Let Me Introduce Myself To You- Meet Me :)

Hi all,

I’m back!

As I mentioned in my last post, I recently returned back from Southeast Asia back in July and decided to take the last few months getting back into the swing of things, and visiting family and friends who I haven’t seen in the last TWO YEARS!!!

*** Side note- I’m currently writing a post discussing how it was for me living in Southeast Asia and what I was doing there and will be posting it soon, but for now I just wanted to let you all know that I’m back and I missed sharing things with you all****.

Also, over the within the next week or so, I am going to completely stop blogging here, but you can now find me at my new company’s website (it includes a blog section, shop, and all)! (www.dorothyalexa.com)

I’ve never formally introduced myself to you all (partly because of my occupation then and partly because it wasn’t the right time but more on that in the next post as well), but now is the perfect opportunity for me to do that!

Please either go to my company website: www.dorothyalexa.com or our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/dorothyalexa and like our page! While there you will find out more about me and what I’m currently up to.

In the meantime, while I won’t be writing over on this site much longer (and I hope you would like and follow me to my new home J), but either way, I just want to say thank you to each and every one of you who have supported and subscribed to me. While I was overseas and away from home, having this outlet to express myself and my thoughts carried me many days, so thank you for being there.

♥ Can’t wait to meet you all ♥

Monologue Monday: What are your thoughts?

Hi peeps!

I was just looking over some of my previous posts and realized that my last one was around my birthday and that was almost two weeks ago now…sorry about that! (I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot, but I would rather keep saying it and keep you posted on what’s happening around here- even if that means I risk sounding redundant- just so you can have an idea of what’s going on).

The good news is that things are almost back to normal, and hopefully that means that my posts will be more consistent and worth your time (not saying that they haven’t been lately but I do realize that time is valuable, and if you are taking even a few minutes out of your day to spend it reading something that I wrote- which I’m always extremely grateful for btw- then I want to make it worth your while!).

That being said, I’m more than anticipating when everything is back to normal and I have more time and opportunities to get back to doing male perspective interviews, fashion posts, asking other women to share their stories, and so forth.

Ok, but I’m getting a bit off track so let me get back to the topic at hand for today’s post. Instead of writing a monologue, I thought I would ask you a question and get your responses.

So lately, I’ve been hearing a number of people discussing their opinions about how remaining a virgin until marriage or even practicing abstinence is all but extinct. Since waiting is something that I wholeheartedly believe in- both for spiritual and personal reasons- their arguments piqued my interests and I thought I would come this way and ask your opinion.

So what are your thoughts on the matter?

Do you think saving one’s self for marriage or practicing abstinence is an outdated practice?

Please leave your comment below, or feel free to email me if you feel uncomfortable leaving your response that way, and I’ll be back sometime next week to give my perspective and to share some of your responses.

Moment of Truth:

It’s sometimes easier to judge others than it is to face ourselves.

What’s your truth?

Monologue Monday: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?

Lately I’ve been in a funk and have had no idea what to write about, even though I have really wanted to write and express myself.

So I took a little break, and in that time of relaxing and enjoying life, I questioned my motives and intentions with blogging….trying to remind myself why I started doing this in the first place.

While I admire those who can do 5-7 posts a week, work, AND maintain a life, I realized that isn’t for me. (Even though this week I'll probably end up doing close to that many because I miss ya’ll so much and have so many things that I want to talk about! But the point is, for normal daily living that doesn’t fit my lifestyle).

What works for me, and keeps me passionate about writing, is allowing things to be organic and natural, not calculated and planned. I like writing here a couple times of week, journaling daily, and then going out and making things happen…achieving the goals that I dream about, instead of just talking about them.

I realize that you are probably like ‘where is this all coming from’, or ‘who told you that you HAD to write daily’, but I’m saying all of this for a reason. (I’m just taking a bit longer than I probably should in getting to the point…my apologies).

At any rate, in my realizing that there are no rules to expressing myself or to using the creative outlet of writing to do so, I decided that what was missing from my posts, and was consequently making me feel blah about it all, was me. (Sorry if this is feeling like a therapy session…I really am getting to the point!).

So I decided that what if on the days when no one has shared a story, or a story is still being written/edited, that I just sort of bare it all (for a lack of a better phrase), and put myself out there.

