. And, who says that is "perfection"?
 
Referencing question #5, girls with confidence and pride radiate a unique, non-descriptive type of attractiveness that quality guys love.
 
7. If a woman wanted to wait or practice abstinence, would you be willing to do so?

Yes, I would. And if you are in pursuit of a long-term relationship, a simple way to determine if he is “right for you” would be to tell him you want to wait. If he sticks around, you scored. If he leaves, you know he is not for you.
 
8.Some of the younger readers here have stated that they don’t know how to tell a guy no when propositioned about sex. What would be your advice for those individuals?

First off, please inform him as early as possible.
 
Basically, as soon as you realize he is interested in sex. (During the first coffee at Starbucks? Maybe not, but sooner rather than later.) If you wait until you and he are literally in a sexual situation, it will be most awkward for both of you and most emotionally, physically frustrating for the guy.
 
And specifically on how to tell him- be direct. Keep it simple. If you want to wait until marriage, "I want to wait until marriage before having sex.” If you want to wait until a later point in the relationship, "I am not ready for sex at this point in the relationship.” (A disclaimer for this statement: Because of how ambiguous this statement is, some guys may become frustrated if the "point in time" takes a long time to come. Maybe being more specific would help.)

9.What dating tips would you give to the guys reading this?

Be the best listener that you can be. If you place all of your attention on a girl when in conversation with her, you can give her the feeling that she is the only person in the world that you care about at that moment. It's a special feeling, as girls have told me. Also, don't forget what she says!
 
10.Is there anything else that you would like to add that I didn’t ask you?

Compromises are necessary in any relationship. However, when it comes to sex, it's your way or the highway for the guy.

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

You know that awkward moment where you have to contact a guy and ask him if he would be willing to do an interview with you and share his thoughts about relationships, turnoffs, confidence and women (on a site geared towards young adults and women), and hope that he doesn’t look at you with a side eye or question your aptitude?!?!?

Well maybe you don’t know, but it’s kind of terrifying. To be honest, every time that I have asked a guy to interview with me, even though I know that there’s a good purpose behind it all, I get really nervous.

I mean not only am I asking them really personal questions that they probably only talk about with their friends, (and on rare occasions maybe their acquaintances), but then I take it another step by placing that information on the internet (with their permission of course!).

I’m always so excited, and GRATEFUL, each time that one of them says yes because I could imagine that it could be slightly stressful being interviewed on your private thoughts about such personal topics (knowing that your answers could potentially be read by tons of people).

That said, I have been very fortunate to work with some really kindhearted, compassionate guys who believe in what I’m doing and are more than willing to offer their opinions on the various subject matters that are affecting both women and men in our generation.

So today I am going to introduce you to a guy who is one of the nicest southern gentlemen that I have ever met. (And I’m from the south so I have met my fair share, but this guy is towards the top of the list!)

When I called him up and told him about what I was doing and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed, he agreed without hesitation and was very real with his answers. (You know how sometimes you can tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear??? Well there was none of that…he was just very down to earth and matter of fact about it all).

After finishing the interview I told him that his identity would remain anonymous, because I care more about sharing the different male perspectives and less about revealing their identities, so I told him I would just call him Mr. Congeniality. My brother laughed at this, but this guy is secure in his manhood and just said ‘if that works for you than I’m ok with it’….I think friendly and sociable describe him perfectly!

Here are his answers in his own words…. (P.S. I decided to turn this into a Part 2 so check back next week for the end).

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

1.     Why did you agree to be interviewed for this site? What are some things that you think that teens and young women can gain from hearing more of a variety of different males’ perspectives?

Because I trust and respect you and I know that your efforts are true, valuable, and full of love. Therefore, I chose to support your efforts.

Also, a large variety of male opinions and perspectives heard by teenage and young women will provide them with a more balanced view of men. In addition, if a young woman has a specific question or struggle in a relationship with a man, a larger pool of male interviews gives her the best chance of possibly receiving her specific answer.

2.       Why didn’t your last relationship work out?

Two reasons:

First, was because I was leaving the country to do some international development work for 27 months. I have over 12 months experience with long-distance (international) relationships and have learned that those types of relationships do not work for me. My past long-distance relationships eventually became strained and never regained their original strength.

Second (and possibly more important), our post-college paths were quickly heading in drastically different directions: she wanted to immediately begin a career in a field that she did not love for more money and security. I wanted to spend the next handful of years exploring cultures far different from what I knew, and to absolutely love earning a living.

