Moment of Truth:

Don’t give up…People are waiting on you to rise up and be who you were called to be.

There is greatness on the inside of you. Don’t run from it…embrace it J!

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #3

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

This letter is kind of embarrassing. Not in the funny way, but in the ‘I can’t believe I allowed that to happen’ kind of way.

My advice to my younger self this week would be: Don’t try to impress others.

This may seem like pretty standard knowledge, but when I was in high school and even college, I did some pretty dumb things all in the name of love while trying to impress certain people.

It’s not that I thought that being myself wasn’t enough, because even then I maintained a certain sense of awareness about who I was and what I wanted out of life, and I was focused on achieving those things…it’s just I went overboard some times.

So I definitely had my moments when I was like ‘why did I do that?’

I guess it would be even more embarrassing if I were still making the same mistakes now that I was then, but since I’m not, I guess I should be thanking my younger self for the knowledge that it has forced me to learn through certain things that I experienced back then.

Maybe I should give you some examples for those of you reading this wondering ‘like what?’ These are just a few of the ones that immediately come to mind, but trust me when I say this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg…

*Taking my ENTIRE two week paycheck to buy my then boyfriend a ridiculously expensive watch for his birthday….that was stolen on campus 2 weeks later. (Here’s the thing on this one- Buying gifts for a boyfriend or any of my friends is not crazy to me. I know some girls who are like ‘he’s supposed to be spending money on you...not the other way around’. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. If I care about someone, family members and friends alike, I like to shower them with gifts from time to time. This doesn’t always mean materialistic though. Sometimes it’s my time, energy, or something else. (Like if they’ve been wanting to do something but I haven’t had the time- I’ll just surprise them one day and cancel everything that’s on my agenda and make the day strictly about them). That said, in this situation it wasn’t me buying him a gift that was dumb- it was the fact that I took all of my money to pay for it….not cool. This was when I was a freshman in college, so since then I have learned how to budget money and how to be responsible. Now I give myself a budget that is inline with my finances, and if something is over that I go back to the drawing board and think of a different idea. My advice to my younger self in this situation is don’t live a lie…or try to be something that you aren’t. Stick within your means and be yourself…that’s better than any amount of money or gift).

*Being ambiguous about my boundaries when I first got into a relationship with my ex. (I was going to go into detail about this one, but I think it deserves its own letter. Maybe I’ll write more about this next week…we’ll see).

*This one isn’t about dating, but it still goes along with the topic: Wearing crazy high heels to a premiere in London while walking across gravel. (Seriously…. I’m the kind of girl who tries to have a pair of flats in her bag at all times to avoid situations like this. It’s one thing to walk the underground in sky high heels, but walking across gravel and pebbles of rocks when there were flashing lights every where. Thank God I didn’t break my leg). Going forward, I wear what I’m comfortable in. I’m just as much into heels as the next girl, but I know my limits now. If I know that those platforms are going to cause me to end up in the emergency room, I’m going to opt out.

Honestly, I guess these weren’t all that embarrassing, especially considering the payoff of me having learned valuable lessons…So maybe in this letter I realized that my past is just as important as my present and future because it taught me lessons.

It’s one thing to make mistakes, but it’s another to keep repeating them.

Monologue Monday: Perfection Is Overrated

Seriously.

You want to know something about me... I love writing.

I can also be a bit of a perfectionist.

 Combine the two of those together and you know what you get: NOTHING.

Complete and utter silence.

It’s not writer’s block or a lack of things to say, but if I’m to be completely honest, somehow over the last week or so I have gotten so caught up in having “the perfect thing to say”, (which by the way what does that even mean?), that I have almost psyched myself out of saying anything.

Notice how I said almost. I love keeping it real with myself, so when I’m doing something that I know is not cool, I call myself out and try to get it together….quick.

That’s what prompted me to write this completely random post.

I have so much passion and joy when I write, but over the past couple of days I have just allowed myself to get caught up in the expectations of it all, that it’s kind of taken the fun out of things for me.

(“Expectations” meaning ‘what should I say?’, ‘what do they want to hear?’, ‘what if I say something that other’s don’t like or agree with?’, 'what if someone else has already written something similar and I just don’t know it?’).

Instead of expressing what’s in my heart to say, I’m over thinking what’s in my head. Not because it’s not good or that it’s not worth saying, but because I’m too focused on saying the perfect thing.

Here’s a news flash for you (mainly for me though):

The truth of the matter is that I’m not perfect. I don’t always have the right thing to say, and it’s definitely probably not what you would expect me to say most of the time…especially if you knew me in real life.