That’s where this new series that I’m about to introduce will be of feature. I’m calling it:

“Letters to My Younger Self: Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating, and Confidence”.

(And before I go any further, I just want to give credit where credit is due. This idea stemmed from one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah K, and a different idea came from a reader of this site, Marietta. They both did something similar and I just sort of fused the two together. Sarah writes letters to her younger, single self from time to time, and Marietta wrote a blog post here about ‘What She Wish Her Mother Would Have Told Her’. I think the combination of these two ideas is the perfect prescription for what I’m needing at the moment, so thanks ladies J).

Not only do I think this will be fun, therapeutic, insightful, and will remind me of how far I’ve come, but most importantly, hopefully it will help someone else along the way.

I still plan on doing feature stories of other women on some Monologue Mondays and the Male Perspective interviews from guys, (and will continue to do so indefinitely), and both of which you’ll be getting another post on soon, but in between those times I plan to just have some fun and do one of the things that I do best….writing while expressing myself J

-Hope you’ll stick along for the ride

 

Letters To My Younger Self: Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

P.S. Next Monday I’ll start this series and at least carry it out to the end of the year (maybe longer…I can think of a TON of things I would tell my younger self, so we’ll just play it by ear and see how it goes). In the meantime, what about you?!?!?!

What’s something that you would tell your younger self about waiting, dating, confidence, self-esteem, relationships, etc???

 

Read Any Good Books Lately???

Here’s a bit of inside info on me…I’m kind of a book worm.

Actually, I think I may have mentioned this before, but I LOVE reading books. I’m not even afraid to admit that their usually either girly, Christian, or reflective…But mainly girly. (Unless we count the Bible and that’s my number one…but I’m getting off track here). (Oh, and I don’t fancy all that much books that are the current “it” trend either).

Anyway, Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries and I have been collaborating on a few posts, (you can see the interview I did with her here, and after vacation I’ll be back with some of her eco-friendly beauty tips), and today she wanted to share some of her favorite book recommendations.

I can’t say that I have read any of them, but from her detailed synopsis and reviews, there are a couple that grab my interest.

So check them out and let me know what you think. Also, if you have any good books that you would recommend, please leave a comment below and I’ll try to check them out.

Krystal’s Book Recommendations (with comments from her):

Anyone who knows me knows just how much of a bookworm I am; I can read two novels a week. I love to read so much because I love to learn. I believe that it is my responsibility to educate myself on whatever I deem essential to my growth----both naturally and spiritually.

My favorite genre to read is what I call Christian Education. C.E. is written with the purpose of educating, instructing, revealing, and pruning us for our personal Christian walk. With that being said, I've listed 5 books that I have read over the years which have challenged my way of thinking in regards to my spiritual walk. These are just a few of the books that have changed my life due to the insight, education, revelation, and guidance that they have given me. Check them out:

1. Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand
   This was the most eye opening book that I've read in regards to Christianity and persecution. We hear about our brothers and sisters in Christ being persecuted daily in the name of Christ, but I've never heard such vivid accounts before. TFC is the true life account of Richard Wurbrand, his wife Sabina Wurmbrand, and countless other beautiful Christians who suffer/ed daily just to be counted among God's faithful. This book was tough to read at times. There was more than one occassion wherein I had to put the book down and take a breather because it was emotionally overwhelming. Some of the torture methods in this book are beyond human imagination---purely satanic. But as fiercely as the enemy reared his ugly head in the lives of these believers, God displayed His authority, power, and grace all the more.
   Why read it?
   
   * It will bring an awareness to the injustices being carried out against our fellow Christians around the world.
   *It will make you cry, but when you get finished crying, it will drive you to earnestly pray for someone outside of you and your loved ones.
   * It will cause you to look at your trials and issues through a different lens. The troubles that you're facing now won't seem so overwhelming, unfair, or difficult anymore in the grand scheme of things. You'll actually feel a sense of joy in knowing that you're counted worthy of suffering for Christ.
   * It will remind you that no matter what kind of evil you may face in this world, we are already victorious. (It was so exhilarating to read about the hardcore atheists turning their lives over to Christ from watching the examples of the very people who they imprisoned).