3.     There are some great guys out there, why do you think some women have such a hard time getting into the relationship that’s right for her?

One thought that I have is that some women make initial choices based on trivial attributes. For example, beginning a serious relationship with a guy because he is handsome and fit, or he is really funny. (I believe a physical attraction is important, and who doesn't like a good laugh, but much, much more is needed for a healthy relationship.) If that guy turns out to be immoral, selfish, or overly prideful, a woman will run into trouble.

Solution: think long and hard (or imagine) about the best experiences you have had with a guy. What qualities made those experiences so wonderful? Was it his generous heart, his dedication etc...

Another idea: don't enter a relationship with overly-high expectations (we guys are full of problems, far from "the perfect guy"). Think simply, so that when we do something incredible, it will blow you away!

 

4.      What are a few behaviors that you observe some women doing in their relationship that probably turn a guy off?

·         Self-deprecation, "putting oneself down". I have witnessed dozens of women doing this before and during relationships. "Your middle toe is longer than your big toe, so what?!" It makes guys think women value small problems too much. Plus, there's a good chance the guy you are with would have never noticed your extra long toe.

·        Some guys TELL you how they feel. Some guys SHOW you how they feel. Please pay attention and notice how your guy shows his love/appreciation for you. If he doesn't say "I love you" everyday, think about how much time he spends on you before you become upset.

·        If you are truly mad at us, please tell us why. The silent treatment does not produce any fruit in the relationship. For the repairing and prevention of future problems, we need to know what went wrong.

5.       Is it ok for a girl to approach a guy?

Heck yeah! As a naturally shy guy, I find confident girls very attractive. Plus it helps jump start that first conversation.

****Check back next week for Part 2 ****

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

So this month’s Male Perspective Interview comes from non other than Mr. Irish. (In tribute to his red hair and every thing else that makes him fabulous)!

I have known him for almost two years now, and there are three words that immediately come to mind when considering his character and personality. (Ya’ll know I like to paint a picture [of the person] before I show you the photo…or in this case his perspective).

So the three traits that I think define him best are: reliable, knowledgeable, and considerate. He’s the kind of guy that I know without a shadow of a doubt that if someone is in need of anything, without hesitation he will try to help or assist that person in any way that he can, if there is something that he can do.

And since I’m explaining things, I’ll just quickly point out that one of my favorite things about doing these types of interviews and asking the questions that I ask is that I get to learn about, and share with you all, a variety of different male perspectives from individual viewpoints.

All guys are not alike and they don’t all think the same. While occasionally there are some answers that might make me blush or I might give the side eye to (like for real?!?!), I don’t change what the guy says because I want to be true to his word and authentic to you. More important than anything else though, I want to show the diversity amongst guys.

Try not to ever settle, and wait for the one who is inline with your principles and beliefs…you are worth it.

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

1.      What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend/wife? Are they the same?

For the most part, I look for the same things in a girlfriend that I do in a wife. I look for compatibility and trust. I look for someone I can enjoy my life with, someone I trust, and someone I feel comfortable with physically and emotionally. Physical attraction does play a part initially, but beyond that it has to be someone I feel connected to. I want someone who makes me laugh a lot. I want someone who I can look forward to having a long conversation with everyday for the rest of my life. I want someone confident and comfortable with who she is and someone who believes me when I tell her she is beautiful. The only difference that I look for in a wife is that I want someone who gets along well with my family. 

 

2.      Why didn’t your last relationship work?

Love is inconvenient. My last real functional relationship didn’t work because we were both on separate paths. At points of transition, I think relationships are at their most vulnerable. It takes a huge sacrifice by someone to make it work. In my case, it was graduate school that got in the way. My girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to graduate school. We were in a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance was difficult and eventually she called me up and said that it wasn’t working and that our lives were just on different paths. I was hurt, but I knew it was true.

3.     What do you think is true love?

To me, true love is when two people know each other completely, know each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and still love each other; trusting each other and feeling as if they have found something worth fighting and sacrificing for. It doesn’t quit when things are difficult or when disagreements arise. It forgives and doesn’t hold grudges. True love is mutual and in a relationship with true love I think the two partners are of equal influence.

4.      What is your opinion on sex before marriage?

As a man growing up in the culture I did, I thought sex before marriage was a necessity for a relationship to work. I thought that we should know each other fully before we got married, which included knowing each other physically. Now that I am a bit older and have been exposed to different ideas, I can understand waiting till marriage, but I think this would require extraordinary trust in the individual that you are marrying. I am open to the idea of waiting till marriage, but also quite scared when it comes to the sexual desires of my wife. I would definitely want to talk openly and thoroughly about sex with anyone before I actually committed to marriage.