(I mean really, who would have thought I would be talking about virginity and relationships, when growing up, I wouldn’t even say the word S-E-X. So much for that right??? I’m all about talking about this stuff now because it matters and its affecting our generation in ways that we aren’t prepared for, so so much for me being “prudish” … well kind of....there are still some people that I would NEVER talk about sex with- mainly my mom- but I’m kind of getting off topic. Sorry….)

But here’s what I’ve come to quickly realize… or rather after asking this question it has helped to put things into perspective: who decides what perfection is?

Other people.

I can continue to write and be who I am like I have been forever, or I can continue to allow the distractions of the last couple of days to cloud my judgment and convince me that I don’t have anything worth say (which is NOT going to happen by the way!).

So….I’m admitting that I temporarily got distracted, but I likewise quickly came to my senses and realized that me writing is not about being perfect or living up to anyone else’s expectations.

I’m not always going to say the right thing, some days I’m going to feel like ranting, and almost every day, (or every day actually), I’m never going to be  perfect, but in being myself, that’s my perfection.

So what I have learned this past week is that I don’t have to be perfect or adhere to the standards of anyone else….I just need to be genuine and speak from my heart.

All I need is to be me J

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #2

So last week I had every intention of writing a few posts….

That is until I got sick and felt like I was hit by a bus :/  (Sorry for sounding so dramatic because I honestly have no idea what getting hit by a bus feels like….and I pray I never do…. but the point is I really did feel horrible….sorry this whole paragraph is so awkward)

But back to the subject at hand… I received some feedback from some of you all saying that you liked this addition to the blog, so thanks for the responses/encouragement.

So here’s what I would tell myself today….

(And if you have no idea what this is all about, click here).

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

Dear Younger Self:

Here is some practical advice that if you learn it while you are still young, I think it will help you through almost anything that you are going to face in the future.

Here it goes:

In life, you can be a victim or a survivor.

There are going to be SOME people who you come across along your path who aren’t going to treat you nicely, they aren’t going to have your best interest at heart, and they may cause you some pain and heartache.

It may not even be people but situations that you may have to face as you grow and face certain challenges.

When I say this, I’m not trying to take away from anything that you will go through, but at some point you have to choose not to allow your experiences or the treatment of others to define you.

Notice how I bolded the “SOME” people part??? Try not to generalize everybody. Not all people are the same.

When things happen to you and you begin to feel sad, upset, or any other range of emotions that you may feel, acknowledge that you have been through some things, but don’t allow yourself to stay there!

There is too much greatness and potential on the inside of you for you to use your energy continuing to relive the past or be upset about something that you can’t change.

Let go and move forward.

If you keep looking back, you are going to slow down your progress of moving forward.

Refuse to stay a victim…no matter what you go through, always remind yourself that you are a survivor and as long as you keep moving forward, you will see success…and healing…. in the process.

Read Any Good Books Lately???

Here’s a bit of inside info on me…I’m kind of a book worm.

Actually, I think I may have mentioned this before, but I LOVE reading books. I’m not even afraid to admit that their usually either girly, Christian, or reflective…But mainly girly. (Unless we count the Bible and that’s my number one…but I’m getting off track here). (Oh, and I don’t fancy all that much books that are the current “it” trend either).

Anyway, Krystal over at The First Lady Diaries and I have been collaborating on a few posts, (you can see the interview I did with her here, and after vacation I’ll be back with some of her eco-friendly beauty tips), and today she wanted to share some of her favorite book recommendations.

I can’t say that I have read any of them, but from her detailed synopsis and reviews, there are a couple that grab my interest.

So check them out and let me know what you think. Also, if you have any good books that you would recommend, please leave a comment below and I’ll try to check them out.

Krystal’s Book Recommendations (with comments from her):

Anyone who knows me knows just how much of a bookworm I am; I can read two novels a week. I love to read so much because I love to learn. I believe that it is my responsibility to educate myself on whatever I deem essential to my growth----both naturally and spiritually.

My favorite genre to read is what I call Christian Education. C.E. is written with the purpose of educating, instructing, revealing, and pruning us for our personal Christian walk. With that being said, I've listed 5 books that I have read over the years which have challenged my way of thinking in regards to my spiritual walk. These are just a few of the books that have changed my life due to the insight, education, revelation, and guidance that they have given me. Check them out:

1. Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand
   This was the most eye opening book that I've read in regards to Christianity and persecution. We hear about our brothers and sisters in Christ being persecuted daily in the name of Christ, but I've never heard such vivid accounts before. TFC is the true life account of Richard Wurbrand, his wife Sabina Wurmbrand, and countless other beautiful Christians who suffer/ed daily just to be counted among God's faithful. This book was tough to read at times. There was more than one occassion wherein I had to put the book down and take a breather because it was emotionally overwhelming. Some of the torture methods in this book are beyond human imagination---purely satanic. But as fiercely as the enemy reared his ugly head in the lives of these believers, God displayed His authority, power, and grace all the more.
   Why read it?
   