2. For Such a Time as This by Ray C. Stedman
   I've loved Hadassah (Queen Esther) since I was a child. I was intrigued by stories of her beauty and regalia. But as I got older, I started to do my own research on the undercover Jewish queen. The more that I read about her, the more I discovered that she was a woman of virtue. I read every book about her that I can find, and usually, it's the same story over and over again: beautiful Jewish virgin turn the heart of a Pagan king and saves her people from desolation. I thought that I knew all that there was to know about the book of Esther...and then I came across this book. This book was the most thorough and insightful exegete of the book of Esther that I've EVER read. If you think you've heard it all, you haven't until you've read this. I'm such a Ray C. Stedman fan because he brings a totally different outlook on scriptures that we've read time and time again. He is such a man of substance, and this book will cause you to see the book of Esther like it's brand new.
   Why read it?
   
   * A lot of people misunderstand the book of Esther, some have even questioned the relevance as it pertains to the bible as a whole. This book will show a parallel between Jesus Christ/the Cruxifixition and the life and times of Esther, Mordecai, Haman, and King Xerxes. It will make you say, "What the heck?!!" It's an "ah ha" moment of a book.
   * It shows that every book of the bible is relevant to the modern day believer, and that everything about the bible comes full circle and points back to the cross.

3. Choosing Beauty by Gina Loehr
   This little book packs a major punch. It's a 30 day devotional that I do recommend reading each lesson day by day (as the book suggests). It can be tempting to read ahead since the sections are so short, but I believe that you'll benefit more from reading it one day at a time and really soaking in the information that you learned. This book is important for women of God because it reminds us to be cautious of putting our physicality over our spirituality. The author wrote this book because she recalls a time when she didn't want to go to a church event because she couldn't find her makeup bag. Now, I'm not an everyday makeup wearer, but I do remember a time when I didn't want to go to Midnight Prayer because my hair wasn't styled in it's usual curls. It was midnight prayer, for goodness sakes!! There would most likely only be a handful of people there, the lights in the sanctuary would be dimmed, and everyone would be around the altar on their knees in prayer, yet I didn't want to be seen even for a minute without my hair being perfectly styled. I did eventually decided to go (rocking my ponytail), and God whipped my tail when I got there. The problem is,whenever we're overly concerned with our physicality, that's usually a tell tale sign that something isn't right with our hearts. This book will bring attention to our warped sense of beauty.
   Why read it?
   
   * It will make you pause and truly examine yourself to see if you're placing the upkeep of your physical beauty over the maintenance of your spiritual beauty.
   * It teaches that although man may have a warped sense of beauty, true beauty is defined by the beauty of holiness.
   * It will teach you and explain why beauty is not limited to a select few, beauty is a choice that we must each make daily.

4. Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian
   Mary Kassian is probably my favorite Christian writer. She is SO underrated in my opinion. She is such a woman of insight and revelation. This book was a compare and contrast of the two Proverbs women: the promiscuous woman, and the infamous Proverbs 31 woman. She explains how both of these women are very present and relevant to the 21st century. If you read this book honestly, you might see a bit of yourself in both of these women.The adultery and promiscuity of which Mrs. Kassian speaks of isn't exclusive to sex. The unfaithfulness that she writes about is just as much about the idols that we place in God's stead. It's just a good read. I learned something new in each chapter (which is rare).
   Why read it?
   
   * It will make you see the vast differences between the women of the world, that woman who you think you are, the woman who you really are, and the woman who God created you to be.
   * It will make you look at yourself differently to the point of repentance and transformation.
   * It will make you look at sex and relationships differently from the views that the world have imposed on us.

5. Prayer: A Holy Occupation by Oswald.Chambers
   This was one awesome book!! Oswald Chambers can do no wrong in my eyes. He's so refreshing and wise. While many other Christian authors are writing the same thing over and over again--just in different ways, he keeps it fresh. I listed this book because prayer is the heartbeat of our relationship with God. It's our communication line, it's our strength, it's how we hear from God, it's how we get instructions---it's EVERYTHING to a Christian!! We all know that without a heartbeat, you will indeed die. I love reading books on prayer because I love prayer! This book teaches why we pray...or why we should pray. I will admit that Oswald Chambers is an itellectual, so it can be a task to keep up with his verbiage, but you can't argue with the content.
   Why read it?
   * It will convict you about your lack of a prayer life.
   * It teaches us that prayer is a privellege and not a burden (as we sometimes treat it).
   * It will tell you why praying is a Christian's main job.
   * It will make a prayer addict out of you.