5.     Do you wish you would have waited?

I had a bad first experience. Some people think that men cannot have a bad experience with sex, but for most, I think regardless of your sex or gender, there is a certain amount of emotion involved in sex, especially your first time. For me, I was in love with a woman who didn’t feel the same way. We had an uncommitted relationship before this, in which she didn't treat me very well.

Being foolish, I continued this relationship out of hope that her feelings would change and eventually I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin. After we had sex, she told me immediately that she regretted it and that she had done it out of frustration with another man. She then left within 5 minutes of it being over, leaving me feeling terrible about the whole situation. I had waited quite a long time to find someone I could trust, but alas I chose the wrong one. I wouldn’t say I wish I would have waited till marriage, but I definitely wish I had waited at least a little longer for the right someone.

6.     What is the best piece of dating advice that you have ever heard?

Learn how to disagree with each other. Most things in a relationship will come naturally once you love and trust each other, but arguments and disagreements, which are inevitable, are like relationship poison if you cannot handle them correctly and equally.

7.       What is one thing that you wish more girls knew or understood about guys (in general)? One thing I really wish girls knew about guys is that we are blind and our conversations amongst each other are direct. We frequently miss hints and suggestions given by girls. Be direct with us. If there is something you think, feel, want or don’t want, do not wait for us to find out. Tell us.

One thing I wish female friends and family knew is that when we are courting, many men are extraordinarily nice and then when the courting period is over, they change. Before you commit to sex or marriage with a man, first be sure it is what YOU want and secondly be sure he is honestly a good person that you can trust. This usually means testing his patience, making him wait and making things difficult for him. This is a necessary exception to the previous statement. I say this, because I know many men that have been dishonest and many women who have been fooled. If you were my sister, I would say be on guard in the beginning of a relationship.  

 

8.      What is one thing that some guys do in a relationship that you think might make the relationship better if they DID NOT do it?

I think many guys avoid confrontation. When there is a problem, we tend to avoid it. Men are awful when it comes to this. Many times women have to drag the issues out of us. I think that our relationships would be much healthier if we had conversations about the things that bothered us and the things that were going wrong in the relationship rather than avoiding the issues or procrastinating arguments.

 

9.      How do you feel about weave, makeup, and/or plastic surgery?

Make up is nice for pictures, but I think a natural face is beautiful. That being said, in my opinion women and men should go ahead and wear whatever clothes, makeup, weaves, wigs, tattoos, piercings or whatever else they would like to make themselves feel more confident or more like themselves at work and around town. However, at the end of the day I, and I think most men, want to see your natural beauty shine through. In that sense, I’ve always kind of liked make up. Not because the makeup made my girlfriend look beautiful, but because for me she took her makeup off. That somehow made me feel special and to me she was more beautiful without it and our time alone together was somehow more personal and real.

Plastic surgery, on the other hand, I don’t agree with except for medical reasons and in cases that would be helpful for your general happiness and well-being, such as for cleft lips and other similar procedures.

 

10.   For the entire month of February, I am running a “Love Yourself” campaign. What would you say to the woman who is suffering from low self-esteem or feels as though she doesn’t measure up? (Think as if you were talking to your sister).

Almost universally I can honestly say that whoever you are, you are more beautiful, more intelligent, and more interesting than you think you are. Somehow society turns us into our greatest critics, asking us to constantly compare ourselves to celebrities and those around us. But no matter what you think, I can promise you this; through most other peoples eyes you are much more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than you think you are. Someone may try to make you believe otherwise, but I hope that you are not gullible enough to believe those who would do that. Their hearts are cold and their eyes are tainted.

Be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic! Confidence shines through in every aspect of life. Your career, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, and all other interactions will improve when you learn to love yourself. This is the truth that somehow gets overshadowed by the superficial popular culture thrust upon us worldwide; confidence is the most attractive way to use everything that God gave you. So-called beautiful women, and men for that matter, may be able to make people turn their heads, but its confident people that attract the most attention. When it comes to finding girlfriends and wives, most men who have any sense at all tend to look beyond the superficial for things like confidence, a lifetime of conversations and laughs, and potential for success in life. I can only imagine smart women are looking for something similar in men.  