   * It will bring an awareness to the injustices being carried out against our fellow Christians around the world.
   *It will make you cry, but when you get finished crying, it will drive you to earnestly pray for someone outside of you and your loved ones.
   * It will cause you to look at your trials and issues through a different lens. The troubles that you're facing now won't seem so overwhelming, unfair, or difficult anymore in the grand scheme of things. You'll actually feel a sense of joy in knowing that you're counted worthy of suffering for Christ.
   * It will remind you that no matter what kind of evil you may face in this world, we are already victorious. (It was so exhilarating to read about the hardcore atheists turning their lives over to Christ from watching the examples of the very people who they imprisoned).

2. For Such a Time as This by Ray C. Stedman
   I've loved Hadassah (Queen Esther) since I was a child. I was intrigued by stories of her beauty and regalia. But as I got older, I started to do my own research on the undercover Jewish queen. The more that I read about her, the more I discovered that she was a woman of virtue. I read every book about her that I can find, and usually, it's the same story over and over again: beautiful Jewish virgin turn the heart of a Pagan king and saves her people from desolation. I thought that I knew all that there was to know about the book of Esther...and then I came across this book. This book was the most thorough and insightful exegete of the book of Esther that I've EVER read. If you think you've heard it all, you haven't until you've read this. I'm such a Ray C. Stedman fan because he brings a totally different outlook on scriptures that we've read time and time again. He is such a man of substance, and this book will cause you to see the book of Esther like it's brand new.
   Why read it?
   
   * A lot of people misunderstand the book of Esther, some have even questioned the relevance as it pertains to the bible as a whole. This book will show a parallel between Jesus Christ/the Cruxifixition and the life and times of Esther, Mordecai, Haman, and King Xerxes. It will make you say, "What the heck?!!" It's an "ah ha" moment of a book.
   * It shows that every book of the bible is relevant to the modern day believer, and that everything about the bible comes full circle and points back to the cross.

3. Choosing Beauty by Gina Loehr
   This little book packs a major punch. It's a 30 day devotional that I do recommend reading each lesson day by day (as the book suggests). It can be tempting to read ahead since the sections are so short, but I believe that you'll benefit more from reading it one day at a time and really soaking in the information that you learned. This book is important for women of God because it reminds us to be cautious of putting our physicality over our spirituality. The author wrote this book because she recalls a time when she didn't want to go to a church event because she couldn't find her makeup bag. Now, I'm not an everyday makeup wearer, but I do remember a time when I didn't want to go to Midnight Prayer because my hair wasn't styled in it's usual curls. It was midnight prayer, for goodness sakes!! There would most likely only be a handful of people there, the lights in the sanctuary would be dimmed, and everyone would be around the altar on their knees in prayer, yet I didn't want to be seen even for a minute without my hair being perfectly styled. I did eventually decided to go (rocking my ponytail), and God whipped my tail when I got there. The problem is,whenever we're overly concerned with our physicality, that's usually a tell tale sign that something isn't right with our hearts. This book will bring attention to our warped sense of beauty.
   Why read it?
   
   * It will make you pause and truly examine yourself to see if you're placing the upkeep of your physical beauty over the maintenance of your spiritual beauty.
   * It teaches that although man may have a warped sense of beauty, true beauty is defined by the beauty of holiness.
   * It will teach you and explain why beauty is not limited to a select few, beauty is a choice that we must each make daily.

4. Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian
   Mary Kassian is probably my favorite Christian writer. She is SO underrated in my opinion. She is such a woman of insight and revelation. This book was a compare and contrast of the two Proverbs women: the promiscuous woman, and the infamous Proverbs 31 woman. She explains how both of these women are very present and relevant to the 21st century. If you read this book honestly, you might see a bit of yourself in both of these women.The adultery and promiscuity of which Mrs. Kassian speaks of isn't exclusive to sex. The unfaithfulness that she writes about is just as much about the idols that we place in God's stead. It's just a good read. I learned something new in each chapter (which is rare).
   Why read it?
   
   * It will make you see the vast differences between the women of the world, that woman who you think you are, the woman who you really are, and the woman who God created you to be.
   * It will make you look at yourself differently to the point of repentance and transformation.
   * It will make you look at sex and relationships differently from the views that the world have imposed on us.