Note worthy books: I'm not big on buying a book just because it's a bestseller, because a lot of times, that's just about a popularity contest. But I have read a few bestsellers that I have benefitted greatly from. They are The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

**Disclaimer: One thing that I always say when I recommend a book is that these books are inspired by the Word of God--they are NOT the Word of God. It is my prayer that you read these books, and any else, with wisdom and a sense of discernment---proving what is fact and what is the flawed opinion of man.

Monologue Monday: My Interview with ‘The 1st Lady Diaries’

Recently, I teamed up with Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries to do a few guest posts on one another’s site over the next couple of months. We are going to be talking about a range of things from great book recommendations (from some of her favorite books) to fashion tips (and whatever other girly things we can think of along the way).

Well, about a week ago she asked if she could interview me, and I thought that it would be really cool to see what type of questions she would come up with. And since we are both virgins, (sorry if that’s too much info btw but that’s a HUGE topic of discussion in these necks of the woods), I thought that it would be interesting to hear how her thoughts may have differed from mine, (if at all), on some of the questions that she raised.

So below I have pasted the interview that she conducted on her site, and you can find the original interview by clicking here.

Check it out and feel free to let me know what you think! (Actually, I think that I’ll post it in two parts to make for an easier read).

P.S. Have a good rest of the week J

P.S.S. Please feel free to leave comments below or to send me an email with topic ideas. It’s always easier when we make it more of a community feel as opposed to me talking about things that ya’ll could care less about! I hope that’s not the case!!! (At any rate, some current topics that I’ve been toying with are ‘Abstinence’, ‘Interracial Relationships (requested)’, and ‘But He’s the Best I Can Get’ to name a few. What do you think???

Monologue Monday: My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries

Krystal: Last year, I had the pleasure of writing a guest post for a fellow blogger and sister in Christ. This young woman is the author/creator of a blog called The Virgin Monologuez. (You can check out my interview here.) Her blog is dedicated to getting the word out that contrary to popular belief, everyone is NOT doing it. And you know what the "it" is--SEX! Now don't let the title fool you, although the blog is called "The Virgin Monologuez", she also features individuals who are married and those who have not always walked in chastity. She brings all of our stories together to one place where we can all share wisdom, experiences, perspectives, and opinions. I love the fact that she gives everyone a voice--allowing everyone to share their respective stories. It's brilliant!!

Well, we've exchanged emails a few times since then and we've formed somewhat of a virtual friendship. (I actually hope to meet her in real life one day, but until then, I'm going to turn the tables and interview her in regards to none other than celibacy and dating as a Christian.) Shall we begin?

VM: First off, I want you to say thanks for asking me to do this interview! I love “girl time” and just hanging around positive, like-minded people, so I was excited when you asked if you could interview me for your blog. Thank you.

Krystal: Whenever people find out that I'm a virgin, they always ask, "Is it because of your religion?" I answer yes because I know what they really mean, "Does fornication go against your belief system?" Even so, that only partially covers why I'm personally waiting. So I ask you, why are you waiting?

VM: The reason why I am waiting is two-fold. The biggest and most important reason why I am waiting is because of my faith. I genuinely love God with all of my heart, and I am so grateful for all that He has done for me and for Him always just being there for me, so one of the ways that I strive to show my gratitude is by practicing self-control and honoring my body as His Word instructs. For me this means waiting and trusting His timing, and knowing that at the right time, He will bring into my life the person that He has chosen, but until then I must patiently wait and work on becoming a better woman for me.

And the second part of that is that I think I am worth waiting for. I hope this doesn’t sound arrogant in the sense that ‘she thinks she’s all that’, because that mentality could not be further from my personality, but I truly believe that the man that I fall in love with will love me for the woman I am, and will be willing to wait for me because he realizes that I’m worth waiting for and that He will be gaining more than he could have ever lost in his waiting.

Krystal: From motivational speakers, to preachers, to parents, and all in between, everyone is saying, "You are worth the wait!" What does it mean to be worth the wait?

VM: My interpretation of being worth the wait is that the two of you are giving your relationship time to be cultivated and refined, while you get to know each other, before adding in the emotional and physiological elements of physical intimacy. It means that you realize that there is something so special about that other person that you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship by focusing on the physical. Simply put, I think that “worth the wait” means someone seeing something so extraordinary about that other person that they value them worth waiting for while they nurture the relationship that they are trying to build with that person.

