Monologue Monday: Letters to My Younger Self #4

How was your Monday?

Mine was pretty good, but at the moment I’m HUNGRY!!!

I’ll take care of that in a second, but first, I just wanted to sit down and write this quick post.

I actually received a request to talk about the difference between gold-digging and security….bet you can guess who it came from: yep, a guy sent it in.

Either way, I think it’ll be a fun topic to discuss because I definitely think there’s a difference between the two.

But before I get to that topic, I wanted to write a quick note to my younger self. (Hopefully I’ll get to the post on security vs. gold-digging soon, but I’m trying to stop giving out dates because lately I haven’t been able to stick to them because work has been so busy. So in an effort to try to be a woman of my word, I’ll just say, “as soon as I get some free time, I’ll stop back by to give my opinion on the matter and I would love for you to do the same”).

In the meantime, here’s what I would tell my younger self today….

(And if you have no idea what this is all about, click here).

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

Dear Younger Self:

Let me just get straight to the point on this one:

It’s better to be honest and clear about your limits UP FRONT, than to be unclear about the matter when you know that you have boundaries that you don’t desire to go past.

You know that you don’t want to have sex before marriage, so don’t be vague about it.

Don’t worry whether you are going scare the guy off, whether everybody else is going to have something to say about it, or whether it’s kind of uncomfortable to talk about when you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.

All of that is irrelevant. This is your body we’re talking about and your life. What everyone else thinks, particularly in this case, really doesn’t matter much.

Not telling the guy that you are interested in or telling him but being unclear about it all, is not only misleading, but it could potentially cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and tension when you could’ve just be upfront about it from the beginning.

Besides, if you divulging this information is going to cause someone to walk away or be apprehensive, you should know his intentions before things get serious.

If he walks away or tries to convince you to do “everything else but sex” trust me when I say he’s not the one for YOU.

Leading someone on, sugar-coating things, or not being completely clear, is wrong. Being straightforward and direct about your boundaries really is the only way to go. Not only will you be saving yourself a lot of heartache by being truthful, but you can weed out the random guys who care more about their desires being fulfilled than they do about getting to know you as a person.

I’m not saying tell everybody, that’s dangerous… but if you’ve been getting to know someone and he has piqued your interest, if you think there could be a future there, be open with him and talk about it.

Wait for the one who will wait with you and not make you feel bad about it or question your decisions…

And don’t ever forget that you are WORTH waiting for

Monologue Monday: Letters To My Younger Self #1

There is so much stuff that I would tell my younger self….So MUCH!

Since there is so much that I could say, (and I sat down and just over the course of about ten minutes I was able to write down a list that was at least a couple of pages long, so I’m not exaggerating about the SO MUCH part), but because of this, I honestly had no idea where to start.

Should I start with something funny? Juicy? Sentimental? Embarrassing?

So I figured why not just start with the basics. It may not be all that exciting or noteworthy, but it’s the truth, and it would have saved me a lot of heartache and disappointments had I known it then as I understand it now.

So here goes my first letter to my younger self…. 

Letters To My Younger Self:

Things That I Wish I Knew About Waiting, Dating and Confidence

 

 

Dear Younger Self:

Over the next couple of years, you are going to go through a lot of changes.

People are going to come in and out of your life, guys are going to be confusing, and in the midst of it all, you are going to be trying to find yourself.

My advice to you, (since I’ve kind of lived it already now ), is to learn to love yourself first.

Because you are so young, and understandably naïve in a lot of ways, some people (some of which you hang out with and confide in), are going to try to push you in this direction or that, and they aren’t going to have your best interest at heart…some of them will, but many more aren’t.

Once you learn to love yourself, and to be comfortable with who you are- in this stage that you are in now- what everyone else thinks or what they have to say about you won’t matter as much (if at all), because you will be comfortable with who you are.

As far as the guys who are trying to show you attention and whisper all kinds of non-sense to you, don’t fall for it. (Seriously…I know you want to date, and have fun, and have a boyfriend just like everybody else, but you need to focus on you first).

Besides, as you continue to grow up you will realize that many of those same guys who seemed so interested in you then had different plans than what was your understanding.