5. Prayer: A Holy Occupation by Oswald.Chambers
   This was one awesome book!! Oswald Chambers can do no wrong in my eyes. He's so refreshing and wise. While many other Christian authors are writing the same thing over and over again--just in different ways, he keeps it fresh. I listed this book because prayer is the heartbeat of our relationship with God. It's our communication line, it's our strength, it's how we hear from God, it's how we get instructions---it's EVERYTHING to a Christian!! We all know that without a heartbeat, you will indeed die. I love reading books on prayer because I love prayer! This book teaches why we pray...or why we should pray. I will admit that Oswald Chambers is an itellectual, so it can be a task to keep up with his verbiage, but you can't argue with the content.
   Why read it?
   * It will convict you about your lack of a prayer life.
   * It teaches us that prayer is a privellege and not a burden (as we sometimes treat it).
   * It will tell you why praying is a Christian's main job.
   * It will make a prayer addict out of you.

Note worthy books: I'm not big on buying a book just because it's a bestseller, because a lot of times, that's just about a popularity contest. But I have read a few bestsellers that I have benefitted greatly from. They are The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

**Disclaimer: One thing that I always say when I recommend a book is that these books are inspired by the Word of God--they are NOT the Word of God. It is my prayer that you read these books, and any else, with wisdom and a sense of discernment---proving what is fact and what is the flawed opinion of man.

My Interview with Krystal @ The 1st Lady Diaries (Part 2)

Before I leave for my vacation, I wanted to post Part 2 to my interview with The First Ladies Diaries. (If you missed Part 1, you can check it out here).

So here it is:

My Interview with Krystal @ The 1^st Lady Diaries (Part 2)

Krystal: We're in a very small percentile. Roughly 4% of adults are virgins at the age of 25, and naturally that percentage drops as the ages increase. With that being said, do you ever feel as though your dating options are limited?

VM: Kind of. It’s so weird, but it’s like all throughout high school and college guys were so interested in trying to get to know me and so forth, and were really intrigued if they found out that I was still a virgin, but sometime after 24, it didn’t seem all that intriguing anymore. Now, people are like ‘what’s wrong with you that you haven’t slept with anyone yet?!?!’ I usually laugh this off because it’s all crazy to me, but the fact that I am still a virgin at 27, (I turn 28 in two months), makes people have all sorts of preconceived notions about me which definitely tries to limit things. But once people hang out with me and get to know me for me, they realize that I’m not the weirdo that they thought I was, and that nothing is in fact wrong with me…I’m just saving myself until marriage.

Krystal: Well, Happy (Early) Birthday!! And yes, I know all about those preconceived notions--which is why I always say, "Stereotypes are for zombies."

Krystal: I RARELY date. Reason being, I truly believe that I was meant to be exclusive; so I'm very selective. When I do decide to go out with someone, it's because of something that he said--he has to stimulate my intellect. What is it that makes you decide to give a guy a chance?

VM: His personality. If he is attentive and compassionate towards others, is a good listener but can also carry a conversation, respects his family and friends, and loves to enjoy life, his character is going to pique my interest. I also have to be attracted to him. This doesn’t mean that all my friends and family have to find him attractive; what one person likes, someone else may have completely different taste in, but I personally just want to find him attractive- despite what anyone else says.

Krystal: Amen! Personality counts for a lot.

Krystal: It goes without saying that a woman of God should date a man of God. So aside from that, what are 3 qualities/traits/non-negotiables that are a MUST for you?

VM:
*Must be compassionate, generous and has a kind heart
*Must be able to carry a conversation about a wide variety of subjects, and is a great listener.
*Must be like to laugh and be willing to try new things.

Krystal: I agree. Especially about being well rounded in various things.

Krystal: Sadly, not everyone is supportive of those who practice celibacy. I don't know about you, but I find myself having the most interesting conversations where virginity is concerned. What's the most annoying question or comment that you get in regards to celibacy?

VM: ‘You’re how old?’ lol

Krystal: Oh yes, the age old question of age lol. And don't even get me started on the "spared" talk. This is a choice, not a matter of default.

Krystal: I made it pretty clear on how I feel about dating and labels. It annoys me. How do you feel about labels and dating? You know, the whole my man/my woman thing?

VM: My annoyance isn’t in labels as much as it is in one half of a couple labeling it, but the other half refusing to so much as state that he/she is in a relationship.

Krystal: Wowzers!! I feel that. For me, it's not a matter of not wanting to acknowledge the relationship, I'm just funny about guys labeling me when they really have no claim; I refuse to be just another chick on some guy's roster. But trust me, when I am seeing someone, I most definitely make it known.

Krystal: To be fair, I'll answer first, NO! lol Are you dating anyone?