Krystal: Everyone seems to have something to say in regards to another's standards. They're either too low, ridiculously high, or non existent. How do you define the word 'standard'?

VM: Average. Anything that is common, meaning massive amounts of people are doing it, sets the “standard” for what is normal.

Krystal: Okay. So you're standard is your personally defined status quo. Perfect!

Doing well gets old (for me, at least). Do you ever tire of waiting, and if so, how do you stay on track?

VM: Ohh….good question! My honest answer would have to be a resounding no! Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have had moments where I have questioned ‘when’s it going to be my turn?’, but the truth is I would rather wait however long it takes then to get into a relationship that is wrong for me, simply because I got impatient, and be living a nightmare. (Snapped and Lifetime have scared me enough to know that moving too soon or getting into a relationship just because I had a bout of loneliness, could LITERALLY lead to deadly consequences. No thank you!)

Knowing what I want out life and doing my daily devotionals keep me on track. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is going to take care of me, and so even when I get frustrated because I can’t trace His hand and don’t understand what is going on in my life, I still believe and love Him enough to trust His heart. (He’s already shown me He would do anything for me, He even sent His son to die for me! Why would He stop taking care of me now?!?!)

Krystal: Right!! No temporary bout of loneliness is worth a lifetime of unnecessary heartache. Wait it out, this too shall pass lol. So what's the most difficult part of waiting?

VM: Not knowing how long. It’s one thing to have an expiration date for something, but what about when you don’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to happen for you. That said, it is in these moments that I remind myself that what God has for me is for me, and that His timing is perfect. I have since stopped thinking about the time and have instead started focusing on making me a better person; focusing on my professional aspirations and doing stuff for other people. It’s hard to think about yourself when you are thinking about others. And since it’s not of focus, I don’t think about it as much any more. I have a life to live; I can’t use it counting up days….I just want to live it!!!

*****Check Back Later For Part II (or just go to her site to check it out!!!) *****

Make Every Moment Count

Ever have one of those days weeks where everything was just so fast paced and it all seemed as though it required your immediate attention, that you couldn’t tell is you were going or coming?

This past week was like that for me.

By the end of the week I was so exhausted and overextended that I all wanted was a little r & r and some me time…but instead I found myself at a wedding.

This is not to complain though. I love putting passion, drive, and determination behind the things that I do…It just demonstrates that I need to do a better job at prioritizing what is really important and what I can set aside to do at a later date.

I have to constantly remind myself to take a step back and enjoy the moment. Otherwise, I will have gone through life having gone through the motions without actually living in the moment and that’s not acceptable to me…at all.

 

So here’s to taking the time to enjoy the simple things (like laughing, enjoying good company, and even talking with you all J)…. Everything else will happen as and when it should; right now, I just want to enjoy what’s actually happening.

What about you? What do you do to not loose focus in ‘ALL the things that you HAVE to do today’?

Don’t Loose Hope….Other People Don’t Determine Your Future

I feel like I have been posting a lot of quotes lately, but when something speaks to my heart I get really excited and want to share it.

That said, I came across these two quotes recently that I found very encouraging and thus, they are making their way on this site. (What’s a couple more inspirational quotes right?!?!)

 

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”

-President Obama

Monologue Monday: Single But Occupied

Oc.cu.py :  To take up a space or an amount of time. To engage the attention or energies of.

-Webster’s Dictionary

 

I have a confession to make….

As easy, (but very deceiving) as it would be to make it seem like I have it altogether, I DON’T. (But that’s not the confession part…I’m getting to that in a second).

I mean I feel like I’m definitely getting the hang of things the more that I grow and learn, but I haven’t always had a handle on things.

 In fact, I used to be one of those girls, (and this is where the confession comes in), who sat around wondering ‘when’s it going to be my time?!?!’ (I even began wondering was something wrong with me that everyone else knew about but kept me out of the loop on…like seriously, why was I single?!?!?).

My precious brothers and mom were so supportive of me during that “phase” and always tried to encourage me and remind me of how special I was, but that only got me so far.

In spite of all of their support, and my knowing that things would happen when and as they should, I still felt like feeling sorry for myself.