 

***P.S. Join me in the “Love Yourself” campaign…As Mr. Irish stated, “be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic”! Love Yourself…You Are Worth It!!***

Male Week: He Said, She Said… Can Guys & Girls Just Be Friends

A while ago someone asked me the question: ‘Do you think that guys and girls can be “just friends”’?

So, I decided what better way to tackle that question than by a)answering it during the week that the guys are pretty much taking over this site, and b) by asking a guy to give his perspective while also answering the question myself.

Thus, below you have a ‘he said’, ‘she said’ response to this popular question. The ‘he said’ portion was written by… in homage to his heritage let’s call him Mr. Ireland… and the she is me.

Although I tried to provide different perspectives on the matter, I couldn’t really find any men who thought that they couldn’t. That said, I do think that we answered the question differently, so hopefully you find something helpful in both of our answers.

So here are our individual opinions on the matter….

He Said…..

In my opinion, men and women can definitely be “just friends”. If there is no, or only minor attraction, then there isn't really sexual tension to overcome. If you completely shut the door on a romantic relationship, you can open the door to a platonic friendship. Men and women can, and I think should, be friends. You can learn a lot from each other and talk to each other about things that you normally do not with friends of the same sex.

If, however one person already has feelings for the other person, then it is more difficult. I still think they can be friends, but from my experience it is dangerous and can be painful for one or both of the people, so it has to be absolutely crystal clear that there is no possibility that things will go beyond a friendship. I don’t think that you can be close friends until the feelings are gone. And I definitely don't believe in "friends with benefits". That always ends badly.

I’ve had female friends and they have been some of the best, closest and longest lasting relationships that I’ve had in my life. Some of them even started with attraction, but once the door was permanently closed on that idea, our friendships were able to grow. The catch about all of this is: you cannot let yourself think of them in “that way” and visa versa. If you find the idea of a romantic relationship slipping into your mind, you have to try to get rid of it quickly because once you indulge that thought your friendship will never be the same.

She Said….

I personally believe that it depends on whether you are single or not, (and when I say single I am talking about marriage).

The reason why your marital status matters is because once you are married, I don’t believe that you can behave in the same manner that you did while you were single. You no longer have to think about and consider just yourself, but now you have to consider the opinions and feelings of your spouse as well. The two of you have become one, and if you respect him then you have to value his opinion. And regardless of how innocent your friendships were previously with the opposite sex, I don’t see too many people wanting their significant other turning to the opposite sex and telling them personal business about the relationship and being comfortable with that. You want your significant other to want to turn to and to depend on you...not someone else. Furthermore, leaning on and depending on anyone else (of the opposite sex) other than your spouse provides the opportunity for your emotional needs to be met by someone other than your other half, and that can lay the foundation for an emotional affair. Obviously this doesn’t happen in every case, but why even open the door and create an invitation for it to arrive. Thus, I believe that if you are married you can still be friends with the opposite sex, but it should be more of you and your husband and him and his wife; never a solo type of friendship.

If you are single, again, I think that the answer is yes and no. No if you have any types of feelings for the other person, are intimate with them, or they have feelings for you. Yes if you don’t see yourself being involved with the person but you just want to be friends.

At the moment, a few of my greatest friendships are with males so I know that it is possible to have friendships with the opposite sex and it not be a complicated situation. That said, I do think that you have to be up front and clear about things before whatever type of relationship that the two of you are embarking upon gets started. You can’t be thinking that the two of you are just friends, while he thinks that he wants to be in a relationship with you, because that is going to create all kinds of tension and confusion.

Just talk about it, be honest and open, and care for people for who they are. Everybody is NOT trying to be in a relationship with you; some people genuinely just want to be your friend.

So that’s our opinion on the topic. What are your thoughts?

-Virgin Monologuez

****Oh, and be on the look out for Mr. Ireland’s Male’s Perspective Interview next month, but tomorrow’s interview will be the conclusion of Part 2 of An Athlete’s Perspective. Stay tuned…. ♥

A Male’s Perspective: A Frat Guy

YAY!!! It’s the weekend!!!!

Hopefully you won’t mind an interesting read while you are relaxing and trying to recoup from this past work week J.

Below you will find an interview from Mr. D…a fraternity guy turned professional who keeps it real in his own words.

Mr. D is a really candid and down to earth guy who is thoughtful, loyal, straightforward, hardworking, and extremely dedicated to anything that he commits himself to. That said, some of his answers may surprise you. (I know my mouth dropped open a few times while I was interviewing him!) But try not to form an opinion of someone based off of a single interview; he was only doing what I asked him to do, and that is to give you the reality of some fraternities.