VM: No, I’m currently single. I’m in a really good place personally though, so I say that with a smile on my face and an overwhelming sense of peace. I am so thankful for this phase in my life that I have been single, because I have traveled the world and have gotten to do a lot of things that I probably would have been hesitant to do had I been in a relationship. It has been a great experience after I stopped thinking about the what-ifs and started focusing on living J. Now I’m making each moment count to the fullest, while I wait on the one who deems me worth waiting for.

Krystal: Yes. That's someone who knows how to use her single gift.

Krystal: Since we're doing a fashion post in the coming months, I thought that it would be very befitting to ask this question. Why or does it even matter how a Christian woman dresses?

VM: The way we dress matters because whether we mean for it to or not, it sends a message to others. I personally used to love certain trends, but I realized that many of the younger girls that I was (and still am) mentoring were trying to emulate me, and I didn’t want to send them the wrong message. So even though I have the freedom to dress however I choose, I still try to be mindful of what I wear because I don’t want to set a bad example for them just because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I still try to display my personality through my clothing, but I’m just cautious of the message that I am sending.

Krystal: That's true. You never know who's watching you, and we don't get to choose who looks up to us.

When I tell you that I had fun with this interview, I mean I had fun. I hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I had asking these questions and reflecting over the answers. My friend and I will be working together for the next few months over at her blog and my natural beauty blog. So be on the look out.

P.S. Let me know when there's a status update for #11 lol!

Monologue Monday: Comparing Yourself to Others

I talk a lot about comparing one’s self and being envious of others here on this site. I personally believe that there is a direct correlation between comparing yourself to others and having low self-esteem.

Once you begin feeling bad about yourself, not only does this affect your confidence and self-worth, but this kind of thinking can roll over into your relationships, can have an effect on your dreams and aspirations, and can determine whether or not you apply yourself in life or you sit back and watch as others go after their dreams while you unrightfully feel insecure or as though you don’t measure up.

Before I go any further, I want to say that you do measure up and you are more than enough.

Once you start believing things about yourself, they become your truth and you live your life accordingly. (Which is why it is so important to speak positive things. Even if you don’t feel positive, I dare you to start speaking positively anyway and watch the difference that it makes in your life).

The more that you think about all of the things that are wrong with you, the worse you feel about yourself. Likewise, the more you start thinking about and speaking aloud the things that you admire and appreciate about yourself, the sooner you see yourself as the jewel that you really are.

This may mean taking drastic measures such as cutting back on social media or not reading some of your favorite magazines, but the reality is that sometimes these things are a distraction. You get so caught up in someone else’s life (that they are editing for the sake of only showing you the best or most envious parts), that you start resenting or hating your own life.

BEING YOU IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Don’t compare yourselves to others. In the media, things are seriously rarely ever as they appear. Even those “glamorous girls” that you wish you could be more like are not necessarily the exact way that they are being portrayed publicly.

You don’t go home with people privately, so you have no idea how they are really living their personal lives.

I used to get so caught up in this. I was one of those girls who would look at my friends facebook pages and feel like I was so far behind, or I would look in a magazine and think about all of the things that could be better about my own body, but at some point enough became enough.

If you live your entire life wishing that it was composed of elements of someone else’s life whose life have you actually lived?

Aren’t you more important than illusions or the editing of some producer or editor-in-chief whose sole purpose is to make you feel as though you are missing out on something so that you can covet the lifestyle that they are trying to sell you?

Don’t get caught up in the hype!

I’m grateful to say that this phase of my life, where I thought that I wasn’t enough or wanted to be like someone else, only lasted a little while. But I’m writing about it today because every once in a while it does try to come back and make me loose focus, but that’s when I fight back.

I refuse to be a carbon copy of anyone when I can be an original who sets her own trends and standards.

Live your life for you because it’s that precious. Even if everyone else in the world is doing something drastically different, you don’t fit in, or other people just don’t get you, do it anyway because you could be the catalyst for change that so many need to see.

Never stop being you and do it with style and conviction! Being you is MORE THAN ENOUGH J.

 

My Wardrobe Essentials

So I’m going shopping soon and was trying to compose a list of the absolute essentials that I need to have in my wardrobe which can both, take me from day to evening, as well as remain staple pieces throughout the various seasons.

 

I’m sure that there are tons of articles and posts about “what every woman should have in her wardrobe” commentaries throughout the internet, so I’m just going to share with you all some of the things that have made my list (and that may or may not be popular choices!).

If you have any tips or suggestions please feel free to leave a comment below letting me know what your favorite place to shop is. (I’m always looking for a new place online or a trendy boutique to check out!)