Wait on all that stuff until you have a better understanding of who you are….What’s the point of rushing to grow up any way?!?!

Well, that’s about all that I would say to you for now. I know you probably were expecting something grand or life changing, but nope….

My advice to you would simply be to learn to love yourself and to be comfortable with who you are….that simple, but that complex.

****P.S. What about you? What would you say to your younger self?

I know it may seem kinda weird, but it’s actually therapeutic! You can’t change it, so why not write about it and get it all out.*****

Moment of Truth

As long as you think you can’t, you won’t.

-Believe in yourself-

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

Many of you seemed to really enjoy the Male’s Perspective interview that I posted last week. Thanks so much for your emails and messages; the feedback was much appreciated and it gave me great ideas for subsequent interviews, so thanks again!

Today will be Part 2 of Mr. Congeniality’s interview. (If you are curious about how we choose this name, or want to check out the first part of the interview, click here).

Hope you all have a safe and pleasant weekend J

***P.S. If you have a question that you would like for me to ask in one of my upcoming interviews please feel free to leave a message below or email me. I love hearing from you! ****

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality (Part 2)

6. Low self-esteem and low confidence seem to be prevalent issues affecting our generation. What do you think is the cause of this and how can it be combated?

I think it’s because of comparing oneself to others. I believe it is the most difficult for women though because of the extreme prevalence of the "perfect body/face/hair/clothes" in magazines, TV, movies and other sources of public media.
 
First off, those women you see on the billboards are being paid big bucks to maintain that appearance and they can dedicate entire days in the gym or hours upon hours in the salon. And, who says that is "perfection"?
 
Referencing question #5, girls with confidence and pride radiate a unique, non-descriptive type of attractiveness that quality guys love.
 
7. If a woman wanted to wait or practice abstinence, would you be willing to do so?

Yes, I would. And if you are in pursuit of a long-term relationship, a simple way to determine if he is “right for you” would be to tell him you want to wait. If he sticks around, you scored. If he leaves, you know he is not for you.
 
8.Some of the younger readers here have stated that they don’t know how to tell a guy no when propositioned about sex. What would be your advice for those individuals?

First off, please inform him as early as possible.
 
Basically, as soon as you realize he is interested in sex. (During the first coffee at Starbucks? Maybe not, but sooner rather than later.) If you wait until you and he are literally in a sexual situation, it will be most awkward for both of you and most emotionally, physically frustrating for the guy.
 
And specifically on how to tell him- be direct. Keep it simple. If you want to wait until marriage, "I want to wait until marriage before having sex.” If you want to wait until a later point in the relationship, "I am not ready for sex at this point in the relationship.” (A disclaimer for this statement: Because of how ambiguous this statement is, some guys may become frustrated if the "point in time" takes a long time to come. Maybe being more specific would help.)

9.What dating tips would you give to the guys reading this?

Be the best listener that you can be. If you place all of your attention on a girl when in conversation with her, you can give her the feeling that she is the only person in the world that you care about at that moment. It's a special feeling, as girls have told me. Also, don't forget what she says!
 
10.Is there anything else that you would like to add that I didn’t ask you?

Compromises are necessary in any relationship. However, when it comes to sex, it's your way or the highway for the guy.

Monologue Monday: Comparing Yourself to Others

I talk a lot about comparing one’s self and being envious of others here on this site. I personally believe that there is a direct correlation between comparing yourself to others and having low self-esteem.

Once you begin feeling bad about yourself, not only does this affect your confidence and self-worth, but this kind of thinking can roll over into your relationships, can have an effect on your dreams and aspirations, and can determine whether or not you apply yourself in life or you sit back and watch as others go after their dreams while you unrightfully feel insecure or as though you don’t measure up.

Before I go any further, I want to say that you do measure up and you are more than enough.

Once you start believing things about yourself, they become your truth and you live your life accordingly. (Which is why it is so important to speak positive things. Even if you don’t feel positive, I dare you to start speaking positively anyway and watch the difference that it makes in your life).

The more that you think about all of the things that are wrong with you, the worse you feel about yourself. Likewise, the more you start thinking about and speaking aloud the things that you admire and appreciate about yourself, the sooner you see yourself as the jewel that you really are.