The point of this interview isn’t to shed frat guys (or fraternities in general), in a negative or undesirable way though, because not all guys think this way. I just wanted to provide females a glimpse into how some guys perceive certain situations of circumstances.

I specifically asked him when answering these questions to not just consider his own opinion and perspective, but to consider the viewpoints of his line brothers, fraternity brothers, and fraternities in general. I told him that I wanted the raw truth, so being judgmental or condemning had no place in our conversation. He allowed me to ask him anything that I could think of, and I was just grateful at his candor and openness.  When guys aren’t trying to impress you, it’s amazing what they will reveal.

So, here is the candid truth from a frat guy’s perspective…. (oh, and please let me know what you think about it below in the comment section J)….

A Male’s Perspective: A Frat Guy

  

1.       One of the reasons why I wanted to interview you is because of your association with your fraternity. I love providing different perspectives from males of a variety of walks of life, and I thought that it might be interesting to get a frat guy’s viewpoint. So, what was your motivation for joining the fraternity that you did? Was it for the brotherhood or for the perks (fame, recognition, sex, to get your name out there, etc.)?

My motivation started in high school. I was in a similar organization back then that was founded by a fraternity member and those efforts just transferred into my collegiate career. So that was the main reason why I joined: high school sparked my interest and since I was already a part of it then it just made my decision easier once I arrived to college. It wasn’t for the perks though, because I really didn’t even know the perks of being associated with a fraternity until I was in it. And to be honest, the only thing that is really guaranteed about a fraternity is the connections; the girls, fame and any recognition that you may receive isn’t really guaranteed, because at the end of the day it is about the individual and not the fraternity. If a girl doesn’t like you as a person, she just isn’t going to like you…regardless of your association. Yeah, there are some girls who are groupies and loyal to certain fraternities and that might gain their attention, but the individual is what keeps it and if she isn’t interested in you (as a person) she just isn’t interested.

2.       What’s your take on how some frat guys interact with females, especially at parties?

When it comes to parties and stuff most of the guys in my fraternity are looking for a one night stand or something that could possibly lead to sex. In some cases they might not necessarily be expecting a one night stand, but they are planting a seed so that something may happen in the future. Obviously this is a generalization, but it is more common than not.

But our parties are not just about sex. It’s also a business. The more we can entertain and get people to come to our parties (and pay), the more money that we make and business comes first. People come to party with us and to see us act a fool, so it’s not all about sex and being physical.

3.       What kind of girls do you target or what type of girls comes to these parties?

To be honest, money’s only face is a dead president, so we target them all when it comes to getting females to pay to come to our parties. Wait…I thought you all let girls in for free? It depends on what type of party it is. A lot of them we let in for free before a certain time, or we have a ladies appreciation night (where its 2 for the price of 1), but we aren’t going to let them in for free all night because then we would be loosing money. When it comes to parties, it’s all about money.

The typical female at one of our parties is dressing to grab our attention, but that’s not just our party, that is any party that a female goes to. We do have themed parties where things can get out of hand sometimes (i.e. you have to show a certain feature or article of clothing- whatever the theme of the party is- in order to get in to the party free for that night), but to keep it honest, women come and they allow it. Sex sells, and we make money off of it. If they changed their standards then we would alter ours, but at the end of the night, a diverse range of women from all walks of life come to the parties that we throw.

4.       From your experiences and what you have seen, are college frat guys (who have just pledged) looking for serious relationships or are they just trying to have a good time? What is (generally) their mindset?

In terms of their mindset, there are a bunch of different brahs and they all have different opinions about relationships, women, and being serious. I can’t really generalize it, but I can say this: for many of the newcomers, (line brothers who have just pledged), they are usually looking to explore their options. Since everything is new and exciting for them, and now for some of them it seems like girls are paying them more attention then they previously did, they aren’t really trying to settle down….they just want to see what all the fraternity has to offer.

Overall though, it just depends on what state of mind the person is in. Some are just trying to have a good time and some aren’t.  That has nothing to do with being in a fraternity that has to do with being an individual. Some guys want to get serious and some don’t; it’s on an individual basis.

5.      When you are in a relationship with someone, do you think that it is ok to look at other females? Have you done it?

No, it’s not ok if you are going to act on it, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking as long as I’m not making it awkward and uncomfortable for my girl. In my opinion, it’s normal to look…just don’t touch.