At some point I got fed up with the self-pity though and realized that I had a life to live. I had dreams to fulfill and goals to achieve, and the longer I sat around focusing on what I didn’t have, the more I was missing out on LIVING!!!

That didn’t sit well with me.

I have too much ambition and passion to sit back idly as life passes me by.

So the most interesting thing happened. As I changed my mindset and started seeing being single as a blessing (instead of the curse that many people want you to believe that it is!), I started making moves and developing my strengths.

I started seeing being single as a time to refine myself, to go after some of the goals that I had, and most importantly to focus on me. (That’s not to say that I want to be single forever…let’s not get carried away with it J, but I AM saying that being single is just as much of a gift as being in a relationship).

I truly believe that once you get in a relationship it’s not just about you anymore, but at that point it’s about the both of you (as it should be).

Focusing on me meant doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do, pondering what I wanted to be and how I wanted to go about it, taking really crazy and exotic trips and not worrying about who I was leaving behind, devoting my time to volunteerism, and doing anything else that my heart (and creative mind) could come up with.

The more I have learned to love and appreciate where I am right now in life, and have turned my energy and attention into doing something positive, the less I have thought about what I don’t have. After doing things for others, putting in the time to achieve my goals, and setting aside the time to take care of my mind, body and soul, I am too exhausted (but fulfilled J), to think about what I don’t have!

So at this point in my life  I’m just grateful that I have a life and that I understand that it's worth living, and I am going to do just that each and every day that I’m given…whether I’m single or in a relationship.

What about you? What’s your take on the single life?

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

Many of you seemed to really enjoy the Male’s Perspective interview that I posted last week. Thanks so much for your emails and messages; the feedback was much appreciated and it gave me great ideas for subsequent interviews, so thanks again!

Today will be Part 2 of Mr. Congeniality’s interview. (If you are curious about how we choose this name, or want to check out the first part of the interview, click here).

Hope you all have a safe and pleasant weekend J

***P.S. If you have a question that you would like for me to ask in one of my upcoming interviews please feel free to leave a message below or email me. I love hearing from you! ****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

6. Low self-esteem and low confidence seem to be prevalent issues affecting our generation. What do you think is the cause of this and how can it be combated?

I think it’s because of comparing oneself to others. I believe it is the most difficult for women though because of the extreme prevalence of the "perfect body/face/hair/clothes" in magazines, TV, movies and other sources of public media.
 
First off, those women you see on the billboards are being paid big bucks to maintain that appearance and they can dedicate entire days in the gym or hours upon hours in the salon. And, who says that is "perfection"?
 
Referencing question #5, girls with confidence and pride radiate a unique, non-descriptive type of attractiveness that quality guys love.
 
7. If a woman wanted to wait or practice abstinence, would you be willing to do so?

Yes, I would. And if you are in pursuit of a long-term relationship, a simple way to determine if he is “right for you” would be to tell him you want to wait. If he sticks around, you scored. If he leaves, you know he is not for you.
 
8.Some of the younger readers here have stated that they don’t know how to tell a guy no when propositioned about sex. What would be your advice for those individuals?

First off, please inform him as early as possible.
 
Basically, as soon as you realize he is interested in sex. (During the first coffee at Starbucks? Maybe not, but sooner rather than later.) If you wait until you and he are literally in a sexual situation, it will be most awkward for both of you and most emotionally, physically frustrating for the guy.
 
And specifically on how to tell him- be direct. Keep it simple. If you want to wait until marriage, "I want to wait until marriage before having sex.” If you want to wait until a later point in the relationship, "I am not ready for sex at this point in the relationship.” (A disclaimer for this statement: Because of how ambiguous this statement is, some guys may become frustrated if the "point in time" takes a long time to come. Maybe being more specific would help.)

9.What dating tips would you give to the guys reading this?

Be the best listener that you can be. If you place all of your attention on a girl when in conversation with her, you can give her the feeling that she is the only person in the world that you care about at that moment. It's a special feeling, as girls have told me. Also, don't forget what she says!
 
10.Is there anything else that you would like to add that I didn’t ask you?

Compromises are necessary in any relationship. However, when it comes to sex, it's your way or the highway for the guy.

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

You know that awkward moment where you have to contact a guy and ask him if he would be willing to do an interview with you and share his thoughts about relationships, turnoffs, confidence and women (on a site geared towards young adults and women), and hope that he doesn’t look at you with a side eye or question your aptitude?!?!?