My Essential Pieces

Blazer –You can throw a blazer on just about anything and instantly glam it up!

Nice Pair of Fitted Trousers –A tailor can do wonders for your wardrobe. Even if your budget for clothing is small, if you can spare a few dollars on tailoring and get the item fitted for your body, it can make all the difference.

Crisp White Shirt- Just like a blazer, I think that you can pair a crisp white shirt with almost anything and make it feel more fabulous.

Pencil Skirt- To me pencil skirts just scream sophistication.

Artsy/Creative Skirt- I like stepping outside of the box and having fun with my clothes. Every once in a while I’ll find a really great skirt that is my “go-to” piece for those days that I just don’t have anything to wear. (Which after living in a developing country for a while these types of days should be few and far between, but I still have those moments where I can’t find anything in my closet that suits my cravings for that particular day).

Pair of Jeans- I’m not really a jean person but I do wear them and think that they are essential for those days where you just want to be comfortable and casual. I usually reach for a darker wash or even a black jean when I’m searching for the right pair.

Red Dress - Red is my favorite color…for me it’s the new black. (Who says that you have to have a “little black dress in your closet right?!?!... Actually a lot of people say that, and I agree too, but I say wear what makes you feel fabulous and red just makes me feel fearless and glamorous).

Nice Pair of Pumps or Heels- Black for me is essential, but anything else changes with the seasons and trends. I love having fun with shoes, bags, and accessories if I’m keeping everything else classic.

Comfy Pair of Flats - As much as I would like to walk around in heels 24/7, it’s not going to happen. I have no idea how some women can wear platform shoes ALL DAY…it’s amazing really!

Nice Warm Coat- I love pea coats, but I may be on the look out for a new style come fall. (I have a pea coat that I bought in London back in 05’ and I’ve been wearing it every winter so it might be a little hard for me to separate from it this year…we’ll have to revisit this then).

Classic Watch- Honestly, I have NEVER worn a watch in the past, (I’m one of those “I’m not late, I’ fashionably late” people), but I like the way they look….and I’m tired of being late to things!

An Eye Catching Scarf- Have fun…Be as bright or as muted as you like. I think that scarves add extra jazz to an outfit.

A Smile -Ok….you can’t buy this at a store, but it’s free and it makes ANY outfit look better J

P.S. My motto is to try not to get caught up in the hype of the latest trends and fads. Wear what makes you feel good and you’ll be setting your own trends. Dare to be original!

 

If Loving You Is Wrong…

I’m always thinking and I always have a notebook with me at ALL times…ok, maybe I forget it sometimes, but for the most part I’m always around pen and paper.

My younger brother used to think that I was weird because I was always writing anything (papers, journaling, quotes…anything to express myself). He got wise quick though and learned how to use that to his advantage!

Any way though, I wish I had something deep or thought provoking to share with you all today, but I’m just a simple girl really.

What I have to say isn’t philosophical, it probably isn’t going to change your life, but hopefully it will make an impact on your relationships, your thought process, and how you interact with others.

What I want to share has profoundly affected me personally and that is this: Love people where they are and not where you think they should be.

Give others room to make mistakes and to try.

No one is perfect, love isn’t a pedestal for people to be placed on, and life is a journey (meaning it takes time to get there).

I know today is celebrated as a day of love, (and believe me, I’m all about Valentine’s Day! It and Christmas are my two favorite holidays hands down), but as you go about your day today (and honestly the rest of your life),try to express love to those who are deemed “unlovable” or who don’t “have it all together”. Whatever that means.

I’m sure at some point someone else probably thought the same thing about you…can’t relate? I’m sure someone has definitely thought it about me a time or two, so I can appreciate people loving me when I was undeserving!

So as you go through your day today, try not to get caught up in the flowers, the candy, or whether or not you are in a relationship. (That stuff’s important but it’s not everything).

Instead, love yourself and try to extend to others the same grace that you required in order to be yourself and still be loved and accepted.

-Happy Valentine’s Day web friends

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

So this month’s Male Perspective Interview comes from non other than Mr. Irish. (In tribute to his red hair and every thing else that makes him fabulous)!

I have known him for almost two years now, and there are three words that immediately come to mind when considering his character and personality. (Ya’ll know I like to paint a picture [of the person] before I show you the photo…or in this case his perspective).

So the three traits that I think define him best are: reliable, knowledgeable, and considerate. He’s the kind of guy that I know without a shadow of a doubt that if someone is in need of anything, without hesitation he will try to help or assist that person in any way that he can, if there is something that he can do.