This may mean taking drastic measures such as cutting back on social media or not reading some of your favorite magazines, but the reality is that sometimes these things are a distraction. You get so caught up in someone else’s life (that they are editing for the sake of only showing you the best or most envious parts), that you start resenting or hating your own life.

BEING YOU IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Don’t compare yourselves to others. In the media, things are seriously rarely ever as they appear. Even those “glamorous girls” that you wish you could be more like are not necessarily the exact way that they are being portrayed publicly.

You don’t go home with people privately, so you have no idea how they are really living their personal lives.

I used to get so caught up in this. I was one of those girls who would look at my friends facebook pages and feel like I was so far behind, or I would look in a magazine and think about all of the things that could be better about my own body, but at some point enough became enough.

If you live your entire life wishing that it was composed of elements of someone else’s life whose life have you actually lived?

Aren’t you more important than illusions or the editing of some producer or editor-in-chief whose sole purpose is to make you feel as though you are missing out on something so that you can covet the lifestyle that they are trying to sell you?

Don’t get caught up in the hype!

I’m grateful to say that this phase of my life, where I thought that I wasn’t enough or wanted to be like someone else, only lasted a little while. But I’m writing about it today because every once in a while it does try to come back and make me loose focus, but that’s when I fight back.

I refuse to be a carbon copy of anyone when I can be an original who sets her own trends and standards.

Live your life for you because it’s that precious. Even if everyone else in the world is doing something drastically different, you don’t fit in, or other people just don’t get you, do it anyway because you could be the catalyst for change that so many need to see.

Never stop being you and do it with style and conviction! Being you is MORE THAN ENOUGH J.

 

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

You know that awkward moment where you have to contact a guy and ask him if he would be willing to do an interview with you and share his thoughts about relationships, turnoffs, confidence and women (on a site geared towards young adults and women), and hope that he doesn’t look at you with a side eye or question your aptitude?!?!?

Well maybe you don’t know, but it’s kind of terrifying. To be honest, every time that I have asked a guy to interview with me, even though I know that there’s a good purpose behind it all, I get really nervous.

I mean not only am I asking them really personal questions that they probably only talk about with their friends, (and on rare occasions maybe their acquaintances), but then I take it another step by placing that information on the internet (with their permission of course!).

I’m always so excited, and GRATEFUL, each time that one of them says yes because I could imagine that it could be slightly stressful being interviewed on your private thoughts about such personal topics (knowing that your answers could potentially be read by tons of people).

That said, I have been very fortunate to work with some really kindhearted, compassionate guys who believe in what I’m doing and are more than willing to offer their opinions on the various subject matters that are affecting both women and men in our generation.

So today I am going to introduce you to a guy who is one of the nicest southern gentlemen that I have ever met. (And I’m from the south so I have met my fair share, but this guy is towards the top of the list!)

When I called him up and told him about what I was doing and asked if he would be willing to be interviewed, he agreed without hesitation and was very real with his answers. (You know how sometimes you can tell if someone is just telling you what you want to hear??? Well there was none of that…he was just very down to earth and matter of fact about it all).

After finishing the interview I told him that his identity would remain anonymous, because I care more about sharing the different male perspectives and less about revealing their identities, so I told him I would just call him Mr. Congeniality. My brother laughed at this, but this guy is secure in his manhood and just said ‘if that works for you than I’m ok with it’….I think friendly and sociable describe him perfectly!

Here are his answers in his own words…. (P.S. I decided to turn this into a Part 2 so check back next week for the end).

The Male’s Perspective: Mr. Congeniality

1.     Why did you agree to be interviewed for this site? What are some things that you think that teens and young women can gain from hearing more of a variety of different males’ perspectives?

Because I trust and respect you and I know that your efforts are true, valuable, and full of love. Therefore, I chose to support your efforts.

Also, a large variety of male opinions and perspectives heard by teenage and young women will provide them with a more balanced view of men. In addition, if a young woman has a specific question or struggle in a relationship with a man, a larger pool of male interviews gives her the best chance of possibly receiving her specific answer.