6.       If a girl makes you wait (physically), do you loose interest in her?

No. When a girl makes you wait, it usually makes you like her more. Plus nowadays we live in a society where there are so many different diseases and viruses that if she is giving it up that easy, you start to thinking something just might not be right. On a serious note though, if she makes you wait that demonstrates that what she has she values…everybody can’t get it. She’s not like everybody else, and that makes you want her more.

7.       How can a female tell if a guy is genuinely interested in her?

That’s tricky… these days it can be difficult to tell if people are being genuine or not. Just because someone looks and acts nice, doesn’t mean that they are good for you. I could look and dress nice and have good intentions, and then you could look at the guy next to me and he can look just as appealing, but his intentions are bad. So even though appearance matters, we shouldn’t base our opinions of someone based solely off of how they look.

You can’t really tell if a person is interested in you until you get to know that person, which is why I think it really is better to wait to become physically intimate with someone. Otherwise you might get played, and what you thought was a nice person really only wanted you for this or that…. Time reveals all things.

8.       Many women seem to struggle with the pressures that society places on them to be perfect. They seem to always compare themselves to other females. Do you/guys care about that stuff?

Not to the extent that most girls judge themselves on. Most guys don’t discriminate: big, tall, short, small, it really doesn’t make a difference how she compares to other women; as long as she likes herself and I like her…our opinions are the only two opinions that matter. That said, appearance does matter though.

I’m not expecting a high maintenance female and she doesn’t have to be wearing all those weaves and extensions, but I do want her hair to be combed. And when it comes to weave and stuff, if you have had it in for a long time and it starts to stink, wash it. It might look nice or even half way decent, but it smells bad. Take care of that. But I personally think that girls who are natural are very beautiful. You can’t go wrong with being who you were created to be, and that goes for women of all ethnicities and backgrounds. It may be the most difficult, but it really does look better than weave. Anybody can get that straight silky look.

Overall, I just want the woman that I am with to take care of herself. If she is wearing nail polish and it’s cracking, take it off. If you are going to do it, just do it right. On your toes if you have three toes that are painted, one that’s cracking and in general they just look busted, don’t wear open toe shoes or flip flops; cover them up. Also, you shouldn’t smell bad if you showered. Put in the effort to take care of yourself.

As far as clothing goes, as long as her clothes are clean and presentable that’s all I care about. The label and the name of the clothing don’t matter to me as much as it seems to for some females. It doesn’t cost much for a female to look beautiful, they can make anything look good. Just take pride in how you look. You are representing yourself.

9.       What about a woman do you find most attractive?

Hair.

10.   What qualities do you look for in a potential girlfriend?

Someone that I can get along with; she’s a team player, has a great sense of humor and likes to laugh… I don’t like boring females. I want someone who shares in my beliefs and is a goal oriented person who is trying to go somewhere in life. If you want to be a stay at home mom, that’s cool, just have something to bring to the table. Don’t be lazy and indolent. I want a woman who strives to make the most out of life and who will go hard after whatever it is that she wants. She has to be a fighter, with drive and determination, and who ultimately makes me a better man.

11.   Why didn’t your last relationship work?

A lack of communication. I guess I’m not really that good at expressing how I feel, so it was more me than her, but not being able to communicate effectively is the reason why things didn’t work out.  

12.   If a guy really wants to be with a girl, won’t he go after her?

It depends on the type of guy and whether he thinks she’s worth it. But there are some situations where a guy might not think that he would ever even have a chance with her, and as a result he might not put in the effort. Just because you want something doesn’t always mean that you can have it, but if you don’t think that you can have something, no matter how bad you want it, you won’t ever get it because your mindset was wrong in the first place. Change your thinking and then go after what you want.

 

13.    What do you think about girls who approach you first if they are interested in you?

They know what they want….there’s nothing wrong with going after what you want.  It doesn’t turn me off. We live in a society where anything is possible. Again, I see nothing wrong with going after what you want.

14.   What do you think are the three most important components for a successful relationship?

-       Being friends first: This let’s you know that the person likes you for you, and there was nothing but friendship there first. If you aren’t friends with the person that you are in a relationship with, how do you expect them to talk to you or share stuff with you. You need that foundation first before you move forward.

-        Trust: You can’t have anything without trust.

-        Happiness: This is what’s going to keep the two of you together. If you aren’t happy then it’s not going to work for too long.

 

-Virgin Monologuez