And since I’m explaining things, I’ll just quickly point out that one of my favorite things about doing these types of interviews and asking the questions that I ask is that I get to learn about, and share with you all, a variety of different male perspectives from individual viewpoints.

All guys are not alike and they don’t all think the same. While occasionally there are some answers that might make me blush or I might give the side eye to (like for real?!?!), I don’t change what the guy says because I want to be true to his word and authentic to you. More important than anything else though, I want to show the diversity amongst guys.

Try not to ever settle, and wait for the one who is inline with your principles and beliefs…you are worth it.

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

1.      What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend/wife? Are they the same?

For the most part, I look for the same things in a girlfriend that I do in a wife. I look for compatibility and trust. I look for someone I can enjoy my life with, someone I trust, and someone I feel comfortable with physically and emotionally. Physical attraction does play a part initially, but beyond that it has to be someone I feel connected to. I want someone who makes me laugh a lot. I want someone who I can look forward to having a long conversation with everyday for the rest of my life. I want someone confident and comfortable with who she is and someone who believes me when I tell her she is beautiful. The only difference that I look for in a wife is that I want someone who gets along well with my family. 

 

2.      Why didn’t your last relationship work?

Love is inconvenient. My last real functional relationship didn’t work because we were both on separate paths. At points of transition, I think relationships are at their most vulnerable. It takes a huge sacrifice by someone to make it work. In my case, it was graduate school that got in the way. My girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to graduate school. We were in a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance was difficult and eventually she called me up and said that it wasn’t working and that our lives were just on different paths. I was hurt, but I knew it was true.

3.     What do you think is true love?

To me, true love is when two people know each other completely, know each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and still love each other; trusting each other and feeling as if they have found something worth fighting and sacrificing for. It doesn’t quit when things are difficult or when disagreements arise. It forgives and doesn’t hold grudges. True love is mutual and in a relationship with true love I think the two partners are of equal influence.

4.      What is your opinion on sex before marriage?

As a man growing up in the culture I did, I thought sex before marriage was a necessity for a relationship to work. I thought that we should know each other fully before we got married, which included knowing each other physically. Now that I am a bit older and have been exposed to different ideas, I can understand waiting till marriage, but I think this would require extraordinary trust in the individual that you are marrying. I am open to the idea of waiting till marriage, but also quite scared when it comes to the sexual desires of my wife. I would definitely want to talk openly and thoroughly about sex with anyone before I actually committed to marriage.

5.     Do you wish you would have waited?

I had a bad first experience. Some people think that men cannot have a bad experience with sex, but for most, I think regardless of your sex or gender, there is a certain amount of emotion involved in sex, especially your first time. For me, I was in love with a woman who didn’t feel the same way. We had an uncommitted relationship before this, in which she didn't treat me very well.

Being foolish, I continued this relationship out of hope that her feelings would change and eventually I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin. After we had sex, she told me immediately that she regretted it and that she had done it out of frustration with another man. She then left within 5 minutes of it being over, leaving me feeling terrible about the whole situation. I had waited quite a long time to find someone I could trust, but alas I chose the wrong one. I wouldn’t say I wish I would have waited till marriage, but I definitely wish I had waited at least a little longer for the right someone.

6.     What is the best piece of dating advice that you have ever heard?

Learn how to disagree with each other. Most things in a relationship will come naturally once you love and trust each other, but arguments and disagreements, which are inevitable, are like relationship poison if you cannot handle them correctly and equally.

7.       What is one thing that you wish more girls knew or understood about guys (in general)? One thing I really wish girls knew about guys is that we are blind and our conversations amongst each other are direct. We frequently miss hints and suggestions given by girls. Be direct with us. If there is something you think, feel, want or don’t want, do not wait for us to find out. Tell us.

One thing I wish female friends and family knew is that when we are courting, many men are extraordinarily nice and then when the courting period is over, they change. Before you commit to sex or marriage with a man, first be sure it is what YOU want and secondly be sure he is honestly a good person that you can trust. This usually means testing his patience, making him wait and making things difficult for him. This is a necessary exception to the previous statement. I say this, because I know many men that have been dishonest and many women who have been fooled. If you were my sister, I would say be on guard in the beginning of a relationship.  

 

8.      What is one thing that some guys do in a relationship that you think might make the relationship better if they DID NOT do it?

I think many guys avoid confrontation. When there is a problem, we tend to avoid it. Men are awful when it comes to this. Many times women have to drag the issues out of us. I think that our relationships would be much healthier if we had conversations about the things that bothered us and the things that were going wrong in the relationship rather than avoiding the issues or procrastinating arguments.