2.       Why didn’t your last relationship work out?

Two reasons:

First, was because I was leaving the country to do some international development work for 27 months. I have over 12 months experience with long-distance (international) relationships and have learned that those types of relationships do not work for me. My past long-distance relationships eventually became strained and never regained their original strength.

Second (and possibly more important), our post-college paths were quickly heading in drastically different directions: she wanted to immediately begin a career in a field that she did not love for more money and security. I wanted to spend the next handful of years exploring cultures far different from what I knew, and to absolutely love earning a living.

3.     There are some great guys out there, why do you think some women have such a hard time getting into the relationship that’s right for her?

One thought that I have is that some women make initial choices based on trivial attributes. For example, beginning a serious relationship with a guy because he is handsome and fit, or he is really funny. (I believe a physical attraction is important, and who doesn't like a good laugh, but much, much more is needed for a healthy relationship.) If that guy turns out to be immoral, selfish, or overly prideful, a woman will run into trouble.

Solution: think long and hard (or imagine) about the best experiences you have had with a guy. What qualities made those experiences so wonderful? Was it his generous heart, his dedication etc...

Another idea: don't enter a relationship with overly-high expectations (we guys are full of problems, far from "the perfect guy"). Think simply, so that when we do something incredible, it will blow you away!

 

4.      What are a few behaviors that you observe some women doing in their relationship that probably turn a guy off?

·         Self-deprecation, "putting oneself down". I have witnessed dozens of women doing this before and during relationships. "Your middle toe is longer than your big toe, so what?!" It makes guys think women value small problems too much. Plus, there's a good chance the guy you are with would have never noticed your extra long toe.

·        Some guys TELL you how they feel. Some guys SHOW you how they feel. Please pay attention and notice how your guy shows his love/appreciation for you. If he doesn't say "I love you" everyday, think about how much time he spends on you before you become upset.

·        If you are truly mad at us, please tell us why. The silent treatment does not produce any fruit in the relationship. For the repairing and prevention of future problems, we need to know what went wrong.

5.       Is it ok for a girl to approach a guy?

Heck yeah! As a naturally shy guy, I find confident girls very attractive. Plus it helps jump start that first conversation.

****Check back next week for Part 2 ****

Love Yourself: Day 22

I love myself because unless it’s a dessert!, I watch what I eat and take care of my body. Even when I don’t feel like exercising or eating healthy (Pringles anyone?!?!?), I still make sure to do it because I know it’s what’s best for me. Plus I feel better and my skin glows when I am mindful of the foods I am consuming…what’s not to love about that?!?!

What about you?

5 DAYS LEFT!!!!

Don’t forget to celebrate why you love yourself today J

Love Yourself: Day 17

I love myself because I am learning how to see my shortcomings through different lenses and how to use them to my advantage. In doing this, I shift my focus from the negative to the positive, and keep myself encouraged while acknowledging that I have some areas that I need to work on.

Besides, what’s the point of naming everything that’s wrong with you if you aren’t going to try to make those things better?!?!? It’s only going to make you feel bad, and you should strive to continually build yourself up. (Trust me, there are plenty of people watching and waiting for you to make a mistake or fail, don’t add yourself to that list. Be your own cheerleader!)

We are more than halfway there; please don’t give up now!!! What’s one more reason why you love yourself today? (Please leave a comment below….or if you don’t feel comfortable doing that just tell yourself…as long as you celebrate you, that’s all that matters!)

Love Yourself: Day 12

I love myself because I know how to laugh! There is nothing like a good laugh (the kind that makes you feel like you have been doing ab crunches), and enjoying the people around about you. Knowing how and when to just let go and enjoy the moment has made my life so much more enjoyable.

What about you? What’s one thing about you that makes you love and admire yourself? (This isn’t about being conceited or egotistical, this is about celebrating the extraordinary person that you are). Love yourself today because you are So Worth It!!!

Monologue Monday: EphesiansWife

Hi everyone! How’s your Monday going so far???

I hope it’s off to a good start.

So today I have the pleasure of introducing you to Megan. (Actually you might already know her, but just in case you don’t she has a fabulous blog over at EphesiansWife that you should definitely check out if you aren’t familiar with her already).

A while ago I was searching through blogs and I stumbled upon hers, and I was like ‘YES’!