Well maybe you don’t know, but it’s kind of terrifying. To be honest, every time that I have asked a guy to interview with me, even though I know that there’s a good purpose behind it all, I get really nervous.

I mean not only am I asking them really personal questions that they probably only talk about with their friends, (and on rare occasions maybe their acquaintances), but then I take it another step by placing that information on the internet (with their permission of course!).

I’m always so excited, and GRATEFUL, each time that one of them says yes because I could imagine that it could be slightly stressful being interviewed on your private thoughts about such personal topics (knowing that your answers could potentially be read by tons of people).

That said, I have been very fortunate to work with some really kindhearted, compassionate guys who believe in what I’m doing and are more than willing to offer their opinions on the various subject matters that are affecting both women and men in our generation.

So today I am going to introduce you to a guy who is one of the nicest southern gentlemen that I have ever met. (And I’m from the south so I have met my fair share, but this guy is towards the top of the list!)

When I called him up and told him about what I was doing and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed, he agreed without hesitation and was very real with his answers. (You know how sometimes you can tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear??? Well there was none of that…he was just very down to earth and matter of fact about it all).

After finishing the interview I told him that his identity would remain anonymous, because I care more about sharing the different male perspectives and less about revealing their identities, so I told him I would just call him Mr. Congeniality. My brother laughed at this, but this guy is secure in his manhood and just said ‘if that works for you than I’m ok with it’….I think friendly and sociable describe him perfectly!

Here are his answers in his own words…. (P.S. I decided to turn this into a Part 2 so check back next week for the end).

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

1.     Why did you agree to be interviewed for this site? What are some things that you think that teens and young women can gain from hearing more of a variety of different males’ perspectives?

Because I trust and respect you and I know that your efforts are true, valuable, and full of love. Therefore, I chose to support your efforts.

Also, a large variety of male opinions and perspectives heard by teenage and young women will provide them with a more balanced view of men. In addition, if a young woman has a specific question or struggle in a relationship with a man, a larger pool of male interviews gives her the best chance of possibly receiving her specific answer.

2.       Why didn’t your last relationship work out?

Two reasons:

First, was because I was leaving the country to do some international development work for 27 months. I have over 12 months experience with long-distance (international) relationships and have learned that those types of relationships do not work for me. My past long-distance relationships eventually became strained and never regained their original strength.

Second (and possibly more important), our post-college paths were quickly heading in drastically different directions: she wanted to immediately begin a career in a field that she did not love for more money and security. I wanted to spend the next handful of years exploring cultures far different from what I knew, and to absolutely love earning a living.

3.     There are some great guys out there, why do you think some women have such a hard time getting into the relationship that’s right for her?

One thought that I have is that some women make initial choices based on trivial attributes. For example, beginning a serious relationship with a guy because he is handsome and fit, or he is really funny. (I believe a physical attraction is important, and who doesn't like a good laugh, but much, much more is needed for a healthy relationship.) If that guy turns out to be immoral, selfish, or overly prideful, a woman will run into trouble.

Solution: think long and hard (or imagine) about the best experiences you have had with a guy. What qualities made those experiences so wonderful? Was it his generous heart, his dedication etc...

Another idea: don't enter a relationship with overly-high expectations (we guys are full of problems, far from "the perfect guy"). Think simply, so that when we do something incredible, it will blow you away!

 

4.      What are a few behaviors that you observe some women doing in their relationship that probably turn a guy off?

·         Self-deprecation, "putting oneself down". I have witnessed dozens of women doing this before and during relationships. "Your middle toe is longer than your big toe, so what?!" It makes guys think women value small problems too much. Plus, there's a good chance the guy you are with would have never noticed your extra long toe.

·        Some guys TELL you how they feel. Some guys SHOW you how they feel. Please pay attention and notice how your guy shows his love/appreciation for you. If he doesn't say "I love you" everyday, think about how much time he spends on you before you become upset.

·        If you are truly mad at us, please tell us why. The silent treatment does not produce any fruit in the relationship. For the repairing and prevention of future problems, we need to know what went wrong.

5.       Is it ok for a girl to approach a guy?

Heck yeah! As a naturally shy guy, I find confident girls very attractive. Plus it helps jump start that first conversation.

****Check back next week for Part 2 ****