 

9.      How do you feel about weave, makeup, and/or plastic surgery?

Make up is nice for pictures, but I think a natural face is beautiful. That being said, in my opinion women and men should go ahead and wear whatever clothes, makeup, weaves, wigs, tattoos, piercings or whatever else they would like to make themselves feel more confident or more like themselves at work and around town. However, at the end of the day I, and I think most men, want to see your natural beauty shine through. In that sense, I’ve always kind of liked make up. Not because the makeup made my girlfriend look beautiful, but because for me she took her makeup off. That somehow made me feel special and to me she was more beautiful without it and our time alone together was somehow more personal and real.

Plastic surgery, on the other hand, I don’t agree with except for medical reasons and in cases that would be helpful for your general happiness and well-being, such as for cleft lips and other similar procedures.

 

10.   For the entire month of February, I am running a “Love Yourself” campaign. What would you say to the woman who is suffering from low self-esteem or feels as though she doesn’t measure up? (Think as if you were talking to your sister).

Almost universally I can honestly say that whoever you are, you are more beautiful, more intelligent, and more interesting than you think you are. Somehow society turns us into our greatest critics, asking us to constantly compare ourselves to celebrities and those around us. But no matter what you think, I can promise you this; through most other peoples eyes you are much more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than you think you are. Someone may try to make you believe otherwise, but I hope that you are not gullible enough to believe those who would do that. Their hearts are cold and their eyes are tainted.

Be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic! Confidence shines through in every aspect of life. Your career, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, and all other interactions will improve when you learn to love yourself. This is the truth that somehow gets overshadowed by the superficial popular culture thrust upon us worldwide; confidence is the most attractive way to use everything that God gave you. So-called beautiful women, and men for that matter, may be able to make people turn their heads, but its confident people that attract the most attention. When it comes to finding girlfriends and wives, most men who have any sense at all tend to look beyond the superficial for things like confidence, a lifetime of conversations and laughs, and potential for success in life. I can only imagine smart women are looking for something similar in men.  

 

***P.S. Join me in the “Love Yourself” campaign…As Mr. Irish stated, “be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic”! Love Yourself…You Are Worth It!!***

Monologue Monday: Blogging While Single and 30

I am so excited about today’s Monologue Monday’s guest blogger!

Her name is Jessie, and she’s the creator of the site Blogging While Single and 30. She’s also extremely nice and very kindhearted. I stumbled upon her site a while ago, and I was instantly drawn into her personality and her story telling abilities. After stalking checking out her site for a while, I finally decided to just ask her if she would mind sharing her story here and she happily obliged. (Needless to say I was over the moon, but that’s just because she’s so fabulous!)

Anyway, enough of me trying to tell you about her…. I tend to ramble from time to time…sorry about thatJ…. but her site and her story speak for themselves.

I will add one more thing though…when I told her how thankful I was for her sharing her personal story with us she simply stated “My testimony is not for my journal. It’s for the world”. She even shared a personal poem that she wrote in hopes that it might speak to someone else who might be going through the some of the same things. If that’s not one of the most selfless and compassionate attitudes, I don’t know what is!

(You should really check out her site… if you haven’t done so already!!!)

Here is her story in her own words:

“November”

***Disclaimer*** This poem was written when I was a teenager. This was my view at that time.

 

November was the month it came,

All the temptation; all the pain

Nights so lovely; nights so sweet

Days so dark; soul so week

November was the month it came,

Shattered my heart; made tears of vain

Nights sinful, full of evil

It was okay to the world, but in the Bible illegal

November was the month it was gone

Took my right; left my wrong

Night’s full of passion, nights so uncommon

Took my childishness; In its place left a woman

I lost my virginity at 16. It was Thanksgiving Day. Why that day? I wanted it to be special. Never mind that it would have been more special to wait and give myself to my husband. In my mind, he was going to be my husband. In my mind, we were going to live happily ever after. In my mind, I had found the one! Hmmmm, not so much. That same person that said he loved me to the moon and back cheated on me, had a baby by someone else, hit me, talked bad to me, and so on and so on. It was hard for me to grasp or understand what love truly was. What it truly meant and what it felt like.

Fast forward to now. I know how it feels to be truly loved. God has shown so much grace over the years. He’s allowed me to excel at my job, serve in ministry, and walk in my purpose. That’s love. No matter what I’ve done in the past; He keeps loving me. Through the love He’s shown, I’ve learned to love myself. I’ve learned to respect myself. I’ve learned to not let hurt or shame hinder me. I was able to move on from November and enjoy new seasons.

 

***P.S. Friday, 1 February 2013, starts our “Love Yourself” campaign. Please stop by and join in on the fun. Celebrate yourself!!!