You can tell through her posts that she has a really sweet and genuine spirit about her, and the topics that she chooses to write about really impart wisdom into those looking to honor their husbands and love themselves.

(I’m not in a relationship, but you can never learn too much right?!?! Seriously, the day I stop learning is the day I stop contributing).

But back to Megan, she agreed to share her personal story about her past relationships and how they impacted where she is now in life.

And a big thank you to her for being so transparent and sharing her personal journey…It is when we share what we have been through, that someone else becomes familiar with that road and possibly chooses not to travel down it. (I like coming up with proverbs from time to time…how do you think I did? Deep? Insightful? Corny???)

Here’s her story, written in her own words:

Monologue Monday: EphesiansWife
 

I had the ring. I signed the pledge. I read all the books. True love waits...and waiting I did.

But what are we waiting for?

Somewhere along the way my waiting became yearning. I did what the christian girl is supposed to do and waited for the physical act until I was married, but I drug my heart through the mud along the way.

I was waiting for a husband. I was waiting for a man to love me and cherish me. I was waiting for the one whom my soul loved. I was waiting for the love story.

By waiting I missed the fact that I already had the greatest love story of all time. The God of the Universe pursues me passionately and loves me deeply. I didn't need to wait on anyone to come because He is already here. I was loved by God and that was my everything.

Sweet sisters, how I missed this truth for far too long. I lived the "waiting" life, and in the meantime I fell to men that were not part of the joy that God wanted me to have. In my waiting, I lost sight of the value and love that comes from being hidden in the love of God. In my waiting, I was left with a void that needed to be filled. Christ protected my physical purity, but I allowed my emotional purity to be jeopardized. Instead of resting fully in what I had, I waited and wished for the knight in shining armor to come. Unfortunately, all those knights turned out to be thieves disguised by shiny armor. They stole the worth that comes from Christ alone.

All the joys and pains have made me into the woman I am today. I can stand confidently in my worth because I know whose I am. Jesus purified my heart and held me in His arms. I am now a wife to a wonderful man and am thankful for the beauty of my marriage. Jesus is my first lover and the one who shows me how to love.

Friends, you have a lover that wants to pursue you today. When you find satisfaction in Him, you may be led to a husband and you may not, but God wants to be your lover at this moment in time. He doesn't want to be a placeholder until someone else comes along. He wants to take care of your heart. Your waiting can be surrendered and you can begin to live in the love story with God that surrounds you right now.

Love Yourself: Day 11

I love myself because I try even when I have no idea how something is going to work out. One of the more recent examples of this is when I created this site. I had to overcome any fears or apprehensions that I may have had, and take a chance at sharing my thoughts and perspective about issues affecting women, and as a result I have received nothing but warmth and positivity.

People of all backgrounds and creeds have welcomed me with open arms, and I’m extremely grateful for that.

What about you? What one thing about you makes you love and admire yourself today? (This isn’t about being conceited or egotistical, this is about celebrating the extraordinary person that you are). Love yourself today because you are So Worth It!!!

 

Love Yourself: Day 8

I love myself because of my patience. I have learned how to wait for the things that I want and not accept things that maybe aren’t right for me, solely because I was in a rush for things to happen instantly.

Your turn… What do you love about yourself? (Please leave a comment below)

Monologue Monday: Let It Go

Life can be pretty tough sometimes. From time to time, we all experience our share of heartaches and struggles, but they don’t have to control our lives or get the best of us. You can overcome any adversity that you have been faced with as long as you don’t give up.

It’s ok for you to be happy and enjoy your life. It’s actually essential. Doing anything else would be like an insult to all those who didn’t wake up this morning and would do anything for a second chance at life. As long as you have a heartbeat, you still have an opportunity to make the most of your circumstances.

Try not to allow yourself to become jaded because of your past hurts and pains. The past is not an indication of your future; it’s just a season that you had to go through to get you where you needed to be.

If people have wronged you, let it go. If your ex mistreated you or didn’t recognize your value, let him go and see yourself for who you are. If someone told you that you weren’t good enough, or that you couldn’t do this or that, ignore them and see the potential that dwells within you. If your struggles have destroyed your hope, let it go and start believing again.

There are good things in store for you.

Just because things in your past may have impacted you in drastic or life changing ways, doesn’t mean that you have to become a hopeless, pessimistic person.

Let go of the past, start dreaming again, and believe good things about yourself and your future. You are only as good as the thoughts that you believe about yourself and your circumstances.

When you start to reminisce over past wounds or begin feeling like you aren’t good enough, shift your thinking and remind yourself that your past isn’t an indication of your future; it was just a season that you had to go through…then keep moving ©

The Love Yourself Campaign Starts Tomorrow!

The entire month of February join me in celebrating yourself!!!

Either visit the website or leave a comment on the Facebook Fan Page telling yourself one thing a day that you love about yourself. Do it because you are worth it!!! (And you deserve to hear it)!

You Are Invited!

 

 

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

So this month’s Male Perspective Interview comes from non other than Mr. Irish. (In tribute to his red hair and every thing else that makes him fabulous)!

I have known him for almost two years now, and there are three words that immediately come to mind when considering his character and personality. (Ya’ll know I like to paint a picture [of the person] before I show you the photo…or in this case his perspective).

So the three traits that I think define him best are: reliable, knowledgeable, and considerate. He’s the kind of guy that I know without a shadow of a doubt that if someone is in need of anything, without hesitation he will try to help or assist that person in any way that he can, if there is something that he can do.

And since I’m explaining things, I’ll just quickly point out that one of my favorite things about doing these types of interviews and asking the questions that I ask is that I get to learn about, and share with you all, a variety of different male perspectives from individual viewpoints.

All guys are not alike and they don’t all think the same. While occasionally there are some answers that might make me blush or I might give the side eye to (like for real?!?!), I don’t change what the guy says because I want to be true to his word and authentic to you. More important than anything else though, I want to show the diversity amongst guys.

Try not to ever settle, and wait for the one who is inline with your principles and beliefs…you are worth it.

The Male's Perspective: Mr. Irish

1.      What qualities do you look for in a girlfriend/wife? Are they the same?

For the most part, I look for the same things in a girlfriend that I do in a wife. I look for compatibility and trust. I look for someone I can enjoy my life with, someone I trust, and someone I feel comfortable with physically and emotionally. Physical attraction does play a part initially, but beyond that it has to be someone I feel connected to. I want someone who makes me laugh a lot. I want someone who I can look forward to having a long conversation with everyday for the rest of my life. I want someone confident and comfortable with who she is and someone who believes me when I tell her she is beautiful. The only difference that I look for in a wife is that I want someone who gets along well with my family. 

 

2.      Why didn’t your last relationship work?

Love is inconvenient. My last real functional relationship didn’t work because we were both on separate paths. At points of transition, I think relationships are at their most vulnerable. It takes a huge sacrifice by someone to make it work. In my case, it was graduate school that got in the way. My girlfriend decided that she wanted to go to graduate school. We were in a long distance relationship for a while, but the distance was difficult and eventually she called me up and said that it wasn’t working and that our lives were just on different paths. I was hurt, but I knew it was true.

3.     What do you think is true love?

To me, true love is when two people know each other completely, know each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and still love each other; trusting each other and feeling as if they have found something worth fighting and sacrificing for. It doesn’t quit when things are difficult or when disagreements arise. It forgives and doesn’t hold grudges. True love is mutual and in a relationship with true love I think the two partners are of equal influence.

4.      What is your opinion on sex before marriage?

As a man growing up in the culture I did, I thought sex before marriage was a necessity for a relationship to work. I thought that we should know each other fully before we got married, which included knowing each other physically. Now that I am a bit older and have been exposed to different ideas, I can understand waiting till marriage, but I think this would require extraordinary trust in the individual that you are marrying. I am open to the idea of waiting till marriage, but also quite scared when it comes to the sexual desires of my wife. I would definitely want to talk openly and thoroughly about sex with anyone before I actually committed to marriage.

5.     Do you wish you would have waited?

I had a bad first experience. Some people think that men cannot have a bad experience with sex, but for most, I think regardless of your sex or gender, there is a certain amount of emotion involved in sex, especially your first time. For me, I was in love with a woman who didn’t feel the same way. We had an uncommitted relationship before this, in which she didn't treat me very well.

Being foolish, I continued this relationship out of hope that her feelings would change and eventually I lost my virginity to her. She was not a virgin. After we had sex, she told me immediately that she regretted it and that she had done it out of frustration with another man. She then left within 5 minutes of it being over, leaving me feeling terrible about the whole situation. I had waited quite a long time to find someone I could trust, but alas I chose the wrong one. I wouldn’t say I wish I would have waited till marriage, but I definitely wish I had waited at least a little longer for the right someone.

6.     What is the best piece of dating advice that you have ever heard?

Learn how to disagree with each other. Most things in a relationship will come naturally once you love and trust each other, but arguments and disagreements, which are inevitable, are like relationship poison if you cannot handle them correctly and equally.

7.       What is one thing that you wish more girls knew or understood about guys (in general)? One thing I really wish girls knew about guys is that we are blind and our conversations amongst each other are direct. We frequently miss hints and suggestions given by girls. Be direct with us. If there is something you think, feel, want or don’t want, do not wait for us to find out. Tell us.

One thing I wish female friends and family knew is that when we are courting, many men are extraordinarily nice and then when the courting period is over, they change. Before you commit to sex or marriage with a man, first be sure it is what YOU want and secondly be sure he is honestly a good person that you can trust. This usually means testing his patience, making him wait and making things difficult for him. This is a necessary exception to the previous statement. I say this, because I know many men that have been dishonest and many women who have been fooled. If you were my sister, I would say be on guard in the beginning of a relationship.  

 

8.      What is one thing that some guys do in a relationship that you think might make the relationship better if they DID NOT do it?

I think many guys avoid confrontation. When there is a problem, we tend to avoid it. Men are awful when it comes to this. Many times women have to drag the issues out of us. I think that our relationships would be much healthier if we had conversations about the things that bothered us and the things that were going wrong in the relationship rather than avoiding the issues or procrastinating arguments.

 

9.      How do you feel about weave, makeup, and/or plastic surgery?

Make up is nice for pictures, but I think a natural face is beautiful. That being said, in my opinion women and men should go ahead and wear whatever clothes, makeup, weaves, wigs, tattoos, piercings or whatever else they would like to make themselves feel more confident or more like themselves at work and around town. However, at the end of the day I, and I think most men, want to see your natural beauty shine through. In that sense, I’ve always kind of liked make up. Not because the makeup made my girlfriend look beautiful, but because for me she took her makeup off. That somehow made me feel special and to me she was more beautiful without it and our time alone together was somehow more personal and real.

Plastic surgery, on the other hand, I don’t agree with except for medical reasons and in cases that would be helpful for your general happiness and well-being, such as for cleft lips and other similar procedures.

 

10.   For the entire month of February, I am running a “Love Yourself” campaign. What would you say to the woman who is suffering from low self-esteem or feels as though she doesn’t measure up? (Think as if you were talking to your sister).

Almost universally I can honestly say that whoever you are, you are more beautiful, more intelligent, and more interesting than you think you are. Somehow society turns us into our greatest critics, asking us to constantly compare ourselves to celebrities and those around us. But no matter what you think, I can promise you this; through most other peoples eyes you are much more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than you think you are. Someone may try to make you believe otherwise, but I hope that you are not gullible enough to believe those who would do that. Their hearts are cold and their eyes are tainted.

Be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic! Confidence shines through in every aspect of life. Your career, your romantic relationships, your friendships, your family relationships, and all other interactions will improve when you learn to love yourself. This is the truth that somehow gets overshadowed by the superficial popular culture thrust upon us worldwide; confidence is the most attractive way to use everything that God gave you. So-called beautiful women, and men for that matter, may be able to make people turn their heads, but its confident people that attract the most attention. When it comes to finding girlfriends and wives, most men who have any sense at all tend to look beyond the superficial for things like confidence, a lifetime of conversations and laughs, and potential for success in life. I can only imagine smart women are looking for something similar in men.  

 

***P.S. Join me in the “Love Yourself” campaign…As Mr. Irish stated, “be your greatest fan, not your greatest critic”! Love Yourself…You Are Worth It